I woke up groggily, my left eye slowly adjusting to the dim light in the room while the right one felt sore and tender.
"Ah, Private Sentry." I looked at the source of the voice to see a doctor, who wore a name tag bearing the name 'Haywick.' "It's good to see that you are finally awake."
"What happened?" the pain in my jaw caused me to mumble. "I feel like I've been hit by a freight train. Why does everything hurt?"
Doctor Haywick smiled sympathetically. "You have been the victim of a rather vicious attack," he replied. "As a result, you have gained a black eye, a broken jaw, several missing teeth and a cut lip." He looked at his notes. "Your eye and jaw are also swollen, meaning that it will be difficult for you to see and speak — as well as the fact you are going to be eating with a straw for a while."
"Well, that's just perfect." I sighed. "I guess it also means I can't return to my job as a guard for a while?"
Haywick shook his head. "I'm afraid not." he pulled a chair over and sat down. "Now, perhaps you can tell me what happened?"
I shrugged. "I can," I replied. "It's a good thing my memory wasn't affected, so I can recall it quite clearly."
And so, as soon as the doctor got comfortable, I began my story.
***
Luna's moon cast its soothing glow over Canterlot, falling peacefully on the denizens making their way home for the evening — or, in the case of a group of stallions, making their way to the bars and clubs.
"Come on, fillies!" one of them yelled. "The sooner we get some drinks in us, the sooner we can get some action!" His words were met with loud, raucous, laughter. "But remember, lads, Captain Shining Armour is to be kept at least fifty metres away from any mares, by order of Princess Cadence."
Shining Armour rolled his eyes as he was pushed jokingly by the jeering stallions. "Sure, Iron, rub it in." he grinned. "But always remember the fact that I have the most beautiful mare in Equestria waiting for me at home in our bedroom, and you don't." His tone suddenly became more stern. "Now... FALL IN!"
The group of stallions were quick to line up in front of him and salute, giving him a unified "Sir! Yes, Sir!"
Shining Armour began pacing back and forth in front of them. "Iron Bulwark, Flash Sentry, Spear Point and Shield Slam," he said. "Any other day of the week, you four make up one of the best squads that the Crystal Guard has to offer. But tonight..." he dropped his stern demeanour and smiled broadly. "Tonight we drink!"
A collective "Yeah!" was his answer, and the group immediately made for the nearest bar. As they entered, they rushed up to the counter, where Spear Point was first to place an order.
"A round of tequila slammers," he said. "And make it quick, we want to lose at least half our eyesight before the sun comes up!" The bartender chuckled and nodded, pouring out the drinks in quick succession. Spear took them and passed them out to his comrades. "Let's get to it then, shall we? Last one to finish is on latrine duty for a month!" He quickly began throwing the liquid down his throat.
After a momentary pause, the others realised what he had said and began to follow suit. A few moments later, five stallions burped in succession — the last one being Shield Slam. He groaned in defeat and repeatedly smacked his head off the counter, the cackles of the others ringing in his ears.
***
"Would I be right in thinking that your assault had something to do with the silly games you were playing?" Haywick asked, interrupting my story. "After all, excessive alcohol consumption can make a pony do the most horrific things."
"It was the result of something stupid," I replied. "But it had nothing to do with the booze, all right? Now, let me finish."
With that, I cleared my throat and resumed speaking.
***
Events progressed slowly, as the squad drank, chatted, cajoled, danced and sang the night away. Iron, Spear and Shield had soon each found a mare to spend some time with, leaving Shining and Flash to their own devices. The two stallions bid farewell to their comrades, Shining making sure to remind them not to be too late for duty in the morning, and left the bar.
As they walked along the streets of Canterlot, taking in the sights, sounds and smells of the city, Flash spoke up.
"Captain?" he asked.
"Flash, what have I told you?" Shining poked him in the side and grinned. "When we're not on duty, you can call me 'Shining.'"
Flash chuckled meekly. "Sorry, Shining," he replied. "I was just wanting to ask you something, that's all."
"By all means," Shining said. "Ask away."
There was a pause before Flash spoke again. "Do you ever regret marrying Princess Cadence?" he wondered.
Shining stopped walking and turned to look at him. "No," he said, not missing a beat. "I don't." He looked at the ground and sighed. "The only thing I do regret about my time with Cadence is not realising that Chrysalis had taken her place."
Flash nodded. "Sorry, I didn't mean to bring that up," he said. "Well, in that case – and because I want to change the subject as quickly as possible – what do you like about being married to her?"
Shining looked up again, a smile on his lips. "Cadence is the most amazing pony who ever lived," he said wistfully. "She's a wonderful listener, she has a great sense of humour, she never has a bad thing to say about anypony, she's a natural leader... and she chose me, the biggest dork in Canterlot High, to be her lover."
Flash laughed heartily. "Yeah, I remember hearing that story from your former classmates," he replied. "But, seriously? There's nothing bad about being married to Princess Cadence?"
"Our marriage isn't perfect, if that's what you mean," Shining clarified. "No marriage ever is. We argue about little things such as how much toilet roll to use, how many pillows to put on the bed, who to invite for dinner parties, that sort of thing." He paused, as though he was recalling fond memories. "But I don't regret any of the time that Cadence and I have spent together, and I will cherish every second of it for the rest of my life."
"Yeah." Flash nodded again. "Thanks for telling me this, Shining, I was just curious about what married life was like."
"It's not perfect." Shining put a forehoof on his chest. "But as long as you have love, then it'll be just fine. I for one can safely say that marrying Cadence was the smartest thing I have ever done."
"'Smartest thing.'" Flash cackled. "I can totally relate to that."
Shining raised an eyebrow. "Oh, really?" he mused. "When then, Flash, do tell me. What's the smartest thing you've ever done?"
***
Haywick noticed that I had stopped talking. "Private Sentry, are you all right? Do you need anything?"
I shook my head. "I'm fine," I replied. "I'm just trying to think about how I could have been so stupid."
"Whatever do you mean?" Haywick asked.
I sighed. "When Captain Armour asked me that question, there are so many answers I could have given him — joining the Guard, getting one hundred percent on a test I thought for sure I was going to fail, coming up with a way to get bullies to leave me alone... anything but what I actually said."
Haywick leaned closer. "What did you say to him?"
I let out a shallow laugh. "I said just two words. Two stupid words which got me into the sorry state I now find myself. I looked right into the eyes of the Captain of the Crystal Guard, the Prince Consort of the Crystal Empire, and said..."
I took a deep breath and let it out, gritting my teeth.
"'Your sister.'"
With that, I put a pillow over my face and screamed into it — while Haywick could only sit in dumbfounded silence.