“So they had actual pitchforks and torches?” asked Applejack, eyebrows raised.
“I know, right? What is up with this town?” Raj leaned on the table, arms crossed.
Spike shrugged “Eh, so much weird stuff happens in this town, I wouldn't be surprised if ponies kept that kind of stuff on hoof for whatever might come up. You remember the Cutie Pox Applejack? How everypony had those gas-masks just around.”
“Oh yeah, ah forgot about that. And Pinkie Pie keeps balls stashed everywhere for ball emergencies.” she sipped her drink “Maybe ah'm the weird one for not hiding random stuff all over town.”
Raj furrowed his brow “Ball emergency? What on earth could a ball emergency be?” Raj paused “No wait, don't say anything. It can't be funnier than what I'm imagining.”
Spike and Applejack laughed amicably, enjoying the joke. Applejack smiled “It's good to see you again Rajrishi. Ah felt terrible after what happened with the Diamond Dogs last month, it warms mah heart to see you doing okay, especially you not livin' in the Everfree no more. Place like that ain't fit fer nopony to call home.”
“I don't know.” he answered with a faint smirk “It had it's charms. I mean, don't get me wrong, if you told me I had to go back to living there, I think I'd fight you tooth and nail, but looking back on it there were things I like. Food was good, plenty of fresh air, and you always knew where you stood with your neighbors.”
Applejack's eyebrows shot up her forehead “Weren't yall's neighbors monsters and whatnot? Timberwolves and Hydras and Chimeras and other dangerous critters?”
“Yeah. It was great. If we saw each other, we tried to kill each other. Always knew where you stood.” he replied rather wistfully.
Applejack blinked “Uh... huh. Well, ah just wish the family had someone mindin' a stall at market. If'n me, Mac, or Granny saw all that hubbub going on with Minuette and the other ponyfolk, we'da stopped it lickety split!”
Raj shrugged “Meh, no real harm done. Berry Punch chastised everyone and I've been left alone every time I've gone out since. I'm not particularly interested in making friends with anyone else, so this works for me.”
“Not even Golden Harvest? But I introduced you.” Spike chimed in “She's a great pony, what's wrong with her?”
“Nothing. I'm sure she's a perfectly nice pers-pony. Nice pony. But, I don't know. Just not particularly interested in making more friends.” He shrugged again. “Anyway, I'm not planning on being in Equestria much longer, so I don't want to make it harder when I go.”
“You can never have too many friends Rajrishi.” said Applejack.
Raj went silent in thought for a second, taking a sip from his drink to buy time. Thankfully, he was saved when Twilight poked through the door to the basement and said “Raj, can you come down to the lab for a bit? I need your help with a test.”
“What? More mad science?” Raj asked, incredulous.
“I call dibs on his neat axes!” hollered Spike.
“Oh no you don't gecko, if Twilight kills me those go back to Applejack.”
“Yer darn tootin' they do.” Applejack shot in.
“Fine, then I'll take that neat comb of yours.” he pointed at Raj's wrapped patka.
“You have scales though. That's, like, the one thing you can't use.”
Spike shrugged “I don't know. I'll use it on Rarity or something, or a cat.”
Raj nodded “Oh yeah, I forgot about your, um, completely normal infatuation with Rarity. Sure Spike, if Twilight kills me with one of her ridiculous experiments, you can have my comb.” he put his hand on the dragon's shoulder dramatically.
“Would just come into the basement for pony's sake!” Twilight shouted at them, earning some laughter from the both of them.
“Ah supposed ah'll be getting' on home then. Help Granny with lunch some. You should come on by sometime Rajrishi. I know Bloom would love to see ya n' yer pooch misses ya something fierce.”
“Eh, it's been a month. I doubt he even remembers me. Later AJ.” Raj followed after her into the basement, smiling broadly. Twilight walked with her head low and a flinty look on her face. Raj nudged her side “Come off it Twilight. We were just joking. It's fine.”
She pouted “It's not fine. You and Spike are always being jerks about my work. You feed off each other, teasing me back and forth. It sucks.”
“We tease out of love?” Raj offered back lamely.
“Whatever,” she grumped “these experiments are important. They tell me more about you and how Equestria is changing you. My strength test showed where your upper limit is.” She gestured a hoof an array of pulleys attached to an excess of anvils. “And the spell range showed us how potent your magical resistance is.” she pointed at a scorched metal backdrop with a curiously human shaped silhouette cast into it.
Raj winced at it “Was not a fan of that one.”
“These tests are important, Rajrishi.” She jabbed his chest with a hoof “The more we understand you and how you work, the better we'll be able to deal with any future problems. What if you got sick? Or hurt? Nopony in Equestria has studied human biology before, how would we treat you? What cures a pony might make you worse!”
He shrugged “Just get Luna to do her glowy thing again. Worked last time.”
“That cost her serious energy she's never going to get back. You're lucky she did it at all!” She lectured, brow furrowed. “These tests aren't just practical either. They're to advance all of Equestrian knowledge. To learn more about ourselves through you. It's important, and I don't appreciate being called a mad scientist for having a healthy, academic curiosity.” she declared with a hard stamp of a hoof.
Raj rolled his eyes “Alright, I get it. I'm sorry I called you a mad scientist.”
Twilight nodded “Good. Thank you.”
“Welcome,” Raj sat in his exam chair “so what are we doing today?”
Her horn lit up and floated over a distressingly large needle with a hose leading to a small bag “I'm going to siphon out your blood.”
Raj eyed the needle “How about we don't do that?”
“Rajrishi! You said you would help me.”
“I said no such thing. I said I was sorry for making fun of you, then you grabbed a needle bigger than god and said you were going to put it in me. This was a trap, I was tricked.”
“You weren't tricked Rajrishi.” she said, her voice tense.
“Fine, I was misled.” he corrected, rolling his hand sarcastically “Do you even have training for this sort of thing? Are you a nurse? Or a medic?”
She looked askance “Um, no. Look, it's not that hard. I just put this band on you to draw your vein to the surface, and then I slide this needle into your foreleg-”
“It's called an arm Twilight, not a foreleg. Arm. You don't even know the name of the thing you're going to be stabbing. Screw this.” He started to stand.
“RAJRISHI!” she shouted at him, eyes wide “I have been very patient with you this last week. I have asked very little of you and let you lounge around my home as much as you want. I've done all this, on the assumption that you would actually help me do what you asked me to do, which you have largely failed at. Now sit down, I don't have time for this sh... stuff.” she managed to say, cutting off a curse. “Princess Luna is supposed to be coming back today so we can compare notes, and I want to get this done before-”
“Twilight!” Spike's voice sounded from upstairs “The Princess is here!”
“That! Before that happens. Urrgh! Look, just hold still. This will only hurt for a second.” She floated the syringe over to him.
“You don't know that. You just said you know nothing about human biology.” Twilight shot him a withering glare and Raj winced “Fine, just... hurry up.”
“Sure, just want to line... this... up.” She leaned close and focused, aiming for a vein with the needle floating in her magic.
“Twilight Sparkle!” bellowed Luna from upstairs.
“Gah!” Twilight jumped at the voice, the needle going wide and lightly scratching along Raj's arm
“Ow.” Raj winced, his arm going tense. “Why?”
“Sorry! Are you okay?” Twilight sputtered, a pained look on her face.
“Fine, I'm fine.” Raj sat up and examined himself “You really aren't trained for this, are you?”
“Did we come at a bad time?” asked Luna from the overhead walkway. “Should we return at a later date?”
“No! Um, we, uh...” her gaze flipped back and forth between Luna and Raj.
Raj waved his hand at the princess “Hi Luna. No, it's fine. We're not doing anything important.”
“Excellent! Return to the foyer posthaste! We come bearing news of much gravity.” she turned about and trotted into the library proper.
Raj and Twilight followed after to see Luna sitting at the big table with one of the big black skymaps unfurled across it. “Greetings Twilight Sparkle. I assume you are well?”
“Yes, um, thank you Princess.” Twilight smiled shyly and gave a deep bow.
Raj nodded at her and said tersely “Luna.”
She nodded back “Rajrishi.” she swung her foreleg over the map. “Behold, your planet hath been discovered.”
“Wait, what?” Raj blinked “It has?”
“Indeed. We discovered it last night at half past the midnight hour. A pulsing yellow dwarf with a twenty-five day rotational period orbited by four inner planets, a drifting asteroid belt, and then two large gas giants, one of which possesses rather exquisite rings.” She tapped a hoof on a spot against the map “We believe that this is your solar system Rajrishi, and within it your world.”
Raj stepped closer and squinted at a tiny, glimmering spot on the map. He looked back up to Luna and shakily asked “And you're sure about this?”
She nodded “Indeed. Though these maps are a thousand years out of date, such an amount of time is largely insignificant in terms of celestial movement. There is no other solar system on my maps that matches the criteria thou provided. These are thine worlds Rajrishi.” She said with a note of finality, a slight smile on her face at the accomplishment.
Raj stared at the twinkling speck on the map and sat down bonelessly, staring forward.
Twilight came up and nudged his shoulder “Raj? Are you okay? This is great news? Why aren't you excited?”
“I am, I, uh, I am. Trust me.” He put a hand against his head. “I just... I wasn't expecting this today. It's, it's right there. Just, sitting in the sky like that.”
“We believe that Twilight Sparkle can find thine planet in the sky for thou, if thee desire to witness it with the naked eye.”
Raj looked up at Luna sharply, his face in a delirious smile. “That would be great. Thank you Luna.” He took a breath and swallowed, steadying himself. “Okay then, now what? Where do we go from here?”
Luna cocked her head “Hmm? We are afraid we do not understand what you mean.”
“He wants to know how we can get him there. How can we get him home.” interjected Twilight.
“Ah, well.” she went silent for a moment staring at the map “We are afraid that is... unlikely.”
“Buh?” both Raj and Twilight asked.
“Your 'Earth', Rajrishi, is more than twenty light years distant from Equestria. Such a distance is an insurmountable barrier to travel.” she went quiet for a moment “We are sorry.”
“But... no. That can't be.” he said back, his voice low “I've seen Twilight teleport plenty of times. Can't she just do that to get there?”
“Certainly not. Teleportation is an exponentially costly process the further the distance. Moving across a room takes a small amount of power, one town to another is more than most unicorns will ever be able to muster. A teleportation of that magnitude would take more energy than is reasonably fathomable. If Celestia and mineself lent our power to such an endeavor, it would be a miracle to project something of thine size even half that distance. And such an action would leave us both as withered, ruined husks.” She sat on the floor lightly “As far as our magical knowledge is concerned, getting you back to thine world is impossible.”
Rajrishi sat very quietly at that, looking down at the floor and holding the edge of the table. The two ponies in the room were equally silent, staring at him tensely.
Raj took a deep breath through his nose and let it out slowly, his eyes closed. “I'm, I'm gonna go for a walk.”
Twilight frowned “Um, are you sure Rajrishi? Don't you wanna talk about what Luna-”
“Going for a walk.” Raj answered back tonelessly as he stood up and started for the door.
Twilight took a few steps after him “Are you... coming back?”
“A walk.” he replied again as the door closed gently.
Twilight turned back to Luna “What should we do?” she asked the alicorn, her voice cracking with worry.”
Luna didn't answer back. She just looked down at the indents Raj had squeezed into the table.
* * *
About ten minutes later Luna caught up to him near the edge of town, heading north.
She landed heavily, wings fluttering once before tucking in. She dropped into step next to him and asked “Where are you traveling Rajrishi?”
“Everfree.” he grunted back.
“Hm. May we ask why?”
“Whatever got me here came from there. If it got me here, it can get me back.”
“Sound reasoning. We see a flaw though. Several actually.” she looked up at him “But we believe that thou art aware of them as well.”
“Yup.”
“Yet thee still persist?”
“Yup.” he repeated.
“Setting out on a course of action that is dangerous, fruitless, and both of those facts are already known. Hmm, thou hast given us a new definition for the word 'idiocy'. Our thanks.”
Raj sneered “Screw off Princess.”
“And now thou resorts to petty insults.”she flapped her wings and moved in front of him, blocking his path “Mayhap thee could move on to pelting me with mud or tugging upon mine pigtails. Even so far as to present an insect to me 'pon a leaf in an effort to disgust me. All would a parallel move for thine skill at oratory.”
“What the hell do you want from me Luna?” Raj shouted, arms held wide “You just told me that it's impossible for you or anyone to get me home. And something in that forest clearly already did it. Why should I stay here?”
“You misquote me, sir.” she said back, tone icy “We said that it is impossible as far as our magical knowledge is concerned. Many things I previously believed impossible have been corrected. A year ago, I believed it impossible that mere ponies would find the heart to imprison Discord, or that months later they would be able to reform him to some use. Six months ago I believed it was impossible that the Crystal Empire would emerge, more powerful and glorious than ever. And at the start of this month, I believed it was impossible that I would ever have an amicable conversation with one of Briarus' favored spawn. And yet each has occurred. One is occurring at this very moment.” She smiled slightly, chest puffed out.
Raj went silent, looking at the ground helplessly “Then what, what should I do?”
“Trust Twilight Sparkle.” she answered with finality “If there is any way to achieve what thee needs, she will find it. We have witnessed Twilight Sparkle perform feats of the arcane that go beyond anything we have witnessed ponies performing before. Her skills at enchantment and spell-threading completely outstrip Archmage Starswirl in his prime and she is gifted with both a razor-keen intellect and a studious nature that belies her years. She has sworn to research your issue to the greatest of her abilities. Thou could not be in finer hooves.”
Raj matched her gaze, staring at her enormous eyes. He let out a long sigh and said “Okay... okay Luna. I'll try.”
“Excellent. We are mollified. In the meanwhile, we have a task for thou.”
Raj raised an eyebrow “What? A task?”
“Indeed. It has come to our attention that thine presence in Ponyville has been met with, what can be charitably described as, 'unrest'. Is that correct?”
“A bit of an understatement, but yes.”
“Excellent, then this assignment fulfills both our aims. Thine maligned presence in this town will be mollified and mine debt for our rash actions the week previous will be repaid. Rajrishi Singh Oberoi?”
Raj furrowed his brow “Who told you my full name?”
“I, Princess Luna of Equestria,” She started reciting, voice raising in volume sharply “do hereby declare the re-founding of the Lunar Military Police, First Battalion, for the stated purpose of defending the township of Ponyville and the ponies within, from any and all exterior and interior threats. I do this with the authority granted to me as Diarch of Equestria, so proclaimed by The Faustmare. So I proclaim, so it is done.” She finished with a satisfied smile. “And thou, Rajrishi Singh Oberoi, do I name to be the Captain of this force.”
“What the hell are you talking about?” Raj asked, looking confused.
“We are giving you a responsibility to this community, an important function for you to perform. We are aware of thine capabilities in combat and we have observed intelligence and lucid judgment from thou. The ponies Applejack, Fluttershy, and Twilight Sparkle speak to thine character and thou have demonstrated courage on numerous occasions. From thine speech and bearing, we have determined that thou art a member of thine world's military force and our worlds seem similar enough for the regulations of conduct and action to have translated. I have faith that thou would serve with distinction as the first Captain of the revived Lunar Army.”
“You know I'm not a pony right? Like, not even a little bit?”
“I are aware yes. But if thou wishes to integrate with this town and learn of Equestria at large, taking up a role that will thrust thyself into interactions with ponydom is the best way to accomplish that. Just as I have done. Thou are not the only one unfamiliar with modern Equestria. We trust thou have heard the tale of Nightmare Moon from the last Summer Sun Celebration?”
He nodded “Yeah, Twilight told me about it.”
“Good, then thou knows I am a thousand years divorced from the Equestria I have known. Equestria surprises me every day with some new change. Even after more than a year, it is a daily struggle to simply exist in this modern setting.” she frowned a little “And I believe that it will be an even harder struggle for thineself. But this appointment will give thou a leg up, so to speak.”
Raj looked down, thinking hard. He looked past her at the looming Everfree Forest, as dark and shrouded as he remembered, then back to Luna standing solid with her dancing mane full of stars.
After a minute's consideration, he asked “Does it come with a uniform or a badge?”
“Neither. A pair of epaulets and a large hat.”
“I like hats.” Raj smiled.