//------------------------------// // The Epic Siege of Horseington (abridged for your pleasure) // Story: Attack of the Black and Red Alicorns OC's // by Good Christian Ethesto //------------------------------// "We, like, have canons and stuff. Like, why do you want to go to the surface?" asked Tech Priest Vanessa, hardly comprehending why they should waste their time. She'd much rather stay on the ship and sext Brad all day. "Because, like, I got a new chainsaw blade and using the canons is so boring. Besides, Emperor-sempai will, like, never notice me unless I kill xenos in melee combat and stuff," explained High-Admiral Ashley Tisdale. "This argument seems irrelevant," pointed out Apothecary Hannah, "after all, we're already on the drop ship." Sure enough, they were all snuggled in a blockey vessel that was quickly having its way with the outer atmosphere. "Like, ome(oh my emperor), shut up nerd," reprimanded Ashley, already up to here with Hannah's shit. The Apothecary was far more interested in staying inside and browsing tumblr 40k than going out and purging xenos, and Ashley honestly hated that dumb bitch. "Puny Xenos will make fine meal for new weapon," offered Captain Helga in her Russian accent as she hefted her heavy bolter up for all to see for the hundredth time. She was met by a cheer from Dreadnought Tina, who was busy working on a coloring book on one side of the cabin. "White girls..." commented the current captain of the dropship over the speakers, who was none other than Michelle, who liked to take every possible chance to express her distaste for white people. "Like, will you all just shut up?" shouted Ashley, commanding her underlings to close their yaps. With the welcomed silence, she was finally able to focus on putting on her makeup. You had to look your best when purging xeno scum, after all. Besides, she might meet some cute boys. The speakers once again came on as Michelle had something to say. "I see a stupid xeno town on that mountain, so I'm gonna land there." "Like, whatever," approved Ashley. -- Meanwhile, in the pony palace in Canterlot, the princesses were looking at paper work, and doing ordinary princess things. "It sure is nice being a princess," commented Princess Celestia as she wrote her princess signature on a piece of parchment. "Yeah, it's pretty neat. Being princesses, that is," responded Princess Luna as she also did that thing with the paper. Just then, a pony practically popped his peeper into the Princess' private parlor, prancing in place as he prepared to pepper the princesses with particularly poor news. "Princesses, we spotted a UFO!" The princesses exchanged looks before laughing. "Oh silly little pony, body so crisp and moist, UFO's don't exist," explained Celestia. "Yeah," agreed Luna who saw fit to offer more detail. "We murdered them all into extinction centuries ago." Then Luna and Celestia exchanged looks again, realizing that perhaps with the second cumming of the red and black alicorn OC's, UFO's were making a cumback as well. Or maybe it was just a red and black alicorn OC disguised as a UFO. That was arguably even worse, or arguably less worse, depending on which side you wanted to take. "We'd better take a look just in case," said Celestia, ever cautious in these dangerous time. Luna totally agreed, and for the first time all day, they got off their fat asses. It took them a while as their legs were asleep having been curled beneath the princesses' elongated bodies for hours. After a few seconds of not being able to walk, they both got frustrated and simply shed their legs, opting to instead float out into the courtyard to see this so-called 'UFO'. -- Horseington was peaceful, and everything was totally fine. That is, except for the army of black and red alicorns that were descending on the town in numbers that blot out the sun. Captain Original Character raced his way through the meager defenses that had been set up, regretting that they hadn't done more to prepare. Not that it would have mattered, nothing could stop an army of black and red alicorns. NOTHING! As he ran, his luscious mane blew in the wind behind him like a banner, inspiring all and giving his troops an abundance of boners. Unfortunately, he hardly made it 100 horse-lengths before Mayor Neigh, with her superior-horse-length legs caught up to him. "My hero, you've come to save the town!" She swooned. "I've been holding out for a hero, and now you've come to sweep me off my feet." As she said this, she reared up and trust fell onto him, expecting to be caught in the most romantic way ever. Unfortunately, she weighed over 1,000 horse-pounds, and with an anguished scream, Captain Original Character was crushed beneath her immense weight. Meanwhile, nearby, his second-in-command, Lieutenant Happy Feet, who's beauty is only rivaled by the late Captain in his battalion, was fighting the first wave of black and red alicorns. They had proved to be insanely overpowered, which is hardly a surprise, and already they were wreaking havoc on the guard pony's numbers. The only reason the Equestrians hadn't been completely overrun is because the alicorns enjoyed monologging, and torturing their victims in the most edgy of ways. Just then, one landed mere horse-lengths from the lieutenant, ready to slaughter him in the name of darkness. "Foolish mortal," spoke the alicorn through its multiple rows of shark-like teeth, "I'll show you why they call me the dark-" he was cut off as Happy Feet shot him right in the fucking face with a magical blast, destroying his entire head. Unfortunately, the alicorn simply regenerated because he could only be killed if they destroyed his soul stone which was hidden in one of seven ancient zebra temples. "Muahahah, I'll show you who is superior," he laughed, using his unstoppable magic to hold down Lieutenant Happy Feet, who he intended to rape. And thus, the town of Horseington was overrun, and Equestria saw its first defeat in what would undoubtedly be an epic war, worthy of being recounted into a shitty fanfiction by me, Ethesto.