The train ride was long, tiresome, and extremely annoying; there’s only so much trivia about pastries a stallion can take. Apparently Pinkie was just coming back from a visit to her family on a rock farm that ironically was very close to Ponyville but oh joy of joys she fell asleep on the train, missed her stop, and had to go the long way round. I’ve entirely tuned her out at this point and have given her as little information as I can; she’s getting nothing from me but mumbled responses. With any luck she won’t find out I’m moving to Ponyville and we will never see each other again. That sounds cruel I know, I’m sure she’s a nice mare and everything but no… I haven’t spent my entire adult life hiding in plain sight just to have destiny kick me in the flank because I made the wrong friends.
“OH MY GOSH!! You’re going to Ponyville?!”
How did she know that?
“Are you a wizard?”, I’m not gonna lie it’s a freaking possibility.
“No silly I read this long tag attached to your bag”, she held up a small bag I wasn’t even aware I had with me and there it was in black and white ‘Bound for Ponyville; new resident’. It was the kiss of death on my normal life… I hardly knew it.
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My strategy worked, I bought out the train dinning cart and fed her. Sure enough she fell asleep and I made my escape as soon as the train made it to the station.
Ponyville is… well in the simplest terms it’s beautiful. It’s got a real rustic feel to it: you can smell the fresh lumber in the air from all the wooden structures, pastries mix into the air the further you get in, the buildings are vibrant and colorful like a rainbow that moves with the daily lives of ponies, and the breeze… it’s perfect, it rolls so well on the body and rushes into your lungs in the most refreshing way. Ponyville is without a doubt the most beautiful place in Equestria… I already hate it.
Places like this cultivate adventure like it’s going out of style, which I wish it would.
It took some doing but I finally found my new house. I say it took some doing because I had to avoid three separate dark alleys with fortunetellers beckoning me to see my destiny… screw that. My destiny is to push pencils and stay at home with my books and nap, nap a lot.
The house looks great though; nice and spacious the only thing that really stands out is the decorating. It’s basically a castle it’s so big but the inside has really gaudy things I’d never own. Who actually owns several suits of armor? Why is there a bust of a pony I’ve never seen next to the recliner? Why is there a freaking book shelf behind the recliner? That’s just poor placement, how will you recline?
The bust seems off center though; these sorts of things really get on my nerves. As I pushed the bust back into place I turned to see the bookshelf sliding aside to reveal some sort of pole… the placement makes sense now but I’m going to leave this alone, never mind that my old boss seems even more like a comic book villain but I’m not about to become the night.
A Knock came at the door, it’s getting late and all I want to do is sleep, can’t imagine who it could be… oh sun did the pink pony track me down? She’s not getting me without a fight.
“PLEASE, For the love of god please help me!”
Standing before, albeit hunched over, was what I could only describe as the weirdest monkey I had ever seen in my entire life.
“Uh huh… and you would be?”
“My name is Michael”, he groaned, “I’m a human. Please I know it’s a big risk but you have to hide me, humans are executed on sight here”
“Don’t exactly know what humans are but there has to be a good reason they want you dead… best of luck to you though”
He grabbed at the door frame with the weird nubs on his flat hoof, “No, they sort of just want humans dead”, he droned on
“That makes absolutely no sense, we don’t execute criminals even for treason, Equestria is one of the leaders in animal preservation, looking at you I’m almost entire sure you don’t taste good… you don’t really smell good either”
“Hey that’s a little far… are you coming on to me?”
“What? Are you mental? I met you maybe three seconds ago.”, I tried again to close the door but he held fast, he was stubborn if nothing else. His clothes looked ratty, I think they were clothes. Blue on his back legs, some sort of white on his forelegs, and this odd ‘t’ shaped fabric on his torso with a little design that read ‘Breaking Bad’ I don’t know what that is but it sounds overrated.
“And that’s how I got here… can you help me?”
Crap he was talking, “Look you seem like a very nice… monkey but what can I do for you? … Wait… wait no I think there is someone who can help you, there’s a pink mare that lives somewhere in this town. A bakery if I remember correctly, she’d be willing to hide and feed you”
“Thank you. You don’t know how much it me-“ Slam
That’s two problems solved in a single day. This has been a very productive day, time to turn in.