//------------------------------//
// Derpy's Dirk 
// Story: Them Crazy Northerners 
// by Weavers of Dreams 
//------------------------------//

"But how can that be legal?" Derpy almost demanded at the last stop of her route. Twilight was getting tons of letters now that she was a princess. "Why would someone disown a child?"
She was actually sitting inside around a small coffee table with Twilight, Applejack and Pinkie Pie, sipping tea. Although Pinkie was sipping chocolate milk she had gotten from somewhere. Applejack looked just as upset as Derpy over this subject, but she kept quiet to let Twilight explain it. Pinkie also bore a small scowl.
"Think about it, Derpy," Twilight said with a sigh, pouring herself more tea. "Would you want him to stay with ponies who want to get rid of him? Do you think that's a proper environment for a colt to grow up in?"
Derpy looked down at her tea and shook her head slowly. "No."
"Foals learn from ponies older than them," Twilight continued her point. "Would you want him growing up thinking and acting the same way? Or even thinking of himself as worthless?"
"No," Derpy said a bit louder, sniffing a little. "I would not want any foal to go through that. I-I get it now, Princess. I'm sorry I took up your time." She reached out her cup to set it back on the table.
"It's Twilight, Derpy," Twilight said kindly, pouring more tea into Mrs. Doo's cup instead of taking it away. "It's good that you came to me with this question. It really tells a lot about Equestria's less descent citizens. It'll also give you a chance to help him work through his problems."
Derpy managed a smile and took a sip of her tea. Then she remembered something. "Oh, Prince... Twilight, sorry, I was wondering. Are there cases where foals are born with cutie marks?"
That seemed to catch everypony's attention. They looked from Derpy, then back to Twilight, who started thinking it over. After a while and another cup of tea, she nodded slowly.
"Yes," Twilight said in a low, cautious voice. "Although, usually just foals who... don't linger very long after birth. Usually a symbol meaning love or closeness as a family. Because their destinies are to bring a few moments of great love and joy, or bring families together to comfort each other. But that's just the normal, if rare, case. There are some records of such ponies living full lives."
Twilight took another sip of tea. "Did the colt..."
"Conquest," Derpy stated, having just now mentioned his name.
"Now that's a proper name fer a colt," Applejack chuckled. "All the other stallions better watch out when he gets older. A lot of young mares'll fall fer him jes fer the name alone."
"Conquest, then," Twilight said with a smile of her own. "Did he say he was born with his mark?"
Derpy nodded.
"And what did he say his mark meant?"
Derpy smiled and reached into her saddlebags. It was easy to find what she was looking for, since she had delivered all he other letters earlier. She pulled out a new paper butterfly, this one painted and made of better paper, and held it out for all to see.
"A mark for poor origami?" Twilight asked with a nervous smile. She was slightly taken aback when Derpy's smiled widened. She had no idea what was going on.
"Watch this," Derpy said, turning to the side and throwing the butterfly. She heard the other mares gasp when she seemed to be throwing it away. There was another gasp when they saw it fly in a meandering path, Derpy wasn't as good as Conquest with the throwing.
Twilight trotted after the butterfly until it hit a wall and fell gracefully to the floor. She knelt down and examined it with enthusiasm. "He makes things fly? I've never seen anything like. There's no flapping wings to propel it, or gas to hold it up in the air. All it needed was... was thrust."
Derpy almost shrieked when Twilight teleported in front of her with a terrifying grin on her face.
"Do you realize what this is?"
Derpy didn't get a chance to answer.
"You... or rather, Conquest, has found what scholars and scientists have been searching for, for all these years," Twilight said, now jumping with excitement. Pinkie thought that looked fun and started jumping beside her. "Do you know what this means to the scientific community? Oh, I've got to write a letter to Princess Celestia, oh, or I should interview and talk to Conquest first. Yeah. That's it. You must bring him here, I've got so many questions and..."
Derpy, with an emboldened look on her face, put a hoof over Twilight's mouth and shook her head. "He's a living, breathing pony, not a science project, Twilight. Plus, he's autistic, and just throwing a bunch of questions on him while taking him to an unfamiliar environment would probably cause a meltdown."
"We can do it at your house," Pinkie piped up enthusiastically.
If Derpy had taken another sip of her tea she might have done a spit take. "What? My house? But..."
"I still haven't thrown his party yet," Pinkie beamed and bounced, "it'll be just your family, Twilight, Applejack, Rarity, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash and me. I'll bring cake, cupcakes, chocolate milk and streamers, lots and lots of streamers. I'll even bring my record of the top three hundred party songs. Ooh, Twilight, do have any comedy reels? Colts love comedies."
"Just wait one minute," Derpy said, trying to get a few words in. "I appreciate what you're trying to do, but..."
"But we need to let him know that the worlds has more than just a few good ponies," Pinkie said, placing a hoof on her shoulder, now calmed down a bit. Pinkie was actually more serious than ponies gave her credit for, just over enthusiastic most of the time. "With this party, he'll see that there are plenty of ponies, even a princess cares about him. Do you get it now?"
Everypony's eyes widened a little in amazement at Pinkie's little display of wisdom. Derpy's face broke into a smile as she embraced the pink part pony. "Just don't scare him. He's been through a lot."
"Of course," Pinkie chuckled. "It won't be the biggest, or flashiest party, but it'll be just right. The party he's ever had."
"Ah heck," Apple said with thoughtful flick of her tail. "I'll bring along fritters, and, if you don't mind... do ya think I could bring Applebloom? Ah few more foals his age might let 'im relax an' stop 'im from throwin' a tantrum."
"Meltdown," Derpy corrected her.
Applejack scratched her head. "What's the difference?"
"A tantrum," Derpy began in a matter-of-factly voice, "is what a foal, or very immature pony, throws to get attention. A meltdown is when you force too much too quickly on a pony, especially autistics, and they panic. The best thing to do when a pony has a meltdown is to back away and stop paying attention, giving them space to recollect themselves. With a tantrum, a good spanking and early bedtime without any dessert is a perfect cure."
"Ah didn't know that," Applejack said thoughtfully. "I wonder how many meltdowns Fluttershy has 'ad. I can only imagine."
Derpy looked at the time and got up. "Well, I've got to punch out. See you all..."
"Tomorrow night," Pinkie said cheerfully.
Derpy laughed. "Okay then, I'll warn him. Good-bye."
*	*	*
Derpy had just set foot inside the post office when she saw her boss standing with a sorry expression on his face and a small package with a red X drawn on top of it set on his back. Derpy groaned rolled her eyes.
"Again? Why can't they ask for somepony else?" Derpy said in an icy voice, walking over and taking the package. "I don't care if I'm back early, I'm getting overtime."
Her boss nodded apologetically. "Of course, Mrs. Doo, I would consider anything else."
"Why can't we just sic the guard on them?" Derpy muttered to herself, turning towards the door.
"We would need proof," her boss said, "and there's just so much postal service workers can do."
The mailmare sighed and stepped out the door, spreading her wings and taking flight towards her least favorite destination.
*	*	*
The place she went to drop it off was a rather stately club, The Sparrow, with nondescript ponies standing as guards at the doors. She dropped down to the round and confidently approached the doors. One of the ponies put out a hoof to stop her.
"Halt," he said in a tone that meant no funny stuff. "State your business."
The other pony nickered and gave the other guard a light shove. "Ease off, Stone, she's that mailmare that boss has deliver his packages."
The one called Stone laughed a bit. "So, he gets a delivery and some playtime? Now that sounds like a deal."
Both guards were taken aback by a rather ferocious growl that came from Mrs. Doo. "Just get out of my way."
Inside there was loud, raucous music that even make Vinyl Scratch plug her ears in disgust, and mares in risqué attire taking orders and sometimes leading particularly foolish young stallions off to back rooms. Under Celestia's laws, this sort of business was illegal, but with a "no cameras allowed" policy and a lazy guard force that wouldn't do anything unless physical evidence was brought before them, The Sparrow was a business with no end in sight. The guard wouldn't send in an undercover agent to check it out. Derpy suspected payoffs, but again, no proof.
She wove her way through the crowd, avoiding drunken hooves that reach out for her, and giving disapproving glances at the customers and servers. But in the heavy, smoky, drunken air heated by unbridled hormones and matches, no one paid her any serious attention. She reached a hallway guarded by two more stallions, they both recognized her and let her pass without a word. The hall was well vented and had fans turned on constantly to keep the scent and fumes of the club out, and Derpy found herself taking a few deep breaths of the fresher air. Another two guards and another door, and she was inside the bosses office.
Derpy stood in the open doorway, just glaring across the room at the stallion who owned the deplorable business. He was a thin, well dressed unicorn stallion with golden fur and wavy blue hair. The room was full of priceless treasures that he had "obtained" over the years, even the carpet on the floor looked as though it had been lifted from the royal palace itself. A portrait of the same stallion sat on the wall behind him, displaying his ego and wealth to any pony who walked through the door. Derpy was unimpressed.
"Aw, Mrs. Doo, a pleasure as always," the stallion said in a silky voice that might charm a foolish filly, but not a mature mare of Derpy's experience.
She walked to the desk and tossed the package atop it and turned to leave without a word.
"Hold a moment," the stallion said in a playful tone.
Derpy froze. this stallion knew she had a family, and she didn't want to anger him in any way that might cause him feel the need to assert himself. She turned and gave him a blank stare. "What is it, Under Hoof?"
The unicorn smiled at her bold forwardness. He may have been a crook, but this mare had very little fear of him. He used his magic to close the door, causing her to shift into an almost unnoticeable defensive stance. "Don't worry Ditzy, you're much too old for me to do anything untoward towards. You should think about visiting a spa, sometime."
Derpy didn't mind the insults, it meant he felt himself in control, and would have no cause to turn towards threats. "Just tell me what you want."
"I understand you're looking after a colt from the Cloudburst family," Under Hoof said in his silky tone, eliciting a gasp from the mare. "I've recently become aware of this."
Derpy watched as he took the package and dropped it in a trash bin with a hallow thud. He had set up this meeting. There was probably a rock in that box, he wanted get close to her. She readied herself for anything.
"That group of inbred nobles has been refusing my business deals for a long time now, and I was wondering if you could..."
"They abandoned him," Derpy shouted at the unicorn, cutting him off. "They wouldn't even let him go to his parents' funeral. So you can forget about using him as any form of leverage. So forget about it before you commit to anything."
Derpy reached her head back and slid her muzzle under the strap of her saddle bag and pulled out a long, sharp blade. Being a mailmare took her all over the place, including bad neighborhoods, and being no fool, she had purchased a dirk for protection. She may have been wall-eyed, but she knew how to use it. She glared at the unicorn who looked back at her in amusement.
"Must we go through this again," Under Hoof chuckled with a roll of his eyes. It was not the first time she had pulled the dirk on him, and probably wouldn't be the last. But he was of a unicorn master-race perspective and thought himself untouchable by a simple mare. His magic would surely overpower her. "I'll do some checking, and if what you say is true, then I won't ask it again. I just wanted to confirm a few things. But if I find..."
"I'll kill you if you try to use him," Derpy managed to say quite well around the handle of the blade. "If you try to use any foal for your work."
"Whatever," the stallion said, levitating up a bottle and a glass. "I'll see you again sometime, Derpy."
Derpy growled as she put the dirk away. "You don't get to call me that."
The unicorn rolled his eyes as he took a sip of the glass and opened the door for her. "Till next time."
Derpy hurried her pace out of the club, wanting to punch out and go home to her children to recollect her thoughts.