//------------------------------// // Side Effects // Story: Paradox // by CCC //------------------------------// vworrrrrrrrp... vworrrrrrrrrp...vworrrrrrrrrrp A large blue most-certainly-not-an-outhouse faded into view in a remote apple orchard near to Ponyville. Two ponies stepped out, followed by a baby dragon. There was a thump from behind the TARDIS. “Twi?” asked a familiar voice. “Is that... really you?” “Applejack?” Twilight turned around. “Yes, it's really me, but – I haven't been gone for that long, have I?” “Only two cotton-pickin' weeks without warning!” said Applejack. “Celestia's got royal guards huntin' up an' down Equestria f'r you! Luna's bin huntin' through dreams f'r a clue! Even Discord couldn' find you! Where've you been, Twi?” Twilight sighed. “It's a long story, and I'd far rather tell it just once. Could you get the girls together in the Friendship Castle? And Spike, could you send a message to Celestia so she stops worrying?” Spike saluted. “Nooooo problem!” he said. * * * “...and that's when we appeared in Applejack's orchard,” finished Twilight. She looked over at her audience – five former Bearers of the Elements of Harmony, two Princesses*, a baby dragon and a full-grown draconequus. Luna turned to glare at Celestia. “You knew,” she said. “Well, I think that was a fascinating tale,” said Rarity. “Yeah, it was awesome!” agreed Rainbow Dash. “I did know that she'd be time-travelling at some point,” said Celestia, “but I had no idea that it would be now!” “Ah'm a little curious,” said Applejack, “about these here side-effects that that there flower was on about.” She turned to look at Discord, and raised an eyebrow. “Would you like t' elaborate, perhaps?” “Oh, I think I'd rather like to know, too,” said Fluttershy's voice, from under the map table. “Um, if that's alright with you, I mean.” “Oh, where to begin?” Discord rolled over, lying on his back in mid-air. “Well... you do realise, of course, that I was quite a different Draconequus back in those days, right?” There was a chorus of nods from around the table, and a squeak from underneath it. “Back then,” continued Discord, “I never really saw ponies as, well, individuals in any way. Every pony reacted to me in just about the same way – you know, screaming, running, that sort of thing. But there was one – just one – that I couldn't break. No matter what I did to him, no matter how I did it, he survived – everything. It was just a pity he had such a terribly orderly personality. Boring, boring, boring. So, I had this idea... if I could just recreate his untouchability – put his invulnerability on some pony that actually did something interesting on occasion – then maybe I could have a pony worth talking to.” Discord's grin widened. “Of course, for best results, they'd have to be trying to fight back against me – their pitifully amusing attempts to defeat me would provide some small entertainment over the years – and they'd have to be intelligent enough to keep coming up with new ways to defeat me...” “...are we going to have to beat the stuffing out of some ancient indestructable monster you made once?” asked Rainbow Dash, folding her forelegs. Discord promptly burst into laughter. “...did I say something funny?” asked Rainbow Dash. “Not intentionally,” said the Doctor. “I'm pretty sure that he -” “No, no, no, no,” said Discord, “I want to tell them!” “Tell us what?” asked Rainbow. “Where to find this giant monster?” Discord howled with laughter again. “Clearly it's a very funny monster,” said Pinkie, narrowing her eyes. “Does it... present any sort of danger to Equestria?” asked Twilight. “Only to cake,” sniggered Discord. “Could it take over the country?” Discord fell over laughing again. “It – it – it already did!” he howled. “What, while we were in here?” asked Twilight. “We'll have to hurry! Girls! Formation! Discord! Will it come after us?” Discord's laughter redoubled. “It's, it's, it's already in the room!” he yelled. All six former Bearers of Harmony crouched down, standing in a circle, surrounding the Princesses, facing outwards, and looking for any threat. Even Fluttershy had abandoned her nice, comfortable spot under the table. “This has gone quite far enough,” said the Doctor, firmly. “If you don't tell them, Discord, then I will.” “Oh- heeheehee – alright then,” said Discord. “I found a way to combine the magical traits of all three pony races, added in a few little touches of my own, and created -” he waved his lion paw at the Princesses - “the first alicorns.” There was a long and complete silence. The first to break it was Luna. “Thou didst not!” she objected. “Mine sister and I were born from a family of earth ponies!” “Did they never tell you?” asked Discord. “You two weren't born, I just had a stork deliver you to their doorstep.” “A stork?” asked Rarity. “That's – rather cliched for you, isn't it, darling?” Discord shrugged. “Where do you think that story started?” he asked. “So...” Twilight frowned. “You made Celestia and Luna?” Discord nodded. “Their futile attempts to stop me were the best entertainment I'd had in centuries!” he said, still grinning. He reached out with his eagle claw, and picked the flower from Twilight's mane. “And then, of course... one day... they actually succeeded! It was brilliant! I mean, I'd taken the brunt of their futile attempts a few times before – it was just so much fun to pretend it worked and then turn up a few days later and ruin everything for them again! I'd never expected them to actually do it, though...” Discord sighed, and bit the top off the flower. “It was brilliant for the first week,” he admitted. “After that, it was just tedious and uncomfortable. Did you know, I developed an itch on my nose after the second week? For one full thousand years, I couldn't scratch it! Most annoying.” “So, um...” Fluttershy squeaked nervously. “If you don't mind me asking... what did you do then?” Discord shrugged, and tossed the rest of the flower into his mouth. “Nothing much,” he said. “I spent a few centuries trying to figure out how to turn this charming specimen -” he leaned over and pinched the Doctor's cheeks - “into Paradox. And, of course, testing out that spell was one of the first things I did when I got out!” He frowned at the former Bearers. “To be fair,” he continued, “you lot weren't quite as invulnerable as Paradox, but I don't think it was that bad, for an initial attempt...” *Cadance had been unable to make it in time, but Spike had sent her a reassuring note.