//------------------------------//
// Chapter 8: Desire 
// Story: What the Heart Craves 
// by ocalhoun 
//------------------------------//

Chapter 8 – Desire

Silver Spoon tucked her scarf closer around her neck and hurried after Diamond Tiara. It had rained earlier in the morning, making everything cold and soggy.
“Keep up!” Diamond glared back at her. “We're late enough already.”
As she passed the two wood posts marking the edge of the school grounds, a strange feeling of déjà vu ran through her. She had never thought she would be taking orders from Diamond Tiara again, rushing to school at her side so they would arrive early enough to pick on their classmates before the bell rang.
Despite everything, she had become a pony full of delusions. She had Bella Rave to thank for that. She had Bella to thank for breaking those illusions, too.
It had seemed too good to be true with Bella ... and it had been. Silver had foolishly believed for a time that there were good ponies out there. Not anymore. Now she saw through the lie again: deep down inside, every pony was some kind of monster.
Diamond Tiara was a monster on the outside, but that was good. Silver always knew where she stood with her. Diamond could be harsh at times, but only when Silver deserved it. She was a steady anchor in Silver's life.
“Geez, Featherweight, have you been making yourself throw up again?” Diamond tossed her mane and smirked at the young stallion leaning near the school's door. “Somepony get this guy a sandwich!”
Featherweight shrank away, running one of his lanky forelegs across his body and glancing at the other ponies around.
Silver caught up as Diamond's cruel laughter faded, and the two of them walked into the school together. “Can't we move on from that, Diamond?” Silver glanced back at the double doors as they closed. “Couldn't we be nice instead?”
Diamond Tiara stopped, making Silver's blood run cold. She glared into and through Silver. “You have no room to talk! You're lucky I took a wimp like you back, even after you ran off with that slut. You're lucky I'm as nice as I am!” She stepped away again, flicking her tail in Silver's face. “Now do what you do best – what your dad taught you do to – shut up and take it!”
It sliced through Silver from one end to the other. But it was a familiar pain, comforting compared to what Bella had put her through.
“Oh, and speaking of worthless sluts!” Diamond strutted over to Bella Rave, cornering her in a nook of the crowded hallway.
Bella backed against the painted brick wall. Her eyes darted around, often coming to rest on Silver, but never staying long.
Diamond sneered at her. “Well, if it isn't Belly Rave, finally back at school? Did you think you could get your marefriend back, or are you just here to slut things up?”
Wincing, Silver shuffled up alongside. Diamond shouldn't have been so mean – Bella only acted so flirty because deep inside, she wanted to be noticed and desired. Not being wanted by her birth mother left a deeper scar than Bella would ever admit, Silver knew. But it was okay. Diamond was only doing this in an effort to cement herself as Silver's new lover. It was romantic, in its own way.
“Well, you can't have her back. Everypony knows Silver Spoon belongs to me now, and she told me everything.” Diamond grinned toothily. “So the only reason I can think of why you would ever show your ugly face again is—” she gave a mirthless giggle “—to whore yourself out for more dreamflower!”
By now, the tension had left Bella's face, and she wasn't shying away anymore. She rolled her eyes and even smiled.
That set Diamond Tiara's teeth visibly on edge. She turned and glared as Silver, her sneer overflowing with sharp disapproval. With a jerk of her head, she demanded participation.
Silver backed away a step. This wasn't what she wanted. She didn't want to hurt Bella ... but she knew her punishment would be harsh if she didn't. She stepped forward. As she had so many times before, she wore a mask of cruelty to hide her pain. “Yeah, um, Smack Slut, how's the baby coming along?” Despite everything, Silver did actually hope for an honest answer. She still wanted to know what Bella would do.
But Bella only cringed down, grimacing and staring up at Silver with wavering eyes, eyes that made Silver's heart want to abandon her body.
If the eyes were bad, the way Bella turned away, the way she stared at the tiled floor ... that hurt Silver worse. What had she done? What had she become? Bella didn't deserve any of this.
Diamond started chanting: “Smack Slut, Smack Slut – should have took it up the butt!” She grinned wide, tilting her head back and forth with every beat.
After a flicker of a glance, Silver knew she was expected to join in. “Smack Slut, Smack Slut – should have took it up the butt!” The more she chanted, the bigger and darker the hole inside her became ... but she kept chanting, watching her old lover crumble in front of her. Because the world was harsh. Because she had to. Because the only way to survive when surrounded by monsters is to be a monster.
Finally, Bella rose and pushed past them, tears streaming down her cheeks as she fled.
Silver had to suppress the urge to run after her, to hold her and tell her everything would be okay. But Silver knew her place in the world. She joined in with Diamond's harsh laughter as well as she could, though it sounded hollow even to her.
All around the hallway, her classmates looked at her.
Her laughter faltered and faded. She stared at the floor because she couldn't meet their eyes.


⁂


Bella shoved the front door of her house shut, wiping her tears away for the thousandth time. I hope my eyes aren't red.
She crept through the quiet house, the thick brown carpets making her hooves silent. Only the little glass knick-knacks her mom collected would see her on the way to her room ... if she was lucky. There was no sign of Lemon yet. Maybe she'd gone shopping. That would be a relief.
Something jumped from behind the couch.
The cat scratched at her leg, drawing thin red lines and moving in for a bite.
She kicked him savagely. She struck him with all the force of her despair and rage. It sent him tumbling across the room, howling as he flew. It was her revenge, striking back against a cruel and unfair world.
The cat darted away, still yowling.
“Bella!”
She froze when she heard Arpeggio's voice from the recliner. Dad's still home? Tingles ran down her spine. She was trapped now.
“Bella, that was extremely out of line! You could have—” He paused on his way to her, and he stared for a long moment. “What's wrong? Has something happened?”
He'll never understand. “It's nothing.”
As he came closer, his brow grew heavier. His eyes bored into her. “Are you sure? You seem to—”
“Nothing's wrong, Dad! Everything's just fine!”
He took a couple quick steps back, his eyes open wide. “Well ... okay...” Even after he returned to his recliner and raised his magazine back up, he kept staring at her.
Bella rushed to the stairs, slinking, feeling like she was slipping in through a door just before it closed. She did not want to find out what his reaction to her problems would be.
Lemon Hearts stood at the top of the stairs.
Bella's heart sank. After a long sigh, she climbed up.
“I can't keep it a secret forever, little Ravey,” Lemon whispered. “Things are hard enough in this marriage already.”
Why can't this just be over? Bella glanced away. She wanted to disappear into her room ... and stay there until all this disappeared too.
“You can't keep it a secret forever, either.” Lemon gave a significant look at Bella's body. “Not once you start showing.”
“Mom!”
“He has to be told. I can't keep going like this!” Lemon's voice hissed out the sharp whisper.
Bella glanced back down the stairs. “You know how he is. He'll never understand.”
“Bella.”
Sighing, Bella let her head droop. She was too drained to fight. “Okay, okay. But I'll tell him at my own time, okay?” She shook her head, feeling like she'd been carrying a mountain on her back all morning. “I just can't handle that right now.”
Lemon stared, pursing her lips. Her eyes pinched together a little. Finally, she relaxed. “Alright. I did make a promise, after all.”
Good old Mom. Bella wanted to give a smile, but the weak attempt didn't do much more than soften her frown. She brushed past her mom and slipped into her room before anything could be said.
She ended up sitting at her desk, without ever recalling any intent to do so. What now? The walls around her were still mostly bare. She could do something about that, at least.
Carefully, she slipped a plain white sheet of paper out of the drawer, and she picked up one of her favorite pencils.
Now ... what to draw? She stared at the blank page. What could she draw? Nothing was coming.
A sudden blast of muffled screams and drums through the wall announced that Ruby was awake, which was unusual this early in the day. The music pounded at her relentlessly.
Still, nothing came out. She never touched the pencil to the paper. She stared at it. How could Spoony have turned on me so quickly? But I saw her face. She still cares about me. She let the pencil touch the paper, still without the slightest idea about who she would draw. But then why would she say things like—
The door opened. Ruby Sheen walked in, uninvited. “Hey. Mom said you were home.”
So that's why he's up early.
“Look, I'm sorry about last night. That wasn't cool. Still, like I said before, you can't blame a colt for trying, right?” He paused, waiting for an answer that wasn't going to come. His eyes slid down her body and back up. “And you are fucking hot, after all.”
Strangely self-conscious, Bella tucked her tail in close and cringed away.
“Well, anyway, I wanted to say I'm sorry about that. I got a little too pent up and everything, and well ... whatever. Here...” His horn lit up, and a vial of red goo floated over to her desk. “Have some more smack, no strings attached.”
Bella stared at it, gritting her teeth. “No!” She picked up the vial and hurled it at his face.
Ruby caught it with his magic before it hit.
“I'm not doing that again, Ruby! I'm not going out with you anymore!”
He backed up a step. “What?”
“Mom was right! You're a bad influence on me.”
Ruby's face flashed through a dozen emotions, twisting his features in strange ways. He thrashed his head back and forth, and finally he stared her down. “Well fuck you too!” Whirling and stepping away, he slammed the door behind him.
Bella spent a long time staring at that door, her blank page forgotten next to her.


⁂


Diamond Tiara's bedroom hadn't changed since the last time Silver was there. Stuffed animals and pony dolls littered the bed, the dresser drawers overflowed with frilly lace, and posters for long-gone Canterlot plays hung on the walls. Yet, for all the cluster, there were no pictures, no photos ... except for one on the nightstand – of Diamond Tiara herself.
“Oh puh-leez,” Diamond said, rolling her eyes. “How can you still feel sorry for that tramp?”
The entire day at school, that had been the only conversation. Silver wished it could just end already. “I...” She sighed. “I just—”
Diamond jumped in close to where Silver sat on the bed, pushing in close. “Shut up and tell me you love me.”
“I love you.”
“You always have and you always will.” Diamond moved even closer.
Silver glanced away, toward the door. “I always have and I always will.”
Diamond Tiara grinned and pressed in, kissing Silver, pushing her down with the force of her lips. She pulled away slightly. “Show me how much you love me.” She slid up onto the bed next to Silver, spreading her legs and batting the stuffed animals out of the way.
“Diamond, I ... we just did it, just a few minutes ago.”
“Well, be a good little bitch and do it again!” Diamond grabbed Silver's mane in her hoof and shoved her head downward.
Silver struggled, pulling back, but she couldn't get her head out of Diamond's crotch. She could smell the scent of it and it made her gag. If only she was still with Bella. Those days had been good. Sex had been fun, not some twisted power game like it was with everypony else.
Diamond shoved Silver down relentlessly, smothering her head between those fuzzy pink legs.
Silver tilted her head up as much as she could. “Princess...”
“Less talking – more licking!” Diamond ignored her favorite pet name. “Don't make me get the whip!” Her eyes narrowed. “Or do you want it that way?”
Yanking back, Silver broke free. “No!”
Diamond rose up, a pink thunderstorm towering over Silver. “What?” She stalked Silver across the bedsheet, trampling a stuffed bear along the way. “Oh, your little ass is going to pay for this! I'm bringing out all the toys!”
Reaching the edge of the bed, Silver stopped, transfixed by the image of pure girlish wrath creeping toward her. This wasn't what she wanted. This wasn't good for her. “No!”
“I'm sure you'll be saying that a lot in the next few hours ... but that doesn't change anything.”
“No, I meant no!” Silver stood her ground. “I'm not doing any of that! I'm...” She faltered for a moment, the words sticking in her throat, but she pressed on. “I'm breaking up with you. This was a mistake.”
Diamond Tiara's mouth dropped open. For a few moments she could only stare.
Silver gulped.
In a lightning-fast movement, Diamond planted a hoof in Silver's chest and shoved her off the bed.
Silver landed on her side; she hadn't expected that. Pain flared from the ribs her father had bruised.
Standing over her like some ancient god of rage, Diamond sneered. “You worthless little worm! After all I've given you, after all I've done for you...” Her eye twitched. “Fine! Go! You're nothing without me – nothing!”
Rising to her hooves, Silver cautiously backed away.
“Get out of my house, whore! Run back to your drug slut! I hope your dad fucks you till you bleed!”
Silver darted out through the door and down the hallway. Her hooves skittered across the polished marble as she turned the corner. She bumped into a table, knocking over what was probably a priceless vase, but she kept going – all the way out the front door.
She didn't close it behind her.
Standing alone in the street among the posh houses, she panted. The sun was already setting and a cold breeze was blowing in. She felt sick, like she might throw up. Soon enough, she was shivering, too.
She was alone again. The only pony she had in the world was her father.
The thought of him boiled her stomach even more. She nearly retched onto the street. But she was alone.
She began her slow walk home; it wasn't far.
Where else could she go? Home was the only choice.