//------------------------------// // Helter Skelter // Story: Not So Quiet on the Set // by IDigAPony //------------------------------// Soundstage 3, where they filmed the interior shots of “My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic: was immense, a huge rectangular room.  When viewed from above, at the bottom center of the long side of that rectangle were two enormous doors called “elephant doors”.  Every professional soundstage has them.  They’re used for bringing the camera’s, large set pieces, etc onto and out of the sound stage. The Ponyville set - a  reproduction of the entire village of Ponyville, took up the left third of the stage.  The village buildings were all just facades. Directly across from the doors, toward the back middle part of the soundstage were the interior sets. The Carousel Boutique, and Rainbow Dash’s condo room/bedroom were side by side.  Next the Golden Oak library’s main room, and reading room, adjoined each other. Then there were the two layer structures - the library’s upstairs living room and bed loft and the Sweet Apple Acres first and second floors. Those two sets stood back to back.  Although the two structures were far apart in the real town of Ponyville, on the set, Twilight and Applejack’s rooms shared a common wall.  Finally the interior of Fluttershy’s cottage and Sugarcube Corner. Pinkie’s room was back to back with Fluttershy’s room.  The remaining sets on the soundstage were built and struck as needed.  Celestia and Luna as well as the royal council had granted the producers of the show access to the Canterlot castle for all on-location shooting. Upon entering the soundstage, to your right you would see the combination dressing rooms and bungalows for The Mane Six. The bungalows themselves sat just outside the soundstage, but each had a door that opened onto the soundstage  so the actors could relax in their own places while they weren't filming a scene. The first door had a single apple painted on it. It led to the largest of the bungalows - Apple Bungalow.  Applejack, Big Mac, Apple Bloom and Granny Smith lived there, each in their own bedroom plus there was a guest room.  There was a large kitchenette, a large living suite with a fireplace, a half bath and a full bath. The next door had a large carved 6 pointed star mounted on the door. Through that door was the Sparkle Bungalow.  Twilight and Spike lived there.  It was much like the Apple bungalow, but additional rooms had been converted into a library, a laboratory, a soundproofed reading room, and room with a very large sensory deprivation tank. Twilight’s bedroom was large and had a king sized bed, a desk and three bookcases.  Spike’s room was built like a cave.  It was kept very warm and had drawers built into the walls for his toys and comic books. He also had a very large signed poster of Rarity with the words “To my future beau, Spiky Wiky!  With love, Rarity.” On the next door was painted a single butterfly.  This bungalow was smaller than the others, only requiring room for Fluttershy, Angel and a few other pets. She did have a guest room. Next was Rainbow Dash’s.  The image on the door was a single line silhouette of Dash. The bungalow had an enormous bedroom with a huge circular bed. The main area had a sunken living room, a full bar, a guest room,, a jacuzzi, and full kitchen with a professional pizza oven and an enormous terrarium for Tank with a door flap, . There was also an exercise room and  guest room. Next was a pink door with a doorbell and 3 balloons taped to the outside. The inside was much like Fluttershy’s except it was pink and had a huge tank for Gummy.  Her party laboratory was on the other side of the stage. Lastly near the corner was Rarity’s dressing room. It had a little awning over the doorway, two small potted plants on either side ot the red carpet that led up to the door and little velvet ropes on brass stands.  Oh, and a small porch light. There was no cutie mark of a diamond or any other sign that it belonged to Rarity and her family.  Just she and Sweetie Belle lived there, but there were guest rooms for 4 others.  Her parents lived in the studio bungalows out on the main studio property where the rest of the cast lived. Celestia and Luna had their own large house with a pool and yard where they stayed when filming. This is where everypony lived while the series was being shot.  The rest of the time they lived as portrayed in the series.- Ponyville, Cloudsdale, Canterlot and Sweet Apple Acres ______________________ Rarity and Applejack stepped out of Rarity’s dressing room and walked under the arched white trellis into the area.that had been set up for the wrap party. Lyra and Bon-Bon shared a table with Octavia and Vinyl and were enjoying light summer cocktails and laughing hysterically.  Ponies had begun to show up.  Champagne and Hors d'oeuvres were served..  Donut Joe sat  at the bar, sipping a Bourbon and water. He looked at Applejack and raised an eyebrow.  She knew he was dying to know if Rarity had relented from her crazy scheme.   She smiled, nodded and winked.  He smiled and looked up to the sky, saying a silent prayer of thanks to Celestia. The two mares walked up to the bar and stood beside him. “Hey, how’s my favorite dress designer?” he said to Rarity as she and Applejack approached. “Well, a bit more like myself, darling.” Rarity said unhappily, I’m afraid I have to call off our plan.”. “Awe, dat’s a shame Rares, but maybe it’s for the best.” “I suppose.  Do you mind if we not talk about it right now?” “Sure.  I’ll just stop pretending to hit on you, right?” “Yes, dear, you can stop.”  She looked at him as he smiled and then realized why.  “Ohhhh, that’s right, no dear, you’re free to go back to… which one is he again?” “Flam” “Oh, of course Flam, the cute one.” “T’anks.  I’ve always thought so.” Joe said with a wink.  “He wanted to know how you were coming along w’dat that little chiffon number you was makin for him..” “Oh goodness!, Joseph, please send him my sincerest apologies, with all that’s been going on I simply haven’t had the time to devote to it  Tell him I promise to  have it ready before we leave for the coast.” “Sure, sure, no problem.” Joe turned to Jeff Latrotsky who was tending bar. “Hey Dude, chuck this will ya? Gimme my regular” “Hey, no problem man.  How about you Rares, you want a Cosmo too?” “Why thank you Jeffrey, that would be lovely” “It’s The Dude Rarity, or Duderino,or just Dude.” Jeff was a jack of all trades.  He had his own catering truck, was a freelance bartender, a clothing designer and tailor, not to mention an excellent bowler.  His long blonde mane usually needed a combing but his mustache and goatee were always trimmed perfectly.  He turned toward Applejack. She was staring off into the distance absentmindedly. “What about you AJ?” “Huh? Oh, sorry, yeah, Reckon I’ll have, uh, whadda have in them there barrels?” “We have Heavy Horses Stout, and a nice wheat brew. We’re still waiting for the other barrels.” “Reckon I’ll have a white wine.” The entire soundstage went silent. Jeff’s jaw dropped and everypony within earshot froze and looked at her.  Somewhere a cricket chirped. Applejack laughed and hit Jeff on the arm. “Just kiddin Dude!  Give me a hard cider-beer half and half.” Things started up as quickly as they’d stopped. Most of the ponies laughed and shook their heads. Jeff smiled. “Wow, you like really had me goin’ there for a second, AJ. So like did you want the stout with the cider?” “eYup” “I gotta tell you AJ,  I’m having a really hard time keepin’ score of like who the heck was supposed to be what.  Had to ask Rarity for a score card…” Applejack smiled “Did she get you one?” “Yeah, I think so.  To tell you the truth, I can’t say I remember exactly,” Jeff said, picking up his White Russian to take a sip. A folded piece of paper was stuck to the bottom.  He peeled it off, put his drink back down on the bar and unfolded the paper..  “Son of a bitch!  Whadda ya know - it’s like right here. Hmmm… “ he scanned the sheet. “Woah!  Wha?  You’re like supposed to be a new philharmonic bicycle?” “WHAT?!  No, I’m a nymphomaniac bisexual!” “Oh, yeah, so you are.. It’s all smudged here…” “Well I ain’t anymore. I’m back to bein just plain old Applejack!  No more of that crazy Ponywood nonsense!”  She said, raising her glass of cider.  Jeff raised his White Russian and they toasted. “So... how was it?” he asked, wiping the milk from his muzzle. “How was what?” “Being a bisexual.  Did you, like you know, see any action?” “Are you kidding?  No I did not and I didn’t want to, but I sure had to act like it. All that talk about needing it, and wanting it…” she said, rolling her eyes. “Well Twilight has really been getting into it dudette. She’s been hard at work on her “Ponywood” Twilight all day long. You know my bowling buddy Halter, right? “With the sunglasses and the weird mane?” “That’d be him.  Anyway so she sat down with him, you know?  And like he took her pretty much through most of his vocabulary.  I’d say she  learned a whole new language of four letter words.  At first I’m not so sure she was ok with it,, but you know her - once she gets started, she was like ‘fuck this’ and ‘screw that’  She just goes and goes and goes.  I overheard her practicing.  She’s really looking forward to it.  Dunno how she’s gonna take it when she hears the deal is off…” A almost empty frosted martini glass floated in the air next to Rarity, suspended in her levitation.  It contained a pink liquid and the only mark on the rim was a single imprint of Rarity’s lips in her trademark “Blue Diamond” lip gloss.  She was speaking with several stage hoofs, telling them they no longer had to follow the protocol that she’d outlined.  Everypony could go back to being themselves, she had uttered the safe word, “Tom.”  When asked why the premature cancellation she explained that there were some potential repercussions that she hadn’t considered. They reacted with mixed opinions, all voicing them at once. some disappointed, though most were happy.   One who wasn’t too happy was Lens Flare, head camera pony.  He was young,  kind of lanky and a little gawky. He was gray blue with an ivory colored mane. Now he walked away with his head low, talking to one of the stage hands..  “Awww, I really loved listening to Applejack talk all sexy.  She is the cutest, hottest, most beautiful pony that ever lived and that was like a dream come...”  He had almost walked right into her. Lens Flare was one of Applejack’s favorite members of the crew.  He always saw to it that Granny Smith was taken care of,  that she had her tea and it was just the way she liked it - with a splash of Apple Brandy.  He always made sure that all the snacks on the set for the colts and fillies were healthy.  He even kept little games around the set for them to play quietly while they waited for the crew to set up the shots.  He looked up at AJ and blanched.  There was no way she could have missed what he’d been saying.  He swallowed and smiled weakly.   Applejack smiled sweetly at him  Then she leaned over and whispered in his ear. As she did his eyes began to bulge out and his mouth fell open. As she continued whispering his face turned bright red.  She gave him a little peck on the cheek and a very sexy smile. “How was that, Lens?  Now you gotta promise never to tell anypony ever.” “Oh Applejack,I promise, That’s just between us. You would really have said all that to the papers in Ponyville about you and me?” “And the other 4, I sure was. Now it’s just between us, right?” ”Sure is -  I Pinky Promise. What you just told me, wow!”  He gushed.  Applejack turned bright red. “That I was the go-to guy when you all needed some real sweet lovin’?” “eYup - you were the sweet little colt with the great big bolt!” “Aw gee.” “Expect the other girls to tease you about it.” “With pleasure!”  He suddenly looked at the clock.  “Oh, wow, will you look at the time, l, uh, I gotta go.” “You gonna come back?” she asked. “Oh, of course.” he said, blushing brightly. “Good, we can-” Suddenly the air was filled with the sound of tiny heralding trumpets, issuing from the two tiny speakers mounted above Twilight’s doorway..  The recently installed lights that encircled the doorway to Twilight Sparkles dressing room lit up and began to cycle around, creating a marquee effect. Lens tuned to Applejack. “You gonna tell her AJ?  You know before she does something embarr-” “Naw, you heard what the Dude said.  She’s been workin hard on her cussin.  It’s be a shame to waste all her effort.  Besides,” she gave him a nudge to the ribs, “ this ought to be good!” As part of Rarity’s plan, Twilight had requested that a small podium be built just outside her dressing room as a place for her to stand when speaking to her “subjects.”   It was about 2 feet high, enough for a couple of steps to mount it and just enough room for a pony, about the size of Twilight, to stand.   It was complete with a railing, but had yet to be painted.   After several moments, the dressing room door flew open dramatically and Spike, looking very put-out at having to wear a little suit, walked out, cleared his throat and with a frown and a roll of his eyes announced, “Fillies and Gentlecolts, may I present the star of My Little Pony, Friendship is Magic, her Royal Highness, Princess Twilight Sparkle!!” Twilight stepped through the doorway wearing a red velvet robe with a white ermine collar,  She had her crown on, carried her scepter and was wearing sunglasses.  The scepter was topped with a miniature bust of the princess, but in gold.  With regal bearing, she strode to her podium, mounted the steps and survey’d  the sound stage. She cleared her throat, tilted her head, and yelled. “Whasssssup BITCH-Ehhhhhhhhhhhhzzzz?” A passing stage hand looked up at her “Hey Twilight, Rarity said ‘Tom.  It’s over.’” Spike dropped to one knee and did a fist pump. “Yes!”   Twilight's jaw dropped,  Then her shoulders drooped, as though all the air had gone out of her. She turned around and skulked down the steps.  Spike, removing the suit as fast as he could, stepped back as she walked past, her face in a grimace.  She yanked open the door to her dressing room, went in, and slammed it shut as hard as she could. Nopony moved.  Suddenly Twilight’s muffled voice could be heard through the dressing room door. “AwwwwwwWWWWWW  SHIT!!”. A moment later her golden scepter came crashing through her dressing room window.  “Son of a...!”    Then there was another crash followed by the sound of fabric tearing. Applejack squinted in thought.  “Mmmm, that’d be the robe...” Suddenly the door to Twilight’s dressing room flew open.  Twilight’s tail and backside were facing out and the robe had been balled up.  It was enveloped in a levitation spell right behind her. Her rear kick sent  it flying..  All the ponies stood and watched as it sailed through the air across the huge sound stage to land somewhere beyond a fake tree. She slammed the door hard. Still, nopony moved. Then another crash. Her voice could be heard quite clearly to those near the bar.  “I worked SO hard at this!!  I was really getting good at it. ONCE!!  Just ONCE I want to pretend I was a spoiled curt!  Was that too much to ask? Jeff turned to Applejack. “Curt?” Applejack looked at Jeff. “It’s a new word I invented.  It means cunt.” Jeff cocked his head confusedly. “It’s a long story” “Ahhhh” Jeff replied. “Oh, and tell Halter he did a hay of job.”  Applejack called out over her shoulder as she trotted over to Twilight’s dressing room door. She knocked lightly. “Honey?  Rarity called a ‘Tom.’  You don’t hafta curse anymore.” “Hafta curse? HAFTA CURSE?!!”   She yanked open the door to her dressing room.. She turned and glared at Rarity.  Spike had hidden behind Applejack. She looked at Applejack and her anger turned to a petulant pout. “ I didn’t get to curse at all! “But dear, that’s not true!  I heard you say damnit this morning,” corrected Rarity, who stood next to Applejack. Twilight turned to the fashionista and unleashed her frustration.  She decided to use her new words..  “DAMN IT? DAMN IT??  Damn it isn’t a curse!  Damn it’s what you say if a Breezie bumps into you!”   She pantomimed first being bumped into by one of the little fairies followed by being greatly  annoyed. “Damn it, what was that?” she intoned  “Oh it was a Breezy...’”   She looked up and spied her language tutor trying to hide himself behind one of the potted palms in the bar area., “Isn’t that right Halter?!”  she yelled out. The large crew-cut stallion froze and turned in her direction with a nervous grin.  All eyes turned in his direction. “Uh, yeah, you got it Twilight.” his gravelly voice called back weakly. “Damn right I do!” she said proudly.  “Cursing?  You wanna know what cursing is?   She re-enacted the pantomime.  “Cursing  is “OW!!  What the FUCK was THAT?  Oh, it was one of those fucking little Breezy bastards looking for a handout, not to mention free fucking room and board!!  Little shits!  Now get the FUCK back to breezy town or what ever little shit hole you crawled out of and stop bumping into fucking PONIES!!” she screamed frantically. .   The ensuing silence was palpable.  Another cricket chirped  She looked around the set.  Every eye was on her.  Her chin started to tremble and her eyes filled with tears.   Suddenly Applejack started clapping and within moments the entire soundstage was applauding uproariously, whistling and calling her name with shouts of “encore!”.  Twilight wiped her eyes with the back of her hoof and took several deep bows. Twilight looked at Applejack with a teary smile and the blonde earth pony winked at her as she continued to applaud. Fluttershy came trotting up looking worried.  “Oh goodness, are you okay Twilight? What’s the matter? I hope you don’t mind my being late, but I decided that it was more important to be a good friend,, so I-I” she looked around, obviously very worried, and barely whispered  “I found this pony, and I -  “ she reached into her saddle bag and took out a brown paper bag.  “I  brought some…”  her voice became barely audible “...drugs” “You WHAT?!!” screamed Rarity. Fluttershy dropped the bag and ran around to hide behind Applejack.  She huddled back there trembling. “Oh sweet Celestia! Whatever have you done?!”  Rarity exclaimed “We could all be arrested!  We could end up in jail!” She turned in a panic  “What will happen to my shop?  What about Sweetie Belle? Oh and Applejack - the farm!!!  And-and-and…” “Rarity?” Applejack asked, her face deadpanned. “Oh no, this was all supposed to be pretend!  I can’t believe you would do such a thing!  You went out to that seedy part of Ponyville, didn’t you?  Looking for some vile creature who preys on innocent little ponies.  Oh sure, he’s handsome and mysterious and of course at first what he’s got is free, at first oh yes, at first, but then, then you’re hooked!”  Rarity’s eyes glazed over. “You’re addicted to imported dark chocolate and you’ll pay anything... DO anything just to get more- ” “Rarity?” Applejack said flatly. “WHAT?!” The white fashionista answered drastically, snapping out of her reverie. . Applejack held up a glass bottle in front of the face of the white unicorn, “She bought aspirin.” From behind Applejack came a tiny voice, shaking with fear. “I hope they don’t put us in jail for too long” Fluttershy said worriedly, “who will take care of the animals?. Twilight, who’d been watching this suddenly burst into laughter.  Her laughter built until she staggered, fell and  was rolling on her back, clutching her tummy in hysterics. “Is-isn’t that a drug?” the little yellow pegasus asked,  “I ordered it from the drugstore.  I met the delivery colt on my way over here.  I thought that was what you wanted.  I know I’m supposed to be addicted, so I took one.  I hope you don’t mind.” “Oh, sweetie of course not. in fact I’ll think I’ll join you, if you don’t mind.” Rarity said, the pink color returning to her face. “No, I don’t mind. Just a minute, I’ll get you one.” “Better make it two dear, I’m a heavy user.” “Okay.”  Fluttershy took the aspirin bottle and began to twist the top, trying to open it. “I don’t understand.  The delivery colt didn’t have any problem opening it for me…  Could you help me Twilight?” “Just a minute drug boss, I gotta see if I can fix this scepter.” Twilight said as she tried to get her miniature gold head back on top and make it stay. Suddenly another frosty martini glass appeared at Rarity’s elbow, clutched in a purple claw. “Oh Spikey-Wikey, aren’t you just the sweetest!  You know just how to get to a pony’s heart!” “My pleasure Rarity.  Anything for the pony that stopped all this nonsense.” “STOPPED it?” AJ exclaimed, “She started it!I  It was all her idea!  We woudn’a had to stop it if’n she hadn’t started it in the first place!” “Yeah, but what really matters is who stopped it, and that was *sigh* Rarity…” Spike said dreamily. “Yes, thank you Spikey-Wikey.”  Rarity sipped her drink and turned to the farm pony. “Don’t you think you’re being a tad over dramatic Applejack?  I mean what’s the big fuss?  After all, no harm, no foul…” Suddenly, from out of nowhere Pinkie Pie came flying out and tackled Applejack, driving her to the ground.  Applejack lay there on her back with Pinkie on top of her, pinning her down. “I don’t care who you’re sleeping with you whore! I love you!  Do you understand me?  I love you!!” Pinkie declared, and did her best to kiss Applejack on the lips.  Applejack tried to squirm away, but Pinkie had the leverage and wouldn’t let up.  Rarity put her hooves over Spike's eyes.  Pinkie had put on lipstick.  About a half a tube of it.  Now most of it was smeared over Applejack’s mouth, lips, teeth, muzzle, and face as she turned her head one way and then another, deftly avoiding Pinkie’s lips. Pinkie began to grind her hips against Applejack.  At that Applejack’s eyes flew open and she bucked back hard, sending Pinkie flying.  The laughing pink pony sailed through the air and landed first on Fluttershy just as the yellow pegasus pulled the cap off the aspirin bottle. The little white tablets went flying out of the bottle as it flipped through the air.  Pinkie kept rolling and laughing. Pinkie laughed hysterically “Don’t you mean Oh shit?” “Uh, Pinkie?  Rarity said Tom.” Spike informed her. Applejack rolled to her side and scowled menacingly at Rarity.  Rarity looked back at her friend with an apologetic grin.  Applejack’s blonde mane was a tangled mess and her face was covered in smeared lipstick, they both looked over at Twilight who sat there trying to force what was left of her head’s miniature golden likeness on top of her scepter while muttering the foulest words any of them had ever heard.. Pinkie, her face also smeared in bright red lipstick  lay there in hysterics.  Fluttershy, just sat on the floor, covered in and surrounded dozens of little white pills, crying and saying “my drugs, my drugs, I've lost all my drugs…” Applejack, still looking at Rarity raised an eyebrow. “No harm no foul, eh?”