Sonichu and the Autism that Pierced the Heavens

by Good Christian Ethesto


Happy Autism Appreciation Day

The trip back to Ponyville through the woods was uneventful, aside from some fart jokes, courtesy of Applejack and Pinkie Pie. At least the filthy mud ponies were useful for something. Once they got there, they found the town in a panic, as the light and smoke from Canterlope had them real spooked, as though they'd all seen a skellington.

Now free of the oppressive confines of the forest, the group was able to see the scene in full, and how large the sunion had gotten in the sky. Twilight didn't like the looks of it, and was about to order the group back to the library to come up with a plan, when she noticed something out of the corner of her square eye. She turned her head, and practically ejected the skin from her body as she feasted her peepers on something straight from Jeepers Creepers!

"Sk-sk-sk-sk," she said intelligently.

"What is it boy?" Questioned a confused Rarity, who's eyes are more round in shape and therefore don't have a corner. "Did Big Mac fall in the well again?"

"Sk-sk-sk-sk-sk!"

"Oh, I get it," got Pinkie Pie, "she's got a hairball!"

"Sk-sk-sk-sk!!!" She continued.

"Oh, I get it," got Pinkie Pie, "she's got a hairball!"

"Sk-sk-sk-sk!!!" She continued.

"Oh, I get it," got Pinkie Pie, "she's got a hairball!"

"Sk-sk-sk-sk!!!" She continued.

It wasn't until the spooky thing was literally standing on top of them that they finally realized what Twilight was trying to warn them.

"Sweet baby guacamole Jesus," ejaculated Sonichu, both words and globules of mucus being squeezed through the rings of flesh surrounding his mouth as he realized just what they were dealing with here. "A full-grown skellingdrome!"

And this wasn't your grandma's skellingdrome(or maybe it was), this was a big, mean, onion-smelling skellingdrome. On closer inspection, the group was able to easily spot at least a hundred of the things, wandering their way from Canterlope without a care in the world.

"Spook me sideways," exclaimed Rainbow Dash, who's deathly allergic to bones. "I need my medicine." She reached into the secret compartment in her tail, digging through it for her pills, only to be surprised in all the wrong ways as she didn't feel it there.

"Drat, I left it at home," she said in disappointment as she began to melt from being in such close proximity to a real, live skellingdrome. Then she noticed her friends were all melting too.

Rarity put a dramatic hoof to her forehead, "it seems Rainbow Dash has finally found us out, girls."

The rest of the group shared disappointed looks, dropping their heads in shame as Rainbow's judgemental eyes passed them over. "You mean to tell me you've all been allergic to bones too, and you haven't told me?" A few tears began to well up in her eyes. "Even you, Twilight, the honest one in our group?"

Twilight's ears lowered as several tubes of long-dried puss unspooled from her tear glands. "W-we, just wanted to make you feel special. We didn't mean to hurt you, Rainbow Dash."

Rainbow was instantly happy, understanding her friends' motives as she's definitely a special snowflake. Why do you think she dyed her hair all those dumb colors in the first place? "Oh, I love you guys," she admitted, feeling pretty good on the inside despite the fact that she was clearly melting.

"Not to be the bringer of bad butts, but we're all gonna turn into a poola Granny Smith's finest stew if we don't hurry an' do somethin'."

This got Twilight thinking. If she could only replicate the pills, the lot of them would be fine. "Think, think, think!" Said Twilight, urging her brain to find an answer somewhere in its meaty curves. Then suddenly it all came to her. "Brain blast! Those pills are made out of none other than pony hooves. Earth pony hooves to be exact, as those are filled with the most magic."

Rainbow Dash had never really wondered where the pills came from, but that did explain why they were so expensive. She went through at least three bottles a week, and the cost really added up. Thankfully, she had horse insurance.

Without a second thought, the group all turned and fixed their eyes on Applejack, knowing that she was an Earth pony. "We need to eat your hooves, dear," explained Rarity, as Applejack was fairly slow.

"What? But I need those for kicking trees," she argued, though the group could all agree that her tree-kicking hobby was stupid and she'd be better off doing something else with her free time.

The group was already half melted, thick gaseous fumes escaping from their bodies as they deteriorated, meaning there wasn't much more time for arguing. Twilight grabbed Applejack with her magic and knocked her over, revealing her tender hooves to the rest of the group who honed in on them like hungry sharks. They each ate a hoof, the group narrowly avoiding a moosey-fate as they reformed back to normal. All but Applejack, that is, who quickly melted into a pool of stew.

Sonichu's legs twisted beneath him like Octodad, and he flopped his way over to Applejack's pool, dipping a ladle in. He brought the orange and yellow mixture to his gums, poking at it with a calloused and malformed tongue before remarking on its flavor to the group through a mouth better-suited to voiding colons. "Could use some salt."

"Oh, I've got some in my mane," remarked Rainbow Dash as she reached up and dug through her mane compartment. She pulled it back a moment later, realizing afterwards that she'd grabbed her pills by mistake. "Oh, silly me, I had my pills all along. We never had to eat Applejack after all."

The group all shared a laugh, and then turned to finally confront the skellingdrome that had been waiting patiently the whole time. It was spooky as shit, staring at them with its skeleton eyes.

"W-w-w-what do you want?" questioned Chris-chan as urine cascaded down his leg.

Instead of saying anything, it just wandered away, revealing to them that the skellingtons were benevolent all along. They sure were spooky, though.

"Well, now that that's all out of the way," instructed Twilight, "we gotta save Canterlope!"

Everyone agreed, and the five ponies, Christian Weston Chandler, Spike, and Sonichu set off on another adventure.



Tune in next time!