This Isn’t Me
It had been nine months since I, Zytharros, stepped into Ponyville that first time, where I had engaged the demented, twisted, scared, and trapped Tangerine Hopes right alongside the Elements of Harmony. Life had gotten busy, and although I had thought a couple times of going back, I never did. I rarely got a chance to myself lately, what, with the pregnancy entering its’ final stages and all. Duty kept me working and by my wife’s side, especially as her mobility had become reduced towards the end, eventually leading with a hospitalization one week ago due to lack of mobility.
Nevertheless, I had not lost my fondness for those six ponies. Memories of our adventures, things I could never share with anyone else except through fan fiction, had spilled out onto the internet.
I kept toys of the ‘Mane 6’, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, Twilight Sparkle, Applejack, Rarity, and Pinkie Pie, in my toy chest. It took some doing, but I convinced my wife to let me buy at least those figures. I promised she would never have to see them, at least, until our kid was born. Applejack, Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie had come easily enough – I worked at the retailer where they were sold, and they came in often enough I found them within a couple weeks of beginning to look. Additionally, a shipment of Rarity and Twilight figures had come in at a local toy store in two successive weeks.
The surprise for me, though, was exactly how I came to own Fluttershy… I had collected each of the six except her, and I was having a heck of a time tracking her down. It had been four months, and I had no luck. Despite her disdain for the ponies, my wife actually gave me that pony for Christmas last year, forsaking the typical and much-loved tech store gift card, after finding the last Fluttershy in sales circulation at a toy shop in Vancouver, looking for something for her dad with her mom.
Now, though, I was sitting at my desk, bored of writing and the many useful, useless, entertaining, and mind-numbing experiences of the Internet. The plastic figures of the ponies were all lined up on this rainy Spring day. I had already visited Rosebud in the hospital earlier that day, heading home to get some writing and housework done. I had no shifts at work that day, nor any pressing farm work, so I was free for most of the afternoon… except for the glut of dishes in the sink, but those could wait a little longer.
It was then I finally decided to try this ring out.
Gathering my phone, I stood up, moved a chair out of the way, and stood square to the wall. I held my palm flat, facing forward. I closed my eyes, concentrating on nothing but Ponyville. A high “sheen” sound, then a curtain, formed before me. A wall in my office began to ripple.
I gulped. “I don’t think I’ll ever get over that…” I said nervously.
I proceeded into the vortex, holding my arms out as if to prepare myself for the transformation. The sensation, the spike-tap-tap-BANG! I knew, it was there, though quieter. I briefly wondered if it was possible for the dimensional barrier to get ‘used’ to people crossing it, then I collapsed once again onto all fours.
This time, I appeared on a cloud near the uppermost rainbow of Rainbow Dash’s house. I grimaced, glad I had been accepted into this world as an alicorn or pegasus and not an Earth pony or unicorn. Looking around, I flapped my wings and leapt off the cloud, catching air for the first time in a little under a year. I remembered the training Rainbow had given me, but still found it hard to put into practice so suddenly. I flipped and flopped and fumbled my way to gliding, falling almost a hundred feet before regaining my composure and gliding around for a bit. I skimmed the tops of trees, spooking the wildlife a little, before I began my ascent, once again getting comfortable with flying. It came faster this time.
“Hey! Zytharros!” a scratchy voice called. “Welcome back!”
I shouted, “Dash! How’s it been?”
“Not bad at all,” she said. “Got a lot of new tricks to show you!”
I watched her fly ahead of me and perform some wicked tricks; a couple hammerhead-twists, a freefall-self-catch, and her patented and now perfected top-speed strut among them.
“Sweet!” I said.
She smirked proudly, matching her pace with mine.
“So, how’d the Wonderbolts thing go?” I asked.
Rainbow blew a raspberry. “What Wonderbolts?” she sneered.
I bit my lip. “Not well, huh?”
“They’re polite at social gatherings, but when I actually went to train, they were all, ‘You can’t do that’ or ‘this is the routine we’re practicing’… It was all so… structured!” she groaned. “And Spitfire… She’s so… cocky! There’s no talking to her… just her talking AT YOU!” She did seven very tight corkscrews as we circled back from above Canterlot. I simply banked around, letting the G-forces carry me into a natural barrel-roll. “To top it off, the team trainer called me ‘too fat’ for the job… Me! Fat! Ha!” Rainbow screamed in indignation. “That last season of the show was torture! I had to act like I was still a… ugh… FAN of theirs!” She sighed… “Maybe I should’ve just shot for the Equestria racing circuit instead.”
“You’re a daredevil,” I said. “Simply racing isn’t enough for you.”
“But there’s no stunt flight racing circuit in all of Equestria!” she exasperatedly declared. “I spent a ton of time looking for it, too!”
We landed on a couple clouds close to each other.
“Well, why don’t you try and get Twilight to help you organize one?” I asked.
“Twilight hasn’t been seen for the past month,” Rainbow said.
I looked at my cloud-bed and pondered. “How long was the TV crew here?”
“A little over a year, full-time,” Rainbow said. “They left last week.”
I chuckled. Dimensional time flow always did interest me, ever since Twilight and I discussed it at length last… uh… year, according to Rainbow. It was an interesting dichotomy that existed in a plane of logic only Tangerine Hopes had experienced, never mind understood… Nine months passes in my world, yet over a year had passed here… and still, on my first arrival, less than five minutes had passed since I left my world and I had spent a whole month in Equestria… It was truly bizarre.
“Where was Twilight headed?” I asked.
Rainbow flipped over onto her back. “She had stuff to do in Canterlot… something about planning an event for the Princess… her birthday, I think. I’m not sure. I kinda clocked out after fifteen seconds.”
I chuckled. Understanding Twilight’s work ethic and penchant for research, I wasn’t surprised. Also, understanding Rainbow’s not-so-unique ability to glaze over any over-complicated talking, I again wasn’t surprised. I looked back at Rainbow and noticed a flutter in her eyes. She was ready to head ‘er down for a nap on a cloud.
“Nice talking with you, Rainbow,” I said. “I’m gonna drop in on some of the others.”
Rainbow waved me off with a yawned “See ya”. I chuckled again and took off for greener pastures, specifically Fluttershy’s.
A couple minutes later, I arrived at the yellow mare’s house. I approached the door, hearing a sweet guitar solo and some chugging bass…
I chuckled, mumbling to myself, “Fluttershy is a secret metal-head…”
I knocked. I heard a quick “Oh!” and suddenly the song clicked off. Some rustling, a little clanging, and a “Just a minute!” were heard before she finally opened the door.
“Oh! Zytharros!” she said, surprised. “Welcome back!”
I noted the presence of a singular black streak trailing down the middle of her mane and tail.
“Nice new ‘do,” I commented.
She looked at her mane and blushed… “I-um… uh, that is…”
I chuckled. “You got your hair coloured since I last saw you.”
“Oh, Zy,” she said, all excited. “When you brought metal into Equestria, it was one of the best musical shakeups we’ve had here in a while. Once we got access to the Ponynet… I’m sorry… Internet here, I bought as much as I could. I found Nickelback, Evanescence, Demon Hunter… oh, I love them all!” she said, continuing to gush. “They made me remove the black streak for the show… I was so sad. Now that the show’s done shooting, though, I put it back.”
I smirked. She stared at me for a couple seconds, then realized something.
“Oh, pardon my manners… Come in,” she said, inviting me inside.
I walked in. The room hadn’t changed. Angel was amusingly dressed in a miniature Gene Simmons KISS outfit, and a couple birds were harmonizing the chorus of Demon Hunter’s “My Throat is an Open Grave”. It provided a little more of a haunting atmosphere than was normal for Fluttershy’s quiet and peaceful abode.
The words entered my head…
“This isn’t me”, I used to say
All the love was so gone
It feels good to be alive
‘Cause I’ve been dead for so long
“What’s new?” I asked. “Besides the black streak, I mean.”
She thought for a bit, then replied, “Not a lot. My chicken flock’s grown to 14 animals now.”
“Oh!” I said, smiling. “That’s wonderful!”
“How are your cats?” she asked.
“Still kickin’,” I said. “Still kickin’, and as rascally as ever. They’re quite healthy. We just sheared llamas this past summer, so we’ve been working hard processing the fiber for sale.”
“Ever since you’ve told me about their fibre,” the yellow pegasus said, “I’ve been interested in working with it, but I can’t get any fibre around here. There are no llamas in all Equestria!”
“That’s disappointing,” I said.
Fluttershy sulked. “Any chance you could bring me some from your world next time you pass through?” she asked, hopeful.
Noting her small collection of knitted works on a shelf, I held my iPhone in my magical grasp. “I bring this over every time, so I don’t see why not. I’d have to come up with a reason how it disappeared from my wife’s collection, though.”
“Might not be a good idea,” Fluttershy commented. “Okay!”
I smiled. “I should probably drop in on everyone else. I’ve already seen Rainbow.”
“Oh! Well, thanks for coming over,” she said, returning the smile.
I left her abode, noting it was already nearing sunset. I had arrived as the sun began to set, so I wasn’t surprised. My course of action was determined – I would head straight for Twilight’s. I would have to catch up with Pinkie Pie and Applejack tomorrow.
At least, I would have had to, if they both didn’t emerge from Sugarcube Corner at exactly the same time, screaming and hollering at each other.
“The pie was supposed to go on the left side of the rack!” Pinkie shrieked.
Applejack growled. “An’ I say it would look better on the right!”
“But the Cakes want it on the other side this time! We have to shuffle product around to keep our customers’ interest in other products!”
“If they want somethin’, they’ll find it! It’d be easier for the customers to find what they want if the products are in the same spot!”
“Customers who come in all the time would be-“
“Girls! Girls!” I said, galloping up to them. “What’s the problem?”
“Zytharros!” they said in tandem, surprised.
“Well, the Cakes want their product over on the left side of the shelf-” Pinkie began.
“-but I think it would be better for the pies to be where they were-” Applejack continued.
“-and we can’t decide who’s right or wrong!”
“It’s been a disaster all day in there! Everything’s goin’ wrong.”
“Nothing’s baking right…”
“We’re low on ingredients…”
Pinkie snorted. “And we’ve filled, like, two orders out of the hundred billion zillion we have to get out before the end of today!”
I nodded. “What ingredients are you running out of?”
Applejack listed off twenty or so ingredients.
“Oh my…” I said. “What happened to the Cakes’ supplier?”
Applejack answered, “They’re still around, but in preparation for Princess Celestia’s big birthday bash tomorrow, hosted in Ponyville this year, Sugarcube Corner’s used up most of its’ supplies.”
I frowned, concerned. Something had to be done.
“I’ll go round up Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, and Rarity,” I said. “Can I get you two to get a list together for us of what you need and where to get it? I’m sure we can get it for you.”
So that’s what we spent the rest of the daylight hours doing. We gathered supplies for the frantic Earth ponies and once they had enough, helped them catch up on their orders. Each pony had their task. Eventually, Rainbow went and collected supplies, Fluttershy and I measured and mixed, Applejack supervised the baking, Rarity decorated, and Pinkie Pie brought the orders out. We filled a ton of orders, including some last-minute ones given to us by the party in charge of Celestia’s birthday foods.
Eventually, it was closing time, and we locked Sugarcube Corner up, beginning cleanup. Each and every one of us, except Rainbow Dash, was covered in flour. I got Rainbow to get us a small rain cloud for after-hours wash-downs once we had finished tidying up Sugarcube Corner, and after cleaning the shop Rainbow was all too happy to douse her friends. We faced the store, tidying up its’ appearance for tomorrow’s opening, cleaned up the kitchen, and tossed out whatever wasn’t touched.
“Where are you staying?” Rainbow asked as we broke ranks to go home, waving farewell to Pinkie who herself looked exhausted after all that work.
Applejack eyed her friend suspiciously.
“He’s stayin’ with me,” she said.
The jealous “EYE” wasn’t lost on me. I chuckled.
“He’s staying where he wants to!” Rainbow demanded.
“No, he’s comin’ with me!” Applejack exclaimed.
I sighed. “Girls, stop it…” I said.
They looked at me, both hopeful in my answer. I could tell both Rainbow and Applejack wanted to spend the night with me… but while we were baking…
“Didn’t you hear me and Shy talking in the bakery?” I asked. “I’m staying with her tonight.”
Applejack and Rainbow’s jaws hit the floor. Amongst a torrent of complaints and cries of “No fair, Fluttershy”, the yellow pony and I walked away, chuckling to each other.
“Did you see the looks on their faces?” I asked her when we were out of earshot.
She chuckled. “They were so busy baking up a storm they didn’t even notice me ask!”
“That was refreshing,” I said. “It’s nice to let loose. These past months have been a little stressful.”
“Oh? Why?” Fluttershy asked.
“Well,” I said… “We’re waiting on the birth of our first kid at home, I just put myself in line for a better-paying position at work, and the llama fibre business is really starting to take off. All this is happening all at once. I’m glad I could come to Ponyville and set my mind free for a little bit.”
“That’s a lot going on,” she mused.
I nodded. “It’s a lot of work, but we’re making more money than ever. It’s some sweet cupcakes when the money you make at your job goes strictly to fun when we can break free.”
We walked in silence, listening to the crickets in the evening air. I took a deep breath and sighed, smiling into the night.
“Princess Luna… you did an amazing job with the moon,” I commented, throwing a quick glance towards the castle.
Fluttershy smiled in agreement. “It’s bright tonight.”
We looked at each other and gave off sweet smiles, then returned to looking at the moon. A light breeze blew by, fluttering our manes and tails and blowing a small portion of post-running-of-the-leaves feathers around on the earth.
A few minutes later we arrived at Fluttershy’s. We spent a little longer awake, discussing various metal acts and putting on their music, but soon we both fell asleep in the middle of her living room floor.
The same chorus the birds sang earlier played just as we lost consciousness.