//------------------------------//
// Sharpened Steel 
// Story: Ripples 
// by BronyWriter 
//------------------------------//

She was a murderer. I just have to keep telling myself that. I did my duty. No more, no less. I should be proud of what I did, right? I mean, the mare who killed so many, brought down by me. 

So why in Celestia's name does it not feel good?

Why in Celestia's name did she choose me to do it?

I knocked back another drink and rested my head on my dining room table. I just wanted to forget all of it. No luck after four drinks of the strongest stuff I could find. 

Ugh, I still remember putting that Faust forsaken needle into her foreleg...

I thought I'd feel good about it, you know? Not necessarily amazing, but something akin to feeling validated. Or something. I dunno. Like I had done a wonderful duty for Equestria. I was the one who brought the Ponyville Butcher down forever. 

I just wish there had been two needles. The other guy could have split the work, and it wouldn't have been all on me. 

I poured myself another drink and downed it in one gulp, flinching slightly as the feeling of the alcohol washed through my body. I groaned and rubbed my forehead. 

I just wanted it to be over. 

Why can't this feeling stop?

I heard the door to the dining room open, and the sound of heavy hoofsteps walking towards me. They could only belong to one stallion. My father couldn't sneak up on anything to save his life. I turned my head on the table and looked over at him. He was out of his guard uniform, which I found odd, frankly. He rarely took it off this early in the day. 

I tilted my head in a nod and shakily raised my hoof to my foreleg for a pathetic salute. "Sir," I mumbled.

My dad shook his head and waved his hoof, taking a seat beside me. He lit his horn and moved the alcohol and glass away from me. "No need for that, Sharp. I'm not here as a guard today, I'm here as your father." He scooted his chair closer and draped a foreleg over my shoulders. "Wanna talk about it?"

I sniffled and wiped my eyes, trying to get the tears away before he could see them. I turned my head to the other side. "No," I whimpered. 

"Hey, it's going to be okay, Sharp." Dad sighed and began rubbing my back. "I know it hurts, son. I can't imagine what you're going through, but do know that I am proud of you. Not many stallions could have done their duty in that scenario."

I chuckled bitterly and ran a hoof through my mane. "So what does that make me then, huh? A pony uniquely suited to be an executioner? The next time somepony like her comes along, I can expect Princess Celestia to knock on my door and ask me to do it again? Maybe if I do it enough, I'll just stop caring about it."

"Come on, you know that's not true," Dad said. "You're not going to have to do that again, okay? Even if somepony else comes along and we... need to do that, I'll make sure you're not the one, alright? You won't have anything to do with it."

"It's too late though," I groaned. "I've already got her blood on my hooves." I turned my head back to my dad, not even caring that he could see the puffiness around my eyes. "W-when I was told of what she had done, what she was capable of, I expected to see her for the first time and be able to feel the evil radiating off of her, you know? Like she was on the same level as Nightmare Moon or Discord. Instead she walked into that room and all I saw was a very sad, very scared mare who didn't look all that remarkable in the grand scheme of things. She looked average. That's all. Like the kind of mare I could walk past on the street any day of the week and not think twice about."

"You know what she did."

I scoffed and waved my hoof. "Yeah, yeah, I heard all the stories about what they found in that basement. Taxidermied mother and daughter, skins, faces, manes, tails, Celestia knows how many knives, the whole nine yards. That didn't change anything, though." I shakily exhaled and wiped my eyes again. "I didn't see a monster walk into that room, even knowing what she'd done. She came in with her head low and her horn removed, then just laid on the table without any prompting from us, like she was just tired of the whole thing and didn't care anymore. For a half second I wondered if we got the wrong mare. I didn't see anything evil about her. When I asked her if she had any last words, I was almost hoping that she'd look at me and say something like 'I'll see you in Tartarus' or 'I'll come back for you', or whatever, just so it would finally click in my mind that she was who everypony said she was, but she just stayed silent. Then when I put the needle in, she turned to her ten year old sister and sang her a lullaby, one she didn't even get to finish..." I sniffled and wiped my eyes again. Gotta keep it together. I couldn't cry in front of him. We were soldiers. It's not professional. 

"I barely held it together when she started singing to her sister. I asked my partner about it later and he said the same thing." 

"I can't imagine." Dad deeply exhaled and rubbed one of his temples. "But son, it's time to crawl out of the bottle and go back to your job. I'm not saying that as a superior officer, I'm saying that as your father who's worried about you. You swore an oath to serve and protect Princess Celestia and Equestria, and you're not fulfilling that if you mope around all day. It's been a month." Dad stood up and took the bottle and glass in his magic. "Now I'm not going to force you, of course, and I know it hurts, I really do. You're not a murderer, Sharp. She was. I know it was hard to see at the time, and there's no way it could have been easy to do what you did. Your mom and I, your brothers, your sisters, we've all cried for you, but at the same time, we're very proud of you." He put his hoof back on my back. "It's time to stand up, raise your head high, and move on like I know you can. You're strong, Sharpened Steel. You can do this."

I stayed silent for a few moments, mulling over my father's words. I didn't want to go back. I had considered quitting a few times, in all honesty. 

At the same time, I knew he was right. I couldn't mope about this forever. I was approaching the line between being emotionally hurt by what had happened, and self-pity and moping. If I hadn't crossed it already, that is. I looked up to my father, and gave him a single nod.


*  *  *  *


My first day back and I got throne room duty. So I had to stand next to Princess Celestia for five hours while she held court. To make matters worse, ponies were coming in to ask about the Ponyville Butcher. The ones coming in to ask about missing family members were the worst. I just zoned out whenever that happened. I wished I could sleep with my eyes open, then I could look attentive, but at the same time still not have to listen to anything else about that mare. 

"Sergeant Steel?"

I was snapped out of his reverie by a kind, gentle, yet powerful voice that could only have come from one pony. I blinked once and looked over to her throne to see Princess Celestia looking down at me. I blinked again and scanned the throne room. It was completely empty, save for the two of us. 

"Sergeant, your shift is over now. You are free to leave for the day."

"Uh..." I rubbed my forehead and slowly nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, okay, Your Majesty. Yeah, go home. Yeah."  

Princess Celestia subtly frowned and stepped off of her throne, taking a seat on the floor in front of me. "Sergeant Steel, what is troubling you?"

"Uh..." I cleared my throat and bit the inside of my lip. Not now. Not with her. I'd look like I couldn't do my duty. "I-it's nothing important, Princess Celestia. Just tired, I guess."

"Sergeant, very few ponies in history have been able to lie to me, and none of them have been alive for a very long time." Celestia reached a hoof out and put it on my shoulder. "Is it because of what I asked you to do?"

I shuddered and began blinking back the first traces of tears. "P-Princess Celestia, it was an honor to... to bring that mare to justice. I am proud to have been able to serve Equestria, and--"

"Sergeant, remember what I said about ponies being able to lie to me?" She moved closer to me and draped a wing over my back, gently pushing me into a sitting position. "Tell me about it."

"Princess Celestia, as I said, I..." I let out a single sob and took my helmet off before leaning against her chest, allowing her to wrap her wings around me in a hug. I shouldn't have done it, it was highly unprofessional of one of Her Majesty's personal guards but I... needed it.

"Princess Celestia?" I couldn't help that I sounded like a small colt when I said her name. I guess she just has that affect on ponies.

"Yes, Sharpened Steel?"

"What we did to that mare. What I had to do to her. Was that justice... or vengeance?"

Princess Celestia didn't answer right away. She merely tightened her grip on me with her wings. When she finally did speak, she sounded more exhausted than I thought was possible from anypony. 

"My dearest little pony. I have asked myself that same question every day since it happened."

And we wept.