As Ratchet walked out towards the chairs and couches they'd set up for the upcoming "Behind the Hero" interview, he noticed Twilight hard at work on her terminal. "What's eating you, Twilight?" he asked curiously.
"Remember that commercial we saw for the Hygienator?" she asked. "The one Captain Qwark was selling under that ridiculous pseudonym?"
Ratchet shuddered. He did remember that commercial. It still gave him nightmares, especially some of the things Qwark used the questionable device to clean...and on live holo-vision broadcast, no less! It wasn't even a late night broadcast! "I try to forget," he muttered.
"Well, he said it was a Gadgetron Hygienator," Twilight pointed out, "but I don't recall the product ever clearing testing. So I wrote Mr. Fixxit to look into it, and he just got back to me. Apparently, the Hygienator is a Gadgetron product, but it was canceled because it was never perfected. In the long run, it was more cost effective to create separate devices for each hygiene process and sell them individually or as a package deal. Investigations are currently underway regarding Qwark selling discontinued Gadgetron merchandise illegally."
Ratchet chuckled. "Glad I let you talk me out of buying one, then," he laughed. "But for now, we need to get to that interview. They came all this way, after all, and we haven't exactly had any real excitement lately."
"Right," Twilight replied, shutting down the terminal before progressing to her couch. She lay down facing the cameras on a specially designed couch for her comfort to Ratchet's left, while Clank was in a lounge chair to the right of Ratchet's.
"Welcome back to Behind the Hero!" the reporter announced. "Tonight's heroes are the trio who recently restored peace and order to our galaxy: Ratchet, Clank, and Twilight Sparkle." The announcer signaled the trio that the cameras were now focused on them. "So gentlemen, young lady, tell us about your latest, incredible adventures." As Twilight opened her mouth, the announcer cut her off. "Oh and Twilight, our audience is not exclusively the intellectual elite like yourself, so I'm afraid adventures in rewriting the laws of physics don't count." Twilight promptly pouted in response.
Ratchet couldn't help but chuckle. "Well, as you can imagine, we've been pretty busy. After Drek's defeat there were parades, press conferences, fancy dress balls..."
"Those last ones made me feel homesick for some reason," Twilight spoke up. "Which was weird, because not only have I never been to any fancy dress balls before, the first one was held here on Veldin." She shook her head in confusion.
"There was also that Weenie Roast at Al's!" Clank pointed out, trying to distract Twilight.
"Yeah, that!" Ratchet said with more enthusiasm than he'd expressed for the Weenie Roast when it happened. "And then...things started to slow down a bit," Ratchet explained in a more relaxed tone of voice. "After that, we focused on Twilight's flying lessons."
"There was the Grand Opening at Groovy Lube!" Twilight pointed out, grinning at Clank.
"And the petting zoo!" Clank added.
Ratchet and Twilight both shuddered. "We don't talk about that," Ratchet pointed out.
"Why's that?" the announcer asked.
"Because right at first, nearly everyone there mistook Daddy and I for new exhibits instead of celebrity guests!" Twilight snapped. Shuddering, she folded her wings protectively around herself. "So...many...hands..."
"Anyway," Ratchet interrupted, "I think those were...last week?"
"Six months ago," Clank corrected him.
"We just celebrated my seventh birthday!" Twilight said happily. "Clank made me a new plushy!" She held up a cartoonish looking gray pony plushy with wings and horn. "I call her Woona!"
"So we're still pretty busy," Ratchet explained, "in a more...domestic sense."
"Yesterday, I flushed out my radiator core," Clank pointed out.
"Which is good for us as a family," Ratchet pointed out happily. "It's just...no one needs a hero right now..."
As his voice trailed off, Twilight reached out a hoof to comfort him, and all three vanished in a flash of light.
The three - and their lounging equipment - reappeared in the hold of a ship with a hologram of a fat humanoid with sparse hair and an excessively happy expression.
The holographic image was entirely blue, however.
"Welcome!" he said happily.
"What the?" Ratchet demanded, going for his wrench as Twilight instinctively reached for her RYNO...which had been put away in storage, resulting in her cursing under her breath.
"I'm Abercrombie Fizzwidget," the hologram continued, "founder of the Megacorp company in the Bogon Galaxy."
"Bogon?" Ratchet asked in confusion.
"It's the next star cluster over from Solana, towards the Nexal point hypothesized to be somewhere in the unexplored Polaris galaxy," Twilight explained.
"Nexal Point?" Ratchet questioned.
"The hypothesized center of the universe," Clank explained.
"I'm sorry to incapacitate you," Abercrombie continued, causing Twilight to look around in fear, "but our entire galaxy is in a very precocious situation."
Twilight then facehooved. "Inconvenience, and precarious," she groaned.
"I must humbly request your sustenance-"
"Support," Twilight corrected with a groan.
"-on a mission of dire urgitude-"
"That one's not even a word!" Twilight complained vociferously.
"-a mission of superfluous peril-"
Twilight raised her hoof, then paused. "Actually, that part's actually grammatically correct, all things considered."
"-a mission of unequizacle imperitude!" Abercrombie finished.
Twilight slammed her face into her couch. "I give up!"
"That made no sense to me either," Clank explained.
"Oh, it made perfect sense," Twilight explained. "He wants us to come be heroes in Bogon. He just made every English Professor to ever critique language spin in their graves fast enough to power 12 planets in the process of asking is all..."
"Indubitably!" Abercrombie proclaimed. A holodisplay appeared. "A few days ago, this top secret biological experiment was stolen from our testing lavatory."
"Aw, it's adorable!" Twilight squealed over the blue, furby looking fuzzball. "I want one!"
Abercrombie seemed to smirk, then continued. "It was stolen by this dupliferous criminal mastermind!" The holodisplay showed a masked figure in a cape and mask.
"She looks cute," Twilight whispered to Clank.
"She?" Clank whispered back in surprise.
Twilight pointed with her horn. "The figure is plainly mammalian, and only female mammalian bipeds have the pronounced mammaries."
"I need you, Ratchet, to get the experiment back!" Abercrombie concluded.
"Wait, just me?" Ratchet asked in shock.
"The criminal seems to be a malodorous expert in gorilla combat, so it would be best to only send a single aficionado," he explained.
"But what about Clank and Twilight?" Ratchet asked.
"I have precipitated Crank's recalcitrance, and have prepared this counter offer. We are prepared to give him a job as the head accountant for Megacorp, plus a penthouse suite in lovely Megapolis, and our state of the art robotic masseuse." The holo display showed each item as discussed, and Clank's circuits sparked at the sight of the robotic masseuse.
"Deal!" Clank agreed readily.
"And me?" Twilight asked. "II'm pretty sure my exclusivity agreement with Gadgetron means I can't take a job at Megacorp..."
"We have consolidated such conflagration of intestines, and have a different offense planned for you, Twinkle Star," Abercrombie began.
"He could at least get the name right," Twilight groaned.
"While Ratchet is engaged in this mission of superlative importance, you will be staying in Megacorp's Child Care suite in our headquarters on Planet Yeedil, where you can spend your days either befriending other children your own age, exploring our high tech laboratories, or utilizing your own private lab for personal experiments!" Abercrombie offered, displaying holo-images of each.
"I could...make friends?" Twilight asked. "My own age? And...play with them?"
Ratchet had to look away. The naked hunger for such interaction in Twilight's eyes was embarrassing and almost painful. "Deal," he said, on Twilight's behalf.
"As for you, Ratchet," Abercrombie added, "we need you in superlatory shape! While in transit to the Bogon Galaxy, you will undergo heavy training and conditioning, including martial arts, heavy weaponry, survival skills, stealth, macrame, ballroom dance, and origami!"
"Can I train, too?" Twilight asked eagerly.
"Absotively!" Abercrombie agreed readily.
Two weeks later, they'd reached the Bogon Galaxy and completed the training. Ratchet was looking over the new green battle suit he had been provided with. "We've used bipolar vector regurgitation to track the thief's location to a flying base in Sector Seven. Infiltribulate the base, and retrieve the experiment."
"Sir, ready for launch!" Ratchet replied.
Twilight hugged Ratchet. "Come back safe, Daddy," she said. "I love you."
"Love you too, Twilight," Ratchet replied, returning the hug. "Have fun with the other kids."
Twilight stepped back. She could feel the excitement vibrating off Ratchet. He loved hero work, now that he'd gotten a taste for it. "Later, Clank!" she called out, waving.
"Safe journey, Twilight!" Clank agreed. "We will meet again soon. This shouldn't take Ratchet too long."
With that, the three went their separate ways on their various transports.
When Twilight arrived at the Megacorp base, she was greeted by workers in hazmat suits and immediately escorted to a medlab. "Umm...I thought I was going to play with other kids?" she objected in confusion.
"It's just standard issue quarantine!" Abercrombie hastened to assure her. "You're of an unknown species, after all. It's standard procedure to isomorphic you when you arrive from another galaxy before letting you fornicate with other children, to make sure they don't get any germs from you or you from them."
"That makes sense," Twilight regretfully agreed, hoping that was yet another of his linguistic slips. "So how long will it take?"
"Just a smattering of nonces, certainly," Abercrombie proclaimed. "Just to analyze a few samples is all."
Twilight sighed. She imagined this was going to take a while...
