What was that filly up to? All this slinking around and dodging questions and diverting attention. It was as if there was something that she didn’t want her to find out. That thought didn’t fill Sweetie with much confidence. Given Scootaloo’s track record with secrecy, this could turn out bad. Surely Scootaloo wouldn’t try something as terrible as that again; she’d promised she wouldn’t. Was Sweetie not being supportive enough? Was all of this not helping? Maybe in trying to show how much she was there for her, she was making Scootaloo feel pressured, and maybe that was beginning to get to her? Or maybe Scootaloo felt that Sweetie wasn’t giving her enough support, and she felt abandoned? Should Sweetie pay her more attention? But what if she was already feeling pressured, and Sweetie was just misreading the signs? Putting more pressure on her would only make things worse, and vice versa, if she stepped back more and Scootaloo was already feeling abandoned, Sweetie could ruin everything. Oh Celestia, what did she do?
Scootaloo was upstairs in Sweetie’s room. Sweetie didn’t know what she was doing, but by the sounds of things she’d just showered, so she was probably towelling off. Unless that was Rarity. Sweetie fidgeted a little. She couldn’t stay down here in the kitchen all afternoon; that would benefit nopony. She tapped at her glass, listening to the soft pinging it made as she did so. Perhaps the most effective tactic would just be to sit her down and talk to her. Have a good, honest, heart to heart talk with her. That way they could both lay all of their cards on the table and they could both clear the water. Sweetie would give it ten minutes, giving Scootaloo adequate time to herself, then she’d go up to her room, sit Scootaloo down on the bed, and they would both get their turn to talk. It would take maybe fifteen minutes or so, but it would really help Sweetie to know where she stood, and give her an insight into Scootaloo’s walled off mind. Why didn’t they have lessons about this in school?
Sweetie drank from the glass. She tapped it again. The ping was a lower than before. Fascinating stuff, science. All was quiet in the rooms upstairs. As Sweetie listened, she could hear the soft humming of a sewing machine in use. Her sister’s latest high profile order no doubt. Honestly, that mare never stopped working. The humming stopped. Silence resumed. There was a clatter and Sweetie’s heart stopped. Her ears pricked up, her eyes darted to the ceiling, as if hoping to see through it. Her thoughts were racing at a hundred miles per hour; what was that? Should she run, should she wait – what if she was too late? What if..?
Her sister cursed.
Sweetie exhaled loudly, letting out the biggest and most relieved breath she’d ever held. She touched a hoof to her breast, feeling her heart thump so quickly it was like one continuous thud. Scraping noises from upstairs could be heard as Rarity dragged the toppled mannequin back upright. It was okay, calm down Sweetie Belle. What if it had been..? Should she – would she have run, or waited? What if she had been too late? What if she still was? What if it was just about to happen? What if Rarity’s accident had occurred at exactly the same time, blotting out the noise? What if Scootaloo was up there right now, hoping that Sweetie would come, or maybe not? Maybe she hoped Sweetie wouldn’t come? Scootaloo could be upstairs right at this moment dying whilst Sweetie just sat here and did nothing! Did nothing but thought and waited!
What if..?
The time for waiting was over. Sweetie had to see Scootaloo. Only two minutes had passed. Scootaloo could have plenty of time to herself later, now they had to talk. Sweetie walked calmly to the bottom of the stairs, breathing heavily, with ears plastered against her skull. She wanted to run. She wanted to bolt up the stairs, fling the door open and see that everything was okay. But she didn’t. She walked, calmly and patiently. Every second she spent walking she regretted, as it was just one second she could have spent running. Running, and saving Scootaloo. What if she was too late?
Sweetie stood beside the door to her room. She couldn’t hear anything inside. Scootaloo was inside, wasn’t she? She couldn’t be anywhere else. Sweetie grabbed the handle. Be calm now, Sweetie, you don’t want to startle her, be calm. She twisted the handle. Oh, the action felt so slow and painful. Still no noise. Be calm. Sweetie pushed the door inwards. Every second felt an hour, could this door not open quicker? Why wasn’t she darting in at lightning speed? It must have been days by now. She must have been spending years just opening this door. Inch by inch, every moment filled with uncertainty. Open faster, open faster!
The door opened. Sweetie peered in. She looked around. No chairs, no ropes, no telephones… just Scootaloo. Just Scootaloo, standing with her head out of the window, letting the gentle breeze blow through her mane, the afternoon chill filling the room with cool air. There was a rustle of leaves outside. Scootaloo’s eyes were closed, not tightly, but in a state of bliss. Her muscles were relaxed, her wings were neatly folded on her back. A very slight smile played across her muzzle, as the wind flitted through the strands of her mane, and her left ear twitched. Behind her, in a heap on the floor, was a damp towel, discarded when its services weren’t required. It wasn’t silent. It was pleasant. Calm. The overcast sky afforded a little natural light. There were no lamps or candles on in the room. Scootaloo looked at peace with herself.
Nothing to worry about.
Sweetie slid carefully into the room. She quietly shut the door behind her. There was a click. Scootaloo slowly opened her eyes and blinked three or four times. She looked over at Sweetie, stood somewhat awkwardly at the door. She smiled. Sweetie smiled back, if a little nervously. The only noise was the relaxing noise of the wind blowing in through the window. Nopony spoke.
“Sorry I disturbed you.”
“Don’t be.”
“You looked so peaceful.”
“Yea, I feel kinda peaceful.”
“You’re all okay then?”
“Yea. I’m fine. Come here and put your head out the window.” Scootaloo beckoned for Sweetie to come closer. She stood back from the window to afford Sweetie some space. The unicorn made her way across the room. Her fur bristled slightly from the chill. As she drew level with Scootaloo, she put her head out the window, and closed her eyes. The feeling of the cold air in her lungs as she inhaled, the sensation of the wind through her mane and on her face. Again, the rustling of fallen leaves. The whole world seemed to have hushed itself just for her, just to give her this moment of serenity. Her mind cleared of worry. All she could do was relax in the presence of nature.
“Feels good, doesn’t it?”
“Mmm.”
“I used to do this every morning. Every single morning. It was kind of my own, precious moment alone. I felt like nopony could hurt me. I felt relaxed and calm. There’s something very satisfying about it.”
“Mmm.”
“You can bring your head back in now. You can say what you wanted to say.”
Sweetie rather reluctantly drew her head back in. Such a sensation of clarity in her mind she had not felt in a long time. She savoured the feeling. After not long, her mind started to feel… heavy. It started to feel weighed down by thoughts. Here or there, little worries or anxieties put pressure on her brain. She felt saddened by the passing of the pleasant experience, but she was glad Scootaloo had shown it to her. She looked at her marefriend. Scootaloo really was beautiful. Diamond Tiara could boast about all of the expensive make up and clothes her father bought for her, but Scootaloo had something that she didn’t – natural, untainted beauty. There was something about the glitter in her eyes, the particular fuzziness of her fur, the ruggedness of her features, the length of her neck and the lithe, muscular build of her body that made her something really special. In fact, Sweetie would liken her to a swan. She was her delicate orange swan.
“Sweetie?”
“Wha-?” Sweetie had to shake her head slightly to focus herself.
“What was it you wanted to say?”
“Oh. Yea, uhh, I just wanted to talk.”
“Okay, well, talk. I’m all ears.” Scootaloo parked herself down on the floor, in an attentive posture with eyes fixed on Sweetie. Why did Sweetie suddenly feel like she was being interrogated?
“Well, I suppose I’m just a little… concerned. You’ve been doing a lot of sneaking around, and every time I approach you about it you dodge the question. I just want to know what’s going on. You’re not… you’re not planning to… are you?”
“No. Of course I’m not, I wouldn’t do that to you again.”
“Okay, well that was my main concern.” Sweetie felt like her mind had been relieved somewhat. At least that was out of the way. Sweetie waited patiently, expecting Scootaloo to talk. No? Was she not going to say something herself? Sweetie had other questions, but they were just trifling matters and she was sure that Scootaloo had some serious questions to ask herself. The young mare sat in silence, eyes still locked firmly on Sweetie. Was she expecting her to keep talking?
A slight glimmer began to collect at the corners of Scootaloo’s eyes. It wasn’t much, barely noticeable, but Sweetie noticed it. Scootaloo kept smiling, waiting patiently, with moisture beginning to collect in her eyes. Sweetie gazed back at her, her heart filled with the desire to immediately rush to her and make sure everything was okay, “Scootaloo? Are you crying?”
“No. Sometimes the air can dry out my eyes. That’s all.” Despite the certainty with which Scootaloo said those words, Sweetie felt like it was difficult for her to keep a level tone.
“Scootaloo, what’s wrong? You can talk to me. Don’t hide things from me Scootaloo, that’s how things start to get bad.”
“Sweetie, I’m fine.”
“Scootaloo, talk to me.”
“I’m fine. Really, there’s nothing wrong. I am totally fine.”
Despite Scootaloo’s strong words and admirable job of holding Sweetie’s gaze, as the first of the tears began to trickle down one side of her face she lost it. She started bawling with seemingly no reason or explanation, and it took Sweetie slightly aback. In seconds few she was at Scootaloo’s side, her hooves wrapped around the filly as she shook violently, her eyes clamped tightly shut and with tears freely flowing down her face. Sweetie had known something wasn’t quite right. Scootaloo could try her best to hide it, but Sweetie could always tell when something was bothering her. She kept her silence for a while, letting Scootaloo cry the worst of it out.
Sweetie waited for Scootaloo to calm down somewhat before she said anything, “What’s wrong Scootaloo? Please tell me; I hate seeing you sad.”
“It-it-it’s just,” Scootaloo struggled to string her words together for longer than a second before being wracked by another sob. Sweetie stroked her mane, trying to calm her down even by a modicum. Scootaloo bit her lip and tried to stave off her emotions for a minute so she could talk without being interrupted, “It’s just that… I’m-I’m not in a g-good place at the moment.”
“What do you mean, Scoots? Are you not feeling well? Are you missing your own home?”
“I-I feel so-so shit!” Scootaloo planted her face into her hooves and entered another fit of violent crying. Sweetie waited patiently for her to collect herself. She held her tongue, certain that Scootaloo would carry on regardless of her input, “I’m so st-stressed out! I can’t go anywhere without worrying that-that Diamond is gonna come and hurt me! I can’t even h-hide inside my own head anymore because I-I hate myself! Everypony hates me, even me! I am nothing! I have no future, and I-I feel like I’m just holding you back and stopping you from suc-succeeding! I’m holding you back and it’s all because I’m too selfish to even take care of myself! Why am I so useless?”
Sweetie let Scootaloo cry. She needed this emotional outlet. She’d been holding all of this in for a while now and Sweetie felt like letting it all out would do her good. Scootaloo cried and cursed and thumped at the ground and ranted for what must have been a good half an hour. When she’d finished, she just sniffled and rubbed at her eyes every now and then. Sweetie hushed her gently, stroking her mane and squeezing one of her hooves gingerly. She pulled Scootaloo closer, the traumatised filly resting her head in the crook of Sweetie’s neck, “What’s brought all this on? Why are you saying these things about yourself?”
“Because it’s all true. I am useless and selfish and stupid and incapable of looking after myself.”
“That’s not what I mean. You were so happy only a few days ago. You and Apple Bloom had made friends again and you felt on top of the world, like you could accomplish anything. Why do you suddenly feel like this? Has something happened that I don’t know about?”
“No. Nothing’s happened. I dunno, I just suddenly… I dunno. I had another nightmare last night and that kinda brought me down a bit. I mean, I was doing so well! I hadn’t had a nightmare in weeks and I thought I was recovering and then I woke up at three in the morning with the sound of you screaming in my ears, and I’ve just not been right all morning. Why am I having nightmares again, Sweetie? Why am I not recovering? I don’t want to be like this! I don’t want to be plagued by my past! I don’t want to be sick, but I am. Why am I sick? I’m not right, Sweetie! There’s something wrong with me. I’m not right in the head. I’m broken, Sweetie. Why am I broken? Why can’t I be fixed? Why can’t I be normal like you? Why did I have to be the one that got the broken mind?”
Sweetie hushed Scootaloo again. She couldn’t let her get worked up into a tizzy or things would get bad again. She gave Scootaloo a slight shake to try and comfort her somewhat, “You’re not broken Scootaloo. You’ve just been through some troubling things, and anypony, no matter how strong they are, having been through what you’ve been through would be just the same. You’ve been dealt more than you fair share of misfortune, and I know it’s shit. Sometimes you wonder why Diamond can’t be taken down a notch, but you’ve been so brave to even make it this far. You aren’t useless, you’re not selfish, and you certainly aren’t stupid! Scootaloo, you are the bravest filly I have ever met. You are kind, you are smart, you are pretty, and you are unique. And you are tough as nails, Scoots! You may not feel like it, but I’m certain that if Diamond Tiara or Silver Spoon were in your position, then they wouldn’t even be doing half as well as you are. Don’t put yourself down, Scoots. You are going to get through this, and I’m going to help you, but you need to believe in yourself. It will take time, and sometimes you may just feel like giving up, but I know you, Scootaloo, and I know that you have the courage and the drive to see this through. You are making progress. Just look at where you are now compared to where you were! Just remember that I’m going to be here at your side the whole way, and I’ll always be here for you, no matter what, because I love you Scootaloo, and I can see the qualities in you that even you don’t see yourself. Now come on,” Sweetie put a hoof under Scootaloo’s muzzle, tilting her head up to look her in the eyes. “You are brave. Say it after me, you are brave.”
“I am brave,” murmured Scootaloo quietly, shying away from Sweetie’s gaze.
“Say it like you mean it, and look me in the eye. Come on, say it with pride! You are brave!”
“I am brave.”
“Come on, really mean it!”
“I am brave! I can do this!”
“Yea, that’s more like it! You are brave, you are unique, you are smart!”
“I am brave! I am unique! I am smart! Woo!” Scootaloo punched triumphantly at the air, sniffling slightly as she did so.
They both sat in silence for a while. Scootaloo sniffled occasionally, and Sweetie gave her time to really absorb what she’d just said. When she’d given her adequate time, she leant in close and whispered right up against Scootaloo’s ear, “You are beautiful.”
“I am… I’m… I’m beautiful.” Scootaloo buried her muzzle in her hooves, a hot blush burning at her cheeks. Sweetie got the impression that that was the first time Scootaloo had ever said that. Scootaloo giggled slightly, “I am embarrassed.”
“Don’t be, because it’s true. Scootaloo, you’re the most beautiful filly in all of Ponyville.”
“No I’m not, stop saying that. You’re making me blush!” Scootaloo looked away slightly, her cheeks burning bright red. Sweetie smiled. Scootaloo had to be told, and Sweetie was certain that deep down she wanted to be told.
“Scootaloo, you could put Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon to shame. Combined! You are so naturally beautiful that you make other fillies jealous. Heck, you make me jealous! You look amazing without even trying. You’ve got a flawless figure and a brilliant mane and dazzling eyes, and you don’t even need all of that artificial make up and fancy clothes to make yourself look stunning. You are a swan, Scootaloo, a beautiful swan amongst all of the ugly ducklings.”
Scootaloo’s face was so hot you could have cooked on it. Her orange fur was now an impressive scarlet around her cheeks and at the tips of her ears. She looked Sweetie in the eyes, “That is the kindest thing anypony has ever said to me.”
“And I mean every word of it.” Sweetie brought her face closer to Scootaloo’s, taking the opportunity to stare intently into her eyes. Scootaloo stared back, equally transfixed by Sweetie’s emerald gaze. In that moment, more emotion was shared between the two than could have been expressed in a thousand words. Scootaloo found comfort in those eyes, and she could feel the fear and paranoia quickly work its way out of her mind. Those eyes were just so… disarming. Scootaloo was only vaguely aware of Sweetie’s lips pressing against her own, but nevertheless still felt a slight rush through her veins and a slight tingle down her spine that she would never get used to. The pleasant feelings in Scootaloo’s body were something she’d never numb to, so long as it was with Sweetie Belle.
The two rose. Neither spoke nor moved for a few moments. Scootaloo quickly collapsed onto the bed, and Sweetie assumed position next to her. They both stared up at the ceiling in silence. Scootaloo sighed, “Thanks, Sweetie.”
“What for?”
“For letting me talk.”
“Well, you needed to let it out. But don’t bottle that sort of stuff up anymore, okay? If anything like that happens again, or you start to doubt yourself or anything like that, just come and talk to me. Just pull me aside for a few minutes and I’ll listen. Don’t worry about what it is I’m doing or anything, because you are my number one priority, okay?” Sweetie playfully rubbed Scootaloo’s belly, inspiring a brief snort of laughter. “And don’t worry about what I’ll think. I’m not going to judge you, no matter how silly or strange or random your worry is. Please, don’t feel like you can’t talk to me. If there is anything, and I mean anything, that’s worrying you or bothering you, please just talk to me. It’s so much easier than trying to deal with it alone.”
“Thanks Sweetie. I’m sorry.”
“Sorry for what?”
“For not trusting you. I was worried that, if I talked to you, you’d find it stupid of me to be concerned about nothing. I shouldn’t have tried to hide it. I should have known it would only get worse.”
“Listen, Scoots, stop apologising. Let’s move on, the two of us. From now on, we’re not going to hide things from each other, okay? From now on, we’re not going to try and do this alone. We are solid, you and I, and that means we listen to each other, we respect each other, and we don’t keep secrets. Okay?”
“Okay.”
They were silent for a few minutes more. Not an uncomfortable silence. It was a pleasant silence. They were both just taking the time to absorb everything that had just happened. Sweetie felt a lot better now that an understanding had been met. Hopefully Scootaloo wouldn’t be afraid to talk to her anymore. Scootaloo giggled (an unusual sound for her to make), and turned to look at Sweetie, “Did you really mean what you said about me being hot and all?”
“Of course.”
“Cool. I was just checking.” Scootaloo lapsed into silence once more, trailing a hoof absentmindedly in circles on the bedsheet between the two of them. Sweetie smiled. Scootaloo could be so transparent sometimes. She gingerly took hold of Scootaloo’s hoof and shuffled a little closer, their muzzles once again only centimetres from contact. Sweetie could feel Scootaloo’s breath on her face; she could sense the anticipation and the longing in the rapid, shallow panting. Sweetie prepared to close the distance.
“Is everything okay in here? I thought I heard crying?”
Both of the fillies shot to complete opposite sides of the bed and blushed hotly. Sweetie had to wait for a second or two for her head to de-fuzz before she could respond, “Uh, yea. Yea, everything’s fine. We’re good.” Sweetie peered over her shoulder at Scootaloo, who was trying desperately to keep her wings pinned to her sides. It was kind of cute, actually. Rarity hummed to herself.
“Hmm. Well it’s good to see you two aren’t fighting, which was my concern. Sweetie, do you need to talk about anything? School related, or anything like that?”
“No, I’m fine.”
“You’re keeping on top of your homework, aren’t you?”
“Yep. Everything’s good.”
“You’re not worried about that incident in school are you?”
“Don’t you have some really important order you’re supposed to be working on? Why don’t you go finish that? Really, I think that’s something you should do.” Sweetie desperately tried to usher her sister out of the room using as little force as possible.
“Okay, I was just checking you were alright. Is Scootaloo okay?”
“Yea, Scootaloo’s fine. I’m fine. We’re all fine. Please do work now. Work is important.” Sweetie refrained from openly pushing her sister out of the room and instead tried to reinforce the whole ‘work is important’ thing by standing as distressingly close to her as she physically could until she got the message and left, before shutting the door as forcefully as possible whilst not sounding rude. Sweetie braced herself and turned back to Scootaloo.
Who, surprise surprise, was failing badly to conceal a smirk. Sweetie’s ears began to get a little hot, “Don’t even say it.”
“Incident in school?”
“Shut up.”
“Is that what I think it is?” Scootaloo beamed innocently whilst Sweetie’s face began to burn.
“The particulars of such an incident are not open to discussion. They are not your concern and you should stop asking about them. In fact, why not just forget that my stupid sister ever mentioned anything pertaining to incidents. Okay?”
“Such sophisticated vocabulary! It must be pretty damn secret then. If I guess right, will you tell me?”
Sweetie cast Scootaloo a malicious smirk of her own, “Don’t pretend Rarity didn’t notice your wings. And yes, she knowns what it means.” Scootaloo frowned and folded her forelegs, subconsciously shuffling her wings in embarrassment.
“Okay fine. I’ll stop asking.”
“Thank you.”
“By the way, one of us still has to tell my sister about our relationship.”
End.