“Pinkie?” Rainbow and Gilda dropped their jaws at the pink pony seated in the throne, clones dancing all about her.
“There be many a lass named ‘Pinkie’ ‘round here!” the darker Pinkie Pie growled. “I be answering to the name of Jack now!” Her voice was gruffer than the other Pinkies, but it wasn’t her only separation from the others. She was dressed as Rainbow had seen the stereotypical pirate pony dressed up before: eyepatch, tricorne hat, false leg, and even one of her forehooves bore a hook on it. The hook and peg leg were rather obvious fakes, and there was no indication that the eyepatch was necessary. She wore some rather flamboyant clothing with a frilly white blouse under a fiery red and gold jacket, held to her torso with a buckled black belt.
The item of most interest to Rainbow was a slim steel hoop, obviously a bladed weapon. It rested within Pinkie’s hook as she made slight movements and caused it to sway like a pendulum.
“So yer Jack then?” Gilda let out a scoff. “Well then, you’ve turned out a bit more interesting than I was thinking. I was more than sure you were another scruffy captain with aims to rob the likes of me and the other sailors.”
“You’ve been out,” ‘Jack’ Pinkie replied. “Haven’t had a chance to rob ya.” A giggle echoed from the other Pinkies as she smiled. “But no, Gilda, we aren’t thieves of the sea like most pirates; I’m just doing this for the fun of it. Our treasures are the laughter of the people and the ancient sunken or buried treasures we find on our own!”
“YAY!” all the other Pinkies blurted out.
Dash’s eyebrows shifted as she nodded. It certainly sounded like Pinkie Pie. What bothered her most though was the appearance and low tone of ‘Jack’ Pinkie. Dash had seen Pinkie like this only on incredibly rare occasions, when deep depression and sorrow hit her. Something must be saddening her.
‘Jack’ Pinkie turned her attention back to Rainbow Dash. “So, Dashie…” she began, looking her old friend over as she spoke. “I hear tell you’ve been looking for little ol’ me? Whatever for?”
Dash’s eyes fluttered in thought, having to collect herself to remember what she was there for. “We came to bring you back to Canterlot, to gather the element bearers.”
“What for?” Jack Pinkie’s voice was harsh in her asking.
Dash felt danger looming around her, a thousand piercing stares. She chose her words carefully. “To protect our homeland.” Pinkie’s interest stayed on Rainbow. “The Griffon Kingdom is threatening war against Equestria, and we need the Elements of Harmony to keep King Gallows back. We have Applejack, Fluttershy, and Rarity, so we only need you.”
Pinkie and her army of other Pinkies were quiet as she stared back at Rainbow Dash. An uncharacteristic frown of disgust crossed Jack Pinkie’s face. “Great, so now that you need me you come to find me.” Pinkie’s voice was harsh and her anger seemed to come from nowhere.
Rainbow was taken aback by the viciousness in her friend’s words. “What the hell, Pinkie?” She took to fighting back with more anger. “What are you talking about? Where did that come from?”
Jack Pinkie’s glare tightened around Rainbow, making breathing an activity she had to focus on. “It came from nothing, Dashie; the same nothing that I was given as soon as Twilight left us. Nopony had time to give to Pinkie Pie anymore, did they?”
Dash furrowed her brow.
Gilda, however, couldn’t help but chuckle at the strange contrast in the room with bouncing happy Pinkie Pies jumping all about while Jack and Rainbow Dash scowled and growled at one another.
Jack Pinkie let out a sigh and leaned back in her throne, chin resting on her free hoof. “Things became very boring around Ponyville for the longest while. Pinkie Pie wasn’t needed anymore with her friends in the dumps. So instead, Pinkie Pie went to find fun.” The Pinkie clones all began to echo “Fun!” repeatedly. “And who else is more fun than Pinkie Pie?” Again, the word fun brought about more echoes.
“You went to the Mirror Pool again?” Dash asked.
Pinkie nodded. “Of course.”
“I thought you and Twilight blocked off the entrance?”
“Duh, Dashie. I’m a former rock farmer.” An eerie smile spread across Jack Pinkie’s face. “Cracking open a little boulder is hardly a difficult task.” As if to emphasize her point, one of the Pinkie clones fell through the brick wall after trying to pin a tail to a poster too hard.
A cough from behind Gilda echoed out. “Well. I’ve done my part of the deal. Could I… excuse myself?” Tattle Tail had already snuck his way back towards the door as he made his request.
“Oh, but Tattle, we were going to have a bit of a party. Surely you’d like to stay for a bit of mead or rum?” Jack smiled as Pinkie clones surrounded Tattle Tail, terror in his eyes. Their smiles and echoes of fun overwhelmed his senses as he was brought above their heads and carried over to a table, where he was restrained with colorful ropes. “Drink up!”
A collective “Whee” was heard from the Pinkie clones as a large barrel from above Tattle’s table descended in a rope net. Many more Pinkies sat atop the barrel and hung from its ropes. One pulled away the cork holding back its contents, and an amber liquid began to pour directly into Tattle’s screaming throat, causing him to gargle.
Dash and Gilda looked on with raised eyebrows. The act was sadistically playful as the Pinkies would swing on the barrel, causing the alcohol to completely douse anypony in its path, not putting Tattle in any danger of drowning. That didn’t stop him from screaming bloody murder, however. The scene was somewhat comical and pulled a laughing snort out of Gilda.
“Pinkie, stop it!” Dash called out in anger. “He didn’t do anything to deserve that.”
Jack looked back to Dash with a dry look on her face, tilting her head in boredom. “Well, he brought one hell of a party pooper in to see me, didn’t he?” She switched into a pirate accent. “That be punishable how mateys?”
“We be takin’ back our fun!” the clones answered. They continued their shenanigans with greater fervor.
Rainbow’s nostrils flared. Pinkie had often had trouble identifying when folk wanted nothing to do with her fun, but this was intentional torture, not something she would have ever done. “Bullshit! Pinkie, let him go!”
Jack chuckled. “Not happening, Dashie. Not going back with you either.” She took on a sing song voice, letting her next words roll out melodically, “Bold Jack with smiles each danger meet weighs anchor heaves the log, trims all the sails belays his sheets and drinks her can of grog.”
Dash looked on questioningly, but Gilda seemed to understand. She stepped forward, skipping lyrics in the shanty and pointing out the one she found a fitting counter. “When sailing orders to arrive bold Jack she takes her leave.”
“These are no sailing orders I be takin’!” Jack roared as she stood; fire in her eyes and accent thickening. She continued her lyrical debate, skipping to the line “But should thou false or fickle prove to Jack who loves thee dear, no more upon my native shore can I with joy appear!”
Gilda frowned. “You’re ON your native shore.”
Jack Pinkie stayed standing for a moment, her gaze locked with Gilda’s. “Not happy ‘bout it.” She slumped back in her throne, sliding far down it to the point she had her back on the seat cushion. “…Tie them down too,” she ordered.
Gilda and Dash’s eyes widened as they were flooded by a sea of pink ponies, all giggling with delight. The two were dragged kicking and screaming to two more tables underneath more descending barrels.
Applejack let out a hiccup after slamming another wooden mug down on the counter. “Give us ‘nother ‘un,” she slurred.
The barkeep shrugged and carried her mug back to a barrel labeled ‘Cider’ and filled it to the brim. He slid it back over to AJ with a confused look on his face. “Yer gonna be drinkin’ me dry, lass. Gonna have to switch ya o’er ta whiskey or rum.”
Applejack shook her head with a frown. “Ah don’ tush the shtuff. Ah’m a sssshhhider drinker. Ru… Runshin mah veinshhhh…”
“I ain’t doubtin’ ye.” The bartender continued dispensing drinks as Applejack’s drink began to resemble a bath over a beverage. The tender couldn’t just let her continue like that and began to speak to her again. “What’s troublin’ ye, lass? I’ve seen many ponies come in askin’ fer ale to ease their ails, but yer one o’ the saddest I ever been seein’.”
“Nunna yer bursiness, buddy!” Applejack swatted at him with so little effort and speed that the bartender just let her make contact. The attack was little more effective than a slight cheek caress.
“If’n yer willin’ to make it me business, I’ll put half the cider on the house.” It was a generous offer he only proposed to the saddest of clients, for collecting sad stories was this stallion’s talent.
Applejack sighed. “Fair ‘nuff…” She searched her thoughts before chuckling in a slovenly manner. “‘S a serious prollem when ya cayn’t tell yer own thinkin’s from… the not yers, ya know?”
“‘Fraid I don’t, lass,” he answered with a curious look in his eye.
“Well ya know when ya fall fer someone? An’ then they… they went and moved on without ya? Found someone else? More… skybound… an’ pretty… an’… an’ ya begin wonderin’ if ya even had a chance?” AJ began to drink deeply from her refill.
“Ah, heartbreak I sees. Be it envy yer hearin’ then?” The bartender had heard this story many times before.
AJ shook her head. “Ah dunno ‘bout that. This is… different. Like someone’s tellin’ me ta do things… an’ Ah wanna… Ah don’t like it but I wanna.”
The barkeep looked at her with concern. “I can’t help with crazy.”
A chuckle came forth from Applejack. “Too bad. Shoundsh like that’d be usheful.” In her drunken mess, she let her head hit the bar table. The world around her was blurred and began to muffle its sounds. She became less conscious of all about her as her mind began to swim.
“There are solutions to our problems you know.” The voice returned to her once again, a terrible hiss spreading through her mind. “Accidents happen on guard duty all the time after all. Big old dragon following after us… anything could happen…”
The suggestion left a foul taste in her mouth, but under the inebriation, she didn’t recognize it as such a horrible idea.
Visions began to plague her. Images of smiling with Rainbow Dash as the duo worked on the farm. She was back to her simple life, bringing in apples, but with a beloved companion over her shoulder, scavenging the more stubborn individuals that were left behind. Potential nights lying on the hills under the moon and starlight haunted her.
“You could have it all. We just need to bend the way you think…”
The bar noise died as Applejack’s hooves pounded onto the counter, mad laughter shrieking from her throat. “Sure, wah not? Whatcha think Ah should do then?” She continued to laugh as she drew more stares.
The bartender simply shook his head, knowing what would come next. As he had expected, the laughter finally drew somepony’s curiosity enough to get them to speak up.
“Hoy, wench. What’s so funny?” One of the gruffer looking sailors called out from his table. He wore a patch over an eye with scars decorating his face. Applejack didn’t regard the voice, still chuckling to herself. In his annoyance, the stallion rose to his hooves with a growing anger in his uncovered eye.
Applejack was not conscious of the world around her anymore, her mind weakened from the inebriation and constant invasion of her thoughts. The sinister voice in her mind had wrestled control from her.
The sailor barely tapped Applejack’s shoulder, inviting a solid blast of steel into his jaw that sent him flying across the bar.
“Let’s get you loosened up a little,” the voice cackled in the empty consciousness of Applejack’s mind. Her body came to a stand, fully anticipating the sailor’s friends’ counter attacks. Sure enough, a hoof came in, clipping her chin as she forced herself to feint backwards.
With a cocky grin on his face, the attacking stallion found it rather humbling to feel one of AJ’s powerful hind legs smash into his ribs, even moreso when he found himself breaking through the table he and his friends had been sitting in.
The next stallion didn’t fare much better. The stun from seeing his non-pegasus friends go flying ate up the few precious seconds of not being unconscious he had left. Applejack’s skull came crashing into his the moment he turned. Dazed, he didn’t even see the hammering hoof come straight into his stomach, knocking the very wind from his lungs and dropping him to the ground.
Applejack’s body continued to jiggle with a low chuckle, putting many of the bar patrons on edge and chilling their spines. More stood up to meet her, but far more hesitant than the first three.
“Look, we aren’t looking to hurt nopony,” one of them started, “but we’re gonna ask you to leave.”
The bartender nodded silently, sliding his front hooves underneath the bar to look for something.
Applejack’s body swayed to and fro, the possessor still unable to throw off the effects of the alcohol. This worked to its advantage, however.
As more ponies gathered around AJ, her face dove to the ground, putting her back on all fours before kicking her stool back into one of her attackers’ heads with enough force that the brittle seat splintered from the impact.
Seeing an opening, the other ponies dove onto Applejack to overwhelm her. A pile of sailors stood no chance against this earth pony who’d been bucking, hauling, and running her entire life. Still, it took her body a decent amount of effort to toss the hardy sea ponies off.
The bartender then took his shot, literally. A tube in his mouth, with the aid of a lazy but firm puff, landed a small dart in the side of Applejack’s neck. He was slightly surprised to see Applejack turn on him with a terrifying fury in her eyes. She leapt towards him before her chin dropped hard onto the bar, her eyelids following the motion.
“Can’t help with crazy,” the barkeep muttered.
“You know, I get I was a jackass last time I met her, but Pinkie’s second impression isn’t too amazing either,” Gilda grumbled as she tried to wriggle her wrists free of her bonds.
“That’s not Pinkie, not the usual one anyways,” Dash grunted, attempting to wriggle just as Gilda was. “I’ve only seen her like this when she’s really upset, but even this is something different still. She must be really pissed off!”
Gilda looked back up to the Pinkie clones climbing atop the barrel above her, giggling constantly. “She ain’t the only one,” the griffon growled. “Open that and I promise you’re not gonna be giggling anymore!” The Pinkies only continued to giggle as they moved to open the barrel. Gilda let out a sigh. “Y’know Dash, hope ya won’t hate me for this.”
“Go for it, these ain’t her! Jack is,” Rainbow Dash responded.
“All I had to hear.” Gilda let out a ferocious shriek, sending the Pinkie clones near her back as the powerful griffon pulled against the ropes around her wrists. The table she laid atop was not as strong as it used to be, creaking loudly as the griffon’s might demanded it to bend and splinter.
Gilda’s features contorted as she displayed the strength of her race, fueled by her mounting anger. Many of the Pinkie clones stopped their activities to watch with various ‘ooo’ and ‘ah’ noises.
Gilda’s talons flew above her, still bound to the now separate corner pieces of wood. She immediately swung the clawed appendages at the Pinkies nearest to her, snarling like an animal, before slicing the bonds at her hind legs.
From her throne, Jack couldn’t help but sport a small chuckle. “Well ye scurvy dogs? What ye waitin’ fer? Gilda wants ta play!”
The clones didn’t need any further orders, and with a unanimous “Wheeee!” a dozen jumped gleefully to try and pin the griffon back down.
Gilda met this challenge with further roaring, smacking away the sea of bubblegum pink with well-placed backhanded punches and headbutts. Every maneuver seemed to flow right into the next, swinging an open talon to grab up an assailant only to continue through with the motion and throw her prey, hurtling into the doppelgangers.
Dash was not one to be left out of the action, however. Apparently, none of the Pinkies realized that Rainbow’s blades were more than accessories. Dash twisted her hooves around while Gilda distracted the room, cutting at the ropes around her hooves.
Jack’s attention was drawn back to Rainbow Dash as she sat up and began cutting at the bonds on her hind legs. Jack gave a devious smile and lifted her hooked hoof, raising the circle blade she carried to rest around her neck. She shook off her fake peg leg and hook and slowly began to walk over towards Dash, the chaos of the fighting Pinkie clones passing her like a river around a boulder.
Dash finished cutting herself free of her bonds just soon enough to see Jack bring herself onto her back legs and begin swinging the blade around her neck like a hula hoop. Rainbow threw herself back to avoid the attack and flipped out her own weapons to their ready position.
“Pinkie, what’re ya doing?” She threw up her weapons to block the sharp hoop, the steel clang beginning to start a strange beat as Jack picked up her speed, forcing Rainbow backwards. Dash couldn’t figure out what was happening, but what frightened her most was the look Pinkie had in her eyes.
She was having fun now.