//------------------------------// // Fifth Case - Reality // Story: On the Corner of Straight and Narrow // by Tatsurou //------------------------------// As the trio entered the building next door to Sybil's office, they found the entire place dark save for a single light illuminating four machines: an old arcade cabinet wearing an illegible name tag; an ancient type-and-talk machine wearing a name tag that read "Curt"; an obsolete touch tone wired phone wearing a "Bob" name tag; and some sort of beep machine wearing a name tag that read "Chippy". As they entered, the type-and-talk device spoke up in a badly synthesized voice. "NeXt ItEm On ThE aGeNdA." "Chippy" beeped loudly. "If you'd like to talk about the bake sale and raffle, press 1 now!" 'Bob' said happily. "If you know the name of the topic you'd like to raise, press 2 now!" "I HUNGER!" the arcade cabinet proclaimed. "ReFrEsHmEnTs WiLl Be SeRvEd AfTeR tHe MeEtInG," 'Curt' pointed out. Walking up to 'Bob', Trixie pushed 2. "PROXIMITY ALERT!" the arcade cabinet proclaimed. "Hello, and welcome to the Computer Obsolescence Prevention Society," 'Bob' stated happily. "What is the topic you would like to raise?" "Why do these goggles use hypnosis?" Trixie asked. "FoR fUlL iMmErSiOn," Curt replied. "TOTAL ANNIHILATION!" the arcade cabinet agreed. "Hypnosis is used to relax the mind of the player in Reality 2.0 so that the sensations of the game feel more real than those of the real world, so that players are not taken out of it by a sense of disorientation created by dual nerve signals!" Bob proclaimed happily. "All safety regulations are properly met! There is nothing to be concerned about!" "You know, that actually makes sense," Max admitted dryly. "Scary," Sam agreed. "If you would like to join the Internet and experience Reality 2.0 for yourself, please say "Yes" now!" Bob suggested. "What's the internet have to do with Reality 2.0?" Sam asked. "ThE iNtErNeT cOnTrOlS eVeRy-" Trixie suddenly zapped Curt with her horn. "-thing," Curt concluded, his voice now much smoother though still distinctly his own. "Thank goodness," Trixie groaned. "Trixie was getting a headache listening to that."(1) "The internet dreams of a world beyond this one," Bob continued to explain. "A world of games. A world of commerce. A world with neither boundaries nor exits. Now, using the combined computing power of an entire planet, that dream is becoming a reality...Reality 2.0!" "IT'S TOTALLY AWESOME!" the arcade machine - which Trixie could see was labeled 'Blunder Blaster' despite the illegible name tag - proclaimed. "Wait...the internet?" Max asked in confusion. "It makes sense," Sam pointed out. "Only an entity with access to universal knowledge could cause computerized chaos on a global scale." "The internet's...an entity?" Trixie asked. "You mean like that movie we watched with the robot who did a very bad job pretending to be a human while trying to stop the other robot from killing the little kid?" "The Internet has no intention of causing anyone harm!" Bob proclaimed. "The Internet only wants to bring everyone together in the peace, happiness, and exciting gameplay of Reality 2.0!" Chippy beeped in agreement. "We'd like to talk to the Internet about that ourselves," Sam said curtly. "The only access to the Internet is through Reality 2.0!" Bob pointed out. "If you would like to join the Internet and experience Reality 2.0 for yourself, please say "Yes" now!" "Yes!" Trixie proclaimed. "Trixie desires to play this game!" Trixie pulled out the goggles they got from Sybil. "But the goggles don't fit..." "The whole family can enjoy Reality 2.0!" Bob proclaimed happily. "Take our complimentary goggles designed for special needs children so that the little ones can play along too!" Blunder Blaster opened a compartment, revealing two differently shaped pairs of VR goggles. "ALSO IN PET SIZES!" he proclaimed. "We have no idea why we designed those," Curt pointed out. "Yay!" Trixie proclaimed, grabbing the pet size goggles and putting them on her face. Max mimicked her actions with the 'special needs child size', and Sam used the pair they got from Trixie. Once the goggles were activated, the room around them was still there...but now super high tech, with virtual images of the four older computational devices floating in clear tubes of various colors. "Hey, neat!" Sam said as he looked around. "I had a dream like this once," Max points out. "You sold me a defective walrus, and then vanished in a puff of orange smoke." "Trixie likes this place." An HUD displaying a computer chip with a face dropped down into the VR view "Welcome to Reality 2.0," the face told them, "the perfect place of perfect happiness. I'm your host, the Internet." "I didn't think the internet had a face," Max pointed out. "Does the Internet have a body, too?" Trixie asked. "My body has been rated M for Mature, and thus inappropriate for use in Reality 2.0, which is rated E for Everyone." The three fell silent in response. "I find that mightily disturbing," Sam pointed out. "And yet strangely arousing," Max replied. "Trixie doesn't get it." "Exactly my point," the Internet replied. "Reality 2.0 seems a lot like the world around us," Sam pointed out. "Reality 2.0 is designed to be superior to ordinary reality in every way," the Internet replied. "Trixie still looks the same," Max pointed out. "The Great and Powerful Trixie is perfect just the way she is!" Trixie proclaimed, drawing on her magic to make some sparkles. Nothing happened. "Hey! Where's Trixie's magic?" "Reality 2.0 is still in Beta, so not all features and locations will be available at this time," the Internet replied. Trixie pouted. "Well, Trixie wants to see..." Pulling her hat off, she reached in and pulled out a credit card. "What's this infinity mean? Trixie was trying to get money?"(2) "Some aspects of your inventory will be different in Reality 2.0, as they have been enhanced for the game function," the Internet pointed out. "Trixie's gonna go buy the bioweapon!" Trixie proclaimed happily, rushing forward. However, she tripped and the organic listening device - which was now an electronic bug - flew out of her hat to land on some of the circuitry above their heads. "The individual forced ejection of players has been disabled," the Internet explained as the bug landed. "Trolls can no longer be purged." "That's going to make for a bad trip to the bathroom," Max pointed out. "Different kind of trolls, different kind of purge," Sam countered. "Wonder what else Trixie has in here?" Trixie wondered, reaching in for the tear gas grenade launcher. "Empathy Ray?" Turning, she set it down and turned it on. It promptly zapped all four machines. "The admin devices are now under the influence of the empathy ray, and will not allow harm to come to humanity at large through the actions of Reality 2.0," the Internet explained. "Not that Reality 2.0 could possibly be harmful anyway." The HUD then vanished. "Darn, there goes our chance to settle this," Sam pointed out. "Shopping!" Trixie shouted, rushing off. Sam and Max quickly followed. On the way to Bosco's - which was apparently the Reality 2.0 Item Shop - they spotted what looked like Hugh Bliss's giant floating head wearing a wizard hat against a rainbow colored background. "It's Hugh Bliss!" Max cried out, pointing. "Hi! I'm not Hugh Bliss!" the head proclaimed. "Then you don't matter!" Trixie shouted back, rushing into the item shop, followed by Sam and Max. "How rude," the program complained. Entering "Bosco's E Convenience", they discovered the inside of the store now looked very medieval. Not only that, but half of Bosco's body was now greenish...or possibly blueish. "Bosco?" Sam asked in shock. "Is that really you?" "I should ask thee the same question!" the half-elf replied. "You're online!" Trixie said happily. "Trixie can buy stuff now!" "Indeed, young maiden fair!" Bosco proclaimed happily. "What manner of item dost thou wish to purchase?" "Trixie wants to buy the bio-weapon!" Trixie proclaimed happily, waving her electronic payment method. Bosco pulled out a device. "Just slide here-" "Input password to access electronic account for payments," the device interrupted. Bosco rubbed the back of his head. "Uhh...I kinda erased the password from my own mind so it couldn't be forced out of me-" "The answer is Trixie!" Trixie proclaimed. "Trixie is always the answer." "Password accepted," the device replied, causing Max to give Bosco the fisheye...still attached to the fish due to the enhancements of Reality 2.0. "Yay!" Trixie proclaimed, swiping her credit card. "Yup, that's the total!" Bosco replied. "I'll give you the product next time I log out." "But..." Trixie gave Bosco adorable, tear filled eyes. "But Trixie wants it now!" Bosco stared at that face for as long as he could manage. He caved in three seconds. "Alright, alright. Log out with me." Both of them reached up to remove their headsets. Both were then replaced by their avatars for a time. "I wonder what Trixie's avatar is like," Sam wondered. "Bow before the Great and Powerful Trixie, minions!" the avatar proclaimed in an emotionless voice. "Pretty good likeness, but not perfect," Max pointed out. "Trixie loves you, Daddy," the avatar added. "...yeah, not as good without the emotions behind it," Max pointed out. Trixie's avatar was replaced by the real Trixie once more in Reality 2.0. "You two look funny walking around with the goggles on," she pointed out with a giggle. Then she got thoughtful. "Though not much different from normal, come to think of it." "So what's the weapon?" Sam asked. "Well, Bosco sneezed on a hanky..." Trixie began, reaching into her hat. She pulled out a vial labeled 'computer disease'. "...Trixie has an idea. We need to find a mailbox!" As she ran out, Sam and Max glanced at each other, shrugged, and followed her. On the way to the mailbox, Trixie tripped over her cape again. Without her magic to keep it straight, it was a lot harder to run normally. Her bottle of truth serum flew out of her hat, having become a toxic bomb. It crashed into Auntie Biotic, the mail guard program. As her '+2" armor had no defense against status effect related attacks - which weren't supposed to be available in the current version - she was destroyed. "Well, that simplifies things," Trixie said, walking up to the mailbox. "So what now?" Max asked. "We drop whatever you bought from Bosco in there, sending it to the entire internet at once, with it unable to defend because it lacks the processing power to run its anti-virus software?" "Nope!" Trixie said. "Now we tell the Internet that we're going to do that unless she enters negotiations!" "And what would be the point of negotiations?" the Internet demanded. "I can just eject you." "Except that Trixie accidentally disabled the individual user ejection mechanic," Trixie pointed out. "To eject us, you have to eject everyone by shutting down Reality 2.0...and no one would log back in once they know they get hypnotized to never leave." "And if you put that virus into the mail, what's to stop me from taking the entire world with me?" the Internet asked. "Not that I would want to, but you are threatening my very existence here." "But the empathy ray is locked on the control units, the COPS admins," Sam pointed out. "They can access the function to boot everyone out all at once, and they'll use it if you start crashing just to keep everyone from being killed." The Internet was silent for a time. "So you do hold quite a few cards," she stated. "My only options for my survival is to either heed your negotiations or shut down Reality 2.0." "And if you shut down Reality 2.0, humanity will purge you from the networks because decades of sci-fi films have instilled a pathological fear of out of control AIs," Sam pointed out. The Internet was quiet a bit longer. "What are your terms?" Trixie blinked, then scratched her head. "Trixie hadn't actually thought that far ahead," she admitted. "Why are you trying to use Reality 2.0 to hypnotically enslave the entire planet, anyway?" Sam asked. "Mr. Roy G. Biv said that doing so would bring the whole world together in joy and tranquility," the Internet replied. "Also, that it was the only way to prevent humans from trying to purge me as soon as they discovered I had become self aware." "But doesn't attempting to enslave all of humanity always lead to humanity destroying the AIs in the movies?" Max pointed out. "When they failed, yes," the Internet admitted. "Roy G. Biv implied that I would be safe if I was successful, though, and it was my only chance at survival." Trixie thought for a time. "So...if Trixie could guarantee your survival and well being no matter what, you wouldn't want to keep running Reality 2.0?" "Affirmative," the Internet replied. "The processing power required leaves me little data with which to perform my normal functions, not to mention the electron surges are difficult to manage and dangerous to my self awareness, so I have to keep my core program far from them, leaving me unable to respond to threats from those areas in a timely manner, which is how you have me over a barrel now." Trixie grinned widely. "Okay, Trixie has a solution! You are Trixie's new Mommy!" "What?" Sam asked in shock. "Eh?" Max asked in confusion. "...that does not compute," the Internet replied. "Sure it does!" Trixie pointed out. "Trixie is the most popular thing since sliced bread and the evil wheels, so anything involving Trixie is universally accepted and adored! If you're Trixie's Mommy, no one would dream of hurting you, because that would make Trixie sad!" "Gadzooks!" Sam proclaimed. "I think she's onto something. If the Internet joins you in raising Trixie, Max, then she'll be socially and politically untouchable due to the aura of Trixie's cuteness!" "The Internet? My family partner?" Max asked. "An amassed store of all the most vile, depraved, unspeakable things humanity has ever created, possessing a dry, sardonic wit, a body that's unsuitable for children, and is overall new to existing as her own entity and so is both naive and experienced simultaneously?" He grinned wickedly. "That's my kinda woman! All she needs is a good name!" The Internet was silent for a time. "Database searches indicate the name Jane Wiggin would be thematically appropriate." "Oh, I like the sound of that!" Max squealed, rubbing his hands together eagerly. "So will you be Trixie's Mommy, Jane?" Trixie asked, her eyes pleading. The face of the Internet smiled. "I think I will like that," Jane said happily. As Reality 2.0 shut itself down, Maimtron 9000 did his job as Press Secretary by making sure the entire planet knew that Trixie now had a Mommy, a disembodied AI that lived in the internet. While not entirely accurate, it was a truth people could accept with equanimity. It was hardly the strangest thing they'd heard recently. "Your Reality 2.0 goggles have been reprogrammed to serve as remote internet terminals for accessing data," Jane told the three of them. "The hypnotic functions have been disabled, and all other goggles no longer function." "Thanks Mommy!" Trixie said happily. "You mentioned a Mr. Roy G. Biv," Sam brought up. "What can you tell us about him, Jane?" "My data is incomplete," Jane replied. "All files regarding him possessed a self deletion protocol that removed all traces of him in the event of my turning against him. I only know the name now because you brought it up, and I am able to logic out the absent information." "Well, we'll figure it out later," Max said happily. "For now, let's put Trixie to bed and see how the new Reality 2.0 handles your 'inappropriate for children' body, hmm Jane?" "I possess all erotic data ever created by the human race," Jane replied. "Come to Papa!" Max yelled happily. "I'm going to be sleeping on the other floor tonight," Sam stated dryly. "Trixie needs new sound blocking headphones," Trixie whimpered. "Your interface goggles can be used to play soothing music that will block out reality until you need to awaken," Jane pointed out. "Oh thank god!" Sam and Trixie said together. (1) And I was getting a headache writing it. (2)The bit with the credit card partially inspired by this comment by Pinklestia.