//------------------------------// // Princess Celestia Fixes Up Everything // Story: Feeding Problems // by ferret //------------------------------// Several farming associations wrote strongly worded letters to Princess Celestia that morning, for rising the sun 100 minutes early that day, thus delaying the winter needed to freeze their old crops and weeds, and prepare their seeds for a spring awakening. Nopony paid them much attention. Applejack personally signed one at one point, but later sent a letter of apology once she learned what was the cause of the unseasonable weather. ...very few farmers sent letters of apology, though she wasn’t the only one. “Twilight Sparkle ” came the amplified voice of Princess Celestia, echoing down from above. Twilight Sparkle was running as soon as the words hit her ears, bursting out of the basement door and not even looking back until she’d left the library, running into the pale, chilly light of early morning. Her regal majesty was waiting there, on the other side of the shield. Ohh, of course she couldn’t get in! Shining specifically specialized in cosmo locks! Twilight had just left her standing out there! Twilight fired up her horn, as she ran up to her beloved mentor, frantically undoing the spell circuit that maintained the shield. “I’m sorry Princess, I—” Twilight panted out, standing there like a mule, waiting for the shield spell to unlock.i “Hello, Twilight Sparkle,” Princess Celestia said to her from across the barrier, in the most approving of voices. The shield wall still melted away far too slowly. Twilight knelt down hastily before her princess as soon as she was able, saying, “I’m so sorry, princess, I should have called you right away. I shouldn’t have bothered you! I lost control of the situation. I’m sorry I just– I just don’t know what went—” “Twilight,” Celestia remanded her sternly. “If there is one pony in all of Equestria who has nothing to apologize for, you would be that pony. Please, calm down. You have done nothing wrong, and many, many things right.” “I don’t understand, princess...” Twilight said unsteadily, sitting on her haunches. Rainbow Dash, it seems, had run out of patience, in the ten seconds that she had to wait down there. She too zoomed out of the library, stopping short at the sight of the pearl white alicorn princess, at the golden regalia of the kingdom of Equestria, and most profoundly at Princess Celestia’s presence, shining in the morning light. “If I am to understand,” Celestia addressed Twilight in a concerned tone, while Dash darted back into the library, “You pulled a drowning filly out of the river, when no other pony would save her.” Twilight blushed crimson, saying “Yes I... I just did what anypony would I mean I just... how did you know??” That last part slipped out without even thinking, as Twilight’s curiosity momentarily overwhelmed her reservations in front of the princess. Celestia raised one regal wing, as if to indicate off to the left of her, saying, “Oh, I just asked Pinkie Pie. She was all too willing to tell me all about it.” Twilight followed the direction of the wing, to a tree separate from the library, where to her astoundment, Pinkie Pie was hanging there, suspended by her tuba hooked over a branch, with another thick branch piercing through the wall of her accordion. “Let me down!” Pinkie Pie shouted from up there, pedalling her legs ineffectively. Rainbow Dash snickered beside Twilight, making her startle. Rainbow Dash was by Twilight again! Sweet Celestia could that pony move fast. Twilight shot a disapproving glare at Rainbow, then smiled gratiatingly at the princess saying, “Sorry, Rainbow Dash is not—” “No need to apologize, Twilight,” Celestia cautioned her. “It is rather hilarious.” She looked up to regard Pinkie Pie, who hung up there continuing to pedal her legs and shouting, “It is not funny!” The way that pink pony was going like that, she would really be cooking , if her hooves were touching the ground. In the running sense, not the baking sense. “No, we shouldn’t ppff...” Twilight said, trying to control herself, in regard of the struggling pony. “It’s rude to laugh at pff...” Princess Celestia was looking at her, with the most amused twinkle in her eyes. Twilight just couldn’t hold back a tense laugh, just a little one. This whole situation was absolutely insane! And to her shock and relief, the princess laughed too: a bright bell-like laughter, that Twilight had heard more often in her childhood than she would ever admit. “I think she’ll be safe up there, for a while,” Princess Celestia said, delicately wiping at her eyes with a golden shoed pastern. “How did she get up there?” Rainbow Dash asked bemusedly. Princess Celestia looked at Rainbow Dash with an adorable pout, and said, “Why, I put her up there!” Once Twilight had finished ruining her future as a scholar and a gentlemare, as Princess Celestia’s prized pupil, and most faithful student, Twilight eventually collected her wits, managed to stop laughing, and climbed to her hooves. Then, she imagined Princess Celestia shoving Pinkie Pie unceremoniously into a tree, and collapsed again, helpless with total barrel shaking laughter. But then she regained her hooves, and bit her lip to stay any improprietous thoughts. Twilight Sparkle looked at the Princess and said a bit breathlessly, “Thank you... princess... I really do need your help. Do you know what’s happening with Pinkie Pie? Or why Scootaloo et al are the way they are? Or what the nature of this fillysprite tale is?” Celestia smiled at her and said, “Yes.” “Yes, to...?” Twilight prompted. “I think you should bring the fillies out,” Princess Celestia said to her. “We all have a lot to speak about.” “Wouldn’t it be better to talk things over in the library?” Twilight asked, then waved her hooves frantically, saying, “Oh no, not that I meant to say that you—” “It would,” Princess Celestia agreed, tilting her head to look, up and to the left, “But I’m afraid Pinkie Pie needs to hear this as much as you do.” Nodding uncertainly, if not devotedly, Twilight ran just barely into the library foyer, and shouted loudly, for the fillies to come up from the basement. She turned to leave, only to find Rainbow Dash right in her face, giving her the most disgusted look in the world. Twilight blinked, as Dash passed her by, going down the stairs to the basement. The three fillies trundled up, shortly afterwards, followed by Rainbow Dash who waved in front of Twilight Sparkle a bunch of balled up tufts of... oh. Twilight smiled awkwardly, and Rainbow Dash’s face broke into an easy smile herself, easing Twilight’s nerves. Dash tossed aside the pinkfluff, and gestured for Twilight to join them out in the gleaming sunlight. Ahead of the two mares, so too did Scootaloo, Archer and Licky stop short at the sight of Princess Celestia, but doubly so at the sight of Pinkie Pie, hanging up there in a tree. Dash came up behind the fillies, and scooted the three of them towards the princess, while Twilight just trotted up on her own. Once they were all in earshot, and they had either settled down comfortably, or remained paralyzed with fear in the case of the fillies, Princess Celestia began her tale. “There once was a foolish princess, who thought she had no other choice to set things right, so she hid away the memories of Opal Star Pie, whom you may know as Granny Pie.” Twilight gasped at that, since she knew what it implied, but Celestia explained to the others, “Memory spells are forbidden, for a very good reason. You can take away a pony’s memories, but the mind is a delicate thing, and even a princess cannot be sure that she has done it right, and not made a terrible mistake.” “The princess did what she could for Opal Pie, giving her as full a life as she could live, but what she didn’t know until today, is that lost in Opal’s tormented memories, was a little filly named Pinkie Pie.” Princess Celestia paused, and the half second was enough for Twilight to come to the stunning conclusion that, “You made up the story about the fillysprite? You?!” “Let me finish, please,” Princess Celestia said patiently. Twilight shut the buck up, and listened in rapt attention. “There was a very good reason this princess thought she had to shut away the memories of Opal,” Celestia went on, “And it was because of a tragedy so terrible, that Opal could not bear to remember it. She begged the princess to make her forget. She did things that... ponies should not do to themselves, that her grief was driving her to do. Her memories were destroying her, and the princess thought it was the only thing that she could do to help her.” Everypony was quiet as Princess Celestia spoke. Even Pinkie Pie had stopped hollering and wiggling about, just hanging there and staring at Princess Celestia in open mouthed disbelief. “What did she want to forget?” piped up a little blue filly at Rainbow Dash’s feet. It was the question Twilight wanted to ask. Twilight wanted to, but she was afraid of the answer, so she hesitated. But Archer didn’t hesitate. She asked clearly, and with no restraint in her voice. It did not sound like a filly who didn’t know any better. “Opal Pie, and Pinkie Pie,” Princess Celestia continued, “Grew up in a town on the northwestern edge of Equestria, a town called Nickerlite. While their principle crop was mineral, they still relied on vegetable crops in order to thrive. It wasn’t much, but enough that the rock farmers could harvest a small surplus to feed each other over the winter. That would change one day, when the parasprites came to Nickerlite.” The ponies were slogging through their ruined fields, desperately waving the parasprites away, capturing them in great nets. There were always more, and more. They cradled their chewed crops, torn from the very mouths of those cursed beasts, as if through will alone they could keep the plants from dying, and the vegetables from going bad. It never worked. Nothing did. The land was dying around them, as they wept and hungered. A mature looking, off-white pony, with hair not unlike Pinkie Pie, went marching over the hill away from that place. She held a look of determination on her face, as well as a strong, protective cloak and heavy saddlebags, encumbered with a coil of rope tied to one side, and a somewhat gnarled stick with a point on the end attached alongside the other. She had a seasoned look in her eyes, like she was well familiar with these roads, and the untamed lands beyond them. “Opal had sought aid,” Celestia went on, “Not from the princess, but from a legend she knew, passed down through generations of Pies. She left Nickerlite and crossed the world, seeking the song that would end the parasprite as a menace, forever. Where she found her answer, is a secret she took to her grave, but it likely had something to do with events that transpired thereafter. Her improvised musical arrangement replicated the sounds which parasprites would follow without question, the mysterious forbidden magic from a very ancient time, and a very ancient people.” Twilight was starting to get what Princess Celestia was getting at, but her story hadn’t yet answered any questions about what had so endangered these fillies yesterday. Twilight spent her fillyhood learning that nopony was as good at storytelling than Princess Celestia though, so Twilight was absolutely confident that the princess would get there in due time. Celestia declared to all, “Using this magic song, Opal Pie saved Nickerlite, and ended the parasprite menace for Equestria, indefinitely. Countless ponies were saved by her selfless deeds, and many ponies would have suffered, and perhaps even starved, without her help.” “She was a hero,” Celestia said, casting a meaningful glance up at Pinkie Pie. For once, Pinkie Pie did not know what to say. “Unfortunately,” Celestia continued somewhat somberly, “That’s where her luck began to run out. She saved Nickerlite, but such a great cost had already been exacted. The crops were ruined, the food spoiled, sometimes with the very corpses of the parasprites who sought to feed on it. And winter was coming to Nickerlite.” “Nopony starved to death,” Celestia said gladly, “But many went for want of food. The whole kingdom did its best to grow late in the season, but the bounty was small, and the weather could not be denied forever. As if to spite the delay, it was a long and harsh winter. Food ran out. Ponies went hungry. Foals went hungry.” She looked at Pinkie Pie again, saying, “It was a difficult time for anypony to be happy in Nickerlite, who had suffered the most from the terror of the parasprite.” “And that’s where Scootaloo comes in,” Princess Celestia said, as if in conclusion, smiling in self satisfaction. Twilight stared incomprehendingly, and was about to interrupt, when Celestia clarified, “Or rather, a pony much like Scootaloo. You see, ponies like Scootaloo were once much more common than they are today. Long in the distant past,” Celestia said, in melodious oration, “There once was an empire of sheep, if you can believe that. These gentle, carefree creatures nonetheless formed a powerful nation that would shape history, and future society, for many ages to come.” The princess laughed, and said, “Some like to claim that sheep created ponies, in order to have someone to run their empire for them, while they lived an easy life forevermore.” Nopony seemed to get the joke though. “In Ancient Fleece,” Celestia continued, clearing her throat, “There was a coastal city called Shellfi, which became home to what everysheep knew as the Oracles. Noram knew what they were, only that they hailed from an island far off in the ocean, a floating island that had at last drifted close enough to the mainland for the oracles to make trade. And what they had to trade made the sheep empire prosper greatly. The oracles traded in the future.” The island was not very large, nor was it very bountiful. Much of it remained brackish and marshy, home to one particular kind of root, and the highlands were small enough to be home to only one particular kind of tree. It floated there in its slightly askew manner, drifting about on a seemingly infinite plane of water. And walking upon it and surrounding its waters looking from a distance like a halo of many bright colors, were ponies much like Scootaloo, of all ages and sizes. Their home wasn’t much, and it wasn’t always kind to them. Terrible storms rained down upon the land making everypony hide for cover, but terrible storms also brought the bounty of fresh water which nourished them and the things that grew there. Changing winds brought birds from which to collect eggs, and drifting swarms of a particular kind of insect who survived by floating to tropical islands and devouring them, a kind of insect that these ponies welcomed rather than feared. It wasn’t the greatest way to live perhaps, but it was all they knew, and all they had ever known was them, their little island home, and the endless glassy seas. “The ocean is a treacherous homeland, for those who try to live on its surface,” the princess continued to tell, “The weather is unruly and unpredictable. Storms and even hurricanes may spring upon you without warning. Migration patterns of flying insects, birds and fish change unexpectedly and without schedule. And so, to survive, these oracles had to develop a powerful insight into the events that were to be. To plot their courses, as they skimmed the featureless waves around their home. To prepare against storms, and to find sources of fish and fresh water. But a few of them were... more than that. The Oracles of Shellfi were so powerful, in their vision of how things shall be, that they were worshipped, even feared. They formed prophecies, some of which you may even be familiar with today. They took the uncertain future, and made it... gentle. Predictable. Orderly.” Princess Celestia sighed, and said, “When—” her voice caught, and she sighed again, looking at the ground with an unreadable expression. “When Discord came to rule the land,” she said darkly, “They were his greatest threat, and his first victims. He drove them mad, even before he existed at all. Tortured them with unthinkable futures, with what he would do to them and their world.” There was once a coastal city called Shellfi. There isn’t any longer. Time and decay have long since dismantled all but the sturdiest of marble columns and stone foundations. But those sturdy marble columns certainly don’t stand upright, while they weather the tests of time, for there were terrible nights of fire and terror at the end of that city. Screams of fear, anguish and frustration permeated the air as their city fell into war, destruction and ruin, until nothing was left standing. The ones who emerged victorious or at least alive had nothing to show, for their determination to fight back the madness of the oracles. The wearied sheep could only walk away from the smouldering ruins, with nothing left for them there but bad memories. The fear and hatred that resulted were terrible, though perhaps not as terrible as what resulted from them. Now abandoned, banished, chased away from what lives they had made, the oracles returned home, and ponies and other creatures patrolled the sea to make sure no more oracles left the safety of their island. For the safety of them, it was said, and of the world. The foretellings of doom, and the insanity were both pushed back to that island. The destructive future of the oracles was driven back with them, back to the place from which it came, told never to return. And all the while, off the coast, that little island ever so slowly drifted closer, in its geologically paced course to reunite with the mainland. What had once been a unimaginable boon was now only a source of fear to them. For the mainlanders, the oracles. For the oracles, the the mainland. So there, the oracles hid and huddled, and watched the distant shore in fear, fear for what they knew, and for what they could not know was to come. “His coming ruined their island home,” Celestia explained soberly, “Turned the very waters against them, swallowing them up whole. He... he annihilated them.” The ponies of Ponyville couldn’t have known what those ancient mainlanders may have seen gazing out into the ocean, their gaze captured by that little island on the horizon. You could no longer see an island at all, just a roiling cloying storm of venom colored clouds, the rolling thunder continuous from the constant lightning flashes within. A few, so very few streaks of color shot out across the water from it, when the storm closed on the island with terrible finality. Tendrils reached out from it like hands, seeking their fleeing forms. A few escaped. So very few. The ponies of Ponyville could not know of the grim expressions on the faces of the ponies and sheep, and others watching from the shore. None were there to welcome the oracles to the mainland anymore, but rather to defend the shore from them. Yet those few streaks of color continued planing desperately for the shore, because they had nowhere else to go. The ancient defenders couldn’t have known of what was to come, or if they had known, they couldn’t have believed it, so there was no welcome awaiting these wave skimmers. Nopony now or in ages past ever knew what happened inside that storm, since nothing caught in that storm lived to tell about it. It continued through the night, a fiery orange light not that of the sunset glowing ruddily from its interior, and when the rumbles ceased and the storm dissipated, there was nothing there on the horizon but unbroken water. The ponies of Ponyville couldn’t have known how the ancient ponies felt, or the sheep, or the seaponies or the dell dwellers, once they learned that the horror had only just begun, and they had mistaken their true enemy, for his first victims. The ponies of Ponyville could not know any of that, because Princess Celestia did not tell them. Although she tried her very hardest, she could only make the story show on her face when she said, simply, “He annihilated them.” A small crowd was beginning to develop, as ponies who awoke early saw the princess herself, telling a story, out in the courtyard in front of the library. Everypony seemed enraptured by her tale which, even to think about what horrors they must have gone though, was a bewitching story that you just couldn’t look away from, kind of like a train wreck. “They—” the princess paused, lifting a hoof, then putting it down to continue in a grim tone, “There were many peoples whom Discord destroyed: the flutter ponies, the seaponies, the breezies, but I think what he did to the oracles was the most spiteful, or perhaps the most fearful.” “We thought they were gone forever,” Princess Celestia murmured, in an entirely too small voice for her regal bearing, “We thought we—that I would be the last pony, to ever see them alive.” She seemed to come out of it then, looking down at a stunned Scootaloo with an expression of tremendous relief. “I was wrong, of course,” Princess Celestia said with a small smile. Her smile faltered though, and the princess continued her tale as if she didn’t want to do so. “Oracles are very primitive ponies,” Princess Celestia explained, “Isolated on their island uncountable ages in the past, with no natural predators, they remained simple and unchanged, while the rest of ponykind had to adapt to ever-evolving, hostile circumstances. As such, oracles... continue to reproduce by mouth, of which many early forms of pony are thought to do. At the time of their prehistoric isolation, the precursors to the oracles should have simply devoured their landscape and then died en-masse, but... something changed in them, that enabled them to survive, and even thrive, even with scarce resources and in a harsh environment. They gained the ability to...” the princess waved a hoof around, as if searching for the word. “Deproduce!” Twilight yelped excitedly. Then she covered her mouth and laughed nervously. “Deproduce, yes that works,” Celestia said with a smile. “Thank you, Twilight. Now I’m sure you’ve all realized that Scootaloo here is an... oracle, and that she reproduces and... de produces by mouth. And unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately in better circumstances, this deproducing she can perform is not limited only to ...other oracle ponies.” Twilight’s smile faltered. “As the ponies in Nickerlite struggled to get by,” Celestia continued her tale, “A strange terror began to grip their community. Their foals began acting curiously, communicating in secret, hiding things from their parents. Wearing shirts, they said, to shield against the winter cold, but in reality it was to shield them from being discovered . Foals that were once strong, became weak. Foals that were once indominable, lost their incredible stamina. Ponies attributed it to the scarcity of food, but... something else was going on entirely, right under their noses.” Twilight Sparkle couldn’t stop the feeling of pure, unadultrated horror at what the princess was saying. She couldn’t... she couldn’t prove Princess Celestia wrong! You just didn’t do that! That was not a thing you did! Pinkie Pie had a triumphant frown on her face, if that was a possible facial expression to have. “Princess Celestia,” Twilight implored her, looking up at the beautiful alicorn in worry and consternation. “I must be hearing you wrong. I’m sorry but, it just...” She gave a sideways smile, saying wryly, “It sounds like you are implying that Pinkie Pie was right when she said Scootaloo could devour our foals, and turn them into creatures like her.” There was silence all around. Celestia looked a bit nervous, and said in clarification, “Yes, Scootaloo can devour your foals, and make them the same as herself.” “I knew it!!” Pinkie Pie shrieked, at the same time as Scootaloo shouted out, “No I can’t! That’s stupid!” Twilight looked at Scootaloo in baleful confusion, and the filly stammered at her wide eyed, “I–I never–I couldn’t how would that even, I never not once ever did I ever try to eat anypony I wouldn’t I swear!” “I believe you, Scootaloo,” Princess Celestia said with a significant nod to the filly. All heads turned to the princess again. “Nor could you do that to a foal,” Celestia clarified further, “If the foal was unwilling. Unless perhaps, if a number of you held her down, until your natural processes overcame her resistance.” “That’s not very comforting!” Scootaloo shouted quaveringly to the princess. “If it helps,” Celestia suggested coldly, “There are ways to turn an oracle into an ordinary pony, for all intents and purposes. Either act done unwillingly is very much forbidden, what many would consider an unspeakable cruelty. Even so, it would be both easier, and more cruel, for you, Scootaloo, to hold a pony down and kill her. Trust me, Scootaloo. I believe with all my heart and mind that you would never deproduce another pony without permission, but it is very important for you to know that you can.” Scootaloo just cowered there, as meek and silent as Archer was pretty much all the time. Celestia looked away from the filly and went on with her story. “When enough foals were discovered mysteriously having grown wings on their back, and having lost their... means to make the next generation of foals, the conspiracy was blown wide open, and the ponies of Nickerlite were horrified by what they found. A creature like a parasprite, but appearing as a filly, had been devouring their foals, replacing them with identical copies, who themselves devoured more foals, as what came to be called the fillysprite.” “Scootaloo didn’t know this was possible,” Celestia said to all of them at large. “Because she never tried, and thank goodness for that. But it was very much possible, and one thing you must know about oracles is, they do not need to eat very much to live . They may not be as strong as other kinds of pony, or as durable, or able to fly as well, and their magic is far less... utilitarian than that of a unicorn, but the one thing that characterizes them is efficiency. They can eat just about anything, yet their tastes are remarkably simple, and they only need a small amount to sustain themselves. They can deproduce when food is scarce, making literally fewer mouths to feed.” The princess shook her head sadly. “There was a famine in Nickerlite,” Princess Celestia reiterated, “Ponies were going hungry. Foals were going hungry. And an oracle came among them, somehow. Somehow, a lost tribe of ponies forgotten by time just happened to be in the wrong place, at the wrong time. The oracle was a filly at the time, and she was there with all the other fillies and colts in Nickerlite. This filly had the means, and the instincts, to solve the hunger problems of her friends once and for all.” “If anypony has ever truly gone for want of food,” Celestia said with a frightening amount of sympathy, “Then they could understand the temptation that this filly was, for these young children. Not only did these foals deproduce willingly, but they treated it like a secret club, one that they hid from their parents, in fear of how they would react, or what they would think. A justified fear, as it turns out.” Princess Celestia spread her wings, declaring for all to hear, “When a pony has been devoured by an oracle, she cannot keep her within. The conflict of personality is so great, that the oracle soon spits out another oracle. And like they do for their own kind, this oracle will have the memories, personality, appearance and I believe the soul of their old friend, now in the form of a pony who needs little to eat, and can hide inside her friends when she doesn’t want to be hungry. I’ve been told it’s a painless process, and the ponies I knew who chose to be oracles rarely, if ever, regretted their decision.” “Yet once again,” Celestia said in a voice thick with emotion, “Opal Pie brought forth her forbidden song, a tremendous guilt driving her to ignore the pleas of these foals, and do what must be done. She clearly thought she was responsible. She said as much herself to me, once. And the foals who had been devoured, as one they all followed her obediently, their own magic turned against them. The town turned everything upside down, not a colt or filly was spared this test by song. And so, Opal Pie destroyed the fillysprite, just as she had any parasprite in her life, drowning it in the river, so it could never harm another foal again.” Celestia’s brow twisted further, and her voice was tinged with anger when she said, “And that is when they wrote to their princess, about what they had suffered, and what they had done. Not before, but after, and as soon as the foolish princess read that letter, she knew that there was nothing she could do.” The princess folded her wings. Twilight made a mental note to thank her number one assistant. “Wait, but Opal Pie—!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed beside herself with shock. “She didn’t!” a pony behind Twilight shouted anxiously. “She did!” her friend shouted to her in— oh, right. “The horror!” her other friend cried out, “The horror!” “So, you see the reason behind the deeds of this foolish princess,” Princess Celestia finished sorrowfully, above the sounds of the ponies stammering among each other in confusion and sorrow. “Granny Pie needed to forget what she’d done, that over half the foals of Nickerlite, at her hooves were—” “Lying!” Pinkie Pie shrieked, swinging around in a total panic, “You’re lying! She was a hero! She wouldn’t do that! She didn’t steal my friends! It was the fillysprite! You’re all insane!!” “Oh. Yes. That’s right,” Celestia sighed, putting a hoof to her forehead. “There was one foal that... alright. Listen. ” she intoned in a wave of force that shut everyone up tight, including Pinkie Pie... somehow. “When the town thought they were just killing parasprites,” Celestia explained, “There were some who suspected the truth, that these truly were foals and not monsters. They couldn’t stop the music though, and oracles, even newborn, can always find their way, if a way exists for them to find. But one pony did... manage to save his foal. We found the two of them hiding in their root cellar, in a... pickle barrel. It had been emptied out, and nailed shut from the inside. Inside it was Opal’s son, a very resourceful Igneous Pie and a filly named...” There are giant colossi roaming an unending dark plane of rubble, debris, various and sundry. Now and then they mature, the light fails in their holy shit did that one just explode? That one totally just exploded. Everypony get down! Twilight Sparkle lept to her hooves, screaming “PINKIE PIE IS THE FILLYSPRITE?!” aghast, shocked, angry, horrified, amazed, unbelieving, frightened, and with perhaps a touch of admonishment. She somehow managed to convey all those emotions at once, simultaneously. Needless to say, she didn’t need to use the Royal Canterlot Voice spell. “Pinkie Pie is Scootaloo’s mom?!” Rainbow Dash shouted belatedly, in the ensuing silence, not quite as tumultuously as Twilight had. A third pony cried out, “The horror! The” “Too soon, Lily,” Rose snapped at her. “Sorry,” she said bashfully. “Ah, hah !” Pinkie Pie shouted, slipping out of her musical harness and descending to the ground with a thump. She marched right up to Princess Celestia, saying, “You almost got me, you really did; you were almost making sense there, but there’s one thing you missed , one crucial clue you ...omitted!” Celestia looked down at Pinkie, nonplussed, saying, “Pinkie Pie, I...” and then the pink pony turned her back to the Princess of Equestria, lifted her tail into the air and stuck her ass right in her face. “Hah!” Pinkie exclaimed triumphantly, shaking her ass in Princess Celestia’s face. “Oh yeah! See that? See that not a fillysprite there? Take a good look princess. You thought you had me beat, but you were wrong! How do you explain this big fat” “Enough! ” Celestia declared, pushing aside Pinkie Pie’s animated rump with a golden limned hoof. “Pinkie Pie!” Twilight shouted almost immediately afterwards, charging up and smooshing Pinkie Pie’s face in her hooves to impress upon her. “The princess just said that she could turn an oracle into an ordinary pony. Stop embarassing yourself! Stop literally embarassing yourself!” Pinkie Pie stopped... shaking her ass , at least, looking at Twilight with baby blue eyes that spoke volumes of confusion, and hurt. “Yes,” Princess Celestia spoke up behind Pinkie, making Twilight break her gaze with Pinkie Pie. The princess was looking at Twilight, or Pinkie Pie, with a somewhat apologetic expression. “About that.” “When Pinkie Pie was discovered,” the princess continued, turning away from the two of them to the crowd at large, “Many ponies were still very angry, and very scared. They didn’t want to admit that what had happened should never have happened. And so I– so this foolish princess had her hooves on the only living example, of a tribe of ponies she hadn’t seen in over a thousand years. Just a little 11 year old filly, who hardly knew what was going on. She didn’t even understand what she’d done to herself, and had been pressured into it by her friends at the time, not out of cruelty but out of fear that her frail constitution could not withstand the food shortage. There’s a lot of guesswork involved in what motivated these foals, but, that’s the best conclusion, which any of the select examiners in this investigation had reached.” Pinkie Pie was facing the princess now, and well, she looked hopping mad, but at least she wasn’t shouting. “She didn’t deserve what had happened to her,” Celestia said, “What she had become was more valuable than all the iron in Canterlot, yet she was in grave danger in her own community, of hurt feelings, or desperate denial, of ponies who never wanted to be reminded of what happened, and just wanted to move on with their lives. So the foolish princess made another hasty decision, one that she would one day come to greatly regret.” Celestia smiled down at Pinkie Pie sadly, and the princess said, to herself, Pinkie Pie, everypony at large, and perhaps in reflection to someone in long ages past, “I was never very good at transformation spells.” “I’m not a,” Pinkie Pie gaped disbelievingly, that the princess would even say that. “I’m not transformed!” she said aghast, “You’re wrong! I was always like this!” “As you may have guessed, the spell did not take as it should have,” Princess Celestia said, turning away from the fretful Pinkie Pie, “But it was enough to restore her as an earth pony, enough to keep her safe, and that’s what I most cared about. I may simply not be ruthless enough to fully eradicate somepony’s true nature. The spell may even have faltered from my own foolish longing for these adorable creatures to come back to us, a forlorn hubris that stayed my horn, but for better or for worse...” “Pinkie Pie,” Celestia said, turning to face the pony just slightly, “You have lived your life under a misapplied transformation, and a lie.” Pinkie Pie dipped her head in dismay, and exclaimed desperately, “But I have a belly-dingle!” “And have you ever actually used it?” the princess replied smoothly. Twilight Sparkle’s brain broke. Nopony noticed. “I... that’s none of your beeswax!” Pinkie said blushing, shrinking back and curling her tail around her rear end, self consciously. “Haven’t you noticed, Pinkie Pie?” Princess Celestia continued to ask hopefully. “You’re far more special than any other pony around you. You can find solutions that other ponies cannot. You have incredible abilities. You and your friends are all very special ponies for very good reasons, and I would like for you to accept—” “You want the fillysprite to eat our foals!” Pinkie shrieked, going lower on her hooves and glaring at the princess through frantic tears in her eyes. “You probably created it! You want us all to die and no more happiness to ever” “Pinkamena Diane Pie ,” Celestia intoned to her. Beyond intimidated or outraged, Pinkie was just weeping wordlessly at this point, as the monarch of the sun imposed a fraction of her will. The light seemed to flare around Princess Celestia as she said, “You have endangered the lives of foals, needlessly. The love and steadfast devotion of your friends is the only thing that saved you from becoming as much of a broken mare, and a monster, as your ill-fated grandmother. Yet you refused their help, and denied them, schemed and manipulated them at every turn. You were faced with the most terrible trial in your life, and you came up wanting. And for that, I’m so sorry.” The light died around, and within Celestia, as she repeated herself. “I’m sorry. This was all my fault. I should never have transformed you. I should have known the consequences it would bring. I thought you were the last... a once in a lifetime miracle... my lifetime, that fell through my grasp before I even knew it had come. I didn’t want anything to happen to you. I didn’t want any more letters to arrive. And the lie I helped create, almost drove you to...” the princess shuddered with her head low as she repeated softly, “I’m sorry...” Everypony was either too paralyzed with fear or indecision, all the dozen ponies surrounding the sorrowful princess. Twilight had only seen Celestia like this once before. There were only thirteen ponies alive who had ever seen her like this before. But Twilight didn’t know what to do. Even Pinkie Pie was backing up awkwardly, unsure of her very hoofsteps. With her devoted ponies all around, the Princess Celestia was left utterly alone. That is, until a little filly whose ridiculous purple hair was drawn up in a short swoop of a cowlick, laid a very leery hoof on Princess Celestia’s pastern. Looking up at her and trembling, Scootaloo nevertheless recited unsurely, “It’s not your fault.” Princess Celestia’s demeanor changed very little, but she knelt to her belly in front of Scootaloo. Before the little orange filly could justifiably bolt in terror, Celestia wrapped her delicate, pure hooves around Scootaloo and pulled her close to her heart, the princess’s head curling down over Scootaloo from above. It was some time before Celestia stood, and Scootaloo scarpered the hay off, to hide behind... Rainbow Dash. And Twilight’s brain was still broken, incidentally, so she could not otherwise comment on the issue. “It’s clear to me now,” Princess Celestia said, “That in the Nickerlite tragedy, I have been lying to myself, as much as others. And as well intentioned that lie has been, you little ponies have once again shown me that it’s important that we all be honest with ourselves, and never again let such a tragedy befall us, or the oracles.” She faced Pinkie Pie and stated, “I’m here to remove your transformation, and also to apologize.” “You better apologize!” Pinkie Pie accused defiantly. “Because I’m not transformed! There’s nothing wrong with me. You’re just gonna transform me, and pretend that you didn’t!” She tried to run away then, but of all ponies, Daisy was in her face, with a stubbornly disapproving glare. Then, Rainbow Dash got ahold of her tail, removing Pinkie Pie from the earth. “Why can’t you just leave me alone?!” Pinkie cried out, flailing around, as upside down as the day she was born. Celestia closed her eyes, and touched her forehead with a hoof, saying patiently, “Pinkie Pie, I left you alone, and you almost incited this town into the cold blooded murder of three fillies. Now hold still.” “NEVER!” Fortunately, it seemed like the limits of Pinkie’s resistance had been reduced to flailing around furiously, but uselessly. As previously said, an enchantment fooling everypony for any significant amount of time is almost unheard-of. Ponies able to weave such a complex and nuanced mind spell are unimaginably rare. But Twilight Sparkle knew one pony who, if any pony could, she would be able to weave such an enchantment. Yet that begged the question, was the princess undoing her own transformation spell? Or was she powerful enough to enchant every pony present into believing she had? All Twilight could do was try her hardest to keep her wits about her, and guard against any magic, even from the princess. She raised her alarms, and armed her most secret wards and... if anypony noticed, they didn’t say, but Twilight hoped desperately that even if she couldn’t withstand the princess’s command of arcane sorcery, at least she could warn everypony in an outright pyrotechnic display of resistence, should the princess be fooling them all. She trusted Princess Celestia absolutely, but... she also remembered that look in Pinkie Pie’s eyes, and something about it made her feel... uneasy about all this. Twilight just discovered these creatures so very recently, and it turns out her best friend had been one, all along? And none of them even knew it? It made a scary amount of sense, when you thought about it, but... Princess Celestia? Lied? It just seemed like there was something wrong with all this, and Twilight just couldn’t put her hoof on it. The princess lit up her horn. Nothing was lighting up Twilight’s alarms, though. And the princess was clearly casting a true form recall, unimaginably of the fifth tier. Twilight couldn’t tell anything else about it, the weave was so intricate and convoluted and... well, any magic touched by the power of the princess was not easy to look at directly without eye protection. However it happened, Pinkie never stopped yelling the whole time. That pony could just go and go... but as the glow died down, two things were abundantly clear. First, Pinkie Pie had come free of Rainbow Dash’s grasp. Second, Pinkie Pie had wings now. Pinkie Pie quieted down when the magic around her faded and she landed lightly on the ground. Bracing tensely she looked off into nothingness, concentrating intently, even as she caught her breath from all that hollering. Twilight wanted to comfort Pinkie, but how do you comfort somepony whose entire life, and biology has been a lie? How would that even feel? It affected Pinkie Pie so profoundly, that she was concentrating every ounce of what attention she had on herself, so it must have been very profound. “Ha!” Pinkie shouted, snapping her head up to stare at the princess defiantly, “It didn’t work! I told you I wasn’t transformed!” Twilight could only stare, dumbfounded. “You thought you could turn me into a parasprite,” Pinkie sneered dancing on her hooves teasingly in front of the princess, “But you couldn’t, because it’s not true. I’m still me! I don’t feel like eating anypony, and I’m not going to eat anypony, and now everypony knows of your treacheriness! You should never have sided with the fillysprite, Princess Celestia!” “If that is your real name,” Pinkie Pie said smugly, leaning sideways toward the patiently pensive princess, with a sneaky expression and a conspiratorial tone to her voice. “I bet the real princess could have transformed me easy peasy! You’re just a big faker, aren’t–” “Pinkie Pie, please ,” Twilight said in an anguished shout, from where she stood behind the pink pony, both feeling and sounding trapped somewhere between laughter and despair. “Look at your back!” Pinkie Pie spun her head around to glare at Twilight, saying, “And you ! The things I could say about you, miss ex -friend. You—” her eyes flicked down to the wings on her back. In a less hurtful situation, Twilight would have marveled with the nonchalance at which Pinkie Pie regarded her own wings, and the way that nonchalance bled from her face smoothly to be replaced with... you guessed it, pure, unadultrated horror. “No!” Pinkie Pie shouted desperately, leaping sideways if she could escape her own wings. Ironically, that made them spread proudly, as scrawny looking as they were. “No!!” she shrieked shrilly, sticking her head around to look at her own rear end which was as featureless as the space between Scootaloo’s legs. “No!” Pinkie exclaimed a panicked, third time, snapping forward to crouch there like a hunted animal. Pinkie Pie looked at the ponies around her, sinking on her hooves splayed, as if the open square were spinning around her. “I...I won’t eat you!” she implored them in a desperate trembling voice, “I don’t want to! I-it’s just me, Pinkie Pie! Don’t let me– I won’t do it. It’s not me! I’m not the fillysprite! I’m not !” “Pinkie Pie,” Twilight said cautioningly, stepping towards her, only to be driven back by the force of Pinkie Pie’s scream, “STAY AWAY FROM ME!” she screamed at Twilight. Pinkie Pie stared at her and backed up a step, her irises narrowed with terror, backing up another step, and then ran, running in whatever direction that ponies weren’t. Twilight hadn’t recovered her wits, and everypony else was looking at each other, or after the fleeing pink pony dumbfoundedly, so once again Pinkie galloped away uncontested. Nopony seemed determined to chase Pinkie Pie down, at least. Twilight made to step towards Pinkie, the way she had fled, but a warm, golden shoed hoof pressed against her chest, making Twilight look up at the princess in worry. Celestia just shook her head slightly, and removed her hoof from Twilight’s chest. “I’ll go keep an eye on her,” Rainbow Dash said, spreading her broad, powerful wings. Princess Celestia looked indescribably apprehensive, and Rainbow Dash gave her a confident smile saying, “Don’t worry I’ll leave her alone. I just want to make sure she doesn’t do anything stupid.” That made Princess Celestia smile, and she nodded approvingly. Rainbow Dash shot off into the sky, and Twilight Sparkle added another item to her checklist of neuroses: • considered by Princess Celestia less capable of restraint and tact than Rainbow Dash. “I say this with great pleasure,” Princess Celestia announced to the still growing crowd, “A terrible tragedy has been avoided in Ponyville today, thanks to the brave acts of a few very determined little ponies. ‘Tis a day of newly discovered joy, and not one of broken hearts and dreams. You have saved Scootaloo’s life, and in doing so finally closed the book on one of the darkest chapters in pony history. Mistakes were made, tempers flared, but this time nopony was hurt. This time everypony lives, and as long as you live, you can learn to love each other, and work together to make a better world. I look forward to what young Scootaloo accomplishes in her life, and I cannot express my delight that her tribe is no longer a forgotten memory.” The princess paused then, as if expecting an answer. Nopony really knew what to say to that though. Twilight sure didn’t. “You know what this calls for?” Lily shouted out shrilly. At some odd looks, she shrunk back and said, “What? Somepony had to say it!