Dear Princess Twilight,
First off, I imagine you have more than a few questions concerning the manner in which you received this letter. Now, let me assure you that your shower drain has not been, and is in no danger of being, vandalized, but I apologize if my letter gave you a bit of a scare.
Anyway, I would very much appreciate it if you could come on over to Froggy Bottom Bog to meet with me. Don’t worry about hydras or anything like that. If any come around I’ll personally see to it they run away screaming like little wusses.
Also, please come alone. I understand you’d want to have your friends with you for something so unknown, but I really do mean you no harm. If it helps you trust me any more, feel free to bring whatever items you may have that’ll help ensure your safety.
Looking forward to meeting you, hopefully.
Sincerely,
A huge fan of yours
Twilight stares at the oddly printed letter before lifting her gaze at the swampy landscape of Froggy Bottom Bog around her.
“Hello, is anybody here!?” she calls, taking a few steps deeper into the swamp. “I came alone like you instructed, but don’t think you can jump me. I’m ready for anything!”
“Well well well, so nice to see you Princess Twilight!”
Twilight turns in the voice’s direction, spying the serpentine form of Discord behind a tree, lounging in a bean bag chair. He takes a moment to open a cap in the chair’s side, letting out a few jelly beans into his open palm before stuffing them into his mouth. He then begins talking while chewing.
“Quite a nahce surprishe to see you wai out here.” He stuffs another handful of beans into his mouth. “And all by wourseff ah that.”
Twilight just ignores the uncouth display and asks, “What are you doing here, Discord?”
“Nothing much, really,” Discord replies. He picks off his goat horn and brings it to his mouth for use as a toothpick. “Truth be told, I don’t know why I’m here myself, only that someone wants me here for a ‘special request’ of sorts. How they sent a letter through my toaster piques my curiosity—” He gleefully claps his hands together, “—but whoever has the capacity to do something as nonsensical as that earns brownie points from me.” He then produces a large tray of brownies from behind the tree before sending them hurtling up into the air where they explode into three cards which each read ‘10 pts’.
Twilight pauses for a moment, letting Discord’s words register with her before levitating her letter over to him. “Did yours look anything like this?” she asks him.
Discord grabs the letter and dons a pair of swirly-eyed glasses before bringing it closer to his face for inspection. “Hmm... yep, this is exactly like mine,” he says. “Terrible handwriting and all.”
“It’s actually not handwriting.”
The sudden voice startles them both and they turn around in its direction, Twilight lighting her horn with magic and Discord brandishing a water pistol. They watch as a new figure emerges from behind a tree, waving a white handkerchief in a placating manner.
Both Twilight and Discord can only gape when the figure fully emerges, as he’s quite unlike anything they've ever seen. The newcomer sports a bipedal reptilian figure with dark purple scales and short fins running along his back, muscular arms that could make girls drool with desire, chiseled legs that look fit for marathons, and a pair of crimson red eyes that add a harsh edge to his incredibly sexy appearance. He opens his rounded jaw in a warm smile to reveal a set of pristine white carnivorous teeth that could catch and devour any prey with ease, and make him look good while doing it.
The creature slowly approaches them without any hint of fear and stuffs the handkerchief into the dark blue backpack he’s carrying before regarding both of them with a gentle nod. “Discord. Twilight. Glad you came,” he says, and smiles a little wider. “It was a lot of trouble sending those letters to you both, so I’m glad you were willing to trust the words of a complete and utter stranger and come out here to meet me.”
An awkward silence follows for several seconds, during which time the creature merely continues smiling, showing a complete understanding of patience while he waits for Twilight and Discord to snap from their stupor. Eventually, and perhaps a little surprisingly, Twilight does so first. She regards the creature with a look that makes it clear she’s both suspicious and fascinated at him.
“Who are you?” she asks in her naturally inquisitive manner, making the creature mentally squeal with excitement. “And, for that matter, what are you?” Another squeal.
“In order,” the creature says, “my name is Mitaru Hoteha, and I’m a huge fan of both of you.”
“I was referring to your species, actually,” Twilight clarifies, giving Mitaru another cursory examination while rubbing her chin. “Are you some kind of dragon?”
“My species isn’t important,” Mitaru states, his tone gaining a resolute edge. Twilight, though visibly annoyed, gets the hint and doesn't inquire further. Mitaru can hear her mumble something about ‘checking her bestiary of sapient species’ with his advanced hearing, which elicits another mental squeal of excitement from him.
“Well, whatever you are,” Discord speaks up, “it is clear to me you’re at least somewhat gifted in the ways of chaos-making, if the manner in which you sent my letter is any indication.” He dons a jersey that says ‘Chaos4lyfe’ on the front and slithers over to Mitaru, wrapping his talon around the reptile’s shoulder. “So, yeah, you’re cool to me.”
Mitaru giggles at the display while Twilight just rolls her eyes and takes a step forward. “Anyway, we came all the way out here for you, Mitaru. What did you want from us? And why out here in Froggy Bottom Bog of all places?”
“Yes, of course…” Mitaru shrugs off Discord’s talon, prompting the draconequus to return to Twilight’s side, and straightens his posture before proceeding to explain. “As for why I summoned you here, Froggy Bottom Bog is the only place around where I can meet you both without causing mass panic while still being close enough to home on an emotional level.” He tilts his head slightly, his lips turning up in a nervous smile. “Truth be told, I’m a little nervous speaking to you both.”
“Come now, there’s no need to be nervous,” Discord says as he pops out from behind Mitaru’s head, startling him a little, and again wraps an arm around his shoulder. “I might know little to nothing about social anxiety or idol worship, but you can rest easy knowing I won’t judge you. I can’t speak for Twilight, though.”
Said alicorn glowers at him in response.
“Thank you,” Mitaru says with sincerity, once again shrugging off Discord’s talon. “Anyway, what I want is to hear more about your lives. Specifically, about certain events you might have bore witness to or even been a part of yourself.” He pauses for a moment to fish out a notebook and pen from his backpack. “I intend to transcribe these accounts into stories to share with my people. They’re really interested in reading about you, and I figured it’d help to hear some stories straight from your mouths.”
Twilight and Discord share a confused glance, the latter taking the liberty of putting giant question marks above his head, before turning back to Mitaru. “And… why us specifically?” Twilight asks, gesturing between the two of them. “I mean, my friends could tell you just as much if not more than I can. Furthermore, why do you need to ask us about our lives when everything we’ve done that’s significant is already common knowledge? I mean, the entire story of Nightmare Moon’s rise and subsequent defeat is known all over the world!”
“Indeed, as is my initial return,” Discord says. He snaps his talon, producing a newspaper for them all to see. Twilight once again rolls her eyes when she sees the headline reads HANDSOME DRACONEQUUS MAKES PONYVILLE LOOK SPLENDID, with a picture of Ponyville subjected to Discord’s influence taken from a distance.
Mitaru, meanwhile, lets out a hearty laugh and bends over a little, clutching his stomach. “All the stuff you did was hilarious!” he says around his guffaws. “Totally unethical, sure, but that’s exactly what my people love about you Discord. Always wanting to liven things up and keep everyone on their toes, or tip-hooves for you ponies, I guess?” He straightens up and flips his notebook to the first page, clicking the pen and pressing it down onto the paper. “Anyway, it’s for that very reason you gave that I’m not asking for accounts of your greatest accomplishments and such, rather, I want to hear more about your day-to-day lives as regular Equestrians. You know, slice of life stuff.”
Twilight and Discord share another look before tapping their chins in thought. Discord makes a show out of thinking by putting a thought bubble with a repeating ellipsis above his head, at one point joined by a monkey randomly wandering in the background before being driven away by a bi-plane pulling a banner that says IDEA!. The thought bubble bursts as a playfully evil grin stretches across his muzzle.
“A little birdie told me something about how a certain lavender unicorn went a little crazy when she couldn’t get a letter to her mentor and used a ‘Want It Need It’ spell on everypony in Ponyville.” He looks over to see Twilight glaring daggers at him while her face turns an increasingly dark shade of crimson, to which his grin widens considerably. “What do you think, Princess Twilight?”
Twilight just turns her head back around, still looking at him askance. “I fail to see how the incident you’re describing falls under ‘slice of life stuff’.”
“Well, let’s let Mitaru be the judge of that, shall we?”
Before any objections can be raised, a bright blue flash envelops all three of them, eventually phasing out to show the swampy marsh of Froggy Bottom Bog has been replaced by a beautiful green pasture.
That, and a swarm of mares descending the hill towards Big Macintosh, holding the Smarty Pants doll.
”They’re fighting over that doll!”
”That incredible amazing doll!”
Twilight just covers her eyes with her hooves and lays on the ground as the scene plays out exactly as it did the first time. Discord summons a bag of popcorn and pops some into his mouth, offering some to Mitaru, who declines. They watch everything play out in its entirety, right up to Celestia’s intervention, whereupon the scene phases back to Froggy Bottom Bog.
With the replay of her single most embarrassing escapade over, Twilight finally lifts herself back up onto all four hooves, shooting Discord one final glare while he merely smirks in return.
“Well, that was amusing,” Mitaru says, taking a moment to stretch his arms over his head, audible cracks sounding as he does so. “But I already know about Twilight’s little ‘episode’; I’m looking for stories that wouldn’t have been publicized in any capacity.”
Twilight turns to Mitaru with a neutral expression. “I’ll tell you some stories, but only if I can ask you some questions in turn.”
“If I get some good stories, then sure,” Mitaru answers while rolling his hand around. “So, what have you both got for me?”
A smirk crosses Twilight’s muzzle as she turns to Discord, to which he raises a curious eyebrow. “I think I've got just the kind of story you’re looking for,” she says, a cocky air to her words.
“Well I’m listening,” Mitaru replies.
“Not too long ago, Discord showed me a game he invented, which he calls Chaos Ball.” Discord’s eyes suddenly widen and a blush forms over his own cheeks before he crosses his arms and turns away with an annoyed look.
His unusual reaction piques Mitaru’s curiosity. “Sounds interesting," he says. "Tell me more then.”
“Basically, he forced me to play, and I ended up clobbering him.” Twilight caps her statement off with a little laugh.
“Sounds like you had fun,” Mitaru comments while jotting TITLE: CHAOS BALL down in his notebook. “So what's the game like?”
“I’ll do you one better and show you,” Twilight replies. She flashes one last smirk to Discord, who’s still turned around so he can’t see it, and trots over to Mitaru while lighting her horn with magic. She only comes up to his waist, prompting her to gesture for him to lean down, which he does.
Twilight then touches her horn to Mitaru’s forehead, initiating her memory transfer spell. Mitaru’s head is suddenly swarmed with dozens of images, sounds, and emotions. At first he feels a tad bit overwhelmed, but the multiple sensations gradually organize into a cohesive whole, allowing him to see the event showcased fully and clearly. Every sight, action, spoken word, and feeling Twilight had during the game is registered in Mitaru’s brain, and when it’s over he quickly begins jotting down notes down in his notebook with an eagerness akin to that of a child looking forward to opening a giant birthday present.
“Yes, that’s exactly the kind of stuff I’m looking for!” he says gleefully. At one point he looks up to Discord. “Think I can get your point of view on this story?” he asks him.
Discord gives him an aside glance. The look of indifference in his eyes makes it clear to Mitaru that he has no intention of doing so, so he just continues transcribing Twilight’s experience. He’s almost finished when he notices Twilight staring up at him with an expectant gaze. Mitaru pauses writing for a second to ask, “Is something wrong?”
“When can I ask you about your species?” she asks in turn. A broad smile, exactly like the ones she gets whenever she’s offered the chance to learn something new, crosses her muzzle. “I don’t get the chance to study reptiles very often, much less sapient ones. So can I please ask you some questions now?”
Mitaru chuckles a little. “Never ditch that inquisitiveness, Twilight; it’s one of the many things about you that my people love,” he replies, and resumes his writing. “As for your questions, let’s wait until storytime is over and I know I’ve got a lot of good stuff.” Once he’s finished writing he turns back to Discord. “So, you got anything for me?”
Discord lets out an audible groan and slumps forward until his horns are touching his backside. “Do I really have to stick to ‘slice of life stuff’?” He visibly gags at the quote. “Couldn't I interest you in some of my more… artistic exploits, perhaps?” he asks while donning a beret and a painter’s easel and paintbrush. He swirls the brush a little first in the yellow, then in the blue, producing a dark shade of orange before flicking it across the ground in front of him. The paint immediately morphs into several grapefruits, which proceed to eat up the ground beneath them at a rapid pace, quickly disappearing from sight under the ground all while little waka waka sounds echo from the tunnels they make.
“So, what do you think?" Discord says as he turns around. The smile on his face is quite obviously forced.
Twilight just deadpans while Mitaru blinks for a moment before shrugging and saying, “Not bad, but my people already know what you’re like as a chaos lord. It’d be a breath of fresh air for them to see you as just another citizen of Equestria, going through his own troubles and trying to get through life in one piece.”
Discord groans again. “Fine, I suppose I can give you a little glimpse of my life post-reformation.” Another bright blue flash envelops the two of them, this time showing a scene of Discord walking into Sugarcube Corner.
“Welcome to Sugarcube Cor-AHHH!”
“W-w-what are y-y-you doing h-h-here?”
“Oh, come now Cup Cake… You have nothing to fear, for I’m only here to purchase breakfast and then I’ll be on my merry way.”
“I see your reputation is as bad as it’s ever been,” Mitaru muses as he begins transcribing the scene. “Not that it was ever that good to begin with, to be completely honest. I mean no offense, of course.”
“None taken,” Discord says with a dismissive wave.
“You also seem to be unusually calm here,” Mitaru notes. “Like, where’s all the chaotic shenanigans?”
“Even I need a good balanced breakfast before I start every day,” Discord replies. “Can’t create chaos if I’m not feeling up to snuff, you know?”
“I guess that makes sense,” Mitaru says with a nod. “How ironic.”
“Quite.”
The scene plays out up until Discord leaves in his go cart on a rainbow road, coffee cake in hand, out the bakery’s front door. The two are then brought back to Froggy Bottom Bog where Twilight is waiting impatiently with her head in her hooves. Next to her lies a quill, an inkwell, and a scroll of blank parchment, no doubt intended to take notes on Mitaru’s species info.
She straightens up and dons an eager smile once the two boys reappear. “So, can I ask you questions about your species now?” she asks, hopefully.
“Well, I like what I’ve gotten so far,” Mitaru says, taking a quick look over his notes, smiling. “I think one more story should suffice.” He turns to the two of them. “So, either of you got anything else interesting, preferably another one involving the both of you?”
Both Twilight and Discord take another few moments to ponder before Discord’s eyes light up. “Have you ever witnessed a shipping battle first hand, Mitaru?”
Twilight just slaps a hoof against her face while Mitaru curiously tilts his head. “I’m familiar with the term, but I’m confused as to what context you’re using it in?” he says.
Discord’s face splits into a grin that eclipses his face by about two feet on either side. “Then prepare your eyes for a feast of chaos!”
The three of them are brought before another new scene, this time on the beach of a cove. Mitaru can only assume the cove leads out into the ocean, because the view is blocked by a gaggle of large schooners, all with varying color schemes that, strangely, match those of Twilight and her friends. The sounds of ponies shouting and wood splintering can be heard every other second, and Mitaru can pick up small snippets of banter with his advanced hearing.
“All hooves on deck!”
“Medics!”
“Port cannons fire!”
“Starboard cannons fire!”
“My leg!”
“Yar har har!”
“Enough with the crappy pirate talk!”
Mitaru doesn’t react immediately to the scene of worthless conflict, instead staring out over the water at the ships with a blank expression, not even taking a second to blink. Frowning, Discord waves a paw in front of his face. “Yoohoo, Equestria to Mitaru! Come in lizard guy!” he calls.
Suddenly, Mitaru knocks him aside and rushes closer to the water’s edge. His mouth pulls into an excited grin, and he flips to a clean page in his notebook. “This. Is. So awesome!” he shouts, and begins scribbling notes like a mad person. In his eye’s corner, he spots Discord getting up and, after a moment of standing still, saunter over to Twilight.
“You look perplexed, Princess Twilight,” he notes with some amusement. “Is something eating at you?”
Twilight replies after a moment of silence. “Mitaru sure seemed excited just now, didn't he?’
“Indeed, as anyone with a taste for sweet, beautiful chaos would be,” Discord replies in turn. “This shipping battle is a perfect paradigm of what you ponies can achieve if you thought a little like me more often.”
“But think about it, Mitaru said he was looking for stories that weren't publicized. If you’ll recall, this shipping battle made all the papers, so everyone in Equestria should at least be aware of it.” Another moment of silence. “The way he’s acting makes it clear he didn't know before now.”
“He could just be from outside of Equestria, then; probably Neighpon, if his name is anything to go by,” Discord suggests. “You and your friends’ defeat of both yours truly and little Lulu is known around the world, whereas something like this battle isn't, so it makes sense—” he pauses for a moment to gag, “—that he wouldn't know about it.”
“Then why does he know about the ‘Want it Need it’ incident?” Twilight asks with a stern edge to her voice. “That’s definitely unknown outside of Equestria. Heck, I’m pretty sure it’s relatively unknown even outside of Ponyville. So why would Mitaru claim to ‘know everything’ about it if he doesn't live anywhere near here?”
Several seconds pass without a reply from Discord. Instead, a cacophony of popping buzzers, shifting gears, blaring sirens, and a cicada rock band sounds off. Only afterward does he give a reply, and his tone harbors not a trace of his usual playfully sarcastic demeanor.
“I agree, something isn't right with him, and not in the way I adore.”
The two remain silent for the remainder of the flashback, which ends soon after all the ships are blasted to smithereens by past Twilight and her friends’ own, conjured by past Discord, and the three are once again brought back to Froggy Bottom Bog.
“Well, I gotta say, that was quite a treat to see,” Mitaru says. He then turns to look at both Twilight and Discord, regarding them with warm smiles. “Because of your generosity, I now have a good collection of fresh stories to share with my people, though, I will be taking a few creative liberties.” He bows before them. “You have all of my thanks.”
Twilight and Discord both give a nod, their eyes slightly narrowed in obvious suspicion. “You’re welcome,” Twilight says, and brings up her quill and parchment. “So, would you mind answering my questions now?”
Mitaru smiles, and stuffs his pen and notebook back into his backpack. “Shoot,” he says.
Twilight brings the quill tip to the parchment, her eyes never leaving sight of Mitaru. “First off, where are you from?” she asks.
Mitaru’s smile grows a bit and he lets out a brief chuckle before raising his hand in a dramatic manner. “It’s a mystical land beyond your wildest dreams. A place where reality and fantasy are in a perpetual struggle for dominance, which I had to conquer in order to even set foot here. A difficult trial, I assure you.”
Discord and Twilight share a confused glance before Twilight asks, “And, what’s this place called?”
“This wondrous land I speak of is called—” Suddenly, Mitaru pulls a white ball about the size of a baseball from his backpack, “—I’M GONE-IA!”
In an eye’s blink, he throws down the ball. As soon as it hits the ground a giant plume of smoke shoots out of it, obscuring the area in a white veil that makes it impossible to see for more than five feet. Twilight and Discord both descend into a coughing fit as the sound of scurrying footsteps trails away.
When the smoke finally clears, Mitaru is nowhere to be found. On the ground in his place, however, is a piece of paper torn off from his notebook with a message scrawled across in print too precise to be handwritten.