//------------------------------// // Your friendly neighborhood mad scientist, Wilson! // Story: PIE: Patapon In Equestria // by Runa //------------------------------// After walking through the forest, they finally arrived at their destination. It looked like the ruins of a once proud castle, bearing tattered banners of both the sun and the moon. Luna looked at the tattered banners. “Those are pretty!” she said. “I like them. Can I take one home with me for a blanket?” Kami sighed. “Wilson, you own this castle, essentially. Do you mind?” Kami asked the human who lead them to the ruins. “Erm, not exactly, I kind of use this as my home, sure, but I’m not its owner.” Kami looked at him strangely. “Unless you know who owns it officially, I think that you are the owner. You claimed this abandoned ruin as your home, after all.” “I guess it’s okay for you to take one of them, it doesn't seem like anyone cares about this place besides me,” he said. Luna grabbed a banner she liked with her magic, tossing it on to her back. “Thank you!” she said. As they delved deeper into the castle they began to hear strange noises. Hatapon decided to comment on this. “Erm, what’s that sound?” “Oh, thats what I was talking about with fangs and the gems!” Wilson declared excitedly, walking faster so the group could see his various contraptions. They soon entered a room filled with many strange gizmos and gadgets. They seemed nonsensical, and with no point or purpose. “What is all this stuff?” Luna asked, walking over to a three legged box. But as she approached it, she fell back. She scooted herself away with wide eyes. “I don’t like that,” she whimpered. Kami looked questioningly at Wilson, also seeming to convey that if Wilson didn’t tell him what happened right now, he would do something drastic. “Hmmm, it seems I’m not the only one affected by the machines’ field of knowledge… Interesting.” He stated, clearly ignoring Kami’s cold stare. “Would you please explain?” Kami asked. Luna had hidden herself behind a Tatepon, shivering slightly. All the Patapons raised their weapons at the human. “Woah woah woah! It’s alright! No need to get feisty!” He raised his hands while cowering away from the Patapons. “It’s nothing to be worried about, it’s just knowledge! These machines I’ve built have helped me immensely due to the information they give me whenever I’m around them. Sure it was confusing and scary at first, but after you get used to the recipes, it’s not that bad,” he tried to reason and reassure the group. Kami cautiously drifted over to the same machine, his eyes widening as knowledge flowed into his head. “This... just wow...” Kami said as his eyes glazed over. “So many new ideas for Patapons!” “Huh? What are patapons?” Everyone except Wilson face palmed in unison, with a loud *slap* echoing across the multiverse for all to hear. Kami began speaking very slowly and deliberately. Like he was talking to an idiot. “These guys here,” Kami waved his hands at his army, ”are Patapons.” “Ooohhh, okay then, but what did you mean by ‘new ideas for Patapons’? I thought the Science Machine only had knowledge about tools and buildings and such.” Kami shrugged. “Patapons are born from a divine tree named Mater. We burry specific things by her roots, and certain Patapons are born. And how should I know anything about the knowledge in the science machine? It’s your creation." Wilson seemed to ponder this, before answering. “Well, it could vary depending on who uses it, I mean I haven’t really gotten the chance to test that until now, so shall we...” His eyes widened as his pupils shrank a little. “...experiment?” Kami backed away a little. He wasn’t frightened by any enemy, but that look in his eyes… A Yaripon who wasn’t paying attention to his face raised his hand. “Oh! Me please!” Before Kami could veto this decision, the Yaripon rushed towards the machine. As he approached, a gleam began in his eye. He stopped immediately. “Ohhh, if I use a hound fang...” The Yaripon snatched one from his nearby companions. “And do this...” He smacked the fang into the tip of the spear, and the two objects merged in a slightly disturbing way. The gleam didn’t go, however. “Does anyone have a bone?” The gleam seemed to be growing stronger. “Maybe thats enough experimenting.” The human went up to the crazed Yaripon and snatched him away from the contraption, despite his protests. “I think thats too much knowledge.” As the Yaripon left the machine’s aura , he blinked his eye in confusion. “What just happened?” the Yaripon asked. Kami made a decision. “No one else is allowed near that thing.” “Agreed.” As Wilson said that, all the Patapons nodded. Kami thought for a moment. “I think that we might have a use for something like that, but I would need to make a new one. I don’t want to risk any of my Patapons carrying it back.” “Erm, I’m not sure how to hel-” he began to say, before his own eyes gleamed. “...Hhmm, that could work.” “But where am I going to get a piece of paper?” And as luck would have it, the ponies from the town began to enter the room where the group was situated. The Patapons jumped up as they entered, pointing their weapons at the intruders. “See, I told you they would be here!” said a pink mare with her hair as bubbly as her personality. Kami waved his troops down. “It’s not worth it. They couldn’t do anything even if they wanted to.” They begrudgingly stood down. “We ain’t here to cause trouble mister, we jus’ wanted ta talk,” said the cowpony from before. “Alright, I’m listening as long as you are,” Wilson said to Kami, who nodded and replied. “Speak your mind.” The captain from the battle stepped up, looking worse for wear. “We wanted to thank you for helping us fight those creatures, and I personally apologize for thinking of you as a threat when you came through as an ally,” he stated apologetically. Kami smiled slightly. “It’s fine. You could have handled it better, but you did alright.” “Hey Twilight, do you have a piece of paper Wilson could borrow?” asked the pink mare towards the purple unicorn, presumably Twilight. “Uh, sure but why would he nee-” She snatched the parchment from the mare and trotted towards the human, ignoring the looks the Patapons were giving her. Ohh! I’m liking her! I can’t wait until I get to play with my version! STOP SPOILING YOUR OWN SHIT, DICKWAD! Oh shut up boys! “Thank you Pinkie, but how did you know I needed that?” “She’s Pinkie Pie! You are better off not questioning it,” said a blue-coated pegasus from the group. “Uh, oh-kay?” Wilson wasn’t purely convinced, but shrugged and took the paper from her. He then walked to the more spherical of the contraptions in the room, and seemed to sketch something upon the parchment. After he was done, the paper had turned blue, with white lines depicting the image of the first machine and how to build it. “Here you go Kami, thanks so much for your help with the hounds, I don’t know if we could have survived without you and your Patapons,” he said as he handed the blueprint to Kami. As Wilson let go, however, the blueprint fell through Kami’s hands. “...Forgot about that for a second,” Kami said. “Luna, could you please get that for me?” Luna replied in an extremely cute voice. “Sure!” She skipped in front of the other ponies, and picked it up in her magic. She then turned to them. “Hello! Didn’t I see you back at the libraryish place?” The ponies just stared at her with their mouths agape, with the exception of Pinkie Pie. “Don’t worry about it.” She shrugged and said towards her companions, most of them nodded. But few were still left speechless. She is so CLOSE to breaking the fourth wall! This is great! DON’T TEMPT THE PINK ONE, SHE HAS DONE IT BEFORE AND I DON’T LIKE IT! Oh stop being such a baby! Kami remembered what they came for originally. “So, I assume that you can make things out of the gems and teeth?” “Oh yeah, RIGHT!” Wilson remembered as well. “Just make a small pile of them somewhere around here and take whatever else is left. If I can make something useful out of them, I bet you could too,” Kami nodded. “Alright! Split the gems and fangs into two piles!” He looked to Wilson. “Do you want any meat as well?” The ponies flinched at his last statement. “Uh, no.” He then whispered to Kami’s ear, ”I’m not eating anything in front of them, and especially nothing that is purple!” Kami shrugged. “Your loss.” Wilson laughed nervously. “ANYWAYS, I think it might be time for you to go. I don’t think you came here to stay, right?” Kami shook his head. “No, although I wouldn’t mind coming back at all.” Wilson smiled at him. “Alright, if you could follow me, I think I can get you home.” However, a certain mare had something to say. “What about us? Can we come with you?” the purple unicorn asked the group. “Just, erm, sit tight. I’ll come back and try to explain as much as I can. Please don’t touch any of my machines until then,” the human answered her, but a look in her eyes begged to differ. In the end, however, the ponies agreed to listen to him. “Gather the stuff that’s ours, and lets follow him!” he ordered the Tribe. They complied quickly, and started after Wilson. They arrived at a new contraption, one which made less sense than any of the previous machines from before. As they approached the portal, it lit up with a white glow. “Well I guess this is goodbye,” said Wilson wistfully, extending a hand towards Kami. “True. It was nice meeting you, Wilson.” His hand phased through the human’s hand, but the thought was still there. “Oh, and don’t call me Wilson, it’s not my real name, I just don’t want the ponies knowing, just in case.” “Oh? How so?” Kami seemed intrigued. “I don’t exactly know them, and I really would appreciate if you helped me keep it that way.” Kami smiled. “May I know your real name?” “Well, after the whole hounds thing I trust you enough to know its Robert, Robert Smith.” “I’ll keep your secret safe. Anyway, see you later!” He turned to his army. “Time to go home!” They all cheered as they went back through the portal to their own world. Robert waved goodbye to them, before a sudden realization hit him like a sledgehammer to the face. “Oh fuck, how the hell am I going to call him back!? HE TOOK THE DRUM!!”