When the bus dropped him off at his stop, Scott strolled slowly toward his apartment complex with no particular desire to arrive. Equestria wasn't necessarily a dream come true for Scott, per se, but at least he had had a role there. Value that other people appreciated, even if it was just tilting a magic can all day long. He could probably get a comparable job here on Earth, but his past experiences working in fast food showed it would be far from the same. Here, no one appreciated the burger flippers, not the customers, not the bosses. And handing out freebies by the back door would just get you fired. Plus, the government clawed back a good portion of his welfare money if he earned anything for himself, so for all practical purposes he'd be earning only a small fraction of minimum wage for his troubles.
Though, maybe volunteering at a charity soup kitchen wouldn't be so bad.
He finally arrived at his front door. He thought he heard something within as his keys jangled in his hand. He paused, listening, but heard nothing. So he inserted the key, turned the lock, turned the knob and opened the door to...
A sparklingly clean model home of an apartment.
This was not the deplorable mess he had left behind. And yet, looking around, he could see much of his stuff, neatly filed away onto shelves and other storage spots. Clearly, he had been the victim of home invasion cleaners. Since no human would ever do such a thing, they had to be alien home invasion cleaners. The endless mysteries of the universe continued to boggle the mind.
Scott entered cautiously, closing the door behind him and locking it for good measure. He walked slowly, quietly, out into the middle of the room, tensely watching for any surprise ambush. He had no idea what to expect. He thought he was doing a proper job of expecting the unexpected. And yet.
"Hi! You must be the fine proprietor of this here domicile!" said a yellow unicorn, walking in on his hind legs from the kitchen. He had a red and white striped mane, a blue and white striped vest over a white shirt, and a broad straw hat.
"Indeed you must, I do hope you enjoy our complimentary cleaning service! It's the least we could do," said a second yellow unicorn, walking in on his hind legs from the bathroom. He looked very similar to the first, aside from a slightly different hairstyle and a distinctly absurd moustache. "He's Flim," the pony said, pointing out his brother.
"And he's Flam," said the first, pointing out his mustachioed sibling. "And we're the world famous Flim Flam Brothers. Soon to be worlds famous, if I'm not mistaken."
"And you never are, brother," Flam concurred. "And this is your chance to come along for the ride of a lifetime!"
"A ride to the very top, guaranteed," Flim concluded. "So what do you say, partner?"
Scott took a moment to reboot his brain. Flim and Flam would have been outlandish enough in Equestria, here in a dingy (strike that.. lemony fresh) little apartment they were positively unbelievable. "Sure, why not." Scott said, completely unclear on what he was agreeing to. He would probably regret it later, but he didn't have any other plans. Well, maybe catch up on something on Netflix. But that would wait until whatever was going on here played out.
"I most be on some pretty serious drugs," Scott concluded as they walked down the street.
"Why do you say that, my good man?" Flim, or possibly Flam asked. He tipped his had briefly as a woman passed. "Ma'am," he said politely, as did his brother.
"No one else is noticing the talking yellow unicorns. They would have noticed something like that, I'm sure," Scott explained.
"Sir," Flam, or possibly Flim, acknowledged politely as a male jogger passed them, his brother following suit. "Oh, nopony pays much mind to a properly polite gentleman, at least not until he wants their attention," he countered glibly.
That made a certain kind of sense, to Scott. The exact kind of sense a drug-addled brain would come up with, he was certain. Whatever he was on, it must be some real primo stuff.
"Where might somepony acquire some of these 'drugs'," Flim asked. At least Scott decided that one was Flim, until he lost track again. "If somepony were inclined to do so. Perhaps in bulk?"
"I don't know.. and if I did, how would you pay for them? I certainly don't have that kind of money, and no one on Earth would accept bits as payment." Something started to stir in the back of Scott's brain.
"That nopony would accept the finest and most stable of currencies is a baffling thought indeed! What manner of currency do we need here, my good man?" Flam inquired.
"Actually.. what are bits made of? I think maybe.." Scott knew this would be a bad idea. A horrible idea. Not what they were about to do, but what the brothers would surely do next.
It turns out, real gold Equestrian bits were quite successful at separating wealthy bronies, pegasisters, and just plain collectors from their more common and boring American dollars. And that was despite the buyers' absolute certainty that Equestria was nothing but a fictional setting from a children's cartoon show. With the brilliant addition of carefully carving a different tiny number into the soft gold of each coin, they had probably at least doubled their already ridiculous profits. Even after Uncle Sam's cut, they could probably outright buy a nice house on a sunny beach and enjoy a bit of luxury for the rest of their lives.
Or as Flim and Flam put it, they now had 'seed money'.
But Scott finally put his foot down, deciding it was time to give the smooth talking brothers a reality check before they bit off more than they could chew.
So they settled in for a nice long weekend together, and watched all four seasons of Breaking Bad.
Welcome Smile was doing surprisingly badly, financially, on account of a promise. His former human companion, Scott, had left him with a magic soup can that could fill a bowl with any manner of soup the pourer could think of, piping hot and ready to eat. It didn't seem to have any clear limits to its use, and amazingly it continued to work in the low magic zone that was Canterlot, even while pegasi were grounded, unicorn's horns became useless bone protrusions and earth ponies like himself stumbled under the strain of suddenly being as weak as everypony else. The other tribes could be lacking in sympathy on that last bit, but earth pony magic was every bit a part of their daily lives that the other tribes' horns and wings were. In some ways more, as they used it unconsciously in every little thing they did. Without it, even the mass of their own muscular frames felt suddenly oppressive.
But with everypony losing their magic here, many were very rapidly becoming destitute. Those with money mostly fled the city. Those with ties to the court, specifically, mostly followed Celestia's northward migration. There was rumors of a new hoofball league forming that would play exclusively in the low magic zone, levelling the playing field in an exciting new way... but they had yet to have their first official game, and so the crowds were not coming in yet.
Welcome Smile had promised Scott, when he was given sole ownership of the magic can, to use it to feed the poor for free. And now it was becoming harder and harder to get any paying customers into the overcrowded shop. At first, he had held to Scott's policy of seeing the nonpaying ponies in the back alley, so at least only the paying customers had the advantage of the comfy seats, but when the line had gotten long enough to loop around into the seating area, and tempt the freeloaders to sit down for a spell while they waited, Welcome had given up.
But now, his rent was due, and he wasn't sure how to explain to his landlord that he had the busiest restaurant in all of Canterlot, no employees, wares that didn't cost him anything, and even free food for himself... and still couldn't afford his rent. He only had two possible hopes to rely on. One was that ponies would start to pony up, or at least leave him tips. The second was that the sheer wall of waiting ponies would physically block his landlady's entrance so that she couldn't get close enough to evict him.
Both hopes were dashed in his mind when he saw her there, third from the front of the line.
His nervousness mounted as the line made it's way closer, one customer at a time. When she finally sat down, he made himself scarce for a few minutes with necessary tasks.. washing the used bowls, using the washroom for his own suddenly critical needs, every stall tactic he could come up with before he was forced to admit to himself that he was simply avoiding her, and that it wouldn't end well for him to do so.
Finally, he strolled up to her, set a glass of water before her and gave her his attention, pretending nervously that she was just anypony else. "What kind of soup would you like today?"
His landlady, Silver Ladle, was a unicorn mare, pink like Princess Cadance, and at least as cute. She was an heiress, getting along well simply managing her late mother's income properties. Must be nice. She was cute, and had always treated him well enough, but she her position of power over him had always been reason enough for him to keep his distance from her, and keep things strictly professional.
"What would you recommend, Welcome? You know your wares better than I," she said with a warm smile.
"The minestrone, perhaps?" he suggested.
"That sounds excellent. And do you mind if I stay here until closing. I believe you and I have some business to discuss," she smiled again, before busying herself drawing ledgers from her saddlebags and making some notes.
"That will be fine. I'll have your soup out right away," he said with a trembling voice before heading back to the kitchen.
The rest of the shift passed with a mix of terror and despair.