Badger, the Hippogriff

by Solar Eclipse

Promotion Pt2

[Rage speaks to me in this]
~I respond in this~
My thoughts are this

        After I had gotten done worshipping the ground, the demon bike had somehow disappeared (not that I was going to complain about it). I stretched out my wings and back, and followed Azok inside. There was a dark greyish unicorn working on some spears at the back of the building. The design showed that customary design that the Army uses.

        “Hello?” Azok had called out, trying his best to get the old unicorn’s attention.

        “One minute.” The pony said, before taking the spear head and dipping it in water. It was at this time my attention span was that of a squirrel, and my eyes scanned the walls. The unicorn brought out the cooling spear head and set it on an anvil before walking up to us.  “So, what can I do ya for?”

        “Well, I'd like to purchase some armor.”

        “Thats a given, son.” The smiths horn started glowing and Azok’s armor took itself off and made its way through the air to the smith.  “Come back in an hour.” He said gruffly as he looked over Azok’s old gear.

        I was looking back at the shields and armor of sorts. I used all of this in training... leaf-headed spear, swords, axes... all of it... Good times. I felt a poke on my shoulder and looked to see Azok “So Badger, what do you wanna do for an hour?”

        I thought for a moment one thing coming to mind. What better way for two soldiers to gai respect for each other? “Tell you what big guy, lets go get something’ to eat, and talk about our greatest accomplishments. Nothing like a little friendly competition?”

        “I like it.” He pulled out the spell book and looked around for the bike from hell.

        “NO! FUCK THAT! I’ll meet you...” I pointed to a restaurant at the far end of Canterlot “There. All you can eat.”

        “Fine, last one there pays for it!” He shifted into the dragon form and took off into the sky, leaving me with a cloud of dust...literally.

“YOUR ON!” I shouted, laughing like a maniac as I took to the air. I shot off after him, my smaller body giving me an edge on speed. I soared clear above him, maybe twenty or so feet. I watched as my shadow crossed over him, slowly making its way past his head. He beat his large wings a couple of times, getting to the right altitude so he wouldn’t collide with building and the sort, getting above me. I lowered own in my altitude, the streets on the city in my brain. Left, right, left, right, left, right, right, left, straight, bingo. I was zooming over the heads of ponies, knocking off a couple of hats and such with my talons.

        I looked up and saw I was ahead, but barely. I saw him take out his backpack. Oh hell no, you are not going to cheat!  I angled my wings up, I lost the lead, but right behind him. flying in the draft he made. He drank some sort of potion or something of the sort. Next thing i know we’re both shooting off faster than the speed I go when I dive. I had my eyes barely open, we were going so fast. The draft behind him caused my to speed up. As we approached the restaurant I decided to cheat as well. I grabbed his tail in my talons, and pulled back as hard as I could. It resulted in us being beak and beak- I mean snout, as we passed the invisible line of winning, also known as a curb.
        “That was awesome!” I yelled out after a sudden stop, the sound of the wind still in my ears. He nodded and formed back into his usual bovine self, and took a seat at one of the outside tables. I sat across, as a pretty white unicorn floated over two menu’s to us. All you can eat.. fuck yeah.

[I heard food...] Rage commented drowsily.
[What kinds?]
~Take a look~
[What!? No meat? Fuck this. I’m going back to sleep. Wake me when we can get some REAL food.]
~Alrighty then~

        “So Badger what is your greatest exploit?” Azok said, paying a bit more attention to his menu then what I may say.

        “My GREATEST? Or do you want to do milestones and then our greatest?”

        “Greatest, then Milestones.”

        “Okay.. Lets see...After killing a black dragon the size of the building I grew up in, I gained a girlfriend, AND a job to kill an entire Diamond Dog camp on my own. I snuck in and killed all of them in their sleep, save for the alpha. Then, Rage came along and showed me I could breathe fire.”

        “I killed a god, the king of the undead, and death.”

        “Bitch please, I killed a dragon with a weapon that wasn’t mine.” I smirked to him “AND I take orders ONLY from two goddesses themselves.”

        “I can't die.”

        I spit out my drink like I did the coffee that one time“Wait what?” That’s bullshit, there is NO way he is immortal.

        “Yup. I can't die, I can be killed, but I will pop back up in a minute or two. It sucks, because sometimes I have to collect my body parts, oh and this one time my legs got eaten by a wolf. Not a pretty sight.”

NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE.“I think you’re lying. And my bullshit meter agrees."

“Fine I will prove it to you, but keep the street clear. I don't want to land on somepony.” He lead me out into the street, where I started to push everyone away, my golden armor showing: I was a guard. I looked back to him as he opened his book. He selected something, and then woosh! he was on a pink tube. At the sight of said pink tube, I started to laugh, I swear I’ve never seen anything this funny before. One second he has a bike from hell, the next its a pink tube.

“Dude! Hahaha, what the hell is that?” I said between gasps of air.

“Well, considering most of the other things I can ride have rights here, I thought it best not to summon a gryphon, pegasi, or a hippogryph and start riding it.  But if you want, I have 50 other animals I can choose from.”

That got my attention. “You have mounts like us?”

“Well yes, but as I said I'd rather not be seen riding around on something that looks like the locals.” He got on (what he later called) the Pink Love Rocket. (Seriously, who ever made it needs to be banished from Equestria. Its a pink tube thats called a ‘love rocket’.) He took off to the sky, and from what I could tell, he was about one hundred feet in the air.

“You ain’t got the balls to jump!!” I yelled out loud enough for him to hear. Next thing I know, the pink tube disappears, and he starts falling like a rock. “Ohhhh shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhit ...”

He seemed relaxed and then he yelled,“ CANNON BALL!!!”.

Needless to say I cringed a bit from the resounding splat and small spray of blood and such. I didn’t think he was going to actually do it! Oh great Celestia, I am sooo screwed. I made my way, carefully. Surprisingly, there was almost no blood, save for a little coming out of his mouth and what sprayed about when he landed. I softly poked his arm, seeing if he was still alive and- POP! His head literally popped off. CLEANSE IT WITH FIRE!!

~Yeah screw you too..~

I made my way back to the chair inside and drank my drink, trying to ignore the smal drops of blood on me, and the fact everyone was staring at me and the body outside. There was some sort of commotion from the onlookers, and I looked back to the body, only to see his blood start to flowing TO his body. The hell.... Slowly the head made the way to the body, almost like metal would to a magnet. They attached themselves to him over the span of a minute.

``````````Azok’s POV````````

Being dead isn't so bad, as soon as my body dies I get turned into a ghost. So I was somewhat around to see Badger freak out over my corpse.  As soon as my body had finished repairing itself, I felt my spectral form being pulled back into it. Ghost back in body, I shot straight up and cracked my neck. “See? I told you.” I said while standing up and walking back into the restaurant.  His eye twitched, almost uncontrollably.

“WHAT THE FUUCKK?!?!” Badger screamed at me

“Well you weren't impressed by me killing a god and death, so I decide to do something you literally can't top.”

“I...Uh....huh... I am, for the first time in a long time...Without words...”

“So now that we're past the hole immortality thing what do you wanna talk about.”

“I have no idea.. I just want to sit down and hide under a rock for a while.. Also, you should see the Princess about that.. She could probably do something so the rest of us have that.. Save a couple hundred lives...”

“I already gave this speech to another little pony that wanted it and I will give the same to you.  If you try to reproduce this power in any way, I will end you.”

“Understandable.. Don’t want it getting into the wrong hands”

        “Exactly. Me and Vinny will take this knowledge to our graves. Now aren't we going to talk about milestones?”

`````````````````````````Badger’s POV````````````````````

``````An hour or two later``````

        We had spent the rest of the time talking about some of our most loved accomplishments, myself beating the black dragon (which I have nicknamed Alduin, sounds like a kick ass name, right?), and his being his ability to shapeshift and such. We each paid for our own meals, and decided to walk back to the Armor shop so he can get his armor

        When we got back to the shop, he got his new armor, he said something along the lines of  “Holy me this looks awesome” And he started to giggle like a little hatchling when it said its first word.nI was once again ignoring what they were saying, and admired the craftsmanship of the smith. The weapons and armor he made was extremely high quality. Maybe he used to work for the Royal guards... I’ll ask him about it later. My thoughts were interrupted by Azok.

 “Hey Badger, you want something, a weapon or armor or something?”

        “Na, Im getting some claws and a sword made from that dragon I killed.” I bluffed. Hopefully the dragon’s body hasn’t been stripped by timberwolves yet, cause that sounds kick ass.

        “Well, I got my armor and you're getting some dragon body parts turned into weapons. So what do you wanna do now?”

We decided to walk around, taking in some of the sights of the city... Until the ground turned to soap (not that I fell or anything, or damaged my armor in any way...). Trees turned upside down, and chocolate milk rain fell plentiful from the sky.

“This isn't normal is it?” Azok asked.

“Think we should go see Celestia?”


A/N: Sorry guys and gals about the lateness of this chapter, It took a while to make and synchronize with Gnome. Once again, if you haven't read his fic yet, I recommend it! Mr. Minimii, thanks you for editing and such, it means a lot!

Let me know how your liking the collabs, I have two more arranged with others, and maybe one more or so chapter of 'Promotion' to get done!

Have an OC you want to enter? Send it to me in a message with body the looks and personality! (If you can, a picture will help as well!)

Keep calm and read on,
~Solar Eclipse / Badger