//------------------------------// // Chapter 10 // Story: Taboo // by Hooves Like Jagger //------------------------------// 10 Rainbow Dash stood there, commendably stoic considering the fervent tumult rising about her. Despite everything that had happened so far, despite all the stupidity and carelessness, despite blame falling so perfectly onto so many different heads, she at the moment found not even a single shred of anger in her present state. Time seemed to slow down as she accepted the inevitable, as it all came crashing in around her. Thunderhead stood next to her, appropriately shocked as he gazed out over the crowd gathered before the altar. In front of her, Taboo stood with captivated interest as she gazed into the dead center of the whole debacle. Hooves, tails, mane and fur flew every which way at the final climax of this entire disaster. There was hardly a spectator among them, everypony involved in one way or another down on the floor. It was an astounding sight to see, without a doubt. Rainbow Dash cast an eye to her left. A stubby legged dog stood and watched her, a small box secured in its jaws. She thought backwards, to how this all started. She thought back to that very morning. Rainbow Dash had barely slept last night. There was a laundry list of reason why, but the short version was that she knew she would be getting married once she woke up. A little excited and a little nervous, she had whittled most of the night away squirming about in anticipation. Waiting did not suit her, it never did. Thunderhead, on the other hoof, had managed to get in his rest before the big day. He seemed capable to sleep through everything and anything, something he had already abundantly proved to Rainbow Dash even before this week. In an attempt to temporarily adjust to not being nocturnal, he had been sleeping at the same time as her in the same bed for the time being. It had been awkward at first for Rainbow Dash, but she quickly discovered it was basically like sleeping next to a big rock. For the night, she was on her own to be frantic. Luckily, the morning brought with it a sympathetic soul. “Moooommy!” Taboo came bursting into the room. “It’s today! It’s today!” “Yeah, don’t remind me.” It wasn’t that Rainbow Dash wasn’t looking forward to it, but there was plenty to be worried about at the same time. Today wasn’t just the day she was getting married, but everypony who was going to attend would be showing up en masse today. For one reasons that still eluded Rainbow Dash, Thunderhead’s friends and close relations were only interested in hanging around the day of the wedding. Rainbow Dash’s folks had come into town early to help out and of course Rainbow Dash’s friends were around, but today the numbers would be practically tripled. It wasn’t going to be a huge crowd, but it was certainly going to be big enough for Rainbow Dash. “Let’s go! Let’s go!” Taboo shouted as she jumped up and down on her parent’s bed. Rainbow Dash wasn’t sure where Taboo was trying to get her to go, but she rolled out of bed anyway. Before moving to exit the room, she picked up the ladle and frying pan from next to her bed. She held them high over Thunderhead’s sleeping mass and began to smash the two metal objects together. “Hunh? Wha? I’m up!” Thunderhead shot up after a few good bangs, awake and alert. This was the only way to wake him up before he was ready that Rainbow Dash had found. Taboo complained that she didn’t like it, but it wasn’t really for her sake anyway. “C’mon, let’s get a move on,” Rainbow Dash said, discarding her wake-up implements. “We’ve gotta start getting ready before everypony starts showing up.” “Don’t you think we’re getting a little ahead of ourselves?” Thunderhead asked her as he reluctantly left the bed. “Nopony is going to show up until later.” “Somepony is here already,” Taboo said without missing a beat. Both of her parents gave her a look. “He’s downstairs.” Faster than a drop of a hat, the two adult pegasi took to their wings and made a beeline straight for the downstairs den. In a flurry of wind and upset furnishings, they both arrived at the lower floor in the blink of an eye to confront whatever intruder had managed to get inside the house. “Nice entrance.” There was an odd pegasus sitting in their kitchen, and he was eating their cereal. This was evidenced by the milk that was in his scraggily beard and moustache, and additionally by the fact that he had a bowl in front of him that he was eating from. He chewed laconically, completely unconcerned with the two ponies before him. “Uncle Chance?” Thunderhead asked, recognizing the old pony. “How the heck did you get in here?” “Door.” The bearded pony indicated to the front door, which stood securely shut and locked. “You broke in?” Thunderhead had a lot of questions for his uncle. “Kinda.” Cloudy Chance resumed staring at the pair while he chewed his cereal. There was no clear path to proceed at the moment. “There’s a tortoise in here.” “Uncle!” “Yeah, yeah, I get it.” The older stallion finally stood up faced the couple seriously. “Sorry for barging in unannounced, but the place was easier to find than I anticipated. I didn’t know where to go exactly, so I let myself in.” “You can’t just break into our house, Uncle,” Thunderhead said, but he followed this reprimand up with a defeated sigh. He already knew that there was no getting through to this pony. “Okay, introductions. Uncle Chance, this is my fiancée, Rainbow Dash.” “How’s it going?” Chance extended a hoof to shake, which Rainbow Dash reluctantly took. “Dash, this is my Uncle, Cloudy Chance. He’s a… he’s an eccentric.” “Hey, that’s no way to introduce your elder.” Chance’s counter was severely discredited by his previous behavior. “I’m not some eccentric, I’m a fortune teller.” “A fortune teller?” Rainbow Dash was surprised a pegasus would have that kind of occupation. Looking into the future was more of a unicorn kind of thing. “Of course. Would you like a reading right now?” Chance asked. “Well, I guess I wouldn’t mind ha-” “Dash, no,” Thunderhead said, taking his fiancée aside. “Do not get your fortune told by him.” “Why not? It’s just harmless fun, right?” The look on Thunderhead’s face said otherwise. “His fortunes have a way of… well, coming true.” “Seriously?” Rainbow Dash was surprised by how certain Thunderhead sounded. “That actually kind of makes me want a reading more.” “His fortunes are also generally incredibly bad.” “Oh?” Rainbow Dash could tell Thunderhead was being serious, even as ridiculous as his claims sounded. On any other day, she might have disregarded his council and gone ahead with it, but considering what was going on today she figured the last thing she needed was to jinx anything. “Okay, I guess I won’t let him tell my fortune then.” “Splendid, let us read your future then.” Rainbow Dash and Thunderhead turned around with a start to see Taboo and Chance sitting down at the table across from one another. Chance began shuffling his deck of card while Taboo sat quietly by with a big smile on her face. “Taboo!” Both of her parents immediately rushed to her side. “Uncle Cloudy is going to tell my future!” Taboo said, still smiling from ear to ear. “Taboo, what did you ask exactly?” Thunderhead asked, his terror clear from his tone; however, Taboo didn’t seem to pick up on it. She just giggled and continued smiling. “I asked about the wedding!” Thunderhead just looked at Rainbow Dash. He wanted to curse, but he couldn’t in the present company. He simply expressed this with his face, which worried Rainbow Dash quite some bit. “Oh, come on. It can’t be all that bad.” For some reason, Rainbow Dash wasn’t sure she even believed herself. “Let us begin.” Chance cut the deck and laid down three cards in front of Taboo. The family leaned over the cards, each one unsure what the arrangement meant. “Hmm… yes… I see. Ah, very good.” “Very good?” Rainbow Dash asked, hopeful. Thunderhead just shook his head though. “We’re probably doomed,” he said, translating his Uncle’s first assessment of the augury. “Here in your past we have the Wheel of Fortune, no doubt because many things in your life have been changing,” Chance said. It didn’t strike anypony as much of a prediction, considering how painfully obvious it was. “And here in the present we have the Four of Wands, which isn’t odd seeing as we have a wedding to celebrate today. We have the blessing of the universe to enjoy this day, for we have indeed earned it.” “Well, two out of three of them sound pretty good,” Rainbow Dash said aside to Thunderhead. “Maybe we’ll make it out okay.” “Don’t be so sure,” Thunderhead replied. “He hasn’t gotten to the future yet.” “And here in the future, we have The Tower.” “The Tower?” Taboo asked, examining the card as closely as she could. “The Tower?” Thunderhead parroted back at his Uncle. “The Tower?” Rainbow Dash didn’t know what was going on. “What? What’s The Tower?” “The Tower is the card of calamity,” Chance said, clarifying just how screwed everypony was. “It means you are about to experience an uncontrollable, outside force intersecting your own plans.” “Whoa, cool!” Taboo smiled and flitted her wings happily. She didn’t actually know what “calamity” meant. “Okay! That’s enough fortunetelling for one day!” Thunderhead said, pushing the three cards back to his Uncle, who grunted and began to reshuffle his deck. “Is everypony else on their way? Where are they? Why did they let you leave on your own? Don’t they know you cause nothing but trouble?” “Hey now, don’t shoot the messenger,” Chance said as he got up from the table. “If you’re so eager to see everypony, then I’ll go get them.” “Yes, please, that’d be actually helpful.” Thunderhead escorted his Uncle right out the door, locking it securely behind the older stallion. Once he was gone, he let out a loud groan. “I swear… that pony…” He turned around to see Rainbow Dash regarding him with a somewhat pained expression. “You don’t seem too fond of your uncle.” “No, it’s not like I hate him,” Thunderhead confessed, but his tone hardly inspired confidence in his fiancée. “He’s difficult sometimes. He’s superstitious, impulsive, awkward, hairy, and just generally weird. You don’t really know him yet, but maybe you’ll get where I’m coming from someday.” “This isn’t exactly how I pictured my first encounter with your family going,” Rainbow Dash said, sidling up to Thunderhead. “But hey, at least we got the quirky one out of the way.” “…” “What? What’s with that look?” Rainbow Dash asked as Thunderhead’s face twisted in knots. “Exactly how many weird family members do you have?” “Well… let me put it this way. Chance is my mom’s oldest brother. Between my mom’s older sister, my mom’s younger brother, and my dad’s younger sister, I’ve got fifteen cousins. Of those fifteen, twelve are Chance’s kids.” “What? Twelve?!” “They’re all vaguely reminiscent of him.” Thunderhead wasn’t sure if he meant that to be a warning or a comfort. At any rate, he had more to explain. “Some of them have kids too, so I don’t have to tell you that it totals up to quite a few ponies in the end.” “You could’ve mentioned you have a huge family!” Rainbow Dash said, a little put off that she was only learning about all this just now. She trusted Thunderhead to see to it that all his guests would be provided for, but now she wished she had played a more active role in that part of the planning. She had kind of wanted Thunderhead’s family to come on as a surprise, but this was much too surprising. That’s when Rainbow Dash had a thought. She turned back to where Taboo was animatedly chatting with Tank, who for his own part was at least acting like he was listening. Thunderhead watched her watch Taboo for a moment, wondering what gears were turning in her head. When Rainbow Dash turned back to him, her expression was not so tense as before. “Chance didn’t seem to mind Taboo at all. He just marched in and marched out without asking or saying anything. I know you write your folks pretty often, but did you write to him too?” “News gets around in our family,” Thunderhead said. “One of Uncle Chance’s good traits is that he doesn’t hate anypony for any reason. I’m not actually sure he can, especially not a young filly like Taboo.” “So… he’s okay with her?” Rainbow Dash said, her insecurity showing for a rare moment. “I’m not the black sheep in my family,” Thunderhead said, wrapping a hoof around her. “I think they would’ve been disappointed if Taboo wasn’t out of the ordinary. You don’t know this yet, but my folks already have a pretty high opinion of you.” “Oh, so no pressure then?” Rainbow Dash was not comforted at all to hear that his parents thought she was some kind of saint; however, she was relieved to hear that they weren’t going to cause a fuss over Taboo. “It’s times like these that make me happy that I’m the only child of two only children. It makes things much simpler.” “The simple days are over from here on out,” Thunderhead said. “I’m no fortune teller, but I foresee a change in your family tree.” Rainbow Dash slammed the doors behind her. Rarity and Fluttershy gawked at her as the rushed pony panted. It was awfully rare to see Rainbow Dash out of breath, but the two mares figured today could easily be that kind of day for her. They waited ever so patiently for her to catch her breath, knowing that she was no doubt going to explain herself. “Thunderhead’s family is huuuuuuge!” Rainbow Dash finally said. Her friends continued to stare at her, as if imploring her to go on. “We barely managed to get out of the house before a swarm of his cousins descended upon us!” “Oh please,” Rarity said, rolling her eyes. “It couldn’t have been all that bad.” “Eleven cousins Rarity! Complete with spouses and multiple children!” “That’s a lot of ponies,” Fluttershy said from where she sat near the window. She was the only pony sitting as Rarity set about making sure Rainbow Dash’s dress was ready to go. She wouldn’t gotten up, but her expansive belly didn’t really facilitate that. She didn’t do much trotting around these days what with the extra baggage. She stroked her own belly thoughtfully. “Big families aren’t so bad.” “That’s not even all of them.” Rainbow Dash continued her horror story. “It was getting so hectic out there I just had to make a break for it. I couldn’t keep up with all the introductions and pleasantries and all those ponies!” “And after today, you’ll be counted among them.” Rarity didn’t seem particularly phased. She carried on with her normal, quiet dignity. Fluttershy for her part didn’t seem too interested either. Rainbow Dash was all alone in her frantic panicking. “I’m starting to think I should’ve gone to meet them before today,” Rainbow Dash said, but nopony moved to correct her. Her friends might’ve even said she had just made a very good point, but there was no way Rainbow Dash was going to shoulder the blame today of all days. “This would be easier if I could just take them one at a time. This big family thing seems impossible.” “Speaking of family, where’s Taboo?” Rarity asked, showing some actual concern for the first time since Rainbow Dash had shown up. “You didn’t abandon her when you flew off, did you?” “… I didn’t abandon her.” Rainbow Dash had clearly omitted some information from that claim, information she sighed and finally conceded. “I left her with Thunderhead, but she’s in good company! His family is super eager to meet her!” “Well, it can’t really be helped now, can it?” Rarity said with a sigh. “We all knew today wasn’t going to go perfectly, so it’s good you’re getting these little snafus out of the way now.” “Yeah. If that’s all there is to it, I’d be happy.” “All there is to what?” Rarity asked. “Ah, it’s nothing,” Rainbow Dash said as she returned to matters at hand. Before they could get any further, there was a knock at the door. “Uh-oh, I hope it’s not the rest of Thunderhead’s family…” Since she couldn’t not open up the door, Rainbow Dash reluctantly walked back to the door and turned the knob. When the doors didn’t suddenly swing in under the weight of a thousand or so ponies pressing against it, Rainbow Dash let out the breath she’d been holding in. She opened the doors the rest of the way and revealed two familiar faces. “Hey there, Dash.” “Roseluck, Mac! Boy, am I glad it’s just you guys,” Rainbow Dash said, never happier to see the two farm ponies; however, it was more like three farm ponies with how far along Roseluck had come along in her pregnancy. Only Fluttershy rivaled her in terms of burden size. Even so, Roseluck was managing to be up and about as much as she could handle, so coming out today was absolutely no problem. “Were you expecting somepony else?” Roseluck asked. She couldn’t help but smile a bit at how clearly anxious Rainbow Dash was being right now. “Anyway, we just wanted to give you our congratulations before things really get underway. Try to keep from losing your cool until you’re at least walking up the aisle.” “I’ve got my work cut out for me,” Rainbow Dash said. “I can’t believe I’m marrying into a family with more cousins than you can count! Do you know what’s that’s like?” Roseluck just looked up at Big Macintosh, who casually looked the other way. “Oh, right.” Rainbow Dash’s revelation calmed her down a bit, seeing that Roseluck had survived her own ordeal. “The Apples have a pretty expansive family tree, don’t they?” “And don’t I know it,” Roseluck said, rolling her eyes but smiling all the while. She patted her belly and grinned at Rainbow Dash. “But big families love new additions. I’m sure they’re more than happy to be bringing you and Taboo into the fold.” “I’m happy they’re happy, but I wish they’d take it down a notch.” Rainbow Dash certainly couldn’t deny Thunderhead’s family’s eagerness to see her join them since they’d all been so demonstrative of it. Rainbow Dash loved attention, but these ponies were just a little too attentive. She wanted to meet all of them if she could, but the fact that they had attacked her basically all at once had thrown one rather complicated wrench into things. “I still haven’t had a chance to meet Thunderhead’s parents.” “Whoa, really? Isn’t that kind of something you should do?” Roseluck asked, wondering if she could overstate the importance. “His mom and dad aren’t just his family, but they’re his family” “What Roseluck is trying to say is that it isn’t just protocol to meet your fiancée’s parents, but just common sense,” Rarity said in an attempt to clarify and emphasize. “Maybe you should go track them down and say hello before we stick you in your dress.” “That’s risky business.” Rainbow Dash had to admit both Rarity and Roseluck had a point. She did feel somewhat uncomfortable going through with this without talking to Thunderhead’s parents at least once. She thought that maybe it was time to suck it up and just go through with it. “Alright, I’m going to go ba-” “Whoop! Nope, scratch that! We’ve got no time!” Rarity said as she suddenly yanked Rainbow Dash onto the dressing platform. “We’re behind as it is! You’ll just have to wait until after the proceedings to talk to them.” “But you said-” “Well I have changed my mind!” Rarity began the process of getting Rainbow Dash into her dress. “We’ll go see if we can find them for you,” Roseluck said, nudging Big Macintosh to go look for the parents of the groom. “We’ll send them your way so you can at least talk to them for a moment before things get underway. Would that be already, Rarity?” “As long as they don’t get in the way they can talk all they want,” Rarity said as she continued to busy herself with Rainbow Dash who wasn’t being the most cooperative client at the moment. Rarity couldn’t believe she was still fighting her on today of all days. “Hold still!” “I am!” Rainbow Dash was actually struggling not to struggle. Her instincts were too deeply engraved. It appeared a fierce battle was about to take place in the bride’s chamber. “Where did she run off to?” Thunderhead asked, but this time not about his fiancée. Taboo had just been standing next to him, but now she appeared to have completely disappeared. Considering how well that filly played hide and seek, he doubted his ability to find her in the steadily growing crowd. He didn’t have much time to linger around, so he scanned the wedding hall up and down and sideways for Taboo. His search didn’t turn up anything, at least it didn’t turn up Taboo. “Yo, Thundy! How’s it going?” “Soarin’, not now!” Thunderhead shouldered past the excited stallion and continued his search, but Soarin’ was not to be so easily refused. “I need to find Taboo.” “Taboo? Oh, I thought I saw her over in the lobby.” “Huh, what?” Thunderhead spun around towards the lobby. It was incredibly congested with guests, meaning even if Taboo was in there he wouldn’t be able to see her. “What’s she doing in there?” “Maybe she’s lobbying for something?” Soarin’ was disappointed to find his joke fell on disappointing ears. “Uh, how about I track Taboo down for you? You must have to get moving, don’t you?” “Soarin’ I wouldn’t task you with finding the bathroom.” “No, it’s cool! Let me handle it!” Soarin’ said as he darted off, leaving Thunderhead to wonder if he should actually leave it to the irresponsible stunt flier. He didn’t have to think very long about it, and quickly looked around for somepony more trustworthy. Looking around the room, he didn’t have a whole lot of options. He could see that filly who treated Rainbow Dash like a big sister with the weird name, but he still didn’t fully trust her after the last time she foalsat. He could also see that pegasus who might be Rainbow Dash’s friend or something who went out with the morning guard for a very brief space of time, but he didn’t want to talk to her and run the risk of getting hit on. He spotted a third viable option, and even though he really didn’t want to go with it he couldn’t see anypony else he wanted to ask for help. “Hey, Pinkie Pie.” The moment he spoke, the party pony spun around and instantly blew a party horn into his face. It was basically what he expected to happen. “Can I ask you a favor?” “You want me to go find Taboo?” “I want you to go fi-huh?!” “Suuure thing!” Pinkie Pie bounced off at once to find her quarry, and oddly enough she bounced off towards the lobby of all places. “… Oh… I hope I’ve done the right thing.” “Well, I can certainly understand that sentiment.” Every hair on Thunderhead’s neck stood on end. He whipped around all the way and threw a salute. “Sir!” “I’m still retired, son. At ease,” the grey stallion behind Thunderhead said as he rolled his eyes. “Shouldn’t you be getting ready?” “I was about to go do that!” Thunderhead had not eased up at all. “I just had to take care of something first.” “You should be taking care of getting married,” the stallion said, his tone hardly conducive to easing Thunderhead’s worries. “Your mother and I are still hoping to meet our future daughter-in-law before the proceedings. Is there still any chance of that?” “Oh, Hardy. Don’t be so tough on the boy. It’s not like we came out to visit ourselves before today.” Thunderhead’s mother nudged his father, smiling the whole while. Her husband grimaced a little, but said nothing. She turned her attention to her son. “We’re excited to meet her, really. We’re also excited to meet our grandchild. I keep telling your father we should have visited sooner.” “No, it’s fine. I know you’re busy,” Thunderhead said to his mother. “I’m just happy you could make it today.” “Bark bark!” Thunderhead started when he noticed there was a third presence among his parents. He looked down at the floor and noticed there was a little dog posted at his father’s side. “Y-you got a dog?” “Don’t be so surprised, boy! You’re the one who got a wife and kid all of a sudden,” his father said without missing a beat. “And yes, we got a dog.” “His name is Pretzel!” His mother exclaimed, but Thunderhead was still examining the dog in question. It had stubby little legs, big pointy ears, but no tail to speak of. “Your father thought it would be nice to have something to look after now that our little colt is all grown up.” “You got this dog, dad?” Thunderhead asked, getting a nod from his father. “I never took you for the toy breed type.” “Welsh Corgis are not toy dogs!” his father yelled. He cleared his throat and calmed down a bit. “They’re herding dogs.” Thunderhead decided it was best not to pursue the subject any further. “Anyway, I’m glad I ran into you two before the ceremony. I was hoping to ask you about-” “Don’t worry, we brought it,” his mother said as she suddenly cut in. “Your father has it in his bag. Hardy, won’t you give it to him?” “Hmph.” Thunderhead’s father turned up his nose. “I wanted to wait until we met the mare our son is marrying before forking this over. I don’t see why I should change my mind now.” “Oh, don’t be like that Hardy,” mother said, cuddling up to her husband. “If you give it to him now, you can show him that cool trick you taught Pretzel.” Thunderhead’s father lit up all of a sudden. “Well, I suppose now is an opportune time.” The stallion turned to his little dog, who looked up at him with glassy eyes and lolling tongue. “Pretzel, get the box!” On command, the short little dog hopped up on its hind legs and stuck its snout in his master’s bag. After a few moments of ruffling around, the dog jumped down with a little box in its jaws. Thunderhead had to admit he was kind of impressed his father had trained Pretzel to do something like that, but then again it made a lot of sense that his father would try and do something like that. “Alright Pretzel, you can give it to my son now.” Thunderhead’s father gave the command, but Pretzel didn’t spring into action this time. He looked up at his master and tilted his head a little to the side. “Pretzel, give it!” Another command got another sideways look. The little doggy cogs in Pretzels head spun round and round until he finally reached some kind of conclusion. “H-hey!” Thunderhead was powerless to watch as Pretzel bolted off without a single bit of warning. Although he was impressed that a dog with such short legs could move so fast, he was also mortified that it was moving that fast with his prize secure in its jaws. “Come back, Pretzel!” “No, hold on! I’ll get him!” Thunderhead’s father said before trotting after his dog. “If his master doesn’t do it, he’ll never learn!” Before anypony could contest, a grown stallion was off chasing a tiny dog while calling “Pretzel” over and over. “Oh dear. I’d better help your father with this,” Thunderhead’s mother said as she started to go. “We’ll catch him before things start, so don’t worry about a thing! You just go get ready!” As much as Thunderhead wanted to not worry about a thing, things were getting noticeably worrisome. He decided to just leave things in the somewhat capable hooves of his father, his mother, Pinkie Pie, Soarin’. He thought that between the four of them they could surely get everything in order. “Oh, this isn’t gonna end well, isn’t it?” Taboo searched around nervously. If she had come into contact with the phrase “young and careless” that’s what she’d be calling herself. All she could do now is hope she could find right her wrong before the ceremony got underway, assuming the ceremony could get underway now. She worried about it as she crawled under another table to continue her search, but she didn’t find what she was looking for under here either. She was much better at hiding than seeking. Maybe if she knew what she was looking for looked like it would really help her out. She emerged out from under the table. Taboo was running out of places to look. She wondered if it was somewhere up high, which would necessarily help her. She gave her wings a few defeated flaps, knowing full well she wasn’t going to get airborne anytime soon. Her search was restricted to the ground, but she couldn’t let that discourage her. Squinting her eyes, she tried to find somewhere she hadn’t looked yet. “Ah, there!” Taboo darted off towards the ladies’ washroom. It was entirely possible it got lost in there. She scampered across the hall’s floor and into the washroom by weaving between some mare’s legs on the way in. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary upon her arrival. The floor was kind of dirty though, she Taboo hoped it hadn’t been lost in the restroom. It struck her that it might’ve been lost in the stallion’s washroom, but she wasn’t allowed in there. Defeated, Taboo hung her head and turned to leave. *bonk* “Ah, whoops! Sorry” Taboo apologized automatically for bumping into what was clearly somepony else’s hoof. She looked way up at the pony she had bumped into, but she didn’t recognize the mare. In fact, she had never seen a mare quite like this one. At first glance she just seemed like another pegasus, but there was something specific about this mare that Taboo couldn’t help but notice. “You’re pretty.” “Well, thank you,” the mare said, smiling down at her. “Such a polite young filly. You must be Taboo.” “You know my name?” Taboo was absolutely sure she’d never ever met this pony before. She was certain she would’ve remembered meeting her. She couldn’t think of any reason that this strange mare would know let alone recognize her. “Yes, we’re going to be… well, cousins after today,” the mare said, struggling to explain the technicalities. She got down on Taboo’s level and tried her best. “I’m Thunderhead’s cousin, so that would make you my first cousin once removed.” “First cousin once removed?” Taboo cocked her head to the side. “I’ve never had a cousin before. You’re my first one?” “Oh, well-” “And why did they removed you?” Taboo asked, cocking her head to the other side. “Did you do something bad?” “It’s not quite like that,” the mare said, chuckling to herself. The terminology barely made sense to her. “Let’s just stick to cousins, okay?” “Okay.” Taboo was still far off from satiated in her curiosity. “I won’t tell anypony you were removed.” “Oh, how sweet of you. Thanks,” the mare said, genuinely thankful until she realized what exactly the filly was saying. She shook it off and continued on. “Let me introduce myself. My name is Kitywalk. My friends just call me Kitty!” “What do your cousins call you?” “Oh, my cousins are my friends too, silly!” Kitty was impressed at how simultaneously sharp and simple this filly was. It kind of reminded her of a younger version of a certain cousin of hers. “I have a good feeling we’re going to get along just fine.” “Uh, Kitty, why are you talking to a filly on the bathroom floor?” Kitty and Taboo looked over at a third pony who had entered the washroom. Taboo stared up at this second mare while Kitty looked down and realized she was down on her haunches on the dirty bathroom floor. “Is she my cousin too?” Taboo asked, noting a vague similarity between the two mares. “Ah, yes! This is my little sister, Gale!” Kitty said as she stood back up. “Dr. Nightingale,” Gale said, snapping back at her sister. She then turned to Taboo. “Only my friends call me Gale.” “But I’m your siiister!” Kitty began to whine, but Gale didn’t bat an eyelash. “I fail to see your point.” Gale didn’t even spare her sister a look back. She stayed focused on Taboo. “You, Taboo, may call me Gale if it pleases you.” “Oh, okay.” Taboo had no idea she was so famous. Had she known so many interesting ponies knew about her, she would make it a point to spend more time with them. Of course, she would have to ask permission from her mother. “C’mon Gale, don’t be meeeean.” “Please excuse my sister,” Gale said, still not looking at her sister. “She might’ve gotten all the looks, but she got none of the brains. Airheaded models like her are prone to triviality.” “What’s a model?” Taboo had to ask, seeing as she didn’t understand anything Gale had just said. “They get paid to be pretty.” Gale summed it up very curtly, but Kitty was quick to enter her rebuttal. “It’s more than being pretty!” she said. “I mean, I have to wear lots and lots of nice clothing and show it off in front of ponies. I also have to get my picture taken by professional photographers all the time! I have to meet all these celebrities and don’t get me started on all the ads ponies want me to be in. Not to mention that it takes a lot of work to maintain this figure!” “Oh, yes. Why don’t you try and lecture a doctor about the difficulties of maintaining your weight? I’m sure they will believe every last heartbreaking piece of it.” “You’re always so mean! You should respect your older sister,” Kitty said, stamping her hoof in protest. She looked to Taboo for support. “You think being a model sounds fun, don’t you Taboo?” “It does sound like fun!” Taboo still wasn’t exactly clear on what a model was, but being pretty sounded easy enough to her. “As fascinating as all of this is, holding it in is bad for my kidneys,” Gale said. “Oh, right, I came in here to pee!” Kitty said, having forgotten all about it after running into Taboo. “The ceremony should be starting soon! We’d better hurry.” “The ceremony is starting soon?!” Taboo asked, suddenly reminded of her previous task. “Sorry, but I have to keep looking!” Before either Gale or Kitty could ask what she was looking for, Taboo was out of the restroom. Now was not the moment to get distracted. She only had a little time before the ceremony started without an essential part of the proceedings. Taboo looked around frantically, hoping for a break in the case. “Bark bark!” Taboo looked over to her left. Across the hall, there was a dog with pointy ears staring right at her. It just stood there, panting. Taboo cocked her head to the side. The dog responded in kind. Taboo had to admit that it was a very cute dog, but then something else caught her attention. The dog leaned down and picked up a little box with its jaws. “Ah, there it is!” Taboo wasn’t actually entirely sure, but it made sense that if her mommy had lost it that a dog might have taken it. For all she knew it was very easy for dogs to take it, but she knew very little on the subject anyway. Before she could collect her thoughts, the little dog bolted away. “No! Come back!” Just like that, the chase was on. Thunderhead paced around nervously in the lobby. According to the ushers, everypony was seated in the hall. The ceremony was mere minutes away from starting, but according to his sources there were still a number of things amiss. First and foremost, he still wasn’t quite sure where Taboo had gotten off to. He had heard from different ponies that she was here and there, but so far Thunderhead hadn’t heard back from either Pinkie Pie or Soarin’ on the matter. As far as anypony could remember, neither pony had even been seen recently; however, Thunderhead was more worried about the fact that the Welsh Corgi called Pretzel and his new chew toy were still at large. To top it all off, he just got some very concerning news from his best man. “I mean, he said I shouldn’t worry too much, right? Once you hit rock bottom, there’s only one way to go, right? Up? Things will get better, right?” Sprout said, pacing even more nervously than Thunderhead. “Sprout, I need you to answer the question,” Thunderhead said, trying to get the stallion’s attention back. “How long has my uncle been telling ponies’ fortunes?” “I’ve got bigger things to worry about, man!” Sprout said, scratching his head. “Besides, it’s not like I was keeping track. All I know is that ponies were lined up by the time I heard about it.” “Drat! I’ve got enough to worry about right now!” Thunderhead gritted his teeth and tried to think. He had noticed that everypony seemed on edge all of a sudden. It was as if a strange, unexplainable miasma had fallen over the hall which could only be explained by Uncle Chance. There was no way many of the guests present could’ve known what they were in for when they sat down for a session with him. “I’m going out on a limb and guessing that everypony asked about love and relationships.” “I know I did,” Sprout replied. “It just seemed appropriate.” “It’s never appropriate to get your fortune told by him.” As much as Thunderhead wanted to tell himself that his Uncle’s fortunes were a bunch of bunk and the fortune from this morning wasn’t going to come true, he could hardly do that as it seemed to be coming true right before his eyes. Taboo was missing, a Corgi was running loose somewhere, and now most of the wedding guests are questioning their own love lives. Thunderhead figured that the best thing he could do is try and not imagine how things could get any worse. “Uh, Thunderhead? We’ve got a problem.” “Yeah, I already know,” Thunderhead said, turning around to see who was stating the obvious. To his absolute horror, he found himself looking at Applejack supporting two familiar faces who appeared to be having trouble standing up straight. “Oh, hey there Thunderhead!” Birdie said, waving at where Thunderhead approximately was. The older stallion had a drunken smile spread from ear to ear as he slurred over his words. “I did it. I’m finally ready!” “Oh please, Celestia, no.” “Ah am real sorry ‘bout this Thunderhead,” Applejack said, straining under the weight of Birdie along with Palette on her opposite side. Palette, for her part, also appeared completely plastered. “It seems Mr. Dash here was a bit nervous ‘bout givin’ his only daughter away. Ah thought a little cider would loosen him up, buuuuut…” “A little turned into a lot?” Thunderhead could put all the pieces together already. “And I guess his wife just couldn’t let him wallow alone?” “Oh, I am not drunk!” Palette protested against a nonexistent accusation, not realizing she had just said exactly what drunk ponies usually say. “I haven’t gotten drunk in years! Why… I can’t even remember the last time I got drunk. Can’t remember much of anything really! Did the wedding start yet?” “Huh? No, it can’t start without me!” Birdie said, getting onto his own hooves somehow. “I gertta job to do!” His slurring was only getting worse, which did not inspire confidence in Thunderhead. “I’ll get Mrs. Dash to her seat, can you take care of Mr. Dash until you go in?” Applejack asked, not that she was giving Thunderhead many other options. All he could do was nod his consent and give Birdie a shoulder to lean on. “Well, when it rains it pours,” Thunderhead said to himself. Birdie mumbled something in response, but Thunderhead ignored him. There were too many other things to think about currently. He realized that as per tradition he hadn’t seen Rainbow Dash since she went to get ready, but that also meant she might have no idea what’s going on either. He figured he couldn’t let her fly blind into this storm. “Sprout, keep an eye on this for me!” Thunderhead passed Birdie onto Sprout and flew out of there before his friend could argue with him. He winged his way to where Rainbow Dash was getting ready and pounded on the door. “Twilight? Is it time to go now?” Rarity asked from behind the door. “It’s me.” “Thunderhead? You’re not allowed in here! It’s bad luck to see the bride before the ceremony!” “Considering the luck we’ve been having, bad luck would be a chance for the better.” “What?” “Look, can I just talk to Rainbow Dash for a second?” Thunderhead asked, but he didn’t get an immediate response. He waited for what felt like a full two minutes before Rarity finally answered him. “If something is wrong, I’ll take care of it. No need to bother Rainbow Dash with it.” “I’m not sure there is anything you can do about it,” Thunderhead said. He still wanted to talk to Rainbow Dash, but he figured Rarity still needed be convinced that this was an emergency. “Taboo is running loose somewhere in the hall along with a Corgi. The guests are in a bad mood because of bad fortunes and Rainbow Dash’s dad is really drunk.” “Wait, what? Hold on,” Rarity said, clearly confused by everything he had just said. “Taboo is where? And what’s a Corgi? What is this about bad fortunes?” Before Thunderhead could explain further, he was interrupted by the worst possible news at that moment. “It’s time to get started,” Twilight said, coming up behind Thunderhead. “B-but! We’re still not ready!” Thunderhead said, but Twilight wasn’t really listening to him. She was following the schedule, and nothing could keep Twilight from following a schedule. “Thunderhead, it’ll be fine,” Rarity said from behind the door. “I’m sure this Corgi business will resolve itself. It’s just your nerves talking.” “I don’t think you ladies fully understand.” “Time to get over your cold hooves, Thunderhead.” Twilight still wasn’t listening. Rarity opened up the door for the princess and she slid inside, but not without issuing one last order. “Get on out there. You’ll be married before you know it.” With that, the door shut behind her. Thunderhead swallowed his fear and headed back towards the lobby. Part of him kept telling himself that everything could still go as planned, but the other part had resigned to just watch the whole thing to up in flames. “Why do you smell like cider?” “Because I’ve been drinking it,” Birdie whispered back to his daughter as he led her up the aisle. When they arrived at the foot of the alter, they both stopped. Actually, Rainbow Dash stopped and then managed to keep her father from drunkenly walking any further. “Who gives this mare to be wed to this stallion?” “Oh, uh, I do!” Birdie managed to say with minimal stuttering and slurring. He stood there awkwardly for a moment while Rainbow Dash continued to join Thunderhead at the altar before Big Macintosh sprang up and guided him back to his seat. “Dearly beloved,” the minister began the ceremony, but the main participants weren’t really paying attention. “Is my dad drunk?” Rainbow Dash whispered to Thunderhead. “Huh, what?” “Oh, Celestia, you’re not drunk too, are you?” “Oh, no no no no! It’s just… you look… wow,” Thunderhead managed to whisper, recovering from his brief bout of shock. It was a bit much to see the mare he loved, who dressed up about as often as it rains upwards, appear before him as a vision in white. Rarity had even talked her into a modest amount of makeup and pulled her mane back into an elegant braid. Thunderhead couldn’t avoid staring into her eyes, which was making his heart pound right up against his ribcage. “Like what you see?” “I’m really glad I’m the one marrying you.” Thunderhead wasn’t completely sure what he was saying anymore. He just wanted to stare at the beautiful mare who was about to become his wife. He let that perfect moment just hang as long as he could. “Yeah, but your dad is completely wasted.” “And what was that about a Corgi and Taboo?” Rainbow Dash asked. “I couldn’t hear what you were saying, but Rarity sounded confused about something.” “Both Taboo and Pretzel are MIA.” “Pretzel? Huh?” Rainbow Dash wanted to inquire further, but she realized there was something more wrong at the moment. “Where’s Taboo?” “She’s been running around the hall all day it seems,” Thunderhead explained. “I sent Soarin’ and Pinkie after her, but neither of them returned.” “They didn’t find her?” “Well, yeah, that’s the thing. When I say ‘neither of them returned,’ I mean that they’re missing too. Some of my cousins said that they saw her in the bathroom, though.” “Oh, typical Taboo,” Rainbow Dash said, rolling her eyes. “Holding everypony up in the bathroom. So much for the perfect wedding.” “At least we tried?” Thunderhead tried to find the silver lining, but realized he completely missed the mark. “Hey, we’re still getting married.” “I know, right?” Rainbow Dash said as if she’d only just remembered. “I actually thought this day would never come, for different reasons at different times.” “I’m glad it’s here,” Thunderhead said, reaching over and taking Rainbow Dash’s hoof. “We can all finally be a proper family.” “I think we’ve been a proper family for a while now,” Rainbow Dash said, smiling back at her fiancée. It wouldn’t be much longer before she would be calling him husband. It felt strange, but she wasn’t scared. Despite all the weird things going on, and despite all the bumps along the way, she felt certain about this. There was nothing left in the way. “If anypony has any reason these two ponies should not be joined together, let them speak now or forever hold their peace.” The doors to the lobby suddenly flew open, causing everypony in the hall to turn around. They were all surprised to find that there was nopony standing in the open doorway. Puzzled, they all turned back to the ceremony. “Hold on!” Everypony turned back to the doors to see Taboo come scampering in. She dashed all the way up the aisle and climbed the stairs to the altar. Rainbow Dash and Thunderhead had no idea what to make of this development. “Do you have a reason these two ponies should not be wed?” “I do!” Taboo shouted. Every last pony in the hall gasped. Some ponies even gasped twice, such was this turn of events. “Mommy lost something she can’t get married without!” “I did?” “She did?” “She did!” Taboo looked absolutely sure, but once again Rainbow Dash and Thunderhead had no idea what to say. “I heard ponies talking about it this morning! They said because mommy had me she lost something and can’t get married in white.” “Uh… oh.” Rainbow Dash felt everything slide into slow motion. She vaguely recalled overhearing a conversation of that nature this morning. She wanted to stop Taboo from saying what it appeared she was about to say, but it was already far too late. “Mommy lost her virginity!” Taboo’s words echoed in the silent hall. Nopony dared move. Nopony even breathed. “We can’t go on until we find it! We have to-mphmpgh!” “OoooooOOOOoookay! That’s enough out of you!” Rainbow Dash said, stifling her daughter. Taboo struggled to get out her argument, but she couldn’t free herself from the vice grip. “Can we get on with this?” “Hey! I thought you still had that!” Birdie said, standing up with a start. He wobbled around a bit from standing up so fast, but managed to stay steady enough to raise a ruckus. “I thought I raised you better than that!” “Dad!?” “Whoooooo!” Palette cheered, clearly playing for the opposite team. “You go girl!” Neither of Rainbow Dash’s parents were acting their age. Unfortunately, this caught the attention of a party separate from Rainbow Dash and Thunderhead. “Would you two please sit down!” Hardy said, standing up himself. “We’re in the middle of a ceremony, if you don’t mind.” “Who the heck are you?” Birdie wasn’t in the mood to be trifled with, even though he wasn’t exactly sure he was being trifled with; however, that wasn’t a risk he was about to take. “You can’t tell me what to do!” “Sit down, sir!” Hardy shouted, not yielding from his point. “Honey, just let it go,” his wife said, trying to calm him down. “Dear, please, let me handle this.” Hardy, against basically everypony’s better judgement, marched right across the aisle to where Birdie was. “Sit down before I seat you, sir!” Even though there was still plenty of room for threats to go back and forth, the mixture of alcohol and male pride running through Birdie’s veins caused him to skip right to the part where he winds up and punches Hardy straight in the jaw. That was basically the moment the whole hall erupted into a brawl of sorts, with Hardy and Birdie comprising the center of the battle like two gladiators in an arena. Up on the altar, ponies could only watch. Thunderhead was mortified, Taboo was somewhat thrilled by the whole thing, and Rainbow Dash was for some reason more interested in the appearance of Pretzel over on the side. She turned towards the dog and reached out a hoof towards it. Pretzel, like the loyal dog he was, come plodding over on his stumpy little legs. While Thunderhead and Taboo kept watching the riot, Rainbow Dash managed to coerce the box from Pretzel’s jaws with a few scratches behind the ear. She opened the box up while Pretzel leap on top of Taboo and began licking her mercilessly. “What are these?” Rainbow Dash asked herself as she removed the two pieces of paper lodged inside the little box. Thunderhead noticed that Taboo was currently giggling and wrestling with Pretzel, and then he noticed that Rainbow Dash had preemptively opened the box. She turned to him, her look obviously searching for an explanation. “Ah, those.” Thunderhead was actually more concerned about the free for all occurring two yards away, but he figured there was no way to stop it at anyway. “Okay, I know you said you were against a Honeymoon, but I kind of pulled some strings.” “You mean, these are-” “Tickets to a resort in Coltacabana. It’s only a week, but-” “Only a week?” Rainbow Dash’s tone somewhat confused Thunderhead. She didn’t sound upset as he suspected she might’ve been, but rather she sounded a bit overwhelmed. “After all of this, it’s going to take more than a week on the beach to restore my sanity. Current events withstanding, I think I’ve changed my mind about a Honeymoon. We need to get out of here.” “… Sounds good to me.” Thunderhead and Rainbow Dash linked forelegs and turned back to the minister, who seemed somewhat unimpressed by all the chaos. “Let’s just… keep going.” “… I suppose I’ll just wrap this up then. Let’s just go with the short version,” she said. She waited for Taboo to take up the Mare of Honor position next to her mother and for Pretzel to fill the Best Stallion position next to Thunderhead, but once that was done she cleared her throat and continued. “Do you, Thunderhead, take Rainbow Dash to be your lawfully wedded wife despite the fact that doing so has caused a riot to break out between your friends and family.” “Even if you put it like that, the answer is ‘I do.’” “And do you, Rainbow Dash, take Thunderhead to be your lawfully wedded husband even though your daughter irreversibly embarrassed you on this incredibly important day in front of pretty much every pony you’ve ever known and now your official witness will probably have to be this small dog?” “Bark bark!” “You’ll get no answer from me but ‘I do.’” “Then I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride.” Rainbow Dash and Thunderhead went ahead and kissed each other, but the current situation didn’t merit lingering on it. Now officially husband and wife, they turned and looked out at the crowd of fighting ponies. “… I know I shouldn’t say it… but I think I’m going to say it,” Rainbow Dash said. Thunderhead just shrugged, knowing full well what she was talking about. Rainbow Dash turned to the crowd and spoke as sarcastically as she could. “How could this get any worse?” A blood curdling scream ripped through the entire hall. Everypony stopped what they were doing to follow it to its source in an isolated corner where Time Turner had been fending off ponies with a chair; however, Turner had dropped his chair too as he was nearly deafened from having the actual source scream almost directly in his ear. “Oh, I’m sorry everypony,” Fluttershy said, instantly apologetic for some reason. “I didn’t mean to disturb you all, but I think I’m having a foal.” “H-huh? R-r-r-r-really?” Time Turner asked, instantly at his wife’s side; meanwhile, Rainbow Dash, Thunderhead, and Taboo marveled at the sudden turn of events. “Okay… now I have to wonder how it could get any worse,” Thunderhead said, but his query was answered in yet another load groan from the other pregnant mare in the room. “Oh-ho boy! Hold on, I think I’m having a foal too!” Roseluck shouted. “Bark bark!” “You said it, Pretzel.” Thunderhead patted the dog on the head while Rainbow Dash kept Taboo from shouting out the phrase that seemed to be perpetuating all the trouble. As the two mares going into labor were quickly shuttled out of the hall by their respective husbands, the rest of the crowd began picking up the mess they’d made. “We should probably get on over to the reception hall.” “No argument there. C’mon Taboo, let’s try and salvage this whole thing.” “Sale-vage?” Taboo didn’t know what that meant, but she could sense what her mother was trying to say. “This has been the best wedding ever!” The statement shocked Thunderhead and Rainbow Dash, who wondered if Taboo had finally figured out sarcasm. The filly seemed earnest though, smiling from ear to ear as they wandered into the lobby. “That much fun, eh?” Rainbow Dash asked. “It was the most exciting boring part ever!” Taboo said, clarifying what had made this whole experience so wonderful. “How could it get any worse!” Before Rainbow Dash could scold her for jinxing things, the coat closet next to the entrance suddenly burst open as a beast with two backs covered in coats tumbled out. The two ponies managed to spring out of their embrace and stand up. “Pinkie? Soarin’?” “Hey Dash! Hey Thundy!” Soarin’ was acting somewhat bashful, and the reason why was pretty clear to Rainbow Dash and Thunderhead. Taboo, on the other hoof, was completely confused. Soarin’ put a hoof around Pinkie Pie, whose limp mane and flushed expression seemed completely out of character. She was still smiling, but it was a bashful smile that looked like it might’ve been borrowed from Fluttershy. “Uh, this is my new marefriend, Pinkie Pie! We kind of hit it off back in Cloudsdale, and then we hit it off again even more back here… aaaand yeah.” “… Congratulations?” Rainbow Dash was officially done that day. The front lawn of Ponyville General Hospital had never been the venue of a wedding reception before, but Rainbow Dash supposed that there was a first time for everything. With the number of ponies who needed a bit of medical attention after the ceremony, it was prudent for them to move the reception somewhere the injured could easily limp back to the group. On top of that, many of the wedding goers wanted to be nearby for the two births that were currently still underway. As much as Rainbow Dash wanted to jump on the train and get out of Ponyville for a good long while, she was remiss to leave before at least receiving word about her friends’ foals. All in all, the reception was actually going much better than Rainbow Dash expected. She thought for sure things would go downhill when the wedding band refused to come play on the venue, but things then took a sudden turn for the better. Apparently a local funk band had been admitted into the burn ward after an incident involving botched pyrotechnics a little while back, and when they heard there was a band-less reception outside jumped at the chance to perform. The arrangements were made blindly fast, and the result was the bandaged band finally getting to stretch their musical legs. The brawl had also served to alleviate a lot of tensions between guests. The animosity that had risen to the surface due to a strange fusion of fortune-telling and punch-drunkeness turned into a strong comradery between ponies. Everypony was eager to just let bygones be bygones and get to know the stranger who had knocked the wind out of them. There was a liberal smattering of black eyes, but spirits were high anyway. In fact, Rainbow Dash was wishing the spirits were just a little lower. “Ohmygawd, Rainbow Dash!” Cloudchaser suddenly assaulted Rainbow Dash’s eardrums with her greeting. “Congrats on your wedding!” “I don’t actually remember inviting you,” Rainbow Dash said, trying to get Thunderhead to dance away from her. Unfortunately, Cloudchaser had brought an ally. “Yeah, congrats to you both!” Sprout somehow managed to say with Cloudchaser practically dancing in every ounce of his personal space. He didn’t seem to mind. “Thanks man. I’m sorry my cousin broke a chair over your head.” Thunderhead had been giving out a lot of apologies. Apparently, some of his cousins were pretty accomplished wrestlers. They hadn’t escaped without some scratches, but the damage down was much more than the damage received. “Oh, it’s okay. I feel much better now,” Sprout said, as if nopony could see the bandage wrapped around his head. “Besides, I wouldn’t have gotten to meet Cloudchaser if it wasn’t for that melee.” “Yeah… sorry.” “Hm? What was that?” “Uh, yeah, that’s cool.” Thunderhead suddenly understood what “rock bottom” meant for Sprout. “C’mon Sprout, let’s go dance over there!” Cloudchaser said, pulling her date away from the crowd to where nopony was dancing. Thunderhead and Rainbow Dash tried not to think about what they were going to do once they got there. “Maybe we should’ve had a tiny ceremony. Think of all the money we could’ve saved,” Rainbow Dash said, but Thunderhead could tell she wasn’t anywhere near serious. She had enjoyed this whole thing, even if she had to enjoy certain parts in retrospect. She glanced over to where Taboo was spending time with some of the younger kids of Thunderhead’s cousins. She looked so happy, playing like any other filly. Rainbow Dash leaned her head into Thunderhead’s chest and continued watching. She thought she could perhaps tolerate Ponyville for a little while longer. Besides, she didn’t want to break the news to Taboo that she would be leaving her with her parents for a whole week starting tonight. That news could wait a little longer. “Uh… ah-hem.” Thunderhead suddenly snapped to attention, nearly causing Rainbow Dash to drop to the floor. When she got her bearings back, she turned to see the group of ponies who had just walked over. “Hello sir!” “At ease, son,” Hardy said. He still looked like a complete mess, but at least he looked like a bandaged up mess. He might’ve looked a little better if he didn’t look quite so nervous. “I… uhm… I guess I just wanted to say… well… congrats.” “Hey! We decided on apologizing first!” Birdie said, who also looked like a total mess. Rainbow Dash had to suppress a snicker when she noticed part of his moustache appeared to be missing. He seemed to be sober now, so he was probably red due to embarrassment. “That got way out of hoof because of me. I can’t apologize enough for attacking the father of the groom at my own daughter’s wedding! How do I come back from that?” “You don’t, Bird Brain.” Palette did not look happy. To emphasis this, she punched Birdie in the shoulder, hard. “I can’t believe you got us drunk!” “H-hey! You got yourself dru-OW!” Birdie didn’t seem to know when to keep his mouth shut. “Dad, it’s fine.” Rainbow Dash had to try astoundingly hard not to burst into laughter. “I forgive you, provided I can hold this over your head forever and ever.” “That sounds fair to me.” “I’m sorry too. This is still partially my fault,” Hardy said, finally able to apologize. “Had I known he was the father of the bride, I wouldn’t have acted like that.” “How did you not know he was the father of the bride?” Thunderhead asked, posing a question that was on everypony’s mind. “He walked Rainbow Dash up the aisle.” “He declared he was giving me away,” Rainbow Dash said. “And then he declared that he ‘raised her better,’” Palette said, adding to the pile. “Oh, Hardy had other things on his mind,” his wife said, indicating to the thing that had been preoccupying him. “Bark bark!” “You should be apologizing too,” Hardy muttered to his dog, but Pretzel wasn’t about to show one bit of remorse. “Well, I guess we should probably introduce ourselves to our daughter-in-law.” “If you ask me we’re long overdue for that,” his wife said as she turned to Rainbow Dash. “It’s nice to finally get to meet you, Rainbow Dash. I’m Stormy Chance, and this is my foolish husband Hard Knocks.” “Yeah, it’s nice to finally meet you both officially.” Rainbow Dash wasn’t exactly sure what somepony should say in this kind of situation. “I like your son… he’s pretty cool.” She was only now certain that what she just said is not what she should’ve said. Thankfully, Hardy and Stormy just laughed it off. “Well, welcome to the family,” Hardy said. “Now, we hate to run off so quickly, but quite frankly I need something for my aching head.” “I hear that,” Birdie replied. “C’mon, let me buy you an apology drink.” “Oh no! No more drinking for you, mister!” Palette scolded her husband as they all began to trot off, dog and all. “I’m glad to see they’re getting along,” Rainbow Dash said. “I was afraid we’d be at each other’s throats after all of that.” “If my family does one thing well, it’s causing disasters,” Thunderhead told her. “I think we feel closer to you now that we know your family causes disasters too.” “Don’t you mean our family?” Rainbow Dash said, sidling up to Thunderhead. “Riiight, husband?” “Right, wife.” “… Pfft, let’s please not call each other that.” “I make no guarantees,” Thunderhead said, leaning down and sneaking in a kiss. “Pardon the interruption.” The couple received another surprise when they suddenly found themselves face to face with Thunderhead’s cousins Gale and Kitty. “You are Rainbow Dash, yes? Cousin Rainbow Dash now, I suppose?” Gale asked without any pretense. “Er, yes?” Rainbow Dash didn’t quite know what was going on. Gale nodded once to herself before continuing. Kitty, for her part, just stood by nervously. “I was just speaking with an acquaintance of yours.” “Oh, who?” Rainbow Dash asked. “I do not recall her name. She was bookish, horns, wings, accompanied by a dragon. That one,” Gale said as if she met thousands of ponies like that everyday. “Your friend is not the issue here. It has come to my attention via your friend that Taboo has not visited the doctor since after you came into contact with her, and this is including an instance where she fell ill with a uncommonly strong common cold. Is this correct.” “Well, that’s only because-” “Yes, you are afraid of your daughter being discriminated against. I understand.” Rainbow Dash was impressed with how sharp Gale was; however, the mare was a bit too direct for her tastes. “I am here to put an end to your worries. I practice at Cloudsdale Children’s Care, so I will become your daughter’s pediatrician. Word is Taboo will be in Cloudsdale with your parents this coming week, so I will schedule an appointment to give her a checkup.” “W-wow. Thanks!” “No need to thank me, just get your insurance information to me as soon as you can. Congratulations on your marriage. You too little cousin.” “Thanks Gale,” Thunderhead said, somewhat unphased by her behavior. He had gotten used to it after all these years. “Now, I will leave you to each other.” Without another word, Gale turned and departed. “Ah, Gale, wait!” Kitty started after her, but then suddenly turned back around to the newlyweds. “Oh, where are my manners? Congratulations to both of you! Excuse me!” Kitty trotted after her sister, calling her name all the way. “… So are they Cloudy’s kids?” Rainbow Dash asked out of curiosity. “No, they’re my aunt Snowy Chance’s daughters.” A thought occurred to Thunderhead. He looked around the lawn, searching for his deviant uncle. “Where is that stallion anyway? This whole thing is basically his fault.” “I wouldn’t go that far,” Rainbow Dash said, even if she did put a bit more stock in fortune telling after today. It felt like a stretch that his fortune telling caused the mess. Still, she took a look around the reception for him as well, but neither her nor Thunderhead could see him. “Eh, it’s probably still at it. As long as we don’t ask him for a fortune, I guess he can’t cause us anymore trouble.” “Mmm, I wouldn’t say today was all trouble,” Rainbow Dash said. “Think of all the good that came out of it.” “It’s a girl!” As if on cue, Time Turner burst out of the hospital in a dead gallop. He was still wearing a smock and sporting a black eye, but he ran like he wouldn’t ever get tired. All the while he chanted the same thing. “It’s a girl! It’s a girl!” “See, plenty of good came out of today,” Rainbow Dash said, nudging her new husband in the side. “It’s hard to argue with that.” “Mommy, mommy!” Taboo came trotting up and began bouncing up and down once she arrived at Rainbow Dash’s hooves. “Can we go see auntie Fluttershy’s foal? Can we? Can we?” “Hold on, squirt,” Rainbow Dash said, picking Taboo up and placing her on her back. “Fluttershy is going to need a little while to rest. It’s hard work having a foal. Let’s wait a little while.” “Actually, we can go now.” The group turned around to see Twilight Sparkle accompanied by Applejack, Rarity, and Pinkie Pie coming up behind them. “Turner passed out from seeing the blood, so he was a bit late getting the news. I talked to the doctors and they said Fluttershy said she could see some visitors as long as they’re quiet.” “So we can go? We can go, we can go we can go!” “Only if we’re quiet, Pinkie,” Twilight said. “Oh, I can do quiet!” Pinkie bragged, but on what precedence nopony knew. “Somepony just say they can be quiet, but I do quiet like nopony’s business. Don’t think I’m just a one trick party pony because I can certainly play quiet when I have to like I have to right now and you bet that I’m going to…” “Aaanyway, we should get going,” Rarity said to get the group back on track. “We shouldn’t keep poor Fluttershy awake longer than we have to, and I know you two will want to get going soon.” “Huh? Get going?” Taboo asked, looking at her parents. All Rainbow Dash and Thunderhead could do was smile sheepishly at her, but Taboo had already put two and two together. “You’re not doing that thing where the married ponies go away, are you? You’re not leaving me here, are you?” “… Well, we’re not leaving you here, per se,” Rainbow Dash said, trying to explain herself. “You get to stay at grandma and grandpa’s!” “You are leaving me!” It was then that Rainbow Dash realized that the night was far from over. “Hey you. You want your fortune read?” Chance asked the stallion passing his table. “Huh, me?” Thunderlane looked around. The strange stallion seemed to be talking to him. “Uh, I’ve never had my fortune told.” “First time for everything,” Chance said. “C’mere, take a seat.” Thunderlane obeyed, pulling up a chair and sitting himself down. Chance began shuffling his cards while his client sat by awkwardly. “So how does this work?” “You got a question about your future?” Chance asked, getting the ball rolling. “Remember, specific questions bring specific answers.” “Well… maybe it’s just because of the day, but I guess I do have some questions concerning romance.” “Any specific questions?” “Well, let me think.” Thunderlane meditated on his question for a few moments. He didn’t want a vague answer, so he decided there was one question he could ask that would give him a nice, clear answer. “Have I met my true love yet?” “Hm, right to the point. I like it.” Chance placed the deck on the table and had Thunderlane cut it. After that was done, Chance pulled the deck back to himself. He lay three cards down on the table. He stared at them for a moment, cocked an eyebrow, and then rearranged them. After he had done that, he began placing more cards on the table. Thunderlane wondered if this was the normal protocol, but he didn’t say a word as Chance put down a grand total of ten cards on the table. After that, Chance didn’t say a word. He just stared at the cards. Thunderlane switched between looking at the cards and looking at the fortune teller. He couldn’t even guess what any of the cards meant, but he waited patiently for Chance to say something; however, after about five minutes it became clear that he wasn’t going to say anything. “Um… so… what’s the verdict?” Chance looked up from the cards at Thunderlane. He blinked twice, looked back down, and then looked back at Thunderlane. “Yes, but no.” “… What?” “That’s the answer to your question: yes, but no.” “That doesn’t make any sense. How do you know that?” Thunderhead asked, but Chance just shook his head. He began putting the cards back into his deck. “Right, you’re right. It doesn’t make any sense. It probably won’t happen like that,” Chance said, muttering most of what he said under his breath. “When I was young the tragedy of fortune telling was that pretty mares always wanted to know where true love was hiding but the answer was never ‘behind a deck of tarot cards.’” “What’s that got to do with anything?” Chance stopped before picking up the tenth card, the ace of cups. Thunderlane regarded the card for a moment himself, burning the image of the single, silver cup into his mind. “Because now that I’m old I know the real tragedy of tarot had nothing to do with the dealer.” With that, Chance put the final card back into his deck and put it away. “I’m always forecasting disasters with my fortunes, but that is only because it keeps me from forecasting these kinds of tragedies. I’m sorry.” “Ah, wait!” Thunderlane called after the stallion, but he trudged off rather quickly. Thunderlane was left to puzzle over the issue himself. “What did he mean ‘these kinds of tragedies?’” In the end, Thunderlane just concluded that fortunetelling isn’t real after all. “Ohmygosh, she is so. cute.” Rarity was close to breaking the limited volume rule as she slowly began losing her cool. In her defense, the newest addition to Fluttershy’s family was pretty adorable. “She almost makes me wish I had one of my own… almost.” Pierce could be heard breathing a sigh of relief. “Did you pick a name for her yet?” Twilight asked. “We decided on names a little while back,” Fluttershy said in an audible whisper. She was a bit too tired to manage much more as she rocked her newborn gently back and forth. “Spruce if it was a boy, and if it was a girl… Weepy Willow.” Already little Willow had fallen asleep. Being born was just as much of an ordeal as giving birth. “Aww, a cute name for a cute little foal,” Pinkie Pie said. “I’m going to have to throw her a party… later of course.” “She’s so tiny,” Soarin’ said, even if nopony really knew what in the world he was doing here. His presence at least gave validity to the claim that he and Pinkie Pie were now an item. “She looked bigger in the womb.” He wasn’t scoring many points with Pinkie’s friends tonight. “Shucks, this is all too much for me.” It was clear from her quivering lip and moist eyes that Applejack was feeling pretty overwhelmed. “All in one day my friend gets married, another friend gives birth, and soon ah’m gonna meet my new niece… or nephew! Consarnit! I ain’t gettin’ any sleep tonight, am I?” “I see that this one doesn’t come with wings,” Rainbow Dash said, getting a little giggle out of Fluttershy. “Honestly, I was hoping she would be an earth pony. I don’t think I could handle the thought of my baby flying around,” Fluttershy said, hugging Willow closer. She gazed down at her daughter lovingly, caressing her pink mane gently. “Mommy went through a lot of trouble to get you here, but I would do it all over again.” “Psst, hey.” Rainbow Dash’s ears perked up. She turned to see Thunderhead peeking in through the door, which indicated it was almost time to go for them. “Go on ahead,” Fluttershy said without looking up at Rainbow Dash. “We will all be waiting for you here when you get back.” Rainbow Dash suddenly felt tears coming on, which was not very cool. “Aww, why did you have to go and say that. You’re gonna let me hold her when I get back, right?” “Of course.” After a few more quiet goodbyes, Rainbow Dash was out the door with Thunderhead. After her fit about finding out her parents were going on Honeymoon, Taboo had tuckered herself out and fallen asleep. Palette managed to wake her up to say some groggy goodbyes to her parents, but she was asleep again in an instant. She was undoubtedly going to be upset in the morning, but Thunderhead and Rainbow Dash couldn’t miss this train. Despite the excitement, both Thunderhead and Rainbow Dash found themselves asleep for the whole train ride. Rainbow Dash was still in her wedding dress and Thunderhead was still wearing a tuxedo, but even in those stiff outfits and lumpy train seats they found a bit of rest. They slept up until their stop, which seemed to come about too quickly. In a sleepy haze, they managed to get to the resort and check into their room. Exhausted, they both collapsed onto the bed. After a very, very, very long day they found themselves completely alone with one another. Thunderhead became aware that he was all alone with his wife on their wedding night. He was absolutely amazed he had gone the whole day without thinking about this moment, but now that it had arrived he couldn’t think about anything else. Looking over at Rainbow Dash on the bed beside him, he knew exactly what he wanted. He rolled over and slowly embraced her. He could feel her shaking, no doubt thinking exactly what he was thinking. “That scary, huh?” “Y-yeah…” “… We don’t have to-” “No, tonight,” she said, still trembling. “… Good, because I’m not sure I can hold back anymore,” Thunderhead said, not sparing his wife from his honest feelings. “I promised to love you forever in front of our daughter, a dog, and a riot of our friends and family. Now, behind closed doors, I want to make that same promise to you and be intimate with you.” Rainbow Dash started shaking even more. It was becoming clear to Thunderhead what her concern was. “I-I want t-to as well.” Rainbow Dash had lost every bit of her cool, and it was painful for Thunderhead to watch. She had been so confident when she pounced on him on the couch all that time ago, but tonight that same confidence was gone. He shamefully had to admit it was pretty cute. “We’ll take it slowly, alright?” “W-wait!” Rainbow Dash suddenly sprang up and backed away. Thunderhead stood up to, alarmed at the dramatic retreat. “There’s one thing… there’s something I want to say before we… s-start.” “Of course,” Thunderhead couldn’t imagine what she was about to say, but the words that came out of her mouth scared the living daylights out of him. “I wanna get pregnant.” Thunderhead just stared at her. He was sure he heard her loud and clear, which was what was so distressing. It was a lot to process all at once. “I-I, sorry, that come out wrong!” Rainbow Dash instantly apologized, her voice the only thing shaking more than her body. “I mean, no, I do wanna get pregnant. I mean, I wanna have a foal, with you, your foal, our foal! You know what I’m saying!” “Yeah, I know what you’re saying.” Thunderhead hadn’t even thought about this yet. “Are you sure?” “Yeah, I’ve got it all worked out,” Rainbow Dash told him, revealing that she had indeed premeditated this. “I should have time to have a foal before I’m eligible for Spring Tryouts at the Wonderbolts. If I get pregnant now, I’ll have time to have it and then get back in shape. I know being a Wonderbolt and a parent might be hard, but we’ll already have to take care of Taboo, right? What’s another kid, really? We know ponies who can sit for us and I know I’ll have the weekends off. I can even fly home during breaks if I’m quick enough, which I’m pretty sure I am. If anypony can pull it off, I can. Plus, you’ll be there to help, right? I know we can do it… and besides, after I started taking care of Taboo I started really wanting to have another kid, you know? It’s weird, but I just thought it might be cool and fun to start from the beginning and raise a foal that I gave birth to. N-n-n-not that I would love Taboo any less or anything! I love Taboo, and I’m sure she’d love to have a sibling and tha-mphmph!” Before Rainbow Dash could say anything more, Thunderhead pinned her to the bed and kissed her as hard as he could. She struggled a bit, and then she struggled a lot. Weakened by her intense nervousness, she couldn’t throw Thunderhead off; however, he was not unsympathetic. It was just that he had found her little speech very sexy somehow. “W-what are you doing?” “Getting you pregnant, I guess,” he said, repaying her bluntness from before. He began littering her neck with kisses while she tried to formulate a response; however, there was practically nothing she could say. She was having trouble thinking, realizing that despite all her nerves she was harboring a bit of lust herself. When Thunderhead’s lips touched hers next, she didn’t reject it. She allowed him to tower over her. It wasn’t very cool, but there wasn’t anypony else watching. Once upon a time, she only allowed herself to do those embarrassing, uncool things when nopony was looking, but that night something strange happened. Her scared, nervous, longing, tearful, whining, giggling, completely unflattering self was drawn out by somepony else. Instead of shying from it, Thunderhead loved her all the more for it. He showed her just how close two souls in could become entwined despite having started out as complete strangers. The change that had occurred in her life became entirely clear to her. Willing, she embraced it.