Rip and tear. Rip and tear. These muffins would be shown no mercy for I had none to spare! Rip and tear.
“Uh, Candy?” I heard Discord speak up.
His voice, normally kind of cute, now just made me all that angrier!. He ruined my carefully orchestrated plan. Why did I ever think this would work? No, I had to foolishly trust him not to do anything. Oh how naive I was. I was half tempted to run up to the God of Time, beat him to a pulp, and make him send me to the past so I could slap myself silly. Oh-ho, I’d teach me a thing or two about stupid decision making.
Maybe I could turn him into a muffin. Then I could tear him apart just as easily as I can these oh so delicious muffins. That would be glorious. No more Discord. No more hijinks or cute and awkward meetings. I’d be free of this chaotic neauscance. Free to snuggle my beloved all day and ship...errr rule my kingdom as I saw fit. It was the perfect plan. Now I just needed to figure out how to keep him a pastry long enough for it to work.
“Candy, are you alright? You seem to be slaughtering your food.”
I stopped to gaze at him with a baleful glare. The two of us were sitting at a small dinner table in a rather cozy home. It was safe and secure, but at the moment I was far too angry to enjoy it. I swallowed my food and did my best to look serene. “What ever do you mean, Discord?”
Discord blinked a few times and did nothing. Obviously, he was trying to find the right words as to not anger me any further. He sighed. “Look, I know I may have gone a tad bit overboard.”
“A tad bit?” I furrowed my eyebrows. “A tad bit? You nearly destroyed everything we’ve been working on in one afternoon.”
“Now you’re just being over dramatic,” Discord rolled his eyes. He used the furry tip of his tail to tap me in the forehead. “We all mess up from time to time. The key is making up for the mess.” He frowned. “I know enough about that, I assure you.”
I sighed. I really felt like a jerk right now. Glaring at Discord. What was I thinking? I knew he would mess up down the line. I knew that and I was still taking my frustration out on him. At least I didn’t try to cut him up or anything like that. “I’m sorry. It isn’t right of me to take my frustration out on you.”
“Perish the thought,” Discord said. “If you had wanted to ‘take it out on me’, you’d have given me the same treatment you gave those robots……...I’m very much relieved of that, mind you. I rather enjoy having my hide in one piece.” He tapped his chin. “Most of the time. Sometimes I like to hide parts of it as a sort of game for myself and wipe my memory to add some challenge. Mom rather enjoyed, or she hated it. I could never tell.” He shrugged.
“RIght,” I didn’t want to think about such a game. Chrysalis and I do love to think outside the box in our competitions, but that is just pushing it.
“And how is my favorite niece and her best buddy doing?” My aunt called as she trotted in with a tray of muffins perched on her back.
“Much better, Aunt Ditzy.” I smiled. “These muffins were a big help.”
“Of course they are,” Ditzy Doo smiled as she placed the tray on the table. I always loved my aunt. She was a stark contrast to my more outgoing mother, but it’s always nice to calm down and enjoy the little things. “Muffins are great at cheering ponies up.”
Discord plopped one of them into his mouth and swallowed. “I would never think such a simple treat could taste so good. You have certainly outdone yourself. My head’s off to your skills.” He took a hold of his fang and literally took off his head in a sweeping bow.
Ditzy blushed. “Oh stop. I’m not that good.”
“Perhaps, perhaps not.” Discord shrugged. “I’ve honestly never been one for muffins till now. I usually prefer something sweeter like pies. Apple pies to be specific.” He drummed his fingers together and licked his lips. “Oh what I’d do to that little pie of hers…”
“Whoa!” I shot my hoof up into the air. “This is way too early for that kind of thinking. The sexual teasing was humorous, but take it down a notch. You just made your intentions known and you’re kind of creeping her out.”
“I’m a miss matched sin against nature,” Discord deadpanned. “Born of the gods of chaos and warping reality is my favored past time. My very existence was made to ‘creep you out’.”
“Yes, but that’s something one can find endearing from a certain point of view.” I reasoned. Still, I knew he was going to keep it up no matter what I said. “Just...tone it down alright? For her sake.”
Discord sighed. “Very well then, but I have some quality material still held behind my wing.” His purple batwing grew large enough to enfold in front of him. A book entitled ‘A grade flirts’ clung to it. The wing then pulled back.
“Well keep that for future dates,” I said. “Sexually flirting with your significant other is certainly fun, but you’ve got to ease them into it.”
“I’ll keep that in mind,” Discord hopped up from his chair and flapped in the air. “I hate to eat and run, but I think My Dearest Applejack is in need of a little chaos~ Arrivederci!” He snapped his fingers and then was gone.
“Good luck,” I whispered.
“He seems like a nice guy,” Ditzy smiled. “I kind of wished he stayed though. I just made Blueberry Pie.”
“BLUEBERRY PIE?!!!” My smile should’ve honestly split my face. Aunt Ditzy made the best darn blueberry pie you could ever eat. Oh she’d give Applejack’s apple pies a run for their money. At least I had something to keep my mind off of Discord for a bit.
Ah grit my teeth around the harness as ah got it secured. Ah had to be extra sure this time. Ah didn’t want it fallin’ off into a fire guiser. Ah don’t question what causes it, but it does make me wonder what the hay is up with the Everfree Forest sometimes. For that matter, why the hay would ponies want to live in a forest anyways. Eh, them townsfolk over there are mighty strange….That’s a nice way to put it.
Ah honestly was glad they sent up another order. It gave me an opportunity to get away from the farm. Not that ah hate the farm, it’s just…..
Ah sighed. Ah knew ah was bein’ too harsh on him. Ah knew that well enough. He wasn’t ‘that’ bad, but still. It just didn’t settle well with me and how suddenly he came up with these feelin’s. Ah needed some time to think. Alone.
Of course, it also didn’t help none that the varmint got my friend in danger. Rainbow can be stupid sometimes, but that was even more so than her usual stunts. Ah wanted to wring the both of their necks. Thankfully, seemed Princess Cadance got to them first. Still didn’t stop me from chewin’ them out. Cadance was mighty miffed at Discord in particular. Critter had it comin’.
It was at that moment, with a oh so familiar flash of light, said critter appeared. “Guten Tag, My Dearest Applejack. Oh it has been too long.”
“It’s been barely three hours,” ah growled at him. Ah didn’t need this. Not now.
“And what a lonely three hours they were,” Discord grabbed a hoofkerchief out of the air and dabbed at his eyes. “All those precious moments wasted, when-” he knelt down to grab my hoof and look into my eyes. “-I could have spent them with the fairest mare in the land.”
Ah blushed and took my hoof away. “Well, ‘the fairest mare in the land’ gotta go do her thing. Ah appreciate the sentiment, Discord. Ah got a delivery that just can’t wait.” Nore will ah let it.
“I can take care of it,” Discord held up his hand, fingers ready to snap at a moment’s notice. “Just tell me where and it’s as good as done.”
“No,” ah glared at him, makin’ him flinch. Felt weird havin’ that much of an effect on him. “Ah’m doin’ this my way. The Apple way. Which means ah’m gonna be trottin’ over there myself. Ya hear me?”
“I hear you loud and clear,” Discord huffed. “At least let me tag alon.”
“No, ain’t gonna let that happen either. Ya’d just get in the way.”
Discord gasped and put a hand to his chest. “Moi? Get in your way? Perish the thought. I’d be a boon to your business.” He switched into a business suit.
“Yeah, well not everypony is comfortable with ya around. Not yet anyways and ah don’t want them to be scared off.” Which is kinda true. A lot of ponies still spoke ill of him, even if he is ‘reformed’.
“No one’s ever been comfortable with me around,” Discord crossed his arms. “That isn’t going to change, so I don’t see why it matters now.”
“Maybe they’d change their tune if ya weren’t so darn crazy,” ah snorted.
Discord grinned. “But ‘darn crazy’ is fun. You should try it sometime.”
“Ah’ll pass,” ah rolled my eyes. “Now are ya gonna let me go, or do ah have to get my rope?” Ah grinned as ah started to see him sweat. Oh ah really needed to keep my rope near me more often.
“Let’s not get hasty here,” Discord gulped, puttin’ his hands in front of himself all defensive like. He stopped that and grinned. “Unless you’re into that sort of thing, then go right ahead.”
Ah gave a little whinny of surprise and blushed. My glare pierced him to the core. “Gettin’ my rope then.” Ah turned to go get my trusty lasso.
“Wait!” Discord popped closer to my front. Ah raised an eyebrow as he sighed. He opened his hand and used the other to….open a door in his paw. Reachin’ inside, which took up a good portion of his arm, he pulled out a box. “Here, take this.” He kneeled down and for a moment ah thought he was gonna….he was gonna.
No he couldn’t….could he?
Discord opened the box to reveal a necklace with a eight barbed star jewel that was all the colors of the rainbow. “It’s a good luck charm.”
“Good luck?” Ah felt a tad bit disappointed. Don’t know why though.
Discord chuckled. “Even the wildest chaos can bring good fortune. May I?”
Ah stared at the necklace for a minute or two. It was strange, gettin’ a gift like this from him. Felt touchin’ to. Gosh darn it! Why’d he have to mess with my emotions even more. Ah nodded. Discord grinned and slowly took the necklace out and put it around my neck.
“There,” he said. “The luckiest Apple in all the world. Not to mention the cutest.” He booped my nose with his talon.
Compared to his other stuff, that was tame really. So ah didn’t blush this time. Ah’m gettin’ better at controllin’ it around him. “Well….thanks, ah guess.”
“You’re very welcome, My Dearest Applejack.” Discord hopped back up to his feet. “Now that you have my gift, I think you’re good enough to go when you please.”
“That ah do,” ah nodded and headed off.
“Yeah?” Ah stopped and against my better judgement, looked back.
Discord was giving me a honest to Celestia earnest gaze. “Perhaps you’d like someone to go to the Hearts and Hooves Day celebration with.”
Ah blinked a few times as ah processed it. “Perhaps. Haven’t found the right one yet.”
Discord shot me a challengin’ grin. “Oh we’ll see about that.”
“Yeah, we’ll see.” Ah snorted and headed off on my own way. Without Discord. Ah was gonna enjoy this. Not annoyin’ly cute mug around would do me wonders…..
Gosh darn it AJ! He ain’t even a pony. Get yer mind on the order.
Ah sighed. This was gonna be harder than ah thought.