You Can't Spell Slaughter Without Laughter

by Tatsurou


The Temple - Part Four

Once in the chamber of the rings, the group made their way to the central ring, which was filled with water. Diving in, they found a passage beneath they could dive down through to explore further. At the end of the passage, they found a chamber where magma flowed through channels, and a massive door was sealed shut with an Omega symbol upon the chained lock. Beyond that, the chamber was massive and empty.

"Where's the magma coming from?" Pinkie asked.

"What do you mean?" Kratos inquired.

"Magma's the lifeblood of the earth, right?" she pointed out.

"We are atop a massive mountain," he reminded her.

"Which is being carried on the back of a Titan," Pinkie corrected. "So where's the magma coming from?"

Kratos shrugged. "How should I know?" he replied in exasperation. "Why do you keep asking these questions?"

"I'm hoping if I point out something that's truly impossible, it'll disappear in a puff of logic," she replied with a grin.

"Sister? You do realize you're the most impossible thing here, right?" Calliope pointed out. "Do you want to disappear in a puff of logic?"

Pinkie let out a gasp. "Oh my gosh, I never thought of that!"

Kratos shook his head ruefully. "Let's just keep going."

"Okie dokie, loki!" Pinkie said happily, then tilted her head in confusion as her ears spun. "That was weird."

"What was?" Calliope asked.

"I just got the strange feeling that someone, somewhere...just called me a Pink Devil," she explained.

"They must have met you," Kratos joked, ruffling her curly mane, making her giggle.

Following a path behind a breakable wall, they reached a massive chamber marked with the symbols of Hades. "I wonder how things are going with him and Persephone," Calliope mused.

"Depends on how he's taken my advice," Pinkie replied. "I hope things work out between them, though."

Approaching a gate marked with Hades' visage, they read the inscription commanding them to make blood sacrifices on Hades altars to continue. When two magic circles and a herd of centaurs appeared, Kratos nodded. "Alright," he concluded. "We need to ritually kill a centaur on each altar-"

"Hell~o, half human nurses!" Pinkie said suddenly, fluttering her eyelashes at the centaurs just as they rounded the blood pool in the center of the room to stand in the magic circles.

The centaurs froze, stared at her in fear, screamed in terror, and promptly disemboweled themselves.

As the gate opened, Pinkie's face became enraged. "Well, fuck you all very much, too!" she cried angrily, turning around to storm through the open passage in a huff. Kratos, Calliope, Fluffy, and Leonidas wisely decided to follow without saying anything.

Making their way through a trap filled corridor, Pinkie vented her spleen by grabbing a gorgon by the tail and using it as a flail against numerous other monsters. After that, she was smiling again and bouncing along happily. Kratos, Fluffy, and Leonidas all breathed sighs of relief. Calliope wiped her brow as though she had been sweating.

When the one other centaur they encountered fled at the mere sight of Pinkie and none others showed up, however, Pinkie sighed. "Daddy, do I come on too strong or something?"

Kratos shook his head. "No. You're just such a powerful, unpredictable warrior that weak willed males find you terrifying. You just need to find a stallion with a stronger will and more steel in his spine. If they can't face up to you, then they aren't worthy of you."

Pinkie sighed. "I suppose...but I wanna have sex, dammit!"

"Oh look, more gorgons!" Kratos said quickly, changing the subject.

"...smooth, Father," Calliope commented dryly.

After slaughtering all the monsters in the maze of corridors, they passed through a gate that opened in response to the last death cry. The passage shortly opened onto a platform high above the chamber where the centaurs had sacrificed themselves rather than approach Pinkie. Stepping on a switch caused a horned statue to rise up out of the blood pool. Diving into the blood pit below, Kratos pulled a switch that caused the mouth of the statue to emit a powerful beam of light. Pinkie and Calliope then rotated the head so the beam shot into a chamber filled with darkness. The light illuminated an incredibly long corridor, which illuminated itself with flames from the roof and at the very back of the chamber, and massive flaming boulders began to roll down the passage.

The blood pool sealed itself off after Kratos climbed out of it. "Now," Kratos began as they approached the corridor, "how will we proceed past this part?"

Pinkie pulled out the strangely configured ax she had used to repel fireballs back in Attica. Calliope pulled out her massive ax.

Kratos nodded. "As long as we're prepared."

Making their way through the corridor, Pinkie and Calliope took turns dealing with the flaming boulders that got in their way. Pinkie sent them flying back by striking them with her ax, while Calliope split them down the middle. As they went, the girls guarded Kratos back when he opened the doors along the sides so he wasn't interrupted by being hit by a boulder. Finding the right side passage, they carved their way through several minotaurs and archer zombies before finding two paths.

"I'll take this one!" Pinkie said, pointing to the one that had been sealed before they killed all the monsters. "Fluffy and Leonidas are with me! Daddy, Sis, you take the other path." Without waiting for confirmation, she led the two canines down the selected path.

Kratos and Calliope followed the other path to a rope over a magma chamber. Pinkie and the canines came out on a cliff at one side of the chamber, where several archer zombies had their bows trained on the rope. Pinkie killed them quickly, then proceeded to snipe the zombies off the rope with her lightning bolts to clear Kratos and Calliope's journey across the rope, while Fluffy and Leonidas guarded her back.

When they reached the end of the rope, they found Pinkie, Fluffy, and Leonidas waiting for them in the arena below. By now, Calliope had learned not to question Pinkie's impossible antics, so her only comment was, "I wish I could do that."

"I'll teach you!" Pinkie promised.

After killing all the monsters that either dropped down to or rose up out of the arena, they took the path that was revealed, climbing their way back up to an upper level and passing through another passage. Reaching a thin bridge above a pit too far down to survive falling, they each made their way across. Kratos used his wings to fly. Fluffy crawled along the wall with Leonidas clinging to him. Pinkie bounced along the thin bridge as though completely unaware of the danger, easily leaping over the spinning blades that created an additional hazard. Calliope rode the spinning blades.

Climbing up to a higher level, the group then took a zip line down to a lower level, and a path out of the room.

"We just keep going up and down and up..." Pinkie began, then grinned widely before starting to sing. "Up, down, up! I am Up, down, touch the ground, in the mood...for food!"

"We'll stop for a meal soon," Kratos promised.

Following the path around, Kratos turned a wheel which partially undid the lock that sealed the massive door they'd encountered before. The path then led them back to that room. When they entered, they saw something was trying to break its way through the doors. Approaching the doors, they burst open, and a much larger, heavily armored minotaur that almost seemed to be made of metal burst through them, the doors slamming shut behind it.

"It's a mega-mecha-taur!" Pinkie cried out, pointing.

"This way!" Calliope called out, guiding everyone to an upper level.

Once on the upper level, the mega-mecha-taur rose on its legs to grip the platform and attack them. The canines stayed back, as their teeth weren't strong enough for metal. Kratos, Pinkie, and Calliope focused on doing as much damage to it as they could. After inflicting enough damage, it staggered back and fell to its knees. Kratos took the opportunity to race forward and leap onto its back, using the Blades of Chaos to pull it back against the door before slamming its head into the ground, leaving it dazed.

As soon as it was dazed, Calliope pulled the switch on the raised platform. A log was launched to slam into the beast, causing massive cracks in its armor.

Repeating the process, the armor broke enough to reveal the flesh underneath. Fluffy and Leonidas joined in then, clinging to the beast's back and tearing at the flesh of its throat with their jaws. This time chunks of armor fell off as they inflicted damage, revealing more flesh for the canines to tear into. By the time the last chunk of armor broke off - revealing a flesh construct beneath - Fluffy and Leonidas had done enough damage that one last heavy hit from Kratos left it dazed.

When Calliope fired the next log, it pinned the beast to the wall to one side of the doors, impaling it. In its death throes, it kicked a chunk out of the base of the doors, opening a path for the group to pass through.

Since no other monsters seemed to be approaching, the group decided to break there for a meal before continuing onward.