//------------------------------// // 7. Discorde // Story: Love Hungry // by helmet of salvation //------------------------------// "Has the day finally come to pass?" From the embossed stallion silhouette marking the entrance to the male restroom, a flesh-and-blood head emerged. A head looking as though it belonged in the toybox of a foal with a vivid and somewhat dark imagination. A grey stallion head with a close-cropped black mane running down his crest, it also sported a deer antler and a twisted goat horn sprouting from his poll, a white, goat-like beard and a single, sharp, curved fang jutting from his maxilla. His bushy, white eyebrows drew mischievously together above his asymmetrical red-on-yellow eyes. "Princess Twilight Sparkle, the most organised and rational pony in Equestria, Miss Equine-imity herself, is out of control?" As Discord gleefully spoke, his long, serpentine body undulated out from the restroom sign and stood towering above the group. Like his head, the rest of his body was a grotesque hotchpotch of different animal parts. And this was his normal appearance. "Oh, this I simply must see. I can't imagine anything more entertaining." The draconequus vanished into thin air, then re-appeared next to Twilight, sociably resting his leonine right forelimb on her withers. "You know, Twilight, this could add a whole new dimension to our friendship. Why, we could become chaos-buddies." He stood up to reveal that he was suddenly wearing a T-shirt with a boldly coloured abstract fractal design on the front. Twilight noticed she was also wearing a cape with the same design—one that, under normal circumstances, she would absolutely adore. "Sorry to ruin your day, Discord, but I am not out of control," Twilight responded testily. Discord, no longer wearing his shirt, gaped in melodramatic, shocked reproof at Twilight, who was likewise capeless. "Are you suggesting that honest Applejack here would stretch the truth?" While he uttered these last three words, the eagle-like talon on his left foreleg pinched the tip of Applejack's snout and drew it elastically from its base until it resembled a long, thin shaft of timber with a round cross-section. Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash tried unsuccessfully not to laugh. "Will nyew cud dad oud?" demanded Applejack, her voice comically nasal. "Anything you say." Discord was now clad in surgical scrubs. Grasping Applejack's extended nose in his gloved eagle claw, he produced an outsized scalpel from out of nowhere. Before anypony could react, he brought the blade slashing down on to Applejack's muzzle. "NO!" the ponies cried in unison. The instant the blade touched Applejack's muzzle, her snout harmlessly reverted to its usual size and shape. With ten years' growth scared out of her, she glowered unamusedly at Discord. Twilight rolled her eyes. "Still, since you're here, you may as well make yourself useful," she said brusquely, hoping she would not regret seeking his help. "We need to get to the Crystal Empire." "The Crystal Empire," Discord repeated excitedly. He disappeared again, reappearing a second later wearing a broad-brimmed hat, sunglasses, a camera around his neck and a short-sleeved shirt with a gaudy floral design. "Oh, I hear it's marvellous this time of year. The scenery, the wildlife——." "This isn't a sight-seeing tour, Discord!" snapped Twilight. Even at the best of times, she struggled to maintain her temper in the presence of the living embodiment of chaos. "Ponyville is under changeling attack." "Oh I seeeee," mused Discord, his hideous vacation outfit now mercifully gone. "So you're all getting out while the getting is good, leaving the rest of town to deal with this soul-destroying menace on their own. Wise choice, very wise." Twilight began humming angrily through her tightly shut lips. Rarity hastily stepped in front of her and addressed the draconequus in a somewhat more diplomatic manner. "I'm afraid the getting, as you put it, isn't quite so good for poor Twilight. She has already fallen prey to the changelings. They've consumed a considerable quantity of her love." "Haven't you noticed Twilight being all unfriendly and irritable and grouchy?" Pinkie Pie's well-meaning exposition of Twilight's symptoms did little to mollify the princess, who had now progressed to gnashing her bared teeth. Discord shrugged. "As opposed to what?" That was the last straw. Shrieking with fury, Twilight flared her wings and launched herself up at Discord with a view to smacking him upside his smart-alecky head. Thankfully, Applejack saw the move coming from a mile away. She clasped her teeth around Twilight's tail and yanked the little pony back to earth, both literally and figuratively. Discord, wearing a karate gi and a white bandana with red rising sun motif, slumped forward in disappointment from his defensive stance. "Oh Applejack, you spoilsport." "We ain't got time fer sport, Discord," replied Applejack. Between them, she and Rainbow Dash explained the situation in the Crystal Empire and why they were going to help. The mention of the dragon seemed to erase Discord's impish mood. "A dragon?" He vanished again and rematerialised a second later in front of Twilight. "You mean this one?" Dangling from his paw (unlike a real lion's paw, it had an opposable thumb) was a set of elastic strings suspending a colourful, cartoonlike dragon marionette, its wings flapping and its head pitching as it bounced in mid-air. The toy's googly eyes bobbled on springs hanging from their sockets and a long, pink tongue flapped around from its wide open, grinning mouth. Pinkie Pie rocked to and fro on her back, giggling at the sight of the marionette. "No, a real dragon," replied Twilight with as much patience as she could muster. "One that's besieging the Crystal Empire as we speak." "Yes, this is the one," Discord insisted merrily. He brought the puppet closer to Twilight so that it almost touched her snout, and spoke in the sort of silly, deep voice a young foal would use while playing at being a monster: "Rahr, rahr. I so sorry. I be good dragon from now on." Discord lifted the puppet's head so that it 'licked' Twilight's cheek. Its tongue was moist. "I think he likes you, Twilight." Twilight tried to swat the toy away, only to find that it had acquired the mass and inertia of a large sack of wet sand. Shaking the pain from her forehoof, she yelled, "Will you get that ridiculous thing away from me?" Discord gathered the dragon in his arms and turned away, shielding it from Twilight, and spoke to it in an exaggeratedly soothing tone. "Don't you listen to the nasty pony. You are so a real dragon, aren't you, Snookie Boo?" "'Snookie Boo'? Look, I have neither the time nor the inclination to put up with your shenanigans, Discord. Can you get us to the Crystal Empire or not?" Again, Rarity sensed the need to step in, adding some extra honey to her voice. "Because if you were to be so kind as to help us out in this matter, we would be ever so grateful and appreciative." She directed a frozen smile to the alicorn. "Wouldn't we, Twilight darling?" Discord eyed the friends thoughtfully for a few seconds. "This is what you all want?" "It's the way it has to be," replied Rainbow Dash. The others added their assent, including Fluttershy, who defeatedly murmured, "I guess so". "Very well." With a snap of the fingers on his lion's paw, he instantaneously transported himself and Twilight's party from the railway station to one of Ponyville's open fields. To give himself some room, he flew backwards with his mis-matched wings—one of a pegasus, the other of a bat—then reached his eagle talon up to his left eye. Twilight and her friends shuddered and recoiled as he plucked his own eye out of its socket, the long optic nerves trailing behind it. To their even greater horror, he wrapped his talon tightly around the eyeball and gave it a very firm tug. At once, a huge bulge appeared on his back, quickly expanding until it dwarfed his body. He pitched forwards and floated in mid-air just above the ground. When the ponies and Spike dared look they saw to their astonishment that Discord had converted his own body into an airship big enough for all seven travellers to board. His head and thorax jutted from the front of the gondola like a carving on a longship's bow. And his left eye was back in place. * * * "Comfortable, Fluttershy?" Physically, she was indeed comfortable. The spacious cabin was softly lit and painted in pale shades of pink and yellow, matching her own hues. She was seated on a plush lounge contoured to her size and shape. Before her was set a stack of magazines filled with photographs of cute animals, a platter of freshly baked (or at least freshly conjured) raspberry hayseed muffins and cinnamon oatmeal cookies, and a magnum of chilled apple juice resting in a bucket of ice. Sweet, lyrical music played at an unobtrusive volume from a gramophone in the corner. Yet she was fidgeting and glancing around in clear unease. "It's very nice Discord, and I appreciate the effort you've put in, but I really would prefer it if our friends could join us in here as well." Outside the gondola Twilight, Spike, Rarity, Rainbow Dash, Applejack and Pinkie Pie were tethered to the great cigar-shaped balloon of the airship, by ropes tied fast around their flanks. The chilly, turbulent winds caused by the dirigible's speed and altitude buffeted the group, spinning their bodies and bouncing them uncontrollably against the envelope of the balloon. "Yes, yes, I'll let them in soon enough." Somehow, Discord managed to be present with Fluttershy inside the gondola that was simultaneously part of his own body. Such was his disregard for the laws of Equestrian physics and logic. He sat opposite her with his goat-like hind leg casually crossed at the knee over his theropod-like hind leg. "I just wanted to have a little chat with you in private. Tell you how much I admire your incredible bravery in embarking on this perilous mission." Fluttershy looked away in abashment. "I'm hardly brave." "Oh but you are, Fluttershy. You must be. After all, you're going into battle against an aggressive, fully grown dragon. Your greatest, most profound, most paralysing fear." Fluttershy's breathing rate increased. Her eyes darted every which way except in Discord's direction and she shifted continuously in her seat as if uncertain where to put herself. It pained Discord to inflict such distress on her. She was the first creature in his aeons-long life to call him a friend and treat him as such, and still the only one to do so completely unbegrudgingly. Yet it pained him even more to think that she might be accompanying her other friends against her will. He was determined to make her confront whatever weakness had brought her to this point. He continued, "How ever were you able to put aside your all-consuming terror of these colossal, sharp-toothed, fire-breathing monsters?" Heavily panting, gasping and swallowing, she appeared to be steeling herself to talk. Discord waited patiently, ready to lend a sympathetic ear to her confession, give a shoulder to cry on, and help her overcome her sorrowful capitulation and become a stronger pony for it. "My friends need me. And Equestria needs my friends. It's my duty to help, regardless of how I might feel." Discord narrowly suppressed an outburst of annoyance. Fluttershy always could resist his manipulation. He suspected that was why he liked her so much. Still, he wasn't quitting yet. * * * As if her situation were not already intolerable, Twilight was feeling seriously airsick. As the winds whirled her body around, she saw that Rarity and Spike, trammelled behind her, were also looking decidedly queasy. Spike, in particular, seemed likely to succumb any second. Sure enough, his purple scaly cheeks suddenly inflated. Twilight quickly twisted away; the baby dragon's diet was both eclectic and copious, and a mid-air expulsion of his stomach contents was a sight she could well do without. Especially if any of it should splash onto Rarity. "Twilight, a message! A message," Spike bellowed above the howling winds. Twilight looked back to see a sealed, rolled-up scroll twirling off into the distance below them. Quickly, she fired a telekinetic beam at the scroll, reaching it just before it spiralled out of range. She drew it back and unrolled it in front of herself, her magic aura keeping the parchment from flapping about in the breeze. Once she had finished reading it, a murderous expression clouded her face. * * * "Well I must say, Fluttershy, your devotion to your pony friends is quite remarkable, facing your worst nightmare for them." "They'd do the same for me," murmured Fluttershy, keeping her eyes averted. Discord could have easily used his reality-bending powers to force himself into her line of sight, but he chose not to. "Of course they would," he concurred unctuously. "So naturally, you would only agree to undergo such a horrifying ordeal totally of your own volition. It's not like they'd ever pressure you to do something so traumatic." Fluttershy said nothing. "Take Twilight Sparkle, for instance. The Princess of Friendship. Such an important responsibility. I'm sure she took your wishes into full consideration." Conflicted, the mare furrowed her brow silently for a few moments, before replying with quiet firmness, "Twilight's our friend. I don't feel right talking about her behind her tail." "You're right of course. The question is: how would you feel talking about her to her face?" For the first time in several minutes, Fluttershy looked directly at Discord. His gently voiced yet relentless stoking had finally reached a raw nerve. She knew how important it was to assert herself to her friends. Actually doing so was another story. Could she unambiguously convey her true feelings and demand respect from a powerful, magical princess who had been stripped of so much love? Haltingly, she opened her mouth to ask the draconequus for advice. "DIS-COOOOORRRRRD!!!" The deafening blare of Twilight's enraged voice sent the gramophone needle flying with a cacophonous scratch off the record. The apple juice bottle shattered, spraying its contents everywhere. The walls of the cabin cracked and splintered. Fluttershy jumped squealing into Discord's arms for protection as the disintegration spread rapidly and inexorably throughout the gondola, then to the balloon itself, the fabric noisily ripping and tearing until no visible trace of the airship was left. "Is something wrong, Twilight?" Discord asked innocently. Something was wrong. Horrendously wrong. With the airship gone, the six exterior passengers were no longer anchored to anything. Once this realisation sank in, they plummeted towards the ground, miles below. Including Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash, whose wings were still fastened to their sides. And at this velocity, a mass teleportation spell or protective forcefield was beyond even Twilight's capability.