Chapter Four
All or Muffin
Pinkie Pie was glad to see that business was almost back to normal. Presumably, having to close at lunchtime yesterday had not proven to be the most profitable thing for the Muffinry to do. On the other hoof, she was slightly sad that she may have lost an excuse to break out the mini-cannon. Then again, why should she need an excuse?
“Um, Pinkie Pie?” The party pony was snapped out of her reverie by the voice, which, when Pinkie turned to look, had clearly originated from Bon-Bon. Wait... Bon-Bon!?
“What do you want?” Pinkie glared at the cream-coated confectionist.
“Hey now, Is that any way to treat a customer?” Bon-Bon replied.
“Your crazy roommate threw a cookie sheet at my bosses’ heads!” Pinkie pointed an accusing hoof at the candy maker, as if that was her fault.
“I know. That’s why I’m here,” Bon-Bon replied evenly.
“To throw cookie sheets at us?”
“No.” Bon-Bon Took a deep breath. “Good grief, you’re just as crazy as Lyra!”
“Thank you!” The party pony beamed.
“That wasn’t a compliment,” Bon-Bon muttered.
“Really? What was it, then?”
Bon-Bon raised an exasperated hoof to her forehead. “Nothing. Anyway, I came here to apologize for Lyra’s behavior.”
“Why? It wasn’t your fault,” Pinkie said. Bon-Bon was tempted to to point out that less than fifteen seconds ago Pinkie had implied that it was her fault, but she decided against it.
“I dunno, It just seemed like the thing to do.” Bon-Bon shrugged. “I wanted to ask if there was any way I could make it up to you.”
“Hmm... Nope, can’t think of anything. You wanna buy some cupcakes?”
“Nah, I had a big breakfast; maybe next time. Besides, if I walk out of here with a cupcake Lyra will never let me hear the end of it.”
“Oh, well. Thanks for stopping by anyway,” Pinkie said, turning her back to Bon-Bon. Then she stopped as an idea how to make the game more interesting popped into her head. It might be a bit of a hard sell to get Bon-Bon on board, but if she tried lightening the mood first she might go for it. “Actually...”
Bon-Bon, who had been about to go out the door, turned to look at Pinkie. “Actually, what?”
“Now that I think about it, there is one thing you might be able to do for me,” Pinkie said slowly. Joke... Joke... Come on Pinkie be funny!
Bon-Bon waited for Pinkie to elaborate, but when she failed to do so, the cream coated pony decided to speak up. “And... that would be?”
Pinkie affected a mobster-like accent, “I want you to... how should I put this…” She feigned a nervous glance around the room. “Get rid of Derpy.”
Bon-Bon’s jaw dropped and her eyes widened. “Wha...”
Pinkie started laughing. “Oh, the look on your face! Priceless!”
“That is not funny.”
“Oh come on, it was just a joke.”
“You can’t joke about that sort of thing! I would think you of all ponies would know that!”
Pinkie stopped laughing and thought for a moment. “Wow... Yeah, that was pretty bad, wasn’t it? Let’s just pretend that never happened.” Great job Pinkie, she derided herself sarcastically. That joke is gonna make you all sorts of friends. This is just like the ‘veggie salad’ incident.
“I’m not sure that’s going to be possible...”
“Seriously though, I was wondering... Could you maybe go spy on—”
“No,” Bon-Bon said firmly.
“I wasn’t even finished!” Pinkie protested.
“I don’t need you to finish. You want me to spy on Ditzy. The answer is no.”
“Why not?”
“Because A: Industrial Espionage is a crime, B: I don’t want to get involved in your squabble, and C: you are clearly psychotic and I want nothing to do with you.”
“I don’t want to steal her recipes! I just want to know how well she’s doing so I can know how worried I need to be!”
“I still don’t want to get involved.”
“You offered to help me!”
“Not with that.”
“Well, what else would I need help with?”
The cream coated mare sighed. “I dunno. Never mind; it was a bad idea to come here in the first place.” Bon-Bon turned and trotted towards the exit. Just before she stepped outside she turned back to Pinkie. “I take back what I said before, you’re not just as crazy as Lyra, you’re even crazier than her.”
“Thanks!”
“Still not a compliment,” she muttered after the door closed behind her.
++++++
“Umm, Ditzy? Are the lemon poppy seed muffins supposed to be black?”
Ditzy Doo looked back at her assistant. “Umm... no. Why do you ask?”
Lyra looked at the floor and put a hoof to her neck. “Oh, umm, no reason...”
“Lyra, did you burn my muffins?”
“No! Maybe... sort of... yes.”
The gray pegasus put a hoof to her forehead. “Lyra, how many times do I have to tell you? Thirty minutes in the oven!”
“I know, I know! But I was so busy with the oatmeal raisins that I forgot! Those aren’t supposed to be black either, are they?
“No.”
“Oh, good, I was afraid they weren’t done enough.”
Ditzy made an effort to get both of her eyes pointed at Lyra. “Lyra, Have you ever baked anything before?”
“Well, I know how to make Hay Pockets in the microwave,” the mint unicorn offered.
Ditzy scowled, her left eye beginning to wander upwards. “If the answer is ‘no,’ just say ‘no.”
“Okay, fine. No, I have never baked before.”
“Aggh!” Ditzy screamed in frustration.
“Well, you told me to just say it...”
“Do you think, that if I allowed you to work the counter again, that you could avoid getting into another food fight?”
“I’m not sure I can guarantee...”
Ditzy glared at Lyra. “Well, if not, then I’m not sure I can guarantee that you’ll have a job tomorrow...”
“I mean yes! Of course!” Lyra nodded furiously. “I can definitely handle that!”
“Let’s hope so,” Ditzy said, stepping away from the counter to allow Lyra to take her place as she headed back into the kitchen. After a moment, she called out, “Lyra, where are the oatmeal raisins?”
“Well, like I said, I thought they might not be done enough, so I put them back in,” Lyra called back.
“You did WHAT!?”
++++++
Mr. and Mrs. Cake were hard at work in the kitchen as usual. Carrot had just pulled the latest batch of cookies out of the oven, and Cup was putting the final touches on a birthday cake for Sea Swirl, when Pinkie walked in.
“Hello Pinkie,” Mrs. Cake said. “Ready for your lunch break?”
“No time,” Pinkie replied in an uncharacteristically serious voice. “I gotta get back out front.” The two bakers shot a worried glance at each other as Pinkie opened the little pink mini-fridge that served as the employee refrigerator. “I hope it’s okay if I eat at the counter.”
The next few seconds played host to a silent argument between Mr. and Mrs. Cake over who should say what needed to be said.
‘You talk to her’ Mrs. Cake gestured.
‘Why me?’ Mr. Cake shrugged.
‘She respects you the most.’ Mrs. Cake waved.
‘You’re a woman. She’ll listen to you.’ Mr. Cake mimed.
‘What’s that supposed to mean?’ Mrs. Cake gesticulated.
‘Nothing bad! I just think she’d rather talk you you.’ Mr. Cake danced.
Predictably, it was Mr. Cake lost the argument. “Umm, Pinkie Pie...” Mr. Cake began, “Mrs. Cake and I are starting to get a little worried about you. You haven’t been yourself ever since this whole thing started...”
“What are you saying?” Pinkie asked, a little more forcefully than she really meant to. “Are you saying we should quit?”
“Uh, no.” The yellow stallion took an instinctive step backwards. “I just think that it isn’t good for you to be working so hard.”
“But I have to!” Pinkie protested. “We have competition now! I have to work twice as hard to keep up!”
“But you aren’t you anymore! We haven't seen you laugh in days!”
Pinkie sighed. “Maybe you’re right, Mr. Cake. I feel like I’m back on the rock farm, but even then I had my sisters... Hey... that’s it!”
Mr. Cake looked confused. “What’s it?”
“Sisters! We should hire on some more ponies to help out!”
Mr. Cake looked to his wife for support. “I... I don’t know about that... I’m not sure we can afford to pay another pony.”
“Well, it is a thought,” Mrs. Cake jumped in. “But in order to make up the difference we’d have to cut your pay.”
Mr. Cake smiled at his wife. Of course! There was no way that any pony in their right mind would accept that!
“I accept that,” Pinkie replied with no hesitation. Mr. Cake nearly fell over.
++++++
“Where do you think you’re going?” Ditzy called.
Lyra stopped halfway out of the door. “Uh... lunch?” she replied.
“Oh, is it that time already?” Ditzy looked up at the clock. “Oh, sorry. Enjoy your lunch!”
Lyra nodded and walked outside. She saw Pinkie across the way and made a face at her. Pinkie made a face back. The face making contest continued for several minutes, but eventually Lyra remembered that she only had 30 minutes for lunch. If this went on much longer, she was going to be late meeting up with Bon-Bon, so she decided to let pinkie have this one.
Bon-Bon was waiting for Lyra at the outdoor cafe with a daffodil and daisy sandwich already half-eaten. “Hey! What kept you?”
“I see you started without me,” Lyra chided.
“You were late. What kept you?”
“So you just ordered without me? Rude!”
“For the third time, What kept you?” Bon-Bon repeated.
Lyra sighed, “If you must know, I got into a face making competition with Pinkie Pie.” Lyra admitted. Bon-Bon stared at her for a moment. She looked like she was about to explode, but when she did, it was with laughter.
“That is so you,” Bon-Bon said after her giggles had subsided.
Lyra sighed and raised her hoof to call the waiter over. “I’ll have you know that the Muffinry’s rivalry with Sugar Cube Corner is serious business.”
“Lyra... this rivalry is a personal thing between Ditzy and Pinkie, I don’t think you should be getting so invested in it.”
“Oh, come on, Bonnie, it’s just a healthy competition. It’s not like anypony is going to get hurt.”
“I hope you’re right.” Bon-Bon replied doubtfully.
“You know what! I’ll prove it! Come work with me!” Lyras suggested excitedly
“I already have a job,” was Bon-Bon’s flat reply.
“You work from home.”
“It’s still a job.”
“You make your own hours! You can easily fit a part time job at the Muffinry into your schedule.”
“You’re right. I could,” Bon-Bon conceded. “But I don’t want to. In fact, I don’t want you working there either!”
Lyra was silent for a long moment. She stared into Bon-Bon’s eyes with a not often seen intensity. “Dude. What the feather?” Her voice was flat and hard, and the usual edge of playfulness was nowhere to be heard. “Every day it’s ‘Get a job, Lyra,’ ‘When are you gonna do something with your life Lyra?’ ‘Have you gotten a job yet, Lyra?’ ‘Stop watching those human cartoons and go look for a job, Lyra.’ And now I finally get a job, and you want me to quit? Make up your mind!”
“Lyra... I’m worried about you! Pinkie is insane! and I don’t mean the usual ‘Oh, she’s a little eccentric’ insane; I mean full-on ‘One step away from making a mask out of your face’ insane!”
“Bon-Bon, quit being paranoid, This is Pinkie we’re talking about, not the Mane-iac!”
“You’re not listening to me! Why don’t you ever listen to me?”
“Because you never have anything to say worth listening to!”
“Fine! if you don’t want to listen, I won’t talk to you! When this whole thing goes sideways, don’t come crying to me!”
“I won’t!”
“I’m not speaking to you.”
“No, I’m not speaking to you!”
“Fine!”
“Fine!” Lyra stood up. She started to walk away but ran right into a very nervous looking waiter.
“Umm... Your order ma’am?” The waiter asked timidly.
“I’ll have a wildflower salad,” Lyra said pointedly. “To go.”
++++++
Ditzy knocked on the door of the little orange house. The lights were off, but she could hear shuffling inside. She knocked again and the lights came on. Moments later, Golden Harvest answered the door, her frizzy curls even more frizzy than usual. “Derpy? What are you doing here? Do you have any Idea what time it is?”
“Umm... night time?” Ditzy guessed.
“It’s nearly eleven! I was in bed! Do you realize how early I have to get up to tend to my garden?”
“Really early?”
Golden Harvest sighed. “I can’t stay mad at you. Come on in.” Ditzy didn’t know why her friend would be mad, but she supposed as long as she wasn’t mad it didn’t matter what would make her feel that way. She stepped over the threshold and Golden closed the door behind her. “So what reason could you have to come wake me up in the middle of the night?”
“I couldn’t sleep.”
“And misery loves company?”
“I was thinking about the Muffinry.”
Golden nodded and led Ditzy into the living room. “Lyra not working out?”
“How’d you know that?”
Golden Rolled her eyes. “She’s Lyra.”
“Good point.” Ditzy conceded, settling down on the couch.
“So, what’s the problem?” The yellow pony asked, sitting down on a chair opposite her. the whole scene resembled a therapy session.
“She can’t bake.”
Golden looked confused. “You didn’t ask her about that before you hired her?”
“She said she loves muffins” Ditzy defended.
“That doesn’t mean she can bake them.”
“Well, yeah... I know that now...” Ditzy replied with an edge of annoyance.
“So why don’t you just fire her?”
“I can’t! I need her help!” Ditzy exclaimed, springing her hooves. “I can’t run the whole shop by myself! Pinkie has the Cakes, and even they put a ‘help wanted’ sign out this afternoon! Meanwhile, here I am, barely scraping by with just two ponies!” she was pacing frantically now.
“Why don’t you put out a ‘help wanted’ sign of your own?”
Ditzy stopped and stared at her for a moment. Then she smacked her face into her hoof. “Why didn’t I think of that?”
Golden chuckled. “You're under a lot of stress. I’ll tell you what: after I get my chores done tomorrow, I’ll come by and see about giving Lyra some on-the-job training.”
“You’d do that?”
“It won’t be easy, but neither would taking care of your daughter, and I’d rather you not have to go through that.”
Ditzy pounced on Golden Harvest giving her a tight hug. “Thank you so much! You’re the best friend a pony could have!”
"Yeah... I’m a saint.” Golden gasped. “Now please get off of me; I can’t breathe.” Oh brother, she thought. What have I gotten myself into now? “Hold on.” Golden suddenly said as Ditzy loosened her grip. “If you’re here, then who’s watching Dinky?”
Ditzy went stark white. “Oh, ponyfeathers!” In a flash, she was gone.