Much later, a curious Mrs. Cake stood at Pinkie Pie's door, her ear pressed up against the solid wood. This is what she heard:
Pinkie Pie moaned in pleasure.
"Mmmm, that feels so good," she said in a low, throaty voice. "Harder, please. Right there. Yes!"
"Like this?"
Another moan escaped Pinkie's lips.
"Oh God, yes. Do it as hard as you can."
A male voice said, "I don't know, Pinkie, we've been at this for a while and I'm getting pretty sore. Maybe your friend could take over?"
Pinkie moaned in frustration. "No..."
Another male voice said, "I've tried, but I'm just not the right shape or size to give it to her like she needs."
"Well, what if we both did it at the same time? I could take the area that needs it the most and you could take the smaller, tighter area."
There was a pause, then Pinkie said, "I'd be okay with that."
The second male sighed. "All right, Pinkie," he said. "But remember: you asked for this."
There was a pause and the sound of bodies repositioning themselves, then:
"OH GOD, YES!"
Mrs. Cake gasped and jumped backwards from the door, hitting a table and knocking it over. In a panic she reared about and dashed off down the stairs.
"What was that?" asked Conrad who, along with Discord, had been giving Pinkie Pie a massage and working the kinks out of her knotted muscles.
Pinkie Pie replied, "Oh, probably just Mrs. Cake listening at the door and coming to a completely wrong conclusion."
Conrad nodded. "That seems to be something ponies do a lot around here."
"So, wanna have sex with me?" Pinkie Pie asked.
Conrad thought about it for a second. "Yeah, okay."
Discord looked at his wrist. "Oh my, look at my wrist," he said. "I should probably get going."
Discord opened the window and hopped out, slowly floating to the ground below. A pony shrieked, but Discord yelled, "I'm a snowflake!" and the pony responded, "Ohhhhhh, okay."
"I will touch your gonads now!" Pinkie Pie said, entirely too cheerfully.
"I see nothing wrong with this," Conrad replied cheerfully.
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Conrad wound up spending the night with Pinkie Pie. He woke up the next morning to breakfast prepared by Mr. and Mrs. Cake, and the subject of conversation turned to the different types of sweets their store sold. They sold fruit pies and pastries and donuts and fritters and cookies and muffins, but there was one treat that Conrad loved making that the ponies didn't seem to sell. So Conrad, helpful as he was, offered to make one for them and at the same time teach them how to make it themselves.
This was a nice gesture that had no possible way of being misinterpreted.
"If you'd like,” Conrad said to Mrs. Cake, “I could give you a cream pie."
Mrs. Pie blushed and her husband flushed with anger. Pinkie Pie snickered in the background.
“Well, I say 'give you' a cream pie, but really I'd need your help to get everything ready. We'll need to make sure your oven gets hot enough, but once I'm close to being finished I can put the batter in your oven. Trust me, I know you'll love it."
Conrad turned to Mr. Cake. "Oh, and you can have some once we're finished. You'll love the taste."
Mr. Cake briefly turned white with shock, then his face shot straight past red and turned purple with rage. Conrad could hear the sound of a tea kettle whistling somewhere in the distance.
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It was a bright sunshiny morning in Ponyville. The sun was just peeking over the horizon, the birds were singing, and-
"OUT! OUT! GET OUT AND STAY OUT!"
The door to the Bakery opened and Conrad was bodily ejected from the store, landing face-first in wet mud. Mr. Cake stood in the doorway, yelling at Conrad. Behind him Mrs. Cake blushed furiously and Pinkie Pie laughed uproariously.
"If I ever see you again," Mr. Cake yelled, "I'll rip your eyeballs out of your head and jam them up your butt! Then I'll do a Riverdance on your skull! And then! And then! I'll really go to work on you!" Mr. Cake laughed maniacally before slamming the door shut.
"What a cheerful fellow," Conrad said with a smile. "So full of energy and enthusiasm. Too bad he kicked me out of his house. Oh, well."
Conrad picked himself up out of the mud and tried brushing off as much as he could. Unfortunately this just meant he smeared the mud all over his clothing.
"Well, that didn't work. I wonder if this town has a laundromat."
A shriek from behind Conrad made him turn around. A white pony with a purple mane stared at him, pointing at him in horror.
Conrad sighed. “Here we go again.”
---OMAKE----
"We'll need to make sure your oven gets hot enough," Conrad said, "but once I'm close to being finished I can put the batter in your oven. Trust me, I know you'll love it."
Conrad turned to Mr. Cake. "Oh, and you can have some once we're finished. You'll love the taste."
Mr. Cake visibly stiffened at Conrad's words. He looked at Mrs. Cake and they shared a meaningful look.
"Pinkie" Mr. Cake said, "I think it's time for us to go for a nice, long walk."
Pinkie bounced up and down. "Okay!" she said. Mr. Cake and Pinkie Pie left, leaving Mrs. Cake and Conrad alone in the living room.
Mrs. Cake took off her clothing and stepped over to Conrad, running her hooves over his body.
"Wait, what?" Conrad asked nervously.
"You've got quite the nerve," she said sultrily, "hitting on me like that in front of my husband. Fortunately for you, we do a variety of things to keep the marriage fresh. And one of them," she said, working to remove Conrad's belt, "is exactly what you were threatening me with."
"I'm sorry," Conrad said nervously. "I think there's been some sort of mistake."
"Oh, there's been no mistake here," Mrs. Cake replied. "I know exactly what I want, and you are going to help me scratch my little itch."
Mrs. Cake continued working Conrad's clothing off of him.
"I need an adult?" Conrad said weakly.
"I am an adult!"