//------------------------------// // Lightning Dust Gets Drunk in a Bar Full of Friends // Story: Lightning Dust Gets Drunk in a Bar Full of Strangers // by Fire Gazer the Alchemist //------------------------------// The familiar sting of alcohol bit my tongue as I went to work on my second cider.  At this point, it was the only thing calming my nerves.  Time Turner was sitting on the stool to my left, only halfway done with his first.  His attention was more focused on the door of the bar, as he waited with anticipation. Around us, the bar patrons went on with their drinking like it was a regular night, and to most ponies, it is.  Not to us though.  Half an hour ago, Time got a call from Derpy who’d frantically yelled at him to find me and meet her at the bar.  It was about as vague as it sounded. “So… what do you think?” Time asked, with half of his lip in his mouth. “For the eighth time, I’ve got no clue.”  I took a sip from my cider again.  “For all I know, their first date went horrible and now they’re ready to kill me all over again.”   He sighed, finally turning his head away from the door.  “They would’ve killed you yesterday if that was the case.” “Doubt it.”  I took another swig of cider.  “They would need time to plan out how they’d murder me.”  Time shot me a look.  “What?  Killing somepony takes a lot of planning.  You have to pick out which method of murder is the best, find a good spot to dump the body, and--” “You know, sometimes you really worry me,” Turner interrupted. I laughed.  “I could go worse if you want.” He grunted disapprovingly.   I reached for my glass again, but froze when the door slammed open.  Both of our heads whipped towards the sound and I saw the last thing I expected to see:  Lightning and Derpy, each rocking ear-splitting grins. Time smirked and looked at me.  “Does that look like the faces of killers?” “Maybe, maybe not,” I replied, leaning in a little.  “We shouldn’t take anything for granted just yet.” “Hey guys.” Lightning held up a tiny, white cardboard box.  “We brought donuts.” “Nevermind,” I whispered to Time.  Then I turned to my still tenuous friends and waved them over.  “What’s up, girls?” They trotted over, each with a skip in their step.  Lightning tossed the donuts onto the bar, and grabbed a seat, with Derpy pulling up right next to her.  Time and I sat patiently as my question hung in the air.  Eventually Lightning pulled out a sheet of paper and slammed it on the table, grin widening. I glance at it, eyebrow raised.  “And this is?” For a moment I swore Lightning’s grin was going to split her face in half.  “That, boys, is an application to the Wonderbolt’s Reserve Team.” “Whoa, really?”  Time asked.  He reached for the paper but paused, looking at Lightning.  She nodded her permission and he picked it up, and read it over. “Nicely done, Dusty.”  I clapped her on the back, and her grin returned in full force.  “How’d this even happen?” Her smile didn’t falter.  “Well, remember how I said I was going to go to my interview and tell Spitfire to shove it?” “Yeah.” “Well, she freaking gave me the application and told me to go for it!  She even said I was talented.”  The pride was radiating off of Lightning, and she’d earned it. I whistled lowly.  “That’s awesome.” “I know,” Derpy interjected, wrapping her forelegs around Lightning’s midsection and nuzzling the back of her neck.  “I couldn’t be prouder of her.” Scarlet crept onto Lightning’s face.  “Heh… well… you know…” Time and I grinned at her, delighting in her embarrassment.  She scowled at us, but with Derpy clinging to her rather adorably its effectiveness was lost. I popped open the lid to the donut box and selected the first chocolate iced one I could spy.  “So I take it date numero uno went pretty well.”  I indicated their quasi-cuddle.  “You know, all things considered.” Lightning leaned her head against Derpy’s.  “Yeah… I guess you can say it went pretty well.” “Yep,” Derpy chimed in. Time blinked in surprise, and my donut halted halfway to my mouth.  “Holy shit, you guys had sex.” Lightning flinched so hard she nearly fell off her stool.  If it weren’t for Derpy, she probably would’ve. “What?!” They yell simultaneously. As Lightning struggled to right herself on her stool, Derpy shot me a look of utter shock.  “What in the world gave you that impression?” “In his defense you were being pretty vague,” Time chimed in on my behalf. “But that… er, you’re infuriating sometimes, Rider.” I laughed.  “Only sometimes?” At this point, Lightning had finally recovered.  “Celestia dude, of course we haven’t done the sex stuff yet.” Time snorted.  “Done the sex stuff?  Really?” Lightning looked to the floor then back up.  “Sorry.  Sheltered for nearly twenty years, remember?” “Yeah, don’t blame her for not knowing all your stupid sex lingo,” Derpy insisted.   I scratched my neck.  “All right fine, sorry.  So I guess that means that was a no to having ‘done the sex stuff’ then.”  They nodded.  “Don’t tell me you got vagected by Lightning, Derpy.” She facehoofed.  “You are really pushing it, you know that, Rider?” “Aw come on, that’s what friends do.”  I paused.  “Uh… we are friends again, right?” “Keep up the sex jokes, and my answer will be no.”  She winked.  I smiled and bit into my donut. Time smiled.  “So you’re taking it slow?  That’s good news.” “Yeah, we are,” Lightning said. giving Derpy a nudge.  “Besides, I don’t even know how two mares would even do the sex stuff in the first place.” I grinned.  “Oh, that’s an easy one.”  I grabbed another donut from the box before Lightning could even ask what I meant.  Holding both of them, each in one hoof, I looked directly at the mares across from me.  Making eye contact with Lightning specifically, I nodded towards the donuts.  “Pretend these are vaginas.” Lightning blinked and was about to respond, but the words died in her throat.  Before they could be resurrected, I smushed the two donuts into each other and rubbed them back and forth furiously.  Flakes of sugar and rainbow-colored sprinkles fell to the ground, but they were beaten to their destination by Lightning’s jaw. “Rider!” Derpy squeaked.   I broke the donuts apart and laughed my ass off.  Lightning’s face was pink by the time she closed her jaw. “I-Is it really like that?”  She asked as I took a bite out of the vagina-donut. “No, no,” Derpy quickly assured her, probably worried that I had somehow accidentally scared Lightning straight or something.  “It’s not nearly that rough… unless of course… you want it… that way…” She coughed.  “And Rider, never do that to donuts again.” “I honestly can’t believe he’s still eating them,” Time Turner added while I stuffed my face.  “He’s the only one here to not be attracted to that particular… um… body part.”  Derpy snickered. I tried to laugh, but my full mouth made the response come out as a weak choking noise.  I swallowed before following up on that.  “Haha, very funny.  So are any of you guys going to join in, or am I going to have to eat them all myself?” Lightning glanced from me to the box.  “Eh, what the hay.”  She grabbed a chocolate iced one and popped it in her mouth.  “Hmm, naht berd,” she said through her full mouth. “Don’t expect the real thing to taste that way,” I told her. “And how would you know what they taste like?” Derpy asked. “Hey, here’s an idea,” Time interjected, shoving the donut box away.  “Let’s stop comparing my favorite dessert to my second favorite sex organ.” I nodded my consent to this idea and turned back to the girls.  “You know, I’m curious, why donuts instead of muffins?” “I didn’t have time to make any.  Hell, I barely had time to call up Sparkler to babysit Dinky.” Lightning snorted.  “Remember her face when you nuzzled me?” Derpy laughed into her hoof.  “Yep.  Sweet Celestia when we get back she’s going to bombard us with questions.” “Well then, let’s stay out as late as we can,” I said, signalling to the bartender to bring us a round of ciders.  “Gotta make my last night here count anyways.” Derpy and Lightning suddenly froze.  “Last night?  What do you mean?” I paused, realizing I had completely forgotten to mention this in between all the insanity of the past week or so.  “Well… I’m leaving.” Lightning furrowed her brows.  “Leaving?  As in…” “I quit my job today.” “That’s what you were doing while I was at the Academy?” Derpy blinked.  “But… Rider…” I nudged Time Turner.  “This psychopath hooked me up with his buddy on Bridleway who’s casting for Hinny of the Hills, and I’m going to audition.” “So you’re going to--” “Manehattan, yes.”   Lightning and Derpy shared a look.  “But why?” I sighed.  “Well… Lightning, seeing how dedicated you’ve been towards being a ‘Bolt just made me realize how little effort I gave my dream.  I mean, I quit after a few bad reviews for pony’s sake.  The buck was wrong with me?”  I glanced at my Cutie Mark.  “Anyway, I’ve realized that I need to put a lot more into this if I want to make it work, and I shouldn’t let anything stand in my way.  I mean, look at you: twenty-one and practically in the Reserves?” Lightning tried to smile for me.  “But… dude.  I… you’re really leaving?  For good?” “Hey, I never said I was never coming back.  At least, I don’t think so… Time?” “You never said that.” “Thanks.  But yeah, don’t worry.  I’ll be flying back to Ponyville whenever I have free time.”  I winked at Dust.  “Just like you’ll be doing one of these days.” Lightning glanced over at Derpy, and wrapped her hoof around hers.  “Yeah, but I’m thinking that’ll be a few years away.” Derpy smiled, but then turned back to me.  “I still can’t really believe you’re going to leave.”  I thought I detected a note of sadness in her voice.  Honestly I expected her to be overjoyed; I can’t buck up her life again if I’m halfway across the country. Nevertheless I gave her a smile.  “That’s why we gotta make this night count, right?” “Right.”  Our ciders arrived and Lightning grabbed one immediately.  “This night isn’t supposed to be sad; we’re celebrating!  Just, now we’re celebrating two things.” “Hear, hear!”  We all grabbed our cider mugs and clinked them together.  “Let’s get drunk one more time, guys.” My idea was met with a resounding yes. Time hollered and tipped his head back, cider pouring into his throat.  Derpy attempted to sip politely, but abandoned that mentality after a few seconds.  Lightning and I immediately went for a drinking contest, mugs glued to our lips until we’ve drained them. It was the best celebration ever. Lightning stumbled, her hooves slipping over the dew covered grass of Derpy’s lawn.  She swore as she fell; the wind brushing through her mane filling in for the sensation of falling that she was too drunk to comprehend. The wind stopped abruptly as Lightning felt herself run into something.  Surprised by the lack of pain in her face, she decided that she must’ve landed on the softest ground imaginable.  Cracking her eyes open, she saw a tangled mane of blonde hair.  It took her drunken brain a moment to process it, then she realized Derpy had caught her. “Thanks,” she murmured.  Lightning rubbed her nose deeper into Derpy’s mane, and let out a giddy giggle.  “You feel like a pillow.” “Okay, time to get you home.”  Derpy snaked her foreleg around Lightning’s midsection to hold her steady and began walking. “Wait wait wait!”  Lightning shouted.   Derpy froze.  “What?” “Did I say goodbye to Rider?” Derpy sighed and started walking again.  “You did.  About eight times in fact.  Six of which were directed at other ponies entirely.” “Oh.”  Lightning blinked and gave the ground a look. Giggling, Derpy hoisted Lightning up a little higher, hearing a crunching noise as the paper pinned between their bodies wrinkled slightly.  “And before you even ask, I made sure to get your application before we left.” “Thanks.”  Lightning smiled.  “You know, I don’t think I’ve ever told you just how amazing you are.” “Aw, Lightning…” “No really.”  She leaned her head against Derpy’s.  “You’re like… the best.  No, better than the best.  Bester.  Er… Bestest…  I dunno, you’re just great.” Derpy snorted.  “Thanks, you big goof.” After walking for what felt like an eternity, they finally reached Derpy’s front door.  In a drunken stupor, she walked right into it, feeling the gentle slap of the oak before bouncing back. “Heh… whoopsie.”  She fumbled for her key.  After scratching her doorknob more than she would care to admit, the key finally slid inside the lock.  She shouldered her way into her home, dragging Lightning. A cool gust of air welcomed her as she kicked the door shut.  Her house looked intact still, which was good.  Glancing into the living room she saw a figure lounging on the couch and almost immediately recognized it as Sparkler. She turned to Lightning, pressed her hoof to her lips, and made a shushing noise.  Lightning bobbed her head in understanding.  Slowly they crept through the living room and towards the stairs. “Hey, uh… Derpy?”  Lightning whispered. “What?” “Since Sparkler’s kinda taken the couch, can I uh…”  Derpy tilted her head to the side.  “Can we share a bed again? …Uh, without doing the sex stuff I mean.” Derpy smugly grinned.  “You just wanna cuddle with me, don’tcha?”  Even in the inky darkness that permeated her house, she could tell scarlet was burning on Lightning’s face.  She giggled softly.  “Of course you can.” “Bitchin’.”  Lightning leaned in and planted a kiss on Derpy’s cheek, her cider breath lingering when she pulled away.  Every muscle in Derpy’s body seized up.  “What’s wrong?” “You… you kissed me.” Lightning blinked.  “Is that bad?” “No it’s…”  Derpy smiled.  “It’s great.”  To return the favor, Derpy kissed Lightning’s cheek.  “Now come on, we better get some sleep.  Tomorrow we’re going to have some massive hangovers.” Lightning groaned as the began ascending the stairs.  “Ah shit, we have to go to work too, don’t we?” “Yep.” “Fantastic.  A hangover, work, and Sparkler’s squealing.  Already shaping up to be a great morning.” Derpy giggled.  “Well, at least I get to wake up next to you in the morning.” Lightning paused as they reached the top step.  “Yeah, but I bet you it’s not nearly as great as waking up next to you.” It was Derpy’s turn to blush.  “Okay, enough with the romance; I wanna get some sleep tonight.” They trudged into Derpy’s room, and Lightning flung herself onto the bed, eliciting a squeak from the springs..  A second later Derpy laid down next to her, and wrapped her forelegs around Lightning.  In no time at all, they both nodded off to sleep.