Princess Celestia and Princess Luna circled. Beneath them was Ponyville, a city ill prepared for the sort of mayhem that the princesses intended to visit upon it. Canterlot was too uptight, too stuffy, too well-to-do. Ponyville was populated with earthy ponies, simple ponies, the sort of ponies that were sure to call them upon their foul smelling antics.
At least, that is what the sisters hoped would happen.
“We should drop in and say hello to our dear friends, our mutual acquaintances with Twilight Sparkle. It has been a while since we were last social,” Luna said.
Celestia looked at her sister, noting Luna’s nervousness. Luna’s speech patterns became somewhat archaic and somewhat jumbled for a moment. Ponyville was a difficult city for Luna to deal with. “Wonderful idea. Fluttershy is directly below us. We should drop in and say hello.”
“Do princesses just drop in and say hello?” Luna asked. She flapped her wings, hovering in place. “What is the protocol for doing such a thing?”
Hovering beside her sister, Celestia shrugged. “Raven or Kibitz are always the ones reminding me about protocol… I keep forgetting.”
“Oh… how dreadful.” Luna’s lips puckered into a moue. “This explains the cake incident. Kibitz was sick that day.”
Hearing Luna’s words, Celestia gave her sister an annoyed glance. “How was I to know that there was a photographer lurking in the bushes?”
“So… we drop in on Fluttershy and we continue our little game. I doubt that the quiet one will say anything but it will be nice to see her,” Luna said as she aimed herself downward and took off in a slow dive.
Celestia, watching Luna dive, took off in pursuit.
Fluttershy’s cottage was a little cluttered and a little crowded. Celestia sat in an overstuffed high backed chair while Luna had made herself comfortable upon a sofa. Beside Luna sat a bear, Harry the Bear, one of Fluttershy’s dearest friends.
Harry’s right hind paw was bandaged and propped up on a cushion placed atop a stool.
From the kitchen, there was a clatter followed by a muffled cry.
“Do you want some help?” Celestia asked.
“No no… you’re guests, it wouldn’t be right. I was not expecting company,” Fluttershy replied in a voice that almost could not be heard. “Oh dear, I can fix this.”
From the kitchen door, a small white rabbit watched the two sisters with a scowl.
Celestia looked around the room. A lot of wood carving had gone into the decorating, the most ornate piece was a cuckoo clock. There were a lot of hidden details all over everything, little details that one might not notice on first glance. Celestia wondered who did all of the carving.
Lost in her own thoughts, Luna was staring out the window without seeing anything that was outside. It felt wrong to prank Fluttershy. There was no pony nicer, no pony kinder, and Fluttershy was always so shy as well as so timid. Luna contemplated the morality of such an act.
The two sisters, distracted, did not hear the warning gurgle that came from Harry the Bear’s stomach, a low rumbling reverberation that was felt more than it was heard, like some distant earthquake. Harry let out a low concerned growl.
There was another clatter that came from the kitchen. “Discord!”
“Is everything okay?” Celestia asked.
“Everything is fine!” Fluttershy squeaked in reply.
On the couch, Harry the Bear leaned over, clutched his stomach, and then he closed his eyes. The sound that issued forth was very much like a train in a tunnel. A soft distant sound, a rushing wind, something that grew in volume and intensity.
Beside Harry, Luna’s eyes went wide in shock and then terror as the flatulent bear continued to let rip, the sound going from a faint whoosh to a roaring, deafening, tearing sound. It was as if reality itself was being slowly ripped in two.
Everything in the living room vibrated. The windows rattled. The carved wooden cuckoo, a victim of circumstance, came out of his clock to announce the hour, bore witness to the ass tearing bear, shat himself, and then fled back into his clock, never to be seen again. A lamp on the table rattled and shook, moving closer to the edge of the table, and would have fallen if Celestia had not moved it back to the center of the table. A family of mice dove for cover, some of them fleeing into their hole, others hiding under any available cover. Angel Bunny took off at a speed that would have made Rainbow Dash jealous, taking on an odd red tint as he gained acceleration.
A vase full of fresh cut flowers wilted as the bear’s trumpet solo reached a crescendo.
“Oh… my…” Fluttershy’s voice quavered and was full of fear. The sunny yellow pegasus appeared in the kitchen doorway. “I’m so sorry… Harry was wounded and has an infection. The vet said the medication may cause gas… I had no idea.”
Harry, grunting with relief, let go of a high pitched squealer, an almost harmless after-the-fact announcement. He settled back into the couch and patted his stomach.
Without understanding why, Luna felt very small and inadequate. For the rest of her long life, she would never be able to match the majesty, the terrible wonder of the flatulent bear’s thunderous crepitation. Luna had been humbled by the force of nature that was Harry the Bear.
Luna would also never match her sister’s speed as Celestia hurried for the door.
“We really must be going,” Celestia called out as she bounded through the door.
“I understand,” Fluttershy said as Celestia departed. The sunny yellow pegasus waved.
Still stunned, Luna rose up off of the couch, her legs wobbling like a frightened yearling foal. She took a few shaky trembling steps, wobbled sideways, almost fell, and then somehow keeping her balance, made her way towards the door, following after her sister.
“Goodbye Fluttershy… it was nice seeing you… Harry, I do hope you get to feeling better,” Luna said as she stumbled off.
Feeling ridiculous, Luna followed after her sister. Celestia, wearing a broad brimmed floppy hat and sunglasses, moved through the crowd, taller than all of the little ponies around her. There were a few strange looks. Luna adjusted her own sunglasses and floppy hat.
The sisters were in disguise. Incognito. For reasons that Luna could not explain, ponies did not approach them or begin shouting that there were princesses among them. Luna wondered if some strange magic was at work, some odd warping of perception. This was most peculiar.
To Luna’s eyes, Celestia’s disguise could fool nopony. It was obvious that there was a large white alicorn under the large broad brimmed sun hat and sunglasses with bright pink frames. Luna wondered why nopony approached them.
It was a mystery.
The Ponyville street market was full of ponies. There were dozens of stalls where farmers and vendors hawked their wares. The market was full of strange smells, loud voices, and common day to day mundane items.
Celestia moved with purpose, as if guided by some unseen force. Luna, perplexed, followed after her sister and tried to figure out everything that was going on. The seeming ease as they moved through the crowd, protected by some strange magic that Luna did not know or understand.
“Wanna buy some apples?”
The words did not come from the pony that Luna would have expected to say such a thing. Rainbow Dash stood near a stall, asking passersby if they wanted to buy some apples. As Luna watched, Celestia took off her glasses.
“Oh…” Rainbow Dash blinked. “Oh hi… Princess Celestia.”
“Fancy meeting you here,” Applejack said in a slow drawl as she looked at Princess Celestia. “If yer gonna buy some apples, buy them from me.”
“That’s not fair!” Rainbow Dash cried as she rose into a hover and looked down at Applejack.
Taking off her glasses, Luna stepped forward. “Is something going on here?”
Applejack, seeing Luna, looked surprised. “And Princess Luna. Surprised to see you.” Applejack smiled and then narrowed her eyes as she glanced at Rainbow Dash. “Dashie here says that selling apples is easy—”
“It is, selling apples is not hard work,” Rainbow Dash blurted out.
“How many apples you sold today Dash?” Applejack asked.
Remaining silent, Rainbow Dash turned away from Applejack with a frustrated sneer, her forelegs folded over her barrel in defiance.
“That’s what I thought… anyhow, we’re having ourselves a little contest to see who can sell the most apples, since Rainbow here thinks it is so goldurn easy,” Applejack said, explaining the situation.
A crowd was gathering around the princesses. Luna wondered why the crowd could see them now that she had taken off her sunglasses. Luna began to feel curious about the disguises her sister had conjured up.
“Sounds as though a brash little pegasus has a lot to learn about commerce.” Celestia, smiling, looked at Rainbow Dash and then at Applejack.
Applejack was smiling a smug self satisfied smile.
“A wise and patient teacher would be showing her student how to sell apples, instead of revelling in the smug satisfaction of her knowledge as her student failed.” Celestia dropped her head down low and looked Applejack in the eye.
“But this ain’t no lesson, it is a contest to see who can sell the most apples.” Applejack’s smile melted away, her expression becoming one of worry as she stepped backwards, moving away from Celestia.
“But it could become a lesson, to the betterment and self improvement of both ponies involved.” Celestia’s words were patient, kind, and contained more than a hint of suggestion. “Rainbow Dash is something of a celebrity. Imagine how many apples both of you might sell if you worked together as a team.”
Blinking, Applejack’s face became blank. “I… uh… I…” Stammering, Applejack tried to figure out what to say. “I never thought of that.”
“This was a wasted opportunity. You could have made a great deal of money. Instead, this opportunity was squandered. It is not too late though. There is still the rest of the day.” Celestia looked around her, eyeing her little ponies, hoping to teach them a lesson. “There is much to be gained from harmony and much to be lost from contention. Think upon these words my little ponies.”
Luna, looking at the crowd, caught a whiff of something. Her nostrils crinkled. For a moment, she began to wonder if her sister had done something other than offer up a lesson.
“Rainbow Dash! Consarnit! Right in front of the princesses!” Applejack glared at the hovering pegasus.
Waving her front legs around, Rainbow Dash replied, “Any mention of school or learning and I get nervous, okay? I can’t help it! I’m sorry, alright? We pegasi are full of buoyant gases!”
“You keep yer buoyant gases to yerself!” Applejack said, scolding Rainbow Dash. “You done broke wind in front of all four princesses now… yer lucky they don’t brand you as a public menace!” Reaching up with her right front hoof, Applejack took off her hat and began to fan the fumes away from her. “Other ponies call me country dumb and even I know better than to do what you just done did!”
It took an extreme act of will for Luna to keep a straight face as Applejack slapped Rainbow Dash with her hat.
“It happens to the best of us,” Celestia said as she slipped on her sunglasses.
Luna, following Celestia’s lead, also put on her glasses.
“Hey, where’d they go? The princesses were just here.” Rainbow Dash looked around as she evaded further slaps from Applejack and Applejack’s hat.
“They left ’cause you have stank like a polecat!” Applejack said. “Now get down here so I can show you how to sell apples the proper way, you pooty pegasus!”
Hurrying after Celestia, Luna drew up to her sister’s side and fell into step with her. The crowd seemed to part as they moved though it, but nopony seemed to be seeing them. “So sister, where are we off to now?”
“I thought some cupcakes might be nice,” Celestia replied. “And there is really one pony who can make a perfect cupcake.”
“Sugarcube Corner?” Luna asked.
Celestia nodded. “Pinkie Pie is always glad to see us.”