"So, let me get this straight, was it a long kiss or a peck?" Grapevine asks. We are currently walking back to her place with bags of groceries, mostly milk and sugar and other cake ingredients. Grapevine, despite working a wine store uptown, is a frequent caterer. That's how we met, actually. She was catering my friend's party and I, admittedly very intoxicated, began hitting on her. I guess I don't come off as creepy like some guys do and she actually came onto me too. We ended up going back to her apartment and I fell asleep on her sofa. The next morning she drove my hungover self to my place after I told her my address. We exchanged letters and eventually we got to were we are today. Anyway, I told her right after that crazy day at work where Coffee Cream kissed me on the cheek and we've been evaluating that moment ever since. My wings begin to ache from hauling the bag full of party foods.
"A peck," I reply as we near Grapevine's building.
"Look, maybe he did it in a gay way but not a gay way, you know? Like the way my girlfriends kiss me on both cheeks before they leave," Grapevine suggests.
"So you're saying it was totally platonic? I guess that makes sense, but dudes don't do that."
"Maybe he isn't a dude."
"You think he's a mare?"
"No! Dang, Cloud, you sure do like to jump to dark conclusions. No, I mean, maybe he's not a dude, maybe's he's a...metrosexual...yeah!" Grapevine says.
"What?" I say exasperatedly.
"Maybe he's not 'One of the guys', maybe he's more in touch with his feminine side." Grapevine explains as if it was the simplest thing on earth.
"So you're saying he's camp."
"Yes."
"Yeah, well, that's wonderfully observant of you, Grapevine." I drawl sarcastically. "Anyway, could you take over now, my wings ache like crazy." I pass the bags over to her and exercise my red raw wings just as we reach the door to her building. We walk in and begin climbing the stairs. I'm silent the whole time, concentrating on gently stretching out the aching muscles in each wing. Grapevine takes out her keys as we reach her apartment and unlocks the door. She goes in first as I hold the door open and sets the bags down on the kitchen counter. As I follow her in I look at the new additions to her flat. She has the oddest arrangement of ornaments. She even has a replica of the phallic sculpture that the cat lady from A Clockwork Apple had on her coffee table. I tap it like Clockwork does in the film, smirking slightly.
"Enough of that now, me little droog. Come help me with the shopping." Grapevine says, gesturing to the bags. I go over and begin unpacking.
"So who's this all for?" I ask.
"Pumpkin Diadem. Some rich, snobby mare in the high-end part of uptown."
"What were her parent's trying to go for, the most precious name ever? I mean, Pumpkin Diadem? Seriously?"
"I know right?" Grapevine says, rolling her eyes. "The rich and their names these days. Why did your mom call you 'Cloud Inkwell'?" I stop unpacking for a second, thinking.
"You know, I was told by my social worker that my birth mom only had me for a year and dumped me on them because she didn't think she was fit for taking care of a kid."
"You poor, tortured soul!" Grapevine says sarcastically. "Seriously, could you get any more tragic?" We both laugh and I continue unpacking.
"Well, let's see. I'm a feminine-looking, blank flank, fully grown stallion with a tragic past. I could be a sort of gay batpony."
"You could prance around with a rainbow cape, spreading rainbows and love everywhere! Fighting fashion crime with your sheer knack for spotting things out of style and rehabilitating the offenders by making them over!" Grapevine adds. We burst out laughing as I put the last of the ingredients in the fridge.
"Okay then, what about you? How come you're Grapevine?"
"My parents were grape merchants. Seems understandable enough. It's not like grapes define me, yet I have this lousy cutie mark."
"You'd rather be a blank flank?"
"It's twice as good as getting a cutie mark I don't like."
"Is that even possible? Isn't a cutie mark meant to be what you enjoy, or are best at? Maybe your name's referring how gossipy you are, and your cutie mark reflects that." I suggest comically. Grapevine silently thinks for a second, then replies
"Nah. Anyway, d'you wanna go out? Maybe grab a pizza?"
"Sure. Why not?" I say. "Let me brush my mane quickly first. Gotta look nice if we're going to one of those fancy ones uptown." I say, picking up one of her combs and brushing my fringe.
"I don't mind slumming it in one of the cheaper ones. This isn't a momentous occasion, it's just lunch."
"I feel like some high-quality stuff today. I'll pay." I insist, giving Grapevine a wide smile. She returns it, reaches up and kisses me. This is a kiss I happily return. She takes the comb from my hoof and starts combing her own short, deep purple mane. She walks into the bathroom and disappears for a minute or two before returning with a glossy, freshly styled mane-do.
"I'm ready, prince charming." she says, doing a flamboyant twirl. "Let us flag down a chariot to whisk us away to Tower of Pizza."
***
As Grapevine and I wait for the cab to arrive at the central plaza, our conversation turns for the ridiculous as we start debating on one of the most critically acclaimed movies of all time; Citizen Mane. A story about a pony, Fauster Mane, who dies while reminiscing about his younger years.
"It's a brilliant film, yeah. But I think it's overrated." Grapevine says, crossing her forelegs.
"How could you think something so brilliant could be overrated? It's impossible! If anything, it's underrated." I retort.
"All I'm saying is--" Grapevine begins, but she is interrupted by the cab driver.
"We're here." he says, gesturing to the white, fluffy sidewalk. We both giggle awkwardly, getting out of the yellow taxi just before it drives off. I look up, filled with admiration at the masterpiece that is the plaza. a huge glass and metal building screaming modernity. It's a beautiful sight, honestly. smack in the middle of Las Pegasus. Here, it doesn't matter if you're lower, middle or upper class. Everypony is equal, and in the best way. Not that freaky cult way like the door-to-door Glimmer Witnesses keep talking about. We enter the glorious building, heading straight for Tower of Pizza. It's on the first floor because it's so popular and it wants to be handicap-friendly to keep the customers coming. As we enter the pizza joint a wonderful smell of processed cheese makes me drool like the dumb consumer I am. A perky waiter pops up in front of us suddenly, startling us both.
"Hi there! Welcome to Tower of Pizza! Can I help you?" she babbles.
"Yeah, could you get us a table?" I ask.
"Ooh, I'm afraid we're full up right now, sir."
"You sure there's no space?" I ask desperately.
"I'm afraid--" she starts up, but a familiar milky brown hipster shows up behind her, interjecting.
"Hey, don't worry. These are my buddies, they can come sit with me." Coffee Cream says, tapping her on the back to attract her attention. My mouth hangs open slightly in shock, but Grapevine beams.
"Thanks, Coffee!" She says, smiling as she follows him to, I guess is now our table. Coffee sits us down and passes us menus. I'm still slightly aghast. It's not like I know him too well, after all, he works in Trend magazine, so I don't see him apart from break and lunch. I guess our conversation from the other day led him to believe I was enough of a friend that he invited me and my girlfriend to sit with him. It was nice and all, but after the events of that fateful day I haven't been looking forward to talking to him again after that.
"My Pleasure, uh, Grapetree, is it?"
"Grapevine." Grapevine corrects. I just smile slightly and concentrate on my menu.
"I've been dying to meet you. Cloud boasts about you at work a lot. I never hear the end of it!" Coffee says, shoving me playfully. I just continue to stare at my menu determinedly.
"That's so sweet of him! Speaking of which, thanks again for letting us sit with you."
"Hey, no problem. So, Cloud, what are you gonna get?" he asks me. I give up the silent treatment and say
"Probably a pesto and cheese pizza with jalepenos. Do they have those?"
"No, but nice choice." he says. His robotic, gentle tone begins to creep me out a little, and I ask
"What's up with you, Coffee? Where's the pretentious Hipster attitude?"
"I leave it at work on weekends. I'm not like that normally, you know. I just like blending in with the rest of the Trend crowd."
"Seriously? You like being a little bitch all the time?"
"Cloud!" Grapevine snaps furiously. She slaps me on the hoof, shooting me an angry glare. Despite my comment, Coffee Cream laughs slightly and replies
"That's one way to describe it, I guess." at this point, I'm on a roll with the interrogation. However, one question lingers in my mind.
"If the whole faggy hipster thing is a rouse, then how come you planted one on me yesterday?" Grapevine shoots daggers at me, her face a mix of emotions. Coffee merely bursts into laughter.
"I'm from Itaily, dude. It's my thing. Ha!" he splutters, shaking his head. "It's just a thing, I do it all the time with my family and friends from there. As soon as I did it I realised how weird it might have seemed. Sorry, dude." my jaw drops again. There isn't a hint of Itailian in his voice.
"I'm so sorry for Cloud's abruptness, Coffee." Grapevine apologises through gritted teeth, snarling at me. I smile as a wave of relief washes over me and the awkwardness I once had around him washes off like dirt on filthy hooves.
"Oh, man. I though you were gay." I say, laughing at the very prospect now. Coffee is seemingly not offended. He just laughs, slightly less raucously but not awkwardly, at least. Grapevine is slightly annoyed but she rolls her eyes as a waiter approaches us. He has a partially eaten pizza cutie mark on his flank that would imply he's good at making pizzas, but he seems to just be a waiter. This makes me wonder if he makes the pizzas too, or if there's a deeper meaning to it, or he is good at making pizzas but has only progressed in this job as a waiter, or I'm just staring way too much at some dude's butt.
"Well, it's irrelevant in my opinion. We're here for pizza, remember?" Coffee Cream says, still chuckling slightly. "So, what do you guys want?"
"I'll have the olive pizza with raspberry lemonade." Grapevine says sweetly, smiling at the waiter.
"I'll have a tall black americano and some hayburger crust pizza." Coffee says, passing the menus to our server.
"I'll have..." I begin, but then I realise that I haven't looked at the menu properly at all yet, having been so caught up with Coffee's sexual preference (yes, I just said that. I am ashamed too) so I check the pizza section, glancing at each option briefly. "Uuuum....I guess I'll have the hayburger crust too." I say at last, handing over my menu too.
"Good choice, sir. Your order will come shortly." the waiter says, bowing his head and trotting off. Coffee sits back in his seat and waits for someone to say something. Feeling an awkward silence coming on, Grapevine strikes up conversation about food miles and I am immediately disinterested. I begin looking around the crowded room, letting my eyes lazily wander over every individual there, desperate to find something to contemplate. I see a pretty sea green mare sitting on the table besides us with a wavy coral orange mane falling around her face. She has a pair of snorkels and a magnifying glass on her flank and I am quickly interested to know her story. She's mysterious, intriguing and most of all; she's really hot. Her colour scheme, blue and orange (which are complimentary, by the way), makes her stand out amongst a sea of conformists. My journalistic instinct, that I've learnt from my job, kicks in and I'm edging nearer and nearer to her, inch by inch. She's sat by herself, poor thing. I'm about to straight up walk over to her table and sit down next to her, but my conscience mercilessly cock blocks me, making me slither back to my own seat.
***
After a pretty uneventful time at the Tower of Pizza and some seriously greasy but orgasmically delicious pizza, I and Grapevine parted ways with Coffee, headed for the stores. We were headed for the clothing and jewellery sections when a manically smiling, slightly greyscale pegasus approaches us so closely that I feel slightly uncomfortable.
"Hi there! I'm Chainmail Armour! Don't you just hate being different?" he says, still smiling creepily. My jaw drops for the umpteenth time today. I'm about to say something along the lines of 'how did you know?' when he proceeds with "You're cutie mark isn't the same as others, which makes some ponies think they're better than you! Yes, it's true! But the church of sameness and equality can change all that! Sir, madam, please!" We're already walking away, ignoring every word he says. He eventually gives up and pesters somepony else, and Grapevine leads me to a very large store called Mauve. As soon as we walk in I am introduced to purple heaven. The walls are mauve, the floor is a glittery lavender colour, all the clothes and accessories are more or less the same shade of purple, either lavender or mauve. The entire store is scented, including the clothing, so a burst of artificial grape aroma fills my poor nostrils. It's so potent that I almost feel a nosebleed coming, but just at this moment I notice the pretty sea green mare from the pizza restaurant.
"Oh my Celestia! I LOVE this store! I gotta buy EVERYTHING!" Grapevine squeals excitedly. She runs deep into the sea of purple and I am given ample excuse to not join her, seeing as she's so busy with shopping. I walk cautiously over to the lovely turquoise filly and I take a breath in so as to prepare to strike up conversation when Grapevine rockets up to where we are and grabs a purple hat the the mare was about to take.
"This. Is. GORGE! I HAVE to buy it! Oh, hi Cloud. Don't you just love this thing?" she squeals. The pretty mare rolls her eyes irately and reaches up for another hat.
"Uh, Grapevine? I think you kinda...snatched that off her." I say sheepishly, gesturing to the mare. Grapevine stops her ditzy ramblings and looks over to the other filly.
"Oh! Haha, I'm sorry. I didn't see you there. Please forgive me." Grapevine explains awkwardly, fiddling with the hat.
"That's fine." the mare says, smiling. She takes a hat for herself and continues browsing as Grapevine speeds off to find more stuff.
"Sorry about that." I say to the blue filly. "This shop was practically made for her. You saw her coat." She laughs and turns round to me, paying me her full attention at last.
"I know. But don't you think mauve suits me too?" she replies, holding up a dress with way too many frills.
"That thing won't suit anypony." I joke, laughing slightly.
"Okay, Miss Fashion-know-it-all." she shoots back.
"That would be Mr, actually...heh" I reply, slightly downtrodden by the fact she thinks I'm a mare just like everypony else looking at me out of context does. I usually don't care, but when a very fortunate looking mare like herselg mistakes me for a chick, it makes it a lot worse.
"Oh...oh, I'm sorry." she says quickly, looking slightly awkward. I knew what she was thinking now. Great.
"Yep. Been a guy my whoooole life. Ever. Since. Birth." I reiterate, dragging out every word, trying my best to get her to take the hint.
"Well...I love your mane colour!" It's so refreshing after seeing like a million dirt brown stallions with the same exact mane cut. Seriously, is that freaky cult taking over already?" the mare jokes, hastily trying to cover her misconceptions. I let it go and reply
"Does anybody even take their dumb fliers and go with them?" I ask, smirking. I have only met one pony who ever agreed with them. His name was Cosmic Dust, a monochromatic red stallion who had been bullied about his cutie mark (a comet with the rock being replaced by a cherry which the rest of the Twinkle crew said was 'totally gay') and wanted to be free from cutie marks completely. Sure, they had tempted me too, but I was smart enough not to get caught up in cults.
"I sure don't. I'm Coral Reef, by the way. What's your name?" she replies, smiling widely.
"Cloud Inkwell." I say, returning the smile. I want to advance in the flirting but Grapevine runs up to us suddenly, shoving a heavy, overflowing and very purple shopping basket filled with various grape purple items including the hat that introduced I and Coral, a scarf, some hairties, a pair of mauve sunglasses, a very small, seemingly tight-fitting dress, and a whole box of purple make-up.
"Somepony's gonna be the town tart." I remark skeptically, raising an eyebrow at her.
"Is this about the dress? It's the dress, isn't it? Look, Pumpkin has high standards and those include looking like a prostitute, apparently, since all the pictures of her parties include scantily clad mares. I wanna fit in, Cloud!" Grapevine replies defensively. I hear a laugh almost escape Coral's lips, but she stops it just in time so all we hear is a slight snort from her direction.
"Oh, grow up!" Grapevine says, playfully nudging Coral Reef. "I'm Grapevine, do you come here often?"
"Seeing as this place opened up literally a day ago, it would be pretty hard to. Unless you're one of those weirdos that hang out in construction sites." Coral replies jokingly. I and Grapevine both chuckle mildly as we proceed to the checkout. Coral comes with us, ready to buy the frilly dress and the hat.
"Yeesh, you're really buying that?" I ask, laughing.
"Yeah, but it's a hate gift. Gonna send it to my cousin. That'll teach her for sending a tissue in the mail for my birthday gift last year."
"Nice one. But isn't spending money on a bad dress still showing some effort?" Grapevine asks.
"You don't know her mom. She forces her to wear and use ANYTHING she gets from relatives. She's been boasting about going to the Grand Galloping Gala. I think her mom will put good use to that dress." Coral explains, smirking.
"You must seriously despise your cousin." I say, holding back a laugh again. Coral simply shrugs, not denying my comment at all. I pay for Grapevine's many, many items and she kisses me on the cheek in thanks. Usually I'm happy for her to show affection to me in public, but when we were right next to this pretty little thing, it makes me slightly self-conscious. Grapevine is fairly pretty, sure. But Coral is just...different.
***
Shortly after leaving Purple Hell, Grapevine insists that we go to the record store. I have now idea why until she races in and begins embracing a red and green mare who has been browsing through music.
"One Note! Great to see you! I got your letter. Can't wait for girl's night! Did you pick us a movie yet?" Grapevine squeals, jumping up and down in excitement.
"Got some ideas." the mare, One Note, replies. I've met One Note lots of times before, again in a record store. Her name is apt, because she only likes electronica and will only ever listen to it. She makes music too, and that too is all just very similar sounding electronic music. She's seriously hot though.
"Let's go look at the movie section. We can probably find some perfect movies in the chick flick section." Grapevine suggests, pulling One Note in the direction of an area with bright pink metal movie racks with DVD cases in neon pinks, whites and purples.
"Actually, I was thinking we could get your boyfriend to suggest some good dick flicks. We always watch Bridle Jone's Diary. I wanna watch some mindless action." One Note counters, looking directly at me. I shrug, replying
"I dunno. I don't watch too many dick flicks. I guess there's the new Daring Do movie."
"They're making a movie! Awesome! When's it coming out?!" Grapevine exclaims, being a manic fangirl of the Daring Do series.
"This summer. Next month, actually." I say.
"OMG! We HAVE to watch it! I'll clear up our schedule for ALL of next month so we can see it. What about you, One Note?" Grapevine babbles enthusiastically.
"Sure." One Note says in a monotonous, bored tone, a stark contrast to her usual raspy, playful tone. She seemed disinterested all of a sudden.
"Other than that...Lord of the Horseshoes? I guess that's more fantasy, though. Uhm, Demolition Mare?" I suggest, struggling to think of movies.
"That's a good dick flick." says an all-too familiar voice, surprising me for the second time today. Coffee Cream bursts into the conversation, several vinyl records in their cases in a shopping basket clutched between his wingtips. "Plenty of mindless brutality and swearing with an interesting philosophical message about censorship. A nice balance of brains and brawn."
"I guess we have our movie then," says One Note, smiling at Coffee Cream. Grapevine rolls her eyes and insists
"Fine! But we need to rent Mean Mares too, just to balance it out."
"Deal." One Note agrees, shaking hooves with Grapevine. They both go over to the DVD section, leaving me with Coffee.
"So, you like vinyl?" I ask.
"Yeah. Well, I'm having a '1000th Issue' party for the guys and gals at Trend at my place, so I need to make it look as pretentious as possible. What better than vinyl records I can never use anyway?" Coffee replies comically. I chuckle slightly, smirking as well.
"So what you got in there?" I ask, peeking into the bag. Coffee opens it and starts pulling the fragile relics out.
"Let's see. Buck Berry, Johnny Bits and, of course, The Ponies." he recites, listing off the titles with ease.
"Am I the only one who thinks that name is kind of dumb? It's not like they need to specify what species they are, we know that they're ponies." I say, looking at the album cover.
"How dare you insult one of the most overrated bands of all time!" Coffee replies in a mock-offended voice. We both laugh as he replaces them into the shopping basket, picking it up again with his wingtips. "Are you coming?" he asks, referring to the party from what I can assume.
"I'm not a member of Trend." I say, shrugging my shoulders.
"But we work in the same building. Still counts." he counters.
"I guess. But what about the other guys?"
"They're coming too."
"Then I'm washing my mane that day."
"Ha! Look, you don't have to come I just need at least two people I can actually have fun with, and that's you and Grapevine."
"Maybe." I say, beginning to browse through the CDs. Luna, I sound like one of those annoying fillies that play hard to get. Only now do I get this revelation, and thus I man up and say "Actually, buck those guys. I'm coming if I want to, and they aren't gonna stop me. I'm not scared of them. I avoid them all the time because I can't be bothered to fight them, but that shouldn't stop me from going to a bucking party. Consider me in."
"Nice! Tell Grapevine she can come too." Coffee says enthusiastically.
"Will do. Well, looks like she and One Note are done. We gotta go now, see ya, Coffee!" I reply, trotting off to join Grapevine. I beam at her as she packs up her DVDs and she returns the smile. We say bye to One Note and leave, headed for the plaza exit.
***
When we finally return home, this time at my place, Grapevine insists that she model her new outfit for me. I reluctantly agree and prepare for 3 hours of waiting for her to get ready. Sitting down on my sofa, I turn on the radio and let DJ Pon3 talk me to relaxation.
Half an hour later, I'm bored.
"Grapevine! Would you hurry up in there?" I shout, banging on the bathroom door.
"Give me a min! I'm almost done!" Grapevine replies, slightly muffled by the door and walls. I wait a minute and she STILL isn't finished. Incredibly frustrated now, I go to knock on the door. However, Grapevine beats me to it, opening it to reveal herself, fully made up.
She's got her tight mauve dress on, the bottom of which just reaches the floor. It's shiny and smooth, creating a gelatin-like sheen. Her make up is all deep purple, but very lightly applied so she doesn't look clownish. When she blinks you can see the shiny purple eye shadow for a split second. Her mane is done up so that her backlock forms a spiral shape, kept in place by a hairband. Her forelock is poofy and bouncy, kept in such a manner by manespray, it seems. Flecks of hair coming off here and there create a half messy, half classy look. It's gorgeous. The scarf she got isn't on her, but I'm sure that when she's out in the open, on her way to Pumpkin Diadem's party, she'll look stunning in it.
I simply stand there in awe for a bit, stunned by her ravishing makeover. All of today I've let my eyes wander onto other mares, even shamelessly flirted with some. However, seeing Grapevine like this makes me want to slap myself in the face for being so unfaithful. Then again, something nags at me even more. Does Grapevine really have to prove her beauty simply for me to like her? Is that how superficial I am? First I jump to wild conclusions about some guy who was just being friendly and get all homophobic, then I start hitting on other mares, and now I'm seeing Grapevine merely as a hot piece of flank? What's wrong with me?
"So what do you think then? Too much purple?" Grapevine asks, seeing my now horrified expression.
"No..no. It's fine." I say, slightly distantly. I shake the thoughts out of my head and correct myself. "I mean, lovely. You look beautiful, babe. I mean, darling. I mean--"
"You okay? You're acting super weird." Grapevine asks, raising an eyebrow. I stare hopelessly at her, not entirely sure what to say. She keeps staring, clearly puzzled, at me. Finally, I simply say
"I know. I'm just stunned by your dazzling beauty."
"Ew, I can FEEL the sap. Come on, Cloud. Since when were you one for cheesy lines?" Grapevine replies, shaking her head in disbelief and laughing. I laugh along with her, agreeing that it was mostly exaggeration.
"I guess I was just thinking over some things. I guess when you get in a skimpy dress I remember why we're together." I confess, shrugging.
"Well maybe that's the answer to all those broken marriages we've been hearing about in celebrity news. Just parade around the house scantily clad and the men will start sounding like Cherry McGuire." she replies, smirking. "I need to keep it clean, though. So I'll just go undress again before dinner. We eating in tonight?"
"Yep. if that's cool with you. I have some carrot pie in the fridge. We'll cook that up as soon as you're done." I say, smiling widely as Grapevine walks back into the bathroom. As she closes the door, I smile more softly, fondly remembering our first official date (which happened a week after the night we met). Everything comes back. I love Grapevine. She's my girlfriend, and my best friend. I love her to bits.
Right?