//------------------------------// // Dear Princess Celestia // Story: Feeding Problems // by ferret //------------------------------// Rainbow Dash swore she could feel lightning flowing off her wings when she walked out of that spa. She felt frikkin awesome, more than usual that is. After making Granny Smith swear to never tell a soul what everypony in Ponyville just witnessed, Rainbow Dash took off into the skies, feeling euphoric at the change from solid cramped ground to the infinite freedom of the sky. She crowed out happily and flipped in the air. It didn’t matter that it had taken all day to fix her up and get everything patched together, because she was Rainbow Dash, and she was feeling good, and she was flying, and finally, free. Of course it didn’t hurt, that the dim of the early evening shielded her from the eyes of any snooty coworkers, still trying to seek her out. The thought of that kind of forced Rainbow Dash to come back to reality, thinking now over her options in the current situation. There were three things Rainbow Dash knew. First, Applejack supposedly, maybe wasn’t really evil. Second, Twilight saved Archer and Licky, but she had left Scootaloo behind, and that meant Scootaloo was by hersel–no, she’d still be with Cheerilee. Third, she uh... third, she... There were two things Rainbow Dash knew. First, Applejack wasn’t really evil. Second, Twilight saved Archer and Licky. Third, Scootaloo was with Cheerilee. Wait, third? You know what, never mind. Rainbow Dash blasted off towards Sweet Apple Acres, where Twilight had said she and Scootaloo were going to look for Apple Bloom. There, Dash found absolutely nothing, and absolutely nopony. The farm house looked empty, at least no lights were lit in it, and the surrounding area was clear of ponies, Apple or otherwise. Dash had just settled to the ground to check out some peculiar scuff marks in the grass, wondering why it looked like a giant ball had been bouncing around here beside the house, when she heard the thundering of a familiar set of hooves coming up from the hill to Ponyville. Zipping up a safe distance in the air... assuming she didn’t have her lasso... zipping a little bit higher than that, Rainbow Dash shouted down to her orange supposed friend, saying, “Hey Applejack!” “Get your baby blue butt back here, ya hear!” Applejack shouted out, once Dash came in hearing range. Rainbow scratched her head. “You’re not gonna hit me again, are you?” she called down. “Course not!” Applejack shouted, “Ah’m sorry ah did! You get down here, because ah need your help!” “Well alright!” Dash said, landing with a hot clump and crouching down, “But I’m warning you I’m ready for ya this time!” Applejack didn’t attack though, merely took off her hat and said, “Ah’m sorry ah went and jumbled you up. I was bein’ played for like a fool and shoulda known better.” Before Dash could reply she slammed her hat back on and said, “But that don’t give you an excuse to run away first time you see me!” “Does it look like I’m running away?” Rainbow said, lashing her tail agitatedly. “What are you talking about?” Applejack shook her head. “Ah mean the spa ya numbsk–” “Who told you about the spa?!” Rainbow Dash demanded fearfully getting in Applejack’s face. “It wasn’t my idea! They forced me to! It was your stupid kick that did it! I told Granny to never tell a–” “As I recall,” Applejack interrupted firmly, “You told her to ‘never tell a soul about this’ and she laughed and said you already told the whole town with your bellyachin’. Ah was right there after all!” Rainbow backed up, but Applejack stayed in her face, walking forward saying, “And before ah could even get a word in edgewise, you went and blasted out the door! I had to chase you all around Ponyville just now!” Rainbow Dash laughed nervously, saying, “Oh, you were there huh? I didn’t see you, sorry, heh. Heh.” Thankfully Applejack straightened up then, asking Dash confusedly, “Wait, y’really didn’t see me?” “I was kinda in a hurry to get out of there,” Rainbow said, scratching at a fetlock bashfully “Well you better be in a hurry,” Applejack said, picking up steam again. “We got the whole town in a tizzy over this Scootaloo thing. They’re marchin’ on the warpath, and before you ask yes, yes ah know Scootaloo ain’t eatin’ foals. Pinkie used mah little sister to get at me, but now that I talked with Apple Bloom ah realize it was just one big old ghost story.” “She went after Apple Bloom?” Rainbow Dash uttered in astonishment. Applejack nodded grimly. “Man, that’s low even for her,” Dash said shaking her head. “Archer and the uh, extra one are... safe,” Applejack said warily, with a glance to the foliage as she did. “But ah cain’t find hide nor hair of Scootaloo, and Big Mac and Cheerilee are both missing too!” “Can’t help you much, Applejack,” Rainbow Dash admitted, “I haven’t been able to find anypony either. It’s too dark out!” “Well, hain’t you seen any o’ them torches?” Applejack asked grumpily. Rainbow Dash shook her head, “It’s not dark enough to see if anypony was carrying a torch around. Sheesh you think I got eagle eyes?” Applejack gave her a... look. “Is it too dark, or ain’t it?” the earth pony asked exasperatedly. Rainbow Dash blinked. Her eyes widened in realization. “Ohh,” she said, “Yeah it was about halfway, so I guess it was both too dark and not dark enough.” Applejack gave a displeased groan, her tail lashing in agitation. “Look,” she said, “How long do you think before it gets dark enough that you can spot a pony carryin’ a torch?” Rainbow Dash looked up, and said “Uh... now? Celestia sets the sun pretty fast, you know.” “Can you go take a looksee, then?” Applejack asked evenly. “Just try to spot any ponies that might be after Scootaloo, with their torches and all.” “No problem AJ,” Dash said, spreading her wings, “I am on top of it!” And with that, she shot into the sky. The stars were already coming out, sprinkling across the sky like a moon princess were scattering them like flower petals. Dash remained focused on the ground though, looking for a pony’s own form of personal little star, the shining light of a torch. And wouldn’t you know, but it wasn’t more than a few minutes before a bunch of flickering glimmers caught Rainbow Dash’s eye. It really was embarassing too, because the lights were all way up on the schoolhouse hill. It was partially obscured by the trees but still, it’s not like they weren’t visible from far away, or covered by a rooftop. Dash approached the building with interest at first, and then stopped so hard she was backpedalling in midair. What the buck was she looking at? The ponies were gathered around the schoolhouse like they were looking to set it on fire! They had real live burning torches, held high in hooves and sideways in mouths, curling oily smoke into the air. They weren’t just a few ponies either, but a whole mob! And were those... pitchforks? Then the action exploded at the front of the building. Rainbow Dash couldn’t believe what she was seeing. It was pony against pony down there. There was an outright brawl going on, no not a brawl a desperate push by a few ponies trying to break through the line against overwhelming odds. Dash was ready to swoop down and save the day, when she realized those ponies were none other than Big Macintosh and Cheerilee. She looked back at the Acres nervously, not sure if she should help or warn Applejack or if Scootaloo was with them or what. The mare and stallion were pushing ponies out of the way, clearing out a space and taking quite a few hits themselves and, then an orange streak shot between them in a roar of wings and the cry of an alarmed crowd. It was Scootaloo! Dash shot after Scootaloo herself, on pure reflex, but that filly was going fast, and she had found a scooter somewhere in the school house, so her travel was practically frictionless. Rainbow Dash strained to catch up, beating her wings strongly, and then–woah! She had to abruptly bank left as the library loomed in her vision. Scootaloo didn’t even pause, shooting in the open doors like a bullet, slamming them closed behind her with her tail. Dash circled the library, but there were no lights on inside, and she couldn’t tell if Twilight was even in there anymore. She had to be there though, because where else would Twilight have gone after saving Archer and Licky? Rainbow looked to the west, where the thundering of hooves and beating of wings was swiftly approaching. She knew she was tough, better than tough, but she couldn’t get them all. Applejack could have held them up at the door maybe, but Dash just didn’t have the weight for that. So she shot away from the library. It would be fine, if Twilight was there, but was she there? Rainbow was fast enough to get there and back before anypony could break in, but was Applejack? Rainbow had to hurry if they were going to stop these ponies from getting their hooves on Scootaloo. She shot past the schoolhouse, just in time to see Big Macintosh and Cheerilee fall, swiftly buried by ponies eager to take them down. Darn her indecisiveness she should have helped them, right away! She just kept flying past instead, hoping that they’d be alright. They had good hearts in them those two, but what Rainbow Dash needed now was on a different level. Like, evil god butt-kicking level. “Applejack!” she shouted before she even landed. She landed in front of the orange pony shouting, “They’re at the library! Scootaloo’s in there! You didn’t say they’d have actual torches! They took down Big Mac and Cheerilee! We got to get there right away!” Applejack turned away from the second story window, where Apple Bloom was looking down at them with wide eyes. She looked across the orchard toward Ponyville and growled inwardly, scraping a hoof. “What did ya think ah meant by torches, you silly filly?” she asked Rainbow Dash out of the side of her mouth. “Lollipops?” Rainbow Dash started to shout at Applejack, but then blinked. “You know? What you usually use for torches?” Rainbow interjected. “You know, flashlights? These were real live on-fire torches!” “Can ya carry me?” Applejack bit out tensely. “Wha?” Rainbow Dash asked cluelessly. “What ah said. Can you carry me to the library?” Applejack spat out, her ears going low. Rainbow looked at her sideways, saying “We can probably make it if we run.” “It ain’t fast enough!” Applejack shouted, glaring at Rainbow Dash. “Just do it, before ah chicken out!” Rainbow Dash was anything if not quick to respond. Without another word, she took to the air, zooming over Applejack and hooking her under the forelegs, pulling her up with her. Dash didn’t even check to see if Applejack was okay, just beat her wings hard to drag the two of them above the tree line, then poured on the speed, rocketing past the now dark school house, straight for the library shaped like a tree. Rainbow suddenly shot up vertically in a disconcerting jolt, when Applejack heaved against her, slipping free of Rainbow’s forelegs to plummet down to the ground. Rainbow banked around to approach again, scoping out the situation. The lights in the library were on, downstairs at least. The courtyard was entirely empty though, and the front door was wide open. That was where Applejack landed solidly, running as soon as she did through the door, and into the library proper. The cries of alarm, and earth shaking crashes you would expect of bodies hitting the wall, soon emanated from the tree building in question. Rainbow Dash wasn’t here to enjoy the show though. She dove headfirst through the door and slammed into the nearest pony she saw who wasn’t Applejack. It was, oh horse apples it was Blossomforth. Rainbow Dash was immediately caught in a steel hard joint lock, and every time she winged out of it she got twisted into another one. It didn’t help that there were like a dozen ponies trying to ponypile her and her poorly chosen foe. It was a good ten minutes before Rainbow Dash exploded from the pile of angry, sweaty ponies and rolled the boggled tangle of Blossomforth gently out the door. Then dove into the next pony, thankfully not nearly as hard to smack down as the first one. Applejack was like ten ponies ahead of her by then, and that meant Rainbow Dash had to work extra hard to catch up with her. Now that she was free, Rainbow redoubled her efforts, and Applejack’s tense exchange with Bon-Bon helped Dash close the gap. They were neck-and-neck at 22 ponies each, when more ponies started to rocket out from the stairwell leading to the upstairs bedroom, like they were shot out of a cannon or a waterslide, smacking into the walls and floor, and other ponies, making Rainbow and Applejack’s job that much easier. Dash didn’t know what was going on, and was too preoccupied with giving ponies the beat down, to notice when Twilight Sparkle quietly walked down the stairs, herself. Dash grabbed the pony by the legs she was kicking with, and took off, using the hapless pony’s head as a club to take out a whole swath of ponies at once. She dropped the dark magenta pony in a heap and continued to hurtle, landed sideways on the library wall. From there, she shot like a bullet, sending another half dozen ponies flying, hopefully knocking some of them out in the process. It was then that Twilight Sparkle jumped on the table, and asked everypony politely to leave the library, at a loud enough volume it made Rainbow’s ears ring. And wouldn’t you know, a lot of ponies were smart enough to listen to her. That would have made Applejack and Rainbow Dash’s job easier, but then Twilight went and dragged Applejack into the back of the library, leaving Rainbow Dash having to clean up this mess solo. The only really worrisome pony left to deal with was that berry colored one though, who didn’t even seem to notice the effect of Dash using her head as a club, and just came at her swinging. Freaking earth ponies. Nevertheless, Rainbow Dash did manage to take out the trash, laying out any unruly ponies flat on the floor until they weren’t getting back up again any time soon. Well, serves them right for listening to ghost stories, and trying to mess with Dash’s new best sister! Applejack seemed more focused on herding ponies, out than punishing their skulls anymore, and Rainbow Dash learned why after the last pony standing had thundered out. Applejack was smart, see, and she must have sussed what Twilight was planning on, that “out of the library” didn’t only apply to conscious ponies. So now it was all Rainbow Dash’s fault, apparantly, and she had to be the one to drag the unconscious ponies out, even the ones that Applejack knocked out! Except for the ones who fell down the stairs, who were all already outside. Must have been some other pony dragging them out, or Twilight when Rainbow Dash wasn’t looking. But there were still a dozen or three unconscious bodies to deal with, and some of them weren’t unconscious enough and laid into you! Rainbow Dash didn’t complain though. She took the undeserved blame, with tactfulness and grace. So there was no excuse for Twilight to keep rolling her eyes at her, every time Rainbow Dash just—you know, mentioned about how unfair it was that she had to do this. Let’s see if Rainbow Dash ever told Twilight the truth, the next time! You try to just inform ponies, about how activities are below your station, and suddenly everypony’s a critic. The rest of the evening, and night, continued as you may have known it did. The shield went up, Twilight got to give a big long lecture that doesn’t even bear repeating, and once again Dash got to sleep with the fillies. You didn’t hear this from her, but Rainbow Dash secretly found it incredibly adorable the way that Licky filly would hug her as if for support in the middle of sleep, burying her nose into Rainbow Dash’s flank as she snuggled close. She was kind of like Scootaloo really, Licky that is, if only Scootaloo hadn’t had that... thing, where she can’t open up to any pony. Whatever you called that sort of thing. Scootaloo’s closed up thing. Also Scootaloo talked, and remembered stuff. Licky didn’t do that. It was Licky, who woke Rainbow Dash up before the sun rose though, by stepping on Dash’s face, on her way with the other two fillies off the bed. Dash spluttered and sat up, rubbing her sore nose. “What was that all about?” she asked irritatedly but nopony was answering. “Hey, where are you going?” she asked as the three of them vanished around the corner to the hallway. Rainbow trotted out after them saying, “Hey, wait up! Where are you going?” “Outside,” Scootaloo mentioned casually, not even slowing down. “Woah, woah!” Rainbow Dash said. “It’s totally dark outside. You can’t go out now!” “Oh we can,” Archer said happily. “The door has no lock!” Rainbow Dash blasted past them sliding up facing them with her back to the front door. “And just why are you going outside? You should be in bed right now!” she stated authoritatively. “Can’t you hear it?” Archer said astonishedly, head whipping around as she searched the dark shadowed room. Now that Dash thought about it... “It’s Pinkie Pie’s song,” Scootaloo said from behind Rainbow Dash, pulling open the door. “We’re going to follow it to the river and die!” she said cheerfully, jumping outside. How did she get behind–! Rainbow Dash wasn’t sure exactly when her heart stopped, when Scootaloo somehow ended up behind her, or when she said that, or how she said that or when Rainbow Dash ran out after her, or how switching on the porchlight only revealed how the blackness of night swallowed Scootaloo up like a glove as she left the light’s glow, or when Pinkie Pie was nowhere to be seen, yet the sound of her music was coming from all around like a terrifying carnival. Rainbow was fairly sure it was thudding frantically by the time she charged up to Scootaloo though. “Go back, Scootaloo!” Dash shouted in a panic, shouldering the filly towards the library. Now Archer was outside too, and Licky was coming out the window. Scootaloo ignored her, and dodged around her easily, saying, “It’s okay, Rainbow Dash I want to follow it!” “What are you saying?!” Rainbow Dash practically screamed yanking the filly–her teeth caught air. She ran after Scootaloo but her aim was all to pieces she was so frazzled. Scootaloo wasn’t even moving very fast why couldn’t Rainbow Dash get that stupid tail?! “C’mon Rainbow Dash!” Scootaloo called out behind her, “Let’s all go together!” Finally, Rainbow just grabbed Scootaloo in one hoof entirely, and took off making a beeline through the air for the library. She clotheslined Archer on the way, pushing them inside through sheer forward momentum, then slammed the door closed with them inside, then propped the broken sign up on the doorknob. Then, she turned around and chased after Licky. Dragging Licky back by the scruff, Rainbow Dash found both fillies already outside again, climbing out the first story window. The one that sticks all the time, ever since Rainbow Dash crashed through it, and doesn’t open anymore. It was hanging right open, and they were bouncing away from it obliviously, in the same direction from which Rainbow Dash came. Dash threw Licky in through the window, and closed it–the window was stuck. The window was still stuck, but open this time! It wouldn’t close! She growled angrily, jamming it closed with a wrenching sound, and charged after the other two fillies again. They struggled so much, Dash had to drag them back one at a time, throwing Scootaloo against the door, then going to get Archer, then throwing Archer against the door to grab Scootaloo, then pulling open the door, grabbing them both and zooming inside. Licky had gotten the window open again somehow so Rainbow Dash threw the two fillies she had into one of the hall closets, before they could go after it. Dragging over a bookshelf, she hurled that against the closet door too, slamming it shut just as the fillies opened it, trapping Scootaloo and Archer inside. Then she ran out and grabbed the easy Licky, rushing inside with her and slamming the door. Rainbow Dash threw Licky aside, and heaved with her posterior, a giant atlas of the world flying through the air, to slam against the window. Licky had already gotten through it somehow. Licky had gotten through! Dash ran outside again, dragged Licky back in, slammed the door, nailed the atlas firmly against the window, dragged another bookshelf to the front door, and braced it against the door with a clunk. She stomped down on four hooves facing Licky with a confident smile saying, “There, now what are you going to do?!” Licky didn’t answer but just looked at her with frantic eyes, while the sounds of Archer and Scootaloo laughing, lightly drifted in from outside. Wait, what?! Dash carried Licky to the closet– the bookshelf was still blocking it! She pulled away the bookshelf, threw Licky in the closet, pushed back the bookshelf, ran to the front door, dragged away the bookshelf, ran outside, and had to repeat her game of filly tag, grabbing one even as the other slipped out of her arms easily, then grabbing the other while the one continued to pursue the music. When she threw them inside, she saw Licky rounding the back of the library. Rainbow Dash slammed the door, bracing it closed with the sign again, desperately, and carried Licky around behind the library, where ...another window was open, and this one wasn’t a window that opened at all! It was a little rusty with age of course, and needed replacing, and that’s probably why it fell out of its frame, but... but why now?! She threw Licky in, threw herself in, then spun like a tornado to grab all three fillies in pure pegasus power. She blasted them into the closet with coats and socks going everywhere, slammed the door closed, propped the bookcase against it, then ran upstairs to get help from Twilight. And would you believe this, Twilight Sparkle was still asleep! Rainbow yanked the purple unicorn out of bed and shook her by her shoulders, shouting “Twilight! Help!!” right into her face. Twilight roused quickly, and was soon perched on the sill of her bedroom window, looking down with sharp eyes. Rainbow watched over her shoulder, saying, “What are you doing?” “I’m trying to get her instruments,” Twilight said in irritated haste. “Why isn’t she coming around to this side of the library?” “I think you need to actually go down there to get her,” Rainbow Dash suggested critically. Twilight blushed and said nothing, but lit up her horn and winked out, appearing a short distance away two stories down on the ground. Twilight ran after something, and then something else caught Rainbow Dash’s eye. It was... it was the fillies! All three of them were outside, strutting along through the light like they hadn’t a care in the world. Rainbow Dash jumped out the window, and went horizontal a foot from the ground, to give her that 10 degree momentum that she used, to spin around the fillies, corral and confuse them. Three carefully timed hip checks sent each filly gone with the wind, one after the other, pulled back into the library. The suction pulled Dash along with too, then. She yelped in surprise as the door slammed closed in her face and the remaining wind tore at the books, falling off the shelves in dozens. Man, Twilight was not going to like that. “How are you getting out?” Rainbow Dash accused the fillies, who weren’t there to be accused, because had already run away from her back to the ...closet. She ran into the closet, and there Scootaloo kindly informed her, “Look, there’s a way out through the top! Scootaloo was already half squeezed up, into what looked like a crawlspace, when Rainbow Dash dragged her back into the closet proper. “Let me go!” Scootaloo shouted suddenly desperate and panicking, “I have to follow it!” “Calm down!” Rainbow shouted at her, “You can uh, follow it right through... that closet over there!” Scootaloo squeaked in delight and wriggled out of Dash’s hooves like a ball of silly putty, charging over to the other closet, running in with abandon and slamming the door closed behind her. “Hey!” came Scootaloo’s muffled voice from within, even as Rainbow Dash went and braced the bookshelf against the door. Then, Rainbow ran outside, flying laps around the tree looking for where the fillies would come out from–there! They squeezed out from underneath a branch, Archer, then Licky, then they went hopping after the music. Just as Rainbow Dash grabbed them, she saw Twilight Sparkle wink in, looking extremely peeved, especially with the cute way her bed hair frayed out, all scraggly instead of being neatly combed. Dash flew up to Twilight with the two of them–the one of them in her arms. Where did Licky go?! No time. “Twilight, you have to put up your shield!” Rainbow Dash said earnestly. “There’s no other way to stop these fillies!” “Couldn’t you just put them in a closet or something?” Twilight snapped irritatedly, “All I need to do is find that fleabitten harpy, and I can stop the song and send her back to the police.” Rainbow Dash threw Archer in through the broken window then whizzed around to grab Licky before she could leave the light. “I did,” Rainbow Dash said panting hard. She backed against the window, using her ass to stop Archer from getting back out while holding onto an excitedly wiggling Licky. “They found a door in the top to a crawlspace!” Twilight blinked, and said, “Well, one of the closets has access to the crawlspace yes, but that’s the secondary coat closet, all the way in the back. Why didn’t you put them in the broom closet?” “Because I—” Rainbow frowned, looking down at her Licky plushie. “I don’t... know,” she said uncertainly, looking at Twilight again, puzzled as all hay. “Rainbow Dash...” Twilight said pensively, looking back at her with a worried expression, “Where’s Licky?” “She’s right he–” Dash blinked again, realizing what was in her hooves. “What the...” she threw down the plushie, and looked around trying to find the double orange filly. She had to be somewhere around... there! Twilight’s horn flashed a spotlight, illuminating Licky, who meeped and began running. Dash was faster, and dragged her back, but now Twilight was struggling with Archer whose tail was caught in her magic, but a stray wind kept blowing a branch in Twilight’s face, keeping her from holding her focus. Dash stuffed Licky in the tree, then stuffed Archer in, then plugged the way in with her rear end again, and shouted, “Twilight, the shield! Hurry!” “Rainbow Dash,” Twilight growled at her, “First off, done. Second off,” as she spoke the bubble of her magenta magic shimmered into place around the library. “It’s not that simple!” Twilight said. “I can’t lock them in if they aren’t inside in the first place!” “But, I just got Archer and Licky, and Scootaloo is locked in another closet,” Dash listed off, as shaky as she was about checklists. “You’re sure they’re all inside,” Twilight said warningly, looking over Rainbow Dash’s shoulder where on the other side of the bubble Scootaloo was prancing away into the shadowy night. “How could they not–Scootaloo!” Rainbow Dash went flying after the filly who was outside the shield bubble. Twilight turned her head quickly, her searchlight swivelling from Scootaloo to fall on Rainbow Dash. “Dash, don’t—!” Twilight shouted, right as Rainbow Dash crashed headlong into the solid shield, her forward momentum smooshed flat. She could swear there was a squeaking sound, as she slid down the shield wall. “I didn’t have time to set up the filter,” Twilight told her crumpled form, trotting up as Rainbow Dash collected herself and shook the stars out of her head. “You can’t just fly through it like this.” “Well great,” Dash snapped at her, “Now we’re stuck inside here, and Scootaloo gets to skip off to her doom!” Twilight shook her head again, saying, “No, look,” she pointed at a discoloration on the shield that was coming from her... Twilight’s horn was lit up and her magic was ...making the shield look funny in one place. “You can walk through that,” Twilight said curtly. “Now get out there, and bring back Scootaloo!” So Rainbow Dash walked uncertainly through the now not solid curtain of light, then blasted off into the darkness. “Other way, Rainbow Dash!” Twilight’s amplified voice called out. Rainbow Dash turned around, and blasted off into the other darkness. She tried to home in on the music, but the sound danced around the alleys confusingly, and there was just no telling. So Dash got some altitude instead, and flew to the edge of town, ignoring trying to find the music, and instead laying in... and instead floating in wait. There she was! There was Pinkie Pie down there, marching straight for the Everfree forest, just like she had done the last time she put on that contraption, with the parasprites that Pinkie got rid of in the river. That’s what Scootaloo meant when she said... nope! Not gonna happen! Rainbow Dash waited even though Pinkie Pie had cleared the town perimeter, but only until a little orange filly with a magenta mane hopped out of Ponyville, following along behind Pinkie Pie, as if Pinkie was Applejack, and Scootaloo was Winona. Rainbow Dash dive bombed the two of them then, the air edging in her speed as she went after that thrice cursed Tartarus damned accordion– She missed. Pinkie Pie sidestepped at just the wrong moment, and Rainbow Dash missed. How did she know Rainbow Dash was even coming?! Dash’s wings creaked with the forces, her hooves digging furrows in the ground as she fought to stop her momentum. Rainbow Dash shot at Pinkie a second time, but she was clearly ready this time, because a root tripped Dash up and left her tumbling past the pink pony unsuccessfully. “Pinkie stop!” Rainbow shouted, totally ignored of course. Being upside down and covered with dirt might have had some effect on lessening her intimidation factor. So she gave up on Pinkie and just grabbed Scootaloo and—she missed again. “Stop dodging, you–” Dash snatched at Scootaloo with her hoof at just the wrong time, when Scootaloo jumped up, bouncing off Dash’s head, Dash’s back, and then on toward the forest. The third try, Rainbow Dash got her, by knocking Scootaloo over with a burst run and practically falling on top of her, bearing down on the wiggling filly long enough to get a firm grasp on her tail, and then yanking Scootaloo high in the sky. Pinkie was screaming beneath her telling Rainbow Dash to resist the evil, and Scootaloo was screaming directly beneath her, begging her to let her follow the song, and Dash was screaming inside, because if she yelled externally then she would lose her grip on Scootaloo’s tail. Rainbow Dash landed on top of the library shield, shouting, “G’t h’r!” She wrapped a hoof around Scootaloo’s midsection, still not releasing her tail hold, just to make absolutely totally sure there was no chance this filly could... Scootaloo wasn’t struggling anymore. She wasn’t even struggling anymore! Before Dash could react to that, Twilight came to open the shield. A blast from Twilight’s horn caused the shield to shimmer beneath Dash, and Rainbow Dash descended into it like it was the surface of intangible water. She spread her wings, and fluttered gracefully to the ground in front of Twilight, not letting Scootaloo go until she was sure that even the discoloration in the shield high above them, was smooth again. Though Dash wasn’t holding her in place, Scootaloo wasn’t prancing away or laughing, but rather breathing heavily and shaking on her feet. She stood before the angry pegasus, stuttering breathlessly at her idol, “T-thank t-thank you so much R-rainbow Dash you you I’m sorry I couldn’t I–I just I tried so hard, but I—” “It’s okay, Scootaloo,” Twilight Sparkle said in a voice entirely devoid of anger or retribution. “You’re safe now.” “How is it okay?!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed, rounding on Twilight to direct her anger, and fear. “They were running after Pinkie like parasprites! She was going to drown them in the river, like... like parasprites! Scootaloo wanted to do it!” she shot her head around almost screaming at the little filly, “What is wrong with you?!” Twilight yanked Rainbow Dash’s ear in her magic, forcing Rainbow Dash to face her again, now saying angrily, at Dash, “Weren’t you listening to my lecture?! It’s an enchantment! The Want It Need It spell! Didn’t you see my demonstration on oh right, you were inside keeping Archer and Licky from running out.” Twilight paused flustered, releasing Rainbow Dash’s ear. That is, she started saying angrily, but then ended on a mollified, somewhat embarassed, quiet realization. Twilight looked uncertainly into Rainbow Dash’s eyes, and you could almost see the gears turning behind that unicorn’s vivid violet intensity. “You don’t know about the enchantment at all, do you?” Twilight said in an unhappy whimper, her eyes betraying her weariness. “C-could you repeat it, just one more time?” Dash said meekly, shrinking back at the thought of Twilight being yet another pony who’s terribly disappointed in her. “I might have missed a few parts.” Twilight brightened and put a hoof to her chest, opening her mouth and inhaling, then her brow darkened and she put her hoof down. Then she sighed at the ground, and looked at Dash deafeatedly saying, “I won’t lecture to you. I know how much you... hate it... so I’ll just tell you. Pinkie’s music is magic. It controls the parasprites like the Want It Need It spell, you remember that, right?” “Yeah, that was one amazing doll,” Dash said rolling her eyes in mock wistfulness. Twilight groaned, and just turned around to lead them back towards the front of the library, but also turned around in order to smack Rainbow Dash in the face with her tail. Dash probably deserved that. “Pinkie’s ...music is like a spell,” Twilight explained, leading the three of them back to the library. Scootaloo walked on her own, barely, but refused any assistance. Twilight said, “Except that it only has effect as long as the music is playing, it affects a much larger radius to any who can hear it, and it only affects ponies who are... like Scootaloo.” “I don’t know why,” Twilight said as she entered the library. The lobby was lit up, and a welcome change from the cloying darkness that had threatened to swallow them up earlier. “It might just be that these fillies are evolutionary throwbacks,” postulated the perplexed purple pony, “Which makes them closely related... enough to parasprites, for an enchantment specific to parasprites to affect them.” Archer and Licky were off to the side in the lobby, both wrapped in a blanket. Scootaloo ran up to them as soon as she saw them, and Archer pulled her into the blanket too. Spike the dragon was awake too, and looked like he’d rather not be, but was busily adjusting a replacement window, for the old one that had fallen apart in the fillies’ eager exeunt. Dash looked from Spike, to the fillies, to her unicorn friend who... hadn’t seemed to notice the books scattered around in disarray. “We can’t keep doing this, Twilight,” Rainbow Dash pleaded with her. “Come on, you’re the smart one. You’ve got to know why Pinkie is all nuts about this, and how to stop her from... how to keep these fillies safe.” “I just don’t, okay?” Twilight snapped sadly. “I don’t... it’s Pinkie Pie! Unless a book all about this is going to mysteriously appear from a hidden compartment behind the bookshelf, we’re not going to... I just I’ve never seen anything like this! I...” The fillies all clamored quickly across the library, gallopping out the door where the shield was still glowing dully. Dash craned her ears and, sure enough, it was that song again. Twilight looked vacantly at the empty door, the laughing fillies outside bouncing against the shield, then turned to Dash with such pain in her eyes. “I don’t know what to do,” Twilight said miserably. “Twilight,” Spike said beside her. He’d walked up to them in his weird two legged walky way, with a dustpan in one hand and a broom in another, both braced against his hips in an admonishing way. “Why don’t you just write a letter to Princess Celestia?” Twilight blinked slowly, and straightened up, looked at Spike, then gave Dash an incredulous look, gesturing at Spike wordlessly. Rainbow Dash shrugged, not having any idea what this reaction was about. Then Twilight looked at Spike again and shouted, “Are you crazy? How could I write a letter to Princess Celestia like this?” “My best friend is killing foals!” Twilight shouted storming up to the dragon who had gotten a football helmet and protective pillows from... somewhere, “I’m trapped in a bubble in my own library. Half the town thinks I’m enchanted, and the other half is Fluttershy! Ponies are getting hurt here, and I don’t have any solution to this at all. What exactly can I write to Princess Celestia? What have I learned about this that will fix anything? What lesson have I learned about friendship? Nothing! I can’t write to the princess like this. This is the opposite of the situation I would write her a friendship report!” Twilight seemed to realize she had backed Spike against the wall then, with her face physically pushing him into it, and backed off a bit. “I–I’m just,” she stammered, wobbling weakly, then trotted hastily towards the stairs to her bedroom. “Twilight!” Spike shouted after her. She stopped, but didn’t turn around. He didn’t seem entirely terrified of her, but then he was probably used to this sort of thing. “I didn’t mean a friendship report,” he said in a frustrated tone, “I mean the princess knows all sorts of stuff, and she has the whole Canterlot library to research. You should ask her for help!” He then spoke under his claw, more quietly to Rainbow Dash, muttering, “She’s so old, maybe she saw in person that whole ancient-pony-parasprite thing.” Dash tried not to snicker at that. Twilight remained standing with her back to them, then mumbled quietly with her head dipping down, “I don’t want her to know that I failed.” Dash flicked her own ear with a hoof, saying “What?” “It’s nothing,” Twilight stated bluntly, turning around and walking towards Spike. “You’re right Spike. This is an emergency. I can’t worry about my pride, when there are three fillies in mortal peril. Take a letter, if you please?” “With pleasure!” Spike announced, dropping his tools, to go get more tools, letter writing tools that is. Dear Princess Celestia, I’m so sorry to write this to you in haste, and there may be many, even crucial details I omit, but this is an emergency. I know you are expecting my report on friendship, but something has happened that I really don’t know how to deal with, and I really, really need your help. A local filly in Ponyville, or, fillies perhaps is more accurate, has been discovered to have a strange ability. She can—and has to, in fact—reproduce by mouth when she consumes enough food to do so. I’ve never read about a mouth reproducing pony, and what characterises her even more intriguingly is her ability to deproduce by mouth, that is to reverse the reproductive process perfectly symmetrically, with little to no loss of information. I truly, honestly think she may be the missing link between ponies and parasprites. I know that sounds crazy but, I mean there are just too many corollaries for it not to be a strong possibility! I~~~ my friend informs me that you do not need the full report on this, but that I should address the matter at hand. Pinkie Pie has gone entirely, dangerously insane. She claims these creatures, or ponies rather, are a destructive macroorganism that maliciously consumes baby foals and destroys entire towns. She has woven such a web of lies, presumably from her hatred of whatever-it-is that Scootaloo does. Her grandmother, she references, may have impressed this upon her, a fury as bad as the strife between the three tribes in ancient times! Pinkie Pie believes it totally, as my friend Rainbow Dash will attest, and disproving it for her has served only to make Pinkie Pie more agitated. She is completely impossible to reason with, more than usual, and even now her foul magic fights with the most powerful spells at my disposal. To make matters worse, and to lend credence to the pony/parasprite evolutionary model, Pinkie Pie’s strange parasprite controlling song also works on these fillies. They cannot resist, even when actively attempting to do so, much like a certain spell I ran afoul of myself before. Thankfully this one only lasts as long as the music plays. But using this song, Pinkie Pie has nearly drowned two fillies, and even perhaps came close to a third, were it not for the fast action just now, of my best friend Rainbow Dash. I would like to know anything you can tell me of the parasprite/pony connection, and why such a song would affect proto-ponies, but not true modern current day ponies. I also need anything you can tell me about Pinkie Pie’s genealogy. I have good evidence that she grew up in a quarry town called Nickerlite, just south of Cloudsdale, but am unable to access the town’s records without a long trip, and putting three fillies in even more jeopardy. Any medical records kept on Pinkie Pie, you may consider unsealing, as she has clearly become a danger to herself and others. Again, the Ponyville hospital is quite outside my ability to reach at the moment. I’m terribly sorry about this. I hope the princess can forgive me for asking, but I really don’t know where to turn at this point. I know it’s inappropriate and maybe a bit of a foolish dream, but I would like to call her a friend one day and maybe as a friend it would be okay to no Spike stop writing you’re not sup`~~~ No time to rewrite. Ignore last paragraph. Your devoted student, Twilight Sparkle They didn’t write this lengthy letter entirely on the spot. While composing it, and arguing with Rainbow about what to put in it, Twilight and Rainbow Dash recaptured the fillies, and dragged them down into the basement where the sounds from above were muffled. There, Twilight tried some experimental magic that she said was technically forbidden magic but not quite, and once she did you could barely hear the music. Yet still the fillies needed to follow it. Not even Twilight knew about the basement’s secret exit, but Scootaloo sure managed to find it. There was no escaping the shield though. It was just a solid, featureless unbroken sphere. Spike’s dragon fire would soon incinerate the seal, transporting the wisp along ways secure enough to be relied upon for military communication. So that meant it was sure to go straight to Princess Celestia, at least according to Twilight. Whether the princess would do anything about it remained to be seen. Rainbow Dash had however found a very practical solution to the filly problem in the interim. “See?” Rainbow Dash said excitedly, gesturing at the fillies, “And you just had the stuff all lying around. Now they can’t be enchanted at all!” “What??” Scootaloo shouted, her ears stuffed with a downy pink fluff. “I said,” Rainbow Dash loudly repeated, wait no, “Uh, never mind.” She waved dismissively at the filly, continuing to do so insistently until Scootaloo got the message and stopped bothering her about it. The pinkfluff wasn’t enough by itself, but between that and them all holed up in the basement, and Twilight trying out some spooky forbidden spell about sound cancellation, the fillies weren’t gripped with an irresistable desire to follow Pinkie Pie to their death. The flickering, swinging light overhead and the hanging roots from above gave the basement a grim look to it. They all had hot chocolate, but the fillies stared into it like shell shocked war veterans, or like little fillies who had been through entirely too much, and were up way past their bedtime. Spike’s breath stank up the place with copper as Twilight finally stopped prevaricating over that little typographical error at the end, and sent the letter to the princess. “How long do you think it’ll take her to send a letter back?” Rainbow Dash asked curiously, and a little impatiently, her voice echoing in the damp silence. “We have to be patient,” Twilight responded predictably. “It’s almost dawn, and the princess is going to be very busy raising the sun. I’m sure she can ask Canterlot scholars to help us out, sometime during the next day. For now, thanks to your... pinkfluff solution, I think we should all try to get some sleep.” “What??” Scootaloo shouted, squinting at Twilight. “I said—” Twilight started to fail, but then suddenly Spike toasted the air with flame again, and it formed back into an equivalent, but not identical scroll to that which Twilight had sent. All four of them looked at it anxiously when he did, the scroll falling wordlessly to the ground. (Except Licky. Licky was asleep on her feet, or bored, it was hard to tell.) Twilight hesitantly lifted the scroll in her magic, breaking the seal and unrolling it. She just glanced at it, then looked up immediately. Then she levitated it over to Rainbow Dash with eyes full of worry, terror, and... maybe a little bit of hope. Rainbow Dash looked at the letter– Are the fillies safe? Rainbow Dash... looked at the letter again. “...that’s all she wrote?” Rainbow Dash asked uneasily. “I think we better answer her,” Spike said, as he pulled the letter down to his level and reviewed its contents. Dear Princess Celestia, Yes, provisionally. The fillies are safe. We’re in my basement in the library, within a class 3 shield barrier powered by my backup crystals. Rainbow Dash stuffed their ears full of pinkfluff, and I attempted Solo Singer’s Song Suppression, and that seems to have hindered the enchantment enough. I have convinced the town not to trust Pinkie Pie either, and the town police are actively attempting to arrest her. Emphasis, attempting. Wrapping the scroll in the seal again, Spike incinerated it in his magic. They stared at each other in tense silence, waiting for some kind of explanation in the princess’s reply. It didn’t take long, and he burped up a new scroll, which Twilight immediately unsealed and unrolled and... just kind of stared at. Again, she wordlessly gave it to Rainbow Dash to look at, and from her down to Spike. None of them could fathom just what it meant, but... Don’t go anywhere. I will be there as soon as I can. ...they were fairly sure that help was soon to arrive.