//------------------------------// // The Unfortunate Truth // Story: A Beautiful Swallow // by Skijarama //------------------------------//         “Star, did my mother tell you about… what she wants from me?” I asked carefully, looking at Star, who wilted slightly at the question. She brushed her red mane out of her eyes and shifted uncomfortably in her seat.         “I don’t think so. What is it she wants?” She asked, prompting me to sigh. Well, that was just perfect. Now I had to tell Star that by my mothers orders, we were not to be together anymore. I looked down and closed my eyes, blocking out the world to gather my strength.         “I’m going to have to tell you something, Star. It’s going to shatter your heart and leave you angry, but I have no choice.” I said quietly, looking up at her after I said that.         “Oh… go on.” She said gently, faking a smile. I could see it already, though.The look in her eyes said it all. She more or less knew what I was about to say already, and the emotion was already building up. I was going to hate myself for what I was about to say, I had a feeling...         “Well… you see… Mom doesn’t want us to be together anymore.” I said, barely managing the last part. Star’s ears fell flat against her head, and as I suspected, a tear was snaking it’s way down her cheek. She didn’t say anything at first, but instead just looked around. Her eyes closed and she sniffled.         “I don’t want to…” She said, struggling with every word.         “I don’t want to either.” I said, trying to be soothing.         “Nettle, we… Why is she doing this to us?” Star asked, her voice rising in volume somewhat. She wiped some of the tears out of her eyes with her hoof. I bit my lip, not knowing what to say. Already the guilt was settling in and making itself firmly at home.         “I guess it’s because of how angry she is with us… she said that you aren’t a good influence anymore. I guess she just doesn’t want me to make anymore mistakes.”         “But how can she expect that? Everypony makes mistakes! This isn’t fair…” Star looked down. She was shaking again. I hadn’t seen her shake like this in almost a year. It was more than a little unsettling.         “Star, I wish we could stay together. Maybe we can be together again someday down the line. But, for now, there isn’t anything I can do. If we stay together, mom will only make life harder and harder on the both of us, and who knows what other consequences there could be?” I tried to use the voice of logic, but I have the feeling it wasn’t very good logic.         “But... “         “Star, look at me.” I said gently, and she lifted her eyes to look at me.         “If you go away… I don’t know if I could handle it.” She muttered, earning yet another sigh from me.         “I won’t like it either. Remember what I said. If we have to part ways, it will hurt me just as much as you… I don’t want this at all...  Just hold onto the hope that we might be able to be together again. Mom will come around eventually. So… just think of it as a break, I guess.” I managed to sound reassuring, but it didn’t work. Tears kept sliding down Star’s cheeks. I’ll give her credit, she’s amazing at controlling herself. Without anything else to do, Star leaned forward and hugged me as tight and close as she could.         Reluctantly, I returned the hug. It didn’t last longer than ten seconds before we slid apart. With a tired groan, I got off the bench. Star followed suit and looked at me with watering eyes. I heard hooves on grass approaching, and took that as my cue to leave. I turned away slowly and started out of the park. I didn’t get very far before I was next to the approaching pony. I looked up on instinct and saw that it was Mint. My eyes shot open. He did not look happy and he was directing his glare squarely at me.         “What the buck where you thinking!?” He yelled, jabbing a hoof into my chest. I blinked and took a step back.         “I… I don’t… I just wanted to make her happy.” I said, looking down.         “Yeah, well, look how well that ended!” Mint snarled, the ferocity in his gaze was actually kinda scary, I will admit.         “Mint, please. Just-” Star started to plead before being silenced by a snort from Mint.         “You should consider you and her lucky that she wasn’t in estrus!” Mint said, once again jabbing his hoof into my chest for emphasis. I looked away.         “I’m sorry.”         I could see Mint’s eye twitch as his scowl deepened. “You should be.” He turned and made his way in Star’s direction. I hesitated.         “Hey.” I called after him.         “What do you want now?” He demanded, turning a furious glare on me.         “...Don’t abandon her.” I quoted before turning and walking away. <^><^><^><^>         When I finally got home, I said nothing to my parents and made my way upstairs. I sat down at my desk and just let my mind race for a while. More and more, my mind kept wandering back to the letter that Swallow sent me. It was still sitting out in the mailbox. Deciding to go and get it later, I went to start on my reply, but stopped before I had even grabbed the quill or parchment.         What point was there in even writing a response? I lowered my eyes and groaned in frustration. I had no idea what I would even say to her right now. Mom clued her in, so I couldn’t really come up with any good excuses. With no idea what to do, I let my head collide with my desk and just sat there, thinking over the last year, rewinding through all of the happiest memories I had.         I don’t know how long I was sitting there, just cycling through memories. Eventually though, my mind circled around to Swallow again. Since I wasn’t paying anything else any attention right now, I noticed something. This was where the truth finally broke me down.         When I thought of Star, sure, I felt happy and warm inside, but due to recent events it was accompanied by a sharp emotional pain. Compare that to when I thought of Swallow and… something else entirely happened. Same basic premise, but oh so much stronger. There was that pinch in my chest again, the warmth melting away the ice in my veins.         And then her words echoed through my mind again.         My answer is no.         I shuddered and hugged myself, suddenly feeling really cold. It finally started to dawn on me. It would take me less than an hour to fully accept the facts. I loved Star, that much was true. But… I loved Swallow more. I pieced together something that day; I took up Mint on his suggestion and started dating Star not just to help her or because I loved her. But to hide from the fact that Swallow had turned me down over a year ago that one day in the plaza.         The moment that all clicked into place, an overwhelming sense of guilt suddenly washed over me. For a moment I just lay there, feeling numb and empty. Finally, I slowly got out of my chair and made my way for my bed. I stopped next to it and then just slumped on top of it. What was I to do now? <^><^><^><^>         I basically didn’t do anything for a few days. The guilt I felt over having used Star as a shield like that, lying to myself for so long, attacking my mother and upsetting Swallow with my actions all drove me to hide away in my room and neglect the rest of my obligations for quite a while. I don’t really know how much time passed, but it was more than a week. I only ever came out to eat, drink and use the facilities as needed. My sluggish behavior did not go unnoticed by my parents, not like I was really paying them any attention.         I just kept thinking about Swallow the whole time, not sure if I should write to her or just stay silent. I barely got any sleep, insomnia kicking itself into full gear. Finally, though, one morning, a knock came to my door. I looked in it’s direction but said nothing. The door swung open slowly after a moment to reveal mom standing there with an envelope in her hoof.         “It’s from Swallow.” She said simply, trotting up to me carefully. She set the note down on my desk, which I was standing next to, smiled warmly at me, then backed out. I looked down at the letter for several moments before finally deciding to open it. The first thing I noticed as I lifted the sheet out of the envelope were the stains on it.         Had she been… crying? I began to read as a frown slowly started to snake it’s way onto my face.         Nettle,         I should apologize. My last letter came off a bit more harsh than I wanted it to. I was just upset, you know? Still am, technically. You haven’t written back in a while, though, so I thought I’d send another, just in case my last one got lost in translation or something.         Nettle, I just want to make sure you’re okay. I know how badly the… ‘incident’ with me affected you, so I can only begin to imagine how badly this is hurting you. I’m worried about you. I’ve got this bad feeling, ya know? I feel like something bad either has happened or is about to happen and I feel like it’s my fault. I’m not really sure why but that’s just what’s been going through my head for a while now.         Just… write back soon, okay?         ~Twinkling Swallow.         I set the letter down. Great. Another mistake, I thought. I neglected in sending a response and she was getting worried. Time to fix that. I reached out and grabbed my quill and parchment, starting on my reply after I’d cleared up a bit of space.         Swallow,         Don’t beat yourself up over my actions. None of this was your fault… it was all mine. I was the one who made the waking decision to do that with Star, and now I’m dealing with the consequences. Don’t worry too much. I’ll be fine, okay? Just…         I paused, noting how horribly the quill was shaking. I set it down and looked at my hooves. I was shaking something fierce. I started thinking back over the letters she and I had sent over the course of my relationship with Star and one critical detail kept cropping up. I always called Swallow my friend. Even though that was true, it didn’t change that what I wanted and couldn't have was so much more than that.         I knew it would be a pointless and useless gesture, and wouldn’t do me any good, but… I had to write something down. I picked up the quill and kept writing on the next line.         Buck it, I can’t keep doing this. Swallow, I need to tell you something. I’ve technically said it once before, before you moved away, but… all this time with Star I think blinded me to this fact and I need to remind myself, even if I can never have it returned.         Swallow, I love you. I know I just broke up with Star, but that’s just it. Star, great a pony as she is, was sort of my way of shielding myself from a lot of the pain I’d been dealing with because of… well, the incident in the plaza. I just… I can’t keep lying to myself. Consider this my official declaration. Make of it whatever you want. I already know you don’t feel the same way about me.         I just needed to set the record straight. I’m running out of room on the page. I’ll just stop here.         ~Stinging Nettle.         I looked at the note in my hooves with a tear streaming down my cheek. I had every reason to believe that sending this letter would be a huge mistake. I started debating on whether or not I should send this once. Maybe I should have simply written a smaller note that confirmed I was ‘ok’ and just kept the long one in a box somewhere.         But that’s not what I did. The following day, I sent the letter. After that, I returned to my room and just waited… <^><^><^><^>         Nettle,         Don’t worry, It’s okay. I had a feeling you still loved me. I may not feel the same way, but you don’t have to worry. I won’t do anything to hurt your feelings any further. All I ask is that you respect my stance on the matter. As long as you can do that, we’ll be fine.         At any rate, how are you holding up? Things are alright on my end. Schools swinging back around. The Summer sun celebration will be in Ponyville next time it comes around, from what I hear. I wish I could be there to celebrate with you. But theres nothing I can do to achieve that. I’m sorry.         Just take care of yourself, alright?         ~Twinkling Swallow <^><^><^><^>         After I received that reply, I gradually started feeling better. I never got over it completely, though. Hell, looking back on it I still feel crappy just thinking about it. On the upside, I hadn’t been informed that the Summer sun celebration would be in Ponyville, so that was a pleasant surprise. All the same, it was going to take until next year for that.         I spent the majority of my time just trying to relax and practice my writing, something which I had been neglecting horribly since Star and I started dating. I wrote a few short stories, though they were nothing all that special. Either way, time began to flow once more. School came back into session, as it always did. I focused almost all of my energy on my grades. I had straight A’s for quite a while, there.         Despite my efforts, though, my enthusiasm for things had waned considerably. I was back in the position I had been in after Dusk Raider attacked me. Distrusting of everypony around me, quiet, withdrawn and now even more of a loner than before. My behaviour was observed by Buckler and the others, who sometimes came forward to try and see what was wrong.         I always brushed them away, though. I wasn’t feeling social at all anymore, except for my letters to Swallow. I picked them back up in full time. Every time I got a reply, I couldn’t help but smile. The lockbox was practically full, now. I had to go out and buy another, bigger one and move all of the letters over.         On Swallow’s end, things were going well. Her schooling was in full swing again, and she had a few new friends. I hadn’t heard their names, but I chose not to ask. They were nice and friendly and she got along well enough with them. I knew she was doing fine and all that, but I still felt a sad loneliness coursing through me every time I read one of her letters. She wasn’t here in Ponyville. I hadn’t seen her face-to-face in a very long time.         That was something that I was just going to have to deal with. And so I did. It was never easy, though. I guess I should have expected as much.         Time slowly ticked by one day at a time. Every day felt like a drag. One way or the other, though, The Summer Sun Celebration in Ponyville was approaching. It took it’s sweet time, something which was starting to irritate me by the time it finally came around. Of course, looking back on it, I’m kind of glad it took as long as it did. It gave me a bit of extra perceived time to ready myself for what was to happen on that day.         I wasn’t really one to celebrate it as actively as the other ponies, but I still had plans to go to the town hall when it was time for Princess Celestia to bring on the sunrise. It was a matter of respect, really, and despite my lack of care for authority, Princess Celestia was a good enough ruler to warrant at least some genuine respect from me. Of course, anypony who had managed to live for over one thousand years and still act like a gentle but very efficient mother to all her subjects, all while maintaining her youthful appearance kind of warranted some respect.         Finally, though, the day came. I sent off a letter to Swallow to wish her a happy Summer Sun. Then all I could really do was simply wait for the sun to set and the celebration to really get started. The hours of that day ticked by slowly but surely. I heard about a Pinkie party being held for some new pony, but I didn’t really care. I was more interested in that night.         And holy crap, what a night it was gonna turn out to be.