It was just another day in the forest, with the tall pines providing the only sanctuary from the sun's rays as they pierced through the canopy, it's scorching heat stopped by a wall of green needles save for a few select spots where the light was able to piece through and scatter patterns across the forest floor. When a breeze wafted through the trees one could pinpoint exactly which tree a pinecone fell from by observing which birds would flee from that particular branch. Afterwards, without fail, a squirrel would approach cautiously, grab the cone in his mouth and bolt up the nearest tree before climbing to an obscured branch and chowing down with an appitite that would a fat man blush. In essence, the forest seemed to embody the very ideal of peace and tranquility. Well, before the fighting started anyway.
Cries of pain and surprise now rang about the forest in place of cicadas and birdsong. The dense brown and green underbrush hiding the danger that lurked within. The trees that blotted out the sun left the battlefield overcast and left the already depressing mood even damper.
Although seemingly from sheer luck, at this point in time we had managed to continually push up towards the enemy, using the trees as cover and taking pot shots as we advanced. Even though I had little faith that we would succeed, the top "strategists" in our team had racked their brains in order to assure victory for us. Every asset the enemy had was taken into account. A small stone fortress roughly the size of house being utilised as a base of operations? Check. Equal number of soldiers to our own? Check. Armaments and tactics superior to our own? Check. After all of these factors had been thoroughly examined, their official plan was to use brute force to push our way up to their base and encircle it to force them into submission If all had gone according to plan we would have already been accustoming ourselfs to our new base. After we had encircled the fort, we only anticipated that a small squad would be sent out to "test the waters" but the enemy must have deduced our plan because nearly all of the enemy soliders Burt from their base without warning and Bevan shooting recklessly into the woods where we had hunkered down. Their suicide charge had frightened those guarding the front, me included, and made us hastily retreat into the woods. With no immediate opposition, they immediately began circling clockwise around their base, their numbers easily overwhelming us since we were so spread out. They managed to quickly break our stranglehold over them and were now working their way through the remaining soldiers scattered around the woods. As I was retreating, Maggie, a fellow fighter, had informed everyone through the radio that she had regrouped with another squad and had decided to force their way into the base after they accidentally left the front gate open in their sudden charge. Our commander, seeing an opportunity, ordered those who had been guarding the northern and western sides of the fortress to circle back around the enemies and make their way south to the gate with Maggie's squad. Those who had been guarding the southern and eastern sides were to congregate in the woods outside the gate and prevent any hostiles from re-entering the base until the others arrived.
By now, I figured the enemies must have made their way to the eastern side of the fort based on the sounds of gunfire eliminating from that area and since I was stationed on the southeastern side, that meant trouble. I knew I wouldn't be able to stand a chance against anymore than two guys at a time, and I had no idea where the rest of my squad had retreated. The best chance I had now was to hunker down, remain very still and hope that my makeshift camouflage could keep me safe. While I didn't have any sort of military grade camo on save for a baseball cap, I did have a nice, dark brown trench coat with a black tee underneath and cargo pants that I had hastily taped some leaves and twigs onto as well as a pair of dark brown hiking boots. I mentally sighed, once again questioning my own skills at self preservation. See, rather than do the smart thing and fight for a team with "experience" or "compassion" I had allied with an unstable faction that harbored little care for its soldiers personal safety and made them supply their own uniforms and weapons unless of course, you had the money to buy it off them. I had only joins this particular group because my best friend already signed up despite my warnings, and I wasn't going to let her endanger herself without reason. I knew that I could only do so much, but you know, somethings better than nothing. The enemy actually cared about its troops and they all wore uniforms of the same dark grey as the fort, since their entire purpose was to hold it.
Just then, a flash of gray entered my vision, breaking me out of my reminiscent mood. Ducking behind a pine tree, I saw someone as he peaked out from the rough, sappy bark, gun at the ready, frantically scanning the area for hostiles. I was slowly pointing my gun towards him, it seemed that he had broken away from the rest of his teammates. Just as I was about to pull the trigger, a few shots peppered the tree he was hiding behind. Startled from the sudden fire, he bolted from cover and made a mad dash back to his approaching team.
"Fall back! Back to the woods!"
My head shot up just as I saw three guys all dressed in matching blue polos dashing towards me while shooting wildly behind them. "Hey! Over here!" I beckoned to my bush. It took them a second to figure out where I was but one thrown pinecone later and they dived right into my bush and, by extension, onto me.
"Hey! Get off of me man!" I was quickly shushed. "Shhhh! They're coming this way!"
"Well then don't shush me so loudly!" I retorted. He shot right back with the classic, "Well then don't be so loud!" "I'm not being loud, you're being lo-mmph!" I found an unwelcome hand place itself over my mouth and the man who I was arguing with was faring no better. It seemed as though one of his buddies decided to play peacekeeper. "Will you two just shut up!" He angrily whispered. "I for one don't want to get shot today, do you?" Their third man decided to speak up, in a rather cocky tone from behind us, "No I don't want to get shot James, why do you as-mmph!" He never got to finish as a shoe descended upon his mouth. "Shush." Seeing about eight guys stop right next to the bush we were hiding in and hunkering down behind a fallen tree next to us merely strengthened my resolve.
"How did they manage to get in our base! You said that the gates were locked!" One shouted at the others. "Why are you yelling at me? It's not my fault that they weren't!" Another responded to which he shot back, "But it's your job to lock the gate!" "So? What's that got to do with it!?"
"Hey, psst! Hey buddy, you got a plan?" The unofficial peacekeeper known as James whispered to which I asked my own question, "Think you three can take them out if I split them up?"
"Our cartridges are empty." They all said in unison. The one known as James pulled his trigger a couple of times to make his point. "Okay, can you run fast enough to get away if I I cause a distraction?" They nodded. "Okay, here's the plan" I maneuvered my arm to be in front and showed them the grenade I had been holding before pulling the pin and rolling it out in front of the bush. "BOOK IT!"
All of the men jumped slightly as three men in red polos and one man in a pocket covered trench coat leaped out of the bush and as one of them had shouted, "booked it" south. Confused at the situation, the eight men only stared at the rapidly retreating figure before a small boom was heard to their side and their vision blackened.
"Hey! What the hell man, you won! Why are you still attacking?" We stopped dead in our tracks and turned around. Five of the eight men were wiping paint off their goggles and the remaining three were cleaning off their clothes.
"You know next time, I would like a little more warning than just lobbing a grenade.
I never did like when something works out fine but people still have to question the results. "Yeah, yeah, actions speak louder than words man. Hey, could ya toss me a new cartridge? Mine's empty." Rather reluctantly, he reached into his pocket and threw me a new one as I was reloading my magazine. Turning away from me, the peacekeeper directed his attention back to the now disarmed men. "So, I'm sure you guys know the drill, so uhh... wanna join forces?" "That is not the drill." one of them deadpanned. "...So, is that a no or-" "Oh for crying out loud Zach, we just went over this. We escort prisoners back to camp until further notice!" Robert cried out, tired of his friend's antics.
The look of surprise on his face was priceless, I could barely hold back my laughter. Aiming at his chest with a stupid smile on my face, I pulled the trigger and watched him gasp, shocked at the abruptness of it all. Still smiling, I turned my attention to the wounded solider he was so heroically trying to save, he was still moving, making him the last enemy still standing. Well, not standing, more like wriggling. Pointing the gun at his head, I shot a single round towards his helmet.
SPLAT
"OW! Jesus man, I'm dead! You don't shoot dead people!" he exclaimed, hands scrambling to wipe the paint off his goggles in order to regain vision.
"And what the hell was with that 'I can't let you do that' act? Jonathan questioned, now getting up and clutching his chest where I had shot him, an annoyed look on his face.
Nonchalantly, I replied, "Dude, if your dead, then don't squirm around and as for my 'act', when my Co2 cartridge ran out, I chucked a grenade in the ditch expecting to hit everybody in that tangled mess of people, but when I saw that the enemy commander, a.k.a. you, weren't hit, I just went Space Odyssey on both of ya." I replied, a stupid grin plastered on my face.
"Yeah, we can see that Mr. Hal 9, but that doesn't explain why you shot Joey in the head for trying to get comfortable! I mean, if I died and wasn't comfortable, I would move around too." Jonathan replied, obviously not getting my sense of humor.
"Dude, it's just a paintball! It's not like I was actually shooting him or anything. Plus, if you actually died, you wouldn't be moving." I replied
"You know what he meant. Besides, it still hurts when you get hit. A little distance would've been nice. I mean, my head's gonna be ringing for awhile and Jonathan's gotta have a nasty bruise by now." Joey had pulled himself off the ground, and was looking at me rather irritably. Or at least trying. His goggles still had paint smeared all over them and gave off a 'crazy artist' kind of vibe.
"Yeah man," Jonathan piped up, "and how the hell am I supposed to get all this paint off my shirt in time? I need this for a clam bake with my family tonight!"
"Okay," Joey re-took the stage, "first off, this is paintball, and the first rule of paintball other than wear eye protection is don't wear anything you don't want ruined, second-"
I interrupted, "I thought the first rule of paintball was, don't talk about paintball?" Jonathan snickered at that.
"Second," he continued as if nothing had happened, "is that your shirt is GREEN," he leaned in for emphasis, "and you were hit by a GREEN paintball." This time, I snickered at Jonathan's expense.
"Third, you modelled our team uniforms after your ugly ass green polo shirt?" He questioned.
Jonathan seemed to shy away from this question, averting his gaze from our own.
"Well, my mom might have, I mean it's not like it was my idea or anything..."
Me and Joey just started at him with our mouths hanging open while he sheepishly rubbed his shoulder. Then we burst out laughing.
Between laughs, I managed to spit out,
"Y-y-your mo-mom m-made your tea-hahaha, your team's uniforms?"
Joey said nothing as he was busy clutching his side while shaking with laughter, tears rolling down his face.
Cheeks puffing up indignantly, and blushing slightly in embarrassment, Jonathan spluttered out, "S'not funny!"
"Oh yeah, it is." Looking up, I saw an opposing team member, painted in several colors of the rainbow, holding his hand out.
"Need some help there guys?"
Graciously, we took took his hand and after three trips, managed to get all of us out. Now out of the ditch, we looked around at the newly painted forest. The trees were splattered with blue, yellow, red and green paint, the original brown completely absent in some areas. Emerging from the woods, I saw both multicolored friend and enemy alike clamor around us, either telling Jonathan his team did the best they could, or congratulating me for ending the game.
"Awww, yeah!"
"We did it, we won!"
"Sorry that you couldn't handle our overwhelming awesomeness!"
"You guys just got lucky."
"We don't got no luck man, we got skillzzz."
"Pffht, whatever dude.
"U jelly bro?"
"Go shove your stupid jelly up your ass."
"Never mind, he ain't jelly guys, he's butthurt!"
"OHHHHHHH!"
After the talking had sufficiently quieted down, Jonathan managed to voice the question on everyone's mind.
"Hey Richard?" Jonathan asked.
The talking immediately came to a halt on the his side, while my team stood still, boastful grins etched upon their faces.
"Watchya need?" I replied, knowing full well what the question was.
"In that battle, how did you manage to beat us? I mean, usually you just come up to our fort and start shooting. Today though, you seemed to have a strategy. What's with that?"
I opened my mouth to speak but one of my teammates spoke for me.
"Well you see," god he sounded so full of himself, "after Richard here gave a riveting speech about us being too white for our own good and how you guys were all redheads, we decided that what we needed was a leader, and we all elected Richard to fill the role, right guys?" Loud agreements followed his question as my team cheered for their victory again.
Jonathan and his team turned to face me and asked, "Okay, what really happened?"
Rubbing the back of my head, I said, "Well they were kinda close, I had compared our team to the White army and your team to the Red army."
Obviously confused, Jonathan intelligently asked, "Da fuq is dat biotch?" followed by laughter from both teams.
Sighing, I asked, "You know about the Russian revolution right?" Blank faces meet my question.
"Oh my g-, you know what? Fine. Time for a history lesson!" I said while clapping my hands together
"Aww, come on man! You do this all the tim-
"Shut up and listen!"
"Fine..."
"WWI," I began,"a new era of warfare involving all of the earth's superpowers. Near the end however, Russia was going through some tough times. See, the people wanted more political power, but Russia's Czar-"
"What a Cesar?" One asked, raising his hand.
"Dude, this isn't school, you don't have to raise you hand and to answer you question, the Czar, is like their leader." I blankly stated.
"Ohhhh..." Several others nodded in understanding. Seriously, how did these people pass the tenth grade?
"So it's not a salad?" suppressed laughter rang throughout the congregation.
Slightly annoyed, I continued my lecture, "As I was saying, the Czar wanted all the power to himself. After a peaceful protest outside his palace resorted to violence to grab his attention, he ordered his guards to shoot at the protesters. The people were greatly angered by this and decided that more drastic actions needed to be taken.
The Bolsheviks, answered the call. A group of radical revolutionaries, they embraced this idea as a go-to strategy, using violence too achieve their goals. Many people supported the Bolsheviks and wanted them to win with the belief that their rule would bring the country to its former glory. They took over a large population of other rebels who called themselves the Soviets,"
"The commies are in on this?!" Several of them gasped in mock horror and I noticed more than a few people raise their weapons just a little higher.
"Eventually," I continued while glaring at several off them, " with their bolstered numbers, they stormed the Czar's palace and forced him to abdicate the throne.
"After a while, the people became upset once again. The Soviets didn't have enough resources make all the changes they promised, and the people once again wanted a new government. An extremely large amount of Russians who banded together became known as the White army and tried to fight off the Bolsheviks, who took up the name of the Red army, by attacking the palace where they had taken up residence. The White army should've won, they had a few hundred thousand men vs. a few thousand on the side of the Red army yet the Bolsheviks still managed to achieve victory because they were united and worked as a team. The White army was often fighting themselves instead of the Red army because of different ideas on who should take over after they overthrew the Bolsheviks. In fact, at one point, there were three separate White armies all throughout Russia."
"And that's why I compared you guys to the Red army and us, the Whites. We had strength in numbers but didn't cooperate, while you had a plan. You always won from the safety of your precious fort, so we lured you all out." I took a deep breath, my long speech now over.
"Which by the way, is our fort now." someone added matter-of-factly.
"Damn... I was hoping you would forget about that." Jonathan murmured.
So, a little background on our game, we play paintball at Jonathan's father's ranch, which is 10 or so acres. He claims that the stone fort was there when he purchased it, and has no idea why. But hey, never look a gift horse in the mouth right? He lets us play paintball on the place as long as we scrub the fort down once a month and peel the colored bark off the trees. It started off as only 4 people, but eventually expanded to almost a hundred due to the rules, popular location and Jonathan marketing the place off as an intuitive and immersive role-playing paintball experience for the low low price of fifty dollars!
The rules are that at least two teams fight for control of the fort. The idea was to storm it and replace the occupying team's flag with your own or 'kill' off most of the other team to gain control. After Jonathan's forces managed to hold it for more than a month, a few other teams combined to form the Alliance with the idea of gaining control of the fort.
"Well," Jonathan started, "you can have it next Saturday cause it's getting dark and I'm hungry." Some of us glanced up at the sky, coated in purple-pink hues and cloud lines tinted orange while the sun seemed to lazily sink out of the sky. Others who failed to appreciate the beauty of the moment glanced down at their gurgling stomachs, realizing that they were indeed hungry.
"LAST ONE TO GOLDEN CORRAL HAS TO PAY!"
Casting my gaze forward once again, I looked around to see only dust trails in the distance as everyone raced back to the town, eager for food.
"Well so much for that..." I muttered.
It's not like it mattered, I had better things to do anyway. Making my way back to the fort, I stripped nearby pine trees of their bark as I passed, replacing the colored multicolored bark with the original brown. I decided to stay in the forest until I got out of my makeshift uniform and put away my stuff. I never left my paintball gear at home after I broke some ammo bottles. My carpet and my cat both got soaked. After that, one never looked the same and another never looked at me the same. As I made my way to the fort still pulling bark off trees I started picking up any trash I found on the floor and shoving them into my numerous pockets. Can't just leave litter all over the forest after all, it felt like I was ruining the environment if I didn't clean up all the trash I saw.
"Hey there Pockets!" A sweet voice chimed out.
"Gah! Who's there?" I shouted into the woods behind me. But even as I did, I knew it must have been Maggie, only she called me Pockets anymore. Anyone else who tried just got a stern lecture from me on the importance of pockets but she knew that I wouldn't do that to her. We had been friends since childhood and she knew just what buttons to push to get a reaction from me. It really didn't help that I had a crush on her since we first met. Sometimes people just leave a lasting impression on you, ya know? I never told her about that for fear of rejection but she probably knew, I seemed to lose my cool when she was around and it always destroyed me. I could be fine one moment but the second she talks to me I'll start second guessing myself and lose my extensive vocabulary.
"Ah, another eloquent greeting by the aspiring historian." she replied "Don't you still keep a thesaurus in one of those pockets, Pockets?" I knew what was going to happen next. I was going to turn around and she would be a few inches from my face and she would be wearing that cheeky grin of hers she always has on when she talks to me . "I'm not turning around Maggie." I said resolutely. I knew she just wanted to make me blush so she could have a laugh at my expense.
"Hehe, well then I guess I'll have to get in front of you!" She giggled. Once I could see her body out of the corner of my eye, I closed my eyes and turned around in the opposite direction, a cocky grin on my face. "You know, you should smile more Pockets, it really suits you." My eyes shot open when I heard her in front of me. Not only was her face right in front of mine, but her whole body was right up in my personal bubble. Even though she was right in front of me, I knew I needed to keep my cool and respond accordingly lest I wanted to get laughed at again.
"Gah!" I screamed while falling down onto my back. While not the most elegant, I totally nailed that response. "Sigh... you know Pockets, I starting to think you believe that "gah" is an actual word." She quipped. While I didn't exactly like being on the ground, the setting sun did illuminate her body quite nicely. She was always slightly shorter than me, not by much but enough to ensure she always had to beg me to get her a cookie out of the teachers reward jar in elementary school and despite her love of cookies, was well on the skinny side. She appeared to have changed out of the white t-shirt and khakis she wore when she played paintball and had swapped it for a magenta skirt and an auburn jacket. Long brown hair flowed gently in the breeze over her face, blending in with the many freckles that adorned it. Her hazel eyes glinted with mischief and her smile did nothing to contradict her eyes.
"So are you gonna lay there all day and stare or do I need to come down there with you?" she chirped. I could feel my body temperature rising, if I hadn't already turned bright red then I was definitely about to. "W-what? What you said doesn't make any sense!" I cried out at her. She simply crossed her arms and huffed. "See pockets, that's why people used to call you Oscar. Its not because of that stupid trashcan you used to wear, it's because outside of paintball or unless someone spells it out in your face, everything is always black and white to you, just cause and effect! Why can't you just sit back and have some fun? I can't even remember the last time I heard you crack a joke outside paintball." A small smirk played across my face. "Personally, I think I'll just take this lying down as it were." I said while gesturing around me. "You're not helping your case." she disparagingly remarked. "But, I suppose it's a start." She turned away from me with her arms still crossed. "Catch me." Casually, she leaned back until her whole body began to fall, forcing me to quickly sit up and hold my arms out for her to fall into. My speed wasn't quick enough and rather than slowly descend on me, she more or less collapsed on my chest with all her weight. "Guh!" I coughed out. "Oohh! Thats a good one, add that to your dictionary. You can put it right next to "gah"!" she mocked. "You know your chest is actually quite comfortable, I may just sit here for a while."
"Vile...demon..."
"Now now, that's not very nice." She tut-tutted "So anyways, what are you still doing out here?
While I never understood or even comprehended her ability to suddenly switch subjects regardless of the situation, I was used to it by now. "Oh, you know, just going back to our new fort to store some stuff. You know I don't bring paint into my house any more." She giggled at that. "Figured I might look for the monster of the woods afterwards."
"You know," she said, "no one's ever actually told me the whole story save that some guys were disappointed in you and something about Jonathan's father's uncle."
"I suppose you want me to tell you the story?" I asked monotonly. "Mmhhhm!"
"See, it started when Jonathan's father's uncle had visited the ranch once and struck up a conversation with me due to our mutual interest in history. You know I'm a huge history buff and despite my friends' opinion that history isn't important, I always disagree with them. History is like a big book of ideas, allowing us see past mistakes so we can take steps to ensure that that the bad stuff doesn't repeat itself, or remember how to do the good stuff, should we need it again."
"Yeah, mhm, back to the story please."
"Sigh... aside from our mutual love of history, I wasn't sure what to think of his father's uncle. He was polite but I wasn't sure about his mental condition. He was a veteran from WWII and even took part in the invasion of Normandy, so I chalked up his delusions to post-traumatic stress disorder."
"Delusions?"
"Ohh yeah. After the war ended, he ended up purchasing this plot of land and decided to take a stroll through the property. On the very first night, he claimed to have seen... some kind of creature moving around the property. His description of the creature was suspect to say the least. He said that a "pitch black boulder as tall as a person was slidin' round all sneaky like, with them tentacles of his flailing all around!" What's more, he said it spoke to him to."
"Really? What did he say it... umm, said?"
"He claimed that all it could say was "Crystals" and he muttered something about the queen but that's it."
"So why were some of the others disappointed in you?"
"Well, while I was highly doubtful of this story, the prospect of finding a monster always made me check around the area just to be sure. I had been scavenging around with the aid of some friends for a few months, telling them that we would become famous for finding a rock monster. As of last week however, all had given up hope for lack of my promised publicity."
"Figures."
"Well thanks for your kind words of support Maggie."
"Mmhm. Alright, I'm going to go get some food, I'm pretty hungry." She said dismissively while pushing off my chest. My hand shot up, "Word of warning! Everyone ran off to Golden Corral." She looked positively downtrodden. "Damnit! I wanted all I can eat dessert..."
"Sorry Maggie, don't know what to tell you." I responded nonchalantly. "Well you don't have to tell me anything, you could always ask me something instead..." She mumbled. I pulled my head off the ground and looked up at her. "What do you mean?"
"Oh come on Richard, this is the part where you ask me out! Jeez, you know you are so thick sometimes! Listen, I'm going to be at that Italian place down the street from the Corral in thirty minutes and if your not their on time so help me I will kick your ass!" With that said she stormed in a hurry, leaving me rather dazed and confused on the grass.
"Thats it?" I said to myself. "Thats all it took?" I began to wonder how long she was waiting for that but figured I would question it later. Right now, I needed to drop off my stuff and apparently get a fancier change of clothes. I didn't believe that a Gravedigger t-shirt was going to cut it with her. That means that I needed to double time it over to the fort. But before I could take more than a few steps towards the fort, I started to hear some noises coming from the woods. Growling to be precise. I didn't think that bears lived around here, but I defied the horror movie stereotype and backed away from the sound, I didn't feel like being eaten or mauled over some stupid territorial dispute. Ever the optimist, I resigned myself to walking to my old fort rather than the new one.
My old fort however, was an outhouse some guys had built when Jonathan got mad about stepping in... stuff, while chasing down other paintballers. No one ever got around to using it though, as someone else happened to work part-time with a construction company and 'borrowed' a few port-a-potties, scattering them throughout the forest. I decided that I wouldn't let the structure go to waste however, and threw a coat rack up in the ceiling plus a single shelf so I needn't take my stuff home.
Walking away from the bears general direction, I doubled back after a few minutes, taking a big arc away from my original path. I noticed that it was getting very dark very quickly. Too quickly. Glancing around, I also noticed that the trees weren't multicolored anymore. It appeared as if the large paintball game hadn't even occurred. The growling also returned but this time, I wasn't entirely sure that it sounded like a bear.
hhchhrhhyhhshhthhahhlhhs
"Really Maggie?" I swirled around, expecting the cheeky grin that always riled me up to be waiting for me; what I saw instead, was definitely not Maggie. It was difficult to make out its shape in the rapidly fading light, but it appeared to be circular in nature and had several tentacle-like appendages sprouting from its back which were constantly in motion.
Without warning, one of its tentacles made a rapid swiping motion in the air, somehow causing a chunk of it to break off and careen towards my legs. My survival instinct kicked in and I managed to jump over the projectile before it could make contact with me. Unfortunately my physical prowess left something to be desired and upon reaching the ground, my ankles bent to the sides, causing me to collapse on the ground. Scrambling to get up, I saw a tentacle stretch to twice it's normal length and fling itself at me. It collided directly with the side of my chest, launching me a few feet away into a tree; I was fairly certain that I had cracked a rib due to a recurring pain whenever I took a breath. With no strategy other than panicking, I aimed my gun at where I thought the creature was and fired off paintball after paintball, managing to coat the creature a few shades of blue and yellow.
Unfortunately, this appeared to do little else other than aggravate the creature, as it swiped another tentacle at my gun. I My finger hadn't let go of the trigger since I started shooting yet I no longer seemed to be firing, which probably meant my Co2 cartridge had run out. I looked at my gun yet was unable to find it where I had been originally holding it, save a red spatter on my pants. When I looked down at the grass, I saw that my gun had been broken into two pieces and a severed hand happened to be lying next to it, blood still pouring out of the wrist. Glancing back at my right arm, I noticed that the area where my hand was had been replaced by nothing and my wrist was bleeding profusely. I opened my mouth to scream but nothing came out as I turned my horrified gaze to the creature. This time, the tentacle lunged straight for my chest, with a large chunk breaking off along the way. The main tentacle went straight for severed arm, piercing into the bone. Small fragments and blood oozed out from the wound, my right pants leg completly coated in a new shade red while the ground eagerly sucked up the leftovers, erasing any trace of blood with the exception of a darker patch of dirt and grass. Blood wasn't gushing out anymore as the rock was blocking some of the flow, so I probably wouldn't bleed to death. I once again opened my mouth to scream, but only managed a few gurgling sounds in lieu of actual words. the closest thing I could describe it as was that it felt was like someone had broke my arm, then saw fit to beat it with a baseball bat for a few hours. I didn't even see the other half of the spear careen toward my face.
SMACK
The force of the blow knocked me back so hard that the spear in my arm actually broke off of the monster. Fighting wasn't going to work so I did the only other thing I knew how to do. Playing dead. I rolled over onto my back and closed my eyes until I could just barely see, if the creature didn't care that I was dead, then I needed to run at the exact moment it was about to strike. My vision seemed to become weaker and weaker however, everything looked distorted and my peripheral vision was blocked by black circles.
'Is this what a concussion feels like?' I didn't have time to delve into the thought much more, the rock monster had raised a tentacle up ludicrously high in the air, and was poised to strike. Now was my chance, if I had any hopes of getting away, I needed to act while it was distracted.
I got to my feet and bolted away just as from the creature swung its arm down. Just as I heard a large crash where I used to be, I heard a cracking sound above my head and looked up. A large branch had been broken off the tree and was falling rapidly on my head. I managed to dive out of the way just in time but before I could get back to my feet, a tentacle came crashing down over my head, bashing me to the ground before I had a chance to move out of the way. I could almost swear I heard a demon-like voice before everything went black...
SOON...
The next thing I could clearly make out was pain. I could feel my wrist burn with a fiery passion but I couldn't seem to suck in enough oxygen to sufficiently scream. The only other thing I was aware of was that I was laying on something lumpy, even though the amount of pain I was in seemed to blur everything else. Blankly staring straight ahead, I could only make out a smidgen of light that seemed to be a mile away and everything else was just darkness. I tried to call out but nothing escaped my lips except for a muffled groan. I moved myself around in an attempt to get comfortable, realizing that I was enclosed in a small, cramped space and that Jonathan and Joey were right, I would try to get comfy if I was dead. My hands were especially sore.
Hands.
The very thought of those appendages brought me back to reality as I cringed at the burning sensation. But then a thought struck me, my hand had been cut off by the strange rock creature, so why was I feeling pain where my hand used to be?
Moving my left hand over to my right arm, I traced its figure down to where my hand was. At the the spot of my wrist, I felt a large, painful bulge of skin encircling what appeared to be a lumpy object with a smooth finish.
'Oh yeah, the rock spear.'
I should probably be panicking in a situation like this, realizing that that something was impaling my arm, but I was just happy to be alive, the spear perfect evidence of this. Unfortunately after a few minutes passed and I hadn't been crushed by the now absent monster, I realized that help might not be coming anytime soon and while the spear had stopped some of it, blood still seeped out of the wound and bleeding out became a very real possibility. I needed to man the fuck up and try to find help or just keep writhing in agony until help found me.
Attempting to push myself up proved futile, as my left hand sunk into whatever I was laying on with a clinking sound and I felt something sharp pierce my skin and lodge in place. Ripping my hand out of the floor, I felt a strong stream of warm liquid run down my arm. With no foreseeable escape, and what I assumed was a large open wound leaking blood on my left hand and the stub of my right hand bleeding as well, I just sat there, unmoving, waiting for the end. "I never thought I would die alone, much less by bleeding to death, but I guess I've got to go somehow." I said, apparently getting philosophic when near death.
I noticed that my voice sounded odd though, like I was covering my mouth with a cloth. I resolved to at least try to stand up in my dark prison, but instead felt something bang against my head. Reaching up with my left hand, I discovered that I was wearing a metal helmet of some kind. Moving my hand down said helmet and grunting in pain when the new hole in my hand got caught on the lip of the helmet, I felt large mass of what appeared to be rubber. Dragging my hand around my face, I came to the conclusion that I was wearing an old gas mask with large, separate holes for the eyes that appeared to be missing the glass coverings since I managed to poke my eye while feeling around. It also had a single, large metal nozzle that connected to a filter that ran down from the middle, indicating it's age as these types of mask aren't very common anymore. Try as I might, I couldn't muster the strength to pull off the gas mask couldn't manage pry it off with only one hand. Reaching up with my other hand to help grasp the mask, I started emoving it before recalling that my right hand had been cut off and now had a piece of rock in it.
"What the h-"
MOVE YOU PATHETIC SLAVE! YOU HAVE NOT YET FUFFILED YOUR ROLE IN THE SLIGHTEST!
The sound of an unknown and highly distorted voice booming right above my head coupled with the desire not to meet whomever the voice came from, was apparently all the motivation my legs needed to attempt an escape.
After launching myself forward, I was surprised to find that instead of the light being miles away as previously predicted, it was actually just a few inches away. I managed to burst through a lid or cover of some sort. Well, half of my body anyway. I was left hanging over an edge with the floor only a few inches away. The ground was littered with trash, decomposing food scraps and appeared to be made of dirt. Realizing that I had been holding my breath, I took a long gulp of the air, only somewhat surprised that I didn't smell any of the food scraps.
'Oh yeah, gas mask.' Reality reared it ugly face through the door.
"Oh shit! Gas mask! Scary monster! My hands! Communism! NOOO!"
Both hands shot up to my face instinctively. Unfortunately, this shifted my balance and I fell to the ground head first, my new helmet softening the blow. Groaning, I lifted my face up off the ground and looked behind me. I saw my crotch kissing a sheet of blue metal that looked like it had seen better days as it was rusted and covered in graffiti. I immediately broke up the non-intimate moment with the material incarnation of tetanus itself, pulled myself up and turned around. I'd apparently been laying in a fucking dumpster and the lumpy surface that my hand sunk into was presumably a trash bag.
Looking down at my right hand, I was deeply disturbed by what I saw. Instead of having a black spear lodged in where my hand should be, the black spear WAS my hand. It had formed a replica of my old hand and despite being very lumpy, appeared to have a polished finish. Detaching from the palm, were five digits of varying length closely resembling fingers, the only difference being the sharpened point at the ends. Experimentally flexing this appendage proved that it was indeed connected to me. I then moved the base of my hand around but stopped after experiencing an intense pain. Pulling the bloody sleeve of my trench coat down, I saw the issue. The 'painful bulge' I felt earlier looked much worse than it felt.
The bulge was a large area of what appeared to be infected skin. Several lumps stretched the skin more in some areas, but the ever prevalent color of red etched across it no matter the area. Poking one of the smaller lumps caused a mass underneath to move away. Based on this, I concluded that this was an extremely large infection, with puss manifesting in the worse off areas.
I needed to find a doctor to not only remove the puss safely, but to possibly amputate my new appendage. I wasn't an anatomy expert as I stuck to history for most of my studies, but I knew for a fact that hands shouldn't turn black and take on the appearance of badly cut glass.
NOT GLASS! Never insult my precious crystals...
"Wa-what? Who's there?!" I stuttered.
JUST YOUR SAVIOR.
NOW OBSERVE YOUR OTHER HAND PUPPET...
Deciding to do as bidden rather than risk upsetting a crazed maniac with some speakers in a back alley, I brought the hand into vision.
NOW PLACE YOUR flesh HAND IN THE PALM OF YOUR CRYSTAL HAND...
"But, if I move my wrist I mi-"
DO IT!
Immediately obeying, I turned my hand, apparently made of crystal, over and placed my other hand in it's palm. As soon as I saw the wound, I began thinking about what could have been sharp enough to pierce straight through my hand to the other side.
Then, I felt a tingling sensation run through the cut. What was peculiar however, is that it didn't hurt anymore. That, and the fact that my hand was now smoking as well. The smoke was a thick black and I couldn't see through any of it. Emanating from the crystal appendage, it wound it's way up and around my other hand, flowing through the cut from one side, and coming out the other. A small glass shard fell out of the gash, falling to the ground and shattering into several smaller, bloody pieces. The gash then began to seal, both sides of the cut being pulled towards the center before glowing purple and disappearing altogether.
I started at my right hand in wonderment, the pain in my wrist forgotten as I tentatively flexed the appendage. No scar or mark of any kind remained, no proof it ever existed.
GOOD, YOU ARE CAPABLE OF LISTENING, I FEARED I HAD WASTED ALL MY MAGIC RESERVES SUMMONING A WORTHLESS CORPSE!
Magic? Summoning? Obviously this man was crazy. What was worse though was that I was at his mercy of his surround sound speakers and special effect magic tricks.
"Wha-what do you want from me?"
MANY THINGS MORTAL, MANY THINGS. I SUPPOSE THAT WHAT I DESIRE MOST IS WHAT YOU HAVE, A PHYSICAL BODY
"A what? What does that mean? How can you not have a body?" I felt my body temperature rise in anger, he wasn't giving me any realistic answers and was probably incapable of doing so.
I OWN YOUR SOUL MORTAL, AND I CHOSE TO SAVE YOUR PITIFUL BODY FROM DEATH, SO DON'T ASK ANY QUESTIONS!
"Yo-your bluffing! No one can own another's soul!" I yelled, my blood beginning to boil. I hate not having explanations and the only one I could discern from this situation was that a crazed DJ had teamed up with a psychotic surgeon in order to do some really realistic LARPing.
REALLY? HOW'S THIS FOR PROOF?
"What? What are you going to d-AHH!"
Looking down at my right arm, I discovered that my new hand was slowly crystallizing the rest of my arm. Very painfully. Crystals seemed to rise right out of my skin and connect with the hand, purple lightning arcing between them. Blood and yellow fluids began to ooze out of my wrist, causing the previous burning sensation to return.
"I-I-I get it! You got me! I'll stop questioning you!" I managed to squeak out.
ARE YOU SURE? I WANTED TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN IT REACHED YOUR TORSO...
I then realized that whatever the hell this thing was, it wasn't a crazed DJ or surgeon, but it did want to cause me pain. For the sake of survival, I needed to adjust my approach. Maybe instead of trying to defy it, I should appeal to it.
"Nope, definitely no, you proved your point, and might I add did so magnificently!
I- WHAT?
"Oh yes, to be able to harm another without even touching them? Quite magnificent. I bet you could give Vlad the Impaler a run for his money." I replied in what I hoped was an earnest tone.
WELL, PERHAPS YOU AREN'T COMPLETELY WORTHLESS.
YOU MUST TELL ME MORE ABOUT THIS VLAD THE IMPALER SOMETIME.
"But of course!" I replied, actually enthusiastic,"I could tell you all about history! But, I am most certain that you already know all about history."
AHAHAHAHA! YOU STUPID MORTAL! YOU HAVE NO IDEA DO YOU?
This troubled me greatly. This... thing, seemed to know something I didn't. The only thing greater than strength, was knowledge. Like in wars for example. Knowing where the enemies troops are positioned is key for flanking manoeuvres or avoiding them. Not knowing something with an entity that could probably kill me if it thought to hard, was very troubling.
"What do you mean?" My question fell on deaf ears. It either didn't care what I had to say, or my question was drowned out by the sound of its laughter. I was starting to get angry. I hate it when others ignore me when I need to know something.
AHAHAHAHA!
"Hey! What don't I know?!" I snapped
TELL ME, WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?
I was getting so pissed off at the narcissistic voice, I elected to reply like a true smart ass.
"Planet Earth."
INCORRECT
"What do you mean, incorrect? I can't possibly be anywhere else!" I was so angry, I had begun to shout.
"Hey, did you hear something down there?" I heard a voice say
"Let's check it out." another replied
NO! YOU MUST LEAVE! THE GUARDS CANNOT BE ALLOWED TO SEE YOU!
Reality then reappeared, "Guards? Not earth? What kind of sick game are you playing? And where the hell are you!?" I continued to shout as I frantically looked around the alley, trying to find the voice.
"I knew I heard something!"
"Come on, it sounds like a fight."
I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS...
"Oh yeah? Well what the hell are you gonna do? Hurt my hand again? Ooo, I'm really scared!"
I should probably listen to that thing in the future. A large cloud of black smoke emerged from the dumpster I had been laying in and quite quickly, rushed towards me. I turned around and ran towards the voices, figuring that any help would be appreciated. The smoke monster must have realized what I was going to do and cut off my path before I could reach them.
QUICKLY YOU FOOL! DOWN THESE STAIRS!
This time, I noticed that the voice seemed to be coming from the smoke monster. While I didn't want to listen, it seemed a better alternative than running into the monster. Rounding the corner of another dumpster, I ran down a glass staircase that seemed to go down to unknown depths.
Reality's friend, Reason, made a guest appearance and issued a mandate stating that glass stairs shouldn't be in alleyways. I didn't heed the warning however, and continued running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and runn-
"WHY ARE THERE SO MANY FUCKING STAIRS!?"
Quite suddenly, the stairs came to an abrupt end. A door appeared out of thin air and seemed to float in place, begging to be opened. Reason once again decreed that this was a horrible idea and it was in my best interest to walk back up the stairs. One glance behind me deterred me from this course of action, as the large black cloud of smoke was pursuing me down the stairs.
CRYSTALSSSS...
Chucking Reason away with a catapult, I grabbed the door, flung it open, stepped inside, slammed the door behind me, turned around and was met by three strange creatures all huddled around something in the middle of a rather spacious room.
"Wat."
All previous grievances and pains were temporarily forgotten as I, after looking at the creatures for all of a split second, came to the conclusion that these were from the television show My Little Pony.
How did I come to this conclusion you ask? Well the only time I have ever seen a colorful horse with what I assumed were branding marks on their flanks, came from the really loud, colorful commercials that interrupt my Goosebumps montage on the hub network.
I don’t really hate the show or it's odd fanbase, I just choose not to watch it on principal. I avoid that subject like it has the fucking plague because it could ruin several friendships that I had.
Reality and Reason agreed for once, both essentially saying “Nope” as I turned to leave the room. This didn’t happen however, as the door was no longer there.
“Crap! I mff-” Shooting both hands up to cover my mouth as there were others in the room, I slowly turned around, preparing my body for one to be right behind me.
Instead, they were all still huddled around something and not moving. They looked weird, like they were frozen in time. Cautiously approaching from the side, my theory proved correct, as they were staring at a large purple and green lizard proudly holding up a glass heart. Without blinking.
'Okay, this shit is really creeping me out now.' I suppose one of the reasons for this was that I hated anything that didn’t blink.
I only recognized the purple unicorn as she was usually at the beginning of the commercials running into a box in order to turn into a toy that looked like a hideous Barbie doll. I already didn’t like Barbie dolls cause they don't blink, they didn’t need to ponify them too and give me more nightmare fuel.
She looked odd however. She was smiling compassionately at a lizard thing holding a sculpture, who was looking very proud of itself. The smile seemed fake though, like she wasn’t really satisfied with the outcome of something.
Next to the purple one was a bright pink, winged unicorn. Seriously, what am I supposed to call that, a pegacorn? Anyway, the pink one had a mane and tail consisting of the colors blue, pink and yellow that came to an end with a weird curl. This one had a glass sculpture of a heart branded onto her side and wore a tiny tiara. She was beaming from ear to ear at the lizard, obviously overjoyed at the creation of a sculpture in the likenesses of the one on her flank.
Standing close to that one with a hoof around her neck, was a white pony with a mane and tail of two different shades of blue and a shield on his flank. Based on his bulkier build, I assumed that this one was a male and was in a relationship with the pink one, who I assumed to be female. That, or they were really good friends. He was looking very proud of the lizard, like a father looking proud of their son for scoring a touchdown in football.
In the center of the circle, was the large purple and green lizard thing holding a carved glass heart out to the three others. He seemed ready to burst, his chest was jutting out so much. If pride could kill literally, he would spontaneously combust on the spot.
I don't know what, but that glass heart just screamed out to me. I needed to touch that heart. I reached out with my crystal appendage, the sharpened digits seemed to radiate a faint purple glow as I drew nearer.
Just as I had the heart in my grasp, the four of them came to life.
"It's Savidicus!" The purple one screamed.
I immediately backed away in surprise. Had I known that these things would wake up, I'd have continued searching for a way out.
A heroic voice sounded off from behind me, "I'll stop him!"
Swirling around, I saw the white unicorn with a glowing blue sword hoisted above his head, ready to slash downwards. How he even got there was anyone's guess.
"Nonono wait!" I sputtered.
He didn't seem to care for my plea and sword slashed down towards my head. I closed my eyes and waited for the end, resigning myself to this fate.
One, two, three, four seconds passed and I was still thinking about how many seconds had passed.
"A-am I dead?"
AS MUCH AS I WISH YOU WERE, NO. YOUR NOT DEAD. NOW OPEN YOUR EYES YOU PATHETIC MONGREL.
I opened my eyes and saw that I was now in a snowy field with a large, glorious city behind me. Tall, slightly transparent spires gutted from the earth in an attempt to reach the heavens. Even from a distance, I could see it's magnificent light radiate safety and warmth, welcoming all travelers. Turning around, I was met by a far less pleasant sight, the smoke monster.
"Why!? Why are you doing this?! What have I ever done to you?" I cried, my mental state collapsing around me as I submitted myself to the idea that this creature wanted nothing more than to cause me misery.
I NEED YOU TO DO SOMETHING FOR ME.
My mental state stopped shattering and I regained some composure. This creature said it needed me. Not wanted me, needed me. I obviously had a bargaining chip now, but was certain that it would still try to 'persuade' me even if this was true. I needed to learn more about it to gain any advantage.
"Why would I do anything you want me to?"
BECAUSE IN EXCHANGE, I SHALL RELINQUISH OWNERSHIP OF YOU AND SEND YOU BACK TO YOUR OWN MUNDANE WORLD.
Strike one. It was also learning about me. It knew I reacted negatively to pain, as demonstrated from it's earlier attempts to coerce me into obedience. Now, it was bargaining for obedience.
"What do you mean, my world? Where am I?"
EQUESTRIA, THE CRYSTAL EMPIRE TO BE PRECISE. MY EMPIRE. I USED TO RULE ON HIGH AS KING! BUT THE CRYSTAL PONIES AND THEY'RE BENEVOLENT RULERS, THE PRINCESSES, BANISHED ME FROM MY LANDS AND CAST ME INTO SHADOW. WITH YOU ON MY SIDE, I CAN FINALLY TAKE BACK WHAT WAS RIGHTFULLY MINE.
Strike two, using the age old trick of sucking up to gain sympathy for its cause and throwing in a short sob story to garner more. Classic.
"Okay, suppose I did help you, what would I need to do?
CATCHING ON QUICKLY I SEE. I LIKE YOU, OBVIOUSLY INTELLIGENT. AS FOR WHAT TO DO, SIMPLY CAUSE GENERAL UNREST AMONGST THE POPULACE, MAKE THEM HATE THE PRINCESSES. GET THEM TO SWEAR FEALTY TO ME. ONCE ENOUGH OF THEM HARBOR HATE FOR THE CURRENT RULERS, I SHALL REGAIN MY PHYSICAL FORM...
Strike three. It revealed unto me it's greatest weakness, no form. I could simply agree to it, walk away and get help from one of these 'Princesses' it talked about. They would have to be pretty powerful in order to get rid of a living cloud of smoke that could simply replace lost limbs with crystals.
"And should I refuse?"
BEING STUCK HERE SEEMS PUNISHMENT ENOUGH... BUT KNOW THIS SLAVE, I WILL BREAK YOU SHOULD YOU DECLINE MY GENEROUS OFFER. ALSO, DON'T GET ANY IDEAS OF ASKING THE PRINCESSES FOR HELP, ONLY I CAN SEND YOU HOME. WELL, AT LEAST IN ONE PIECE...
I paled from underneath the gas mask, my seemingly foolproof plan had a man-sized hole in it. If I had any hope of getting home, I needed to give in to its demands.
Sighing, I asked, "How do you want me to do this?"
I LEAVE THAT TO YOU. PRAY YOU DON'T FAIL ME
With that, the smoke simply vanished from my sight and left me alone in the cold, white plain. I turned around and dejectedly started marching towards the city, planning my next move. I still had many unanswered questions such as how I was going to turn an entire city that looked magnificently prosperous against its rulers. Or what he meant by 'crystal ponies'. About what sort of challenges I might face. Or if I left the water running in my sink back home. Well, the only way to answer any of these questions was to head towards civilization and hope for the best.