Celestia Shorts

by Sir Hat


Ponies Don't Understand RPGs

I sat with a few guards in some flat land in the Canter Mountains. A pony with a camera was sitting taking video as we demonstrated a new weapon. "Alright, RPG Q-3! Lightweight high explosive warhead! Its built by Celestia's finest to punch straight through dragon skin and concrete." I picked up the launched and held it up. It was a long rectangular tube with a harness on the side. "You would mount this up onto the side of a pony, and set up the firing system."

I walked it over to a pony waiting calmly towards the range. He looked up at me as I slid the harness over his side and pulled it tight until it settled in on his withers. A small sight popped to the side and over the pony's eye. "Alright, see this. That's your distance and aim." I pointed to the sight as the pony with the camera walked over.

He filmed the pony as he stood still and looked down the range. I looked over towards a heavily padded cased by the pony's side. "Alright, Dommy, show them the firing system." I walked around the ponies, my boots crunching the gravel of the range. I walked over and found the warhead stuffed in layer after layer of padding. I dug it out and looked it over.

The pony with the camera turned to me and looked at the warhead. "Alright, simply put this here is the business end!" I pointed to the head of the blue painted death machine. "You'd load it as such." I walked over to the pony's side and slid it straight back into the launcher. "Live ordnance!" I felt it snap back into place. "You getting this?" I looked to the camera. "Ready to fire!"

Dommy yelled back, "ready to fire!" He turned his hoof and sent the rocket puttering out of the tube. It landed just down the hill and started rolling down.

I jumped back and started yelling. "Whoa fuck!" Everyone at the range scrambled back as the failed launch fell in a ditch and sat there hissing. "Fuck fuck fuck!" I started laughing as I followed the ponies towards a wall in the range.

Ponies didn't seem to understand the launch aspect of making a grenade.