Cappie
Chapter Tag: Comedy
With a single tempered hoof kick Big Macintosh caused the tree he was standing under to release its fruit. The apples rained down in a torrent of thuds as the fell into several well placed baskets around the tree. Big Macintosh paused for a moment to enjoy the sound of the falling fruit, chewing absently on the prig of wheat he had at hoof as a soft contented smile graced his muzzle.
“Hi Mackie!” a voice called out over the orchard. Big Macintosh’s smile grew wider as he turned to see Pinkie Pie hopping towards him. She gave a loud, “Mmwah!” and planted a kiss on the side of his muzzle when she hopped within reach of him. Big Macintosh caught her in his fore hooves matching her greeting with a quieter one of his own.
She let out a loving dreamy sigh, then hopped out of his hooves the stand in front of him jittering excitedly. “Guess what, guess what!”
He smiled down at her quietly and waited, this was his way of saying, “What?”
“I got you a present!” she cheered, fireworks seemed to explode around her excitement.
Big Macintosh ear’s rose curiously and his eyes widened as he gave a questioning “Eeyup?”
“Ya you see the girls and I all have pets. Like I have Gummy and Rarity has Opel and…” Big Macintosh waited while Pinkie tore through the list of her friends and their pets. His content smile never leaving him as he gave a soft loving chuckle.
“…and after Rainbow Dash went through all that to get Tank I thought, ‘Maybe Mackie would like a pet too.’ So I looked all over and final found you the perfect pet and here he is,” Pinkie Pie concluded and produced a rather large fuzzy blank faced brown animal seeming out of nowhere.
Big Macintosh’s eyes shot wide wit terror at the sight of the thing and he involuntarily jumped into the air. It was a giant rat. Oh it might have looked like that Guinea pig that Apple Bloom brought home from school to take care for a weekend, but he knew that thing was really just a big tailless rat. Standing over two feet tall and four and a quarter feet long this thing had to be the biggest tailless rat in the world.
“Oooo you’re jumping for joy I knew you’d like him! He’s a Capybara from Naizill and his name is Cappie.” Pinkie Pie excitedly introduced the large rodent to Big Macintosh.
Seeing his fillyfriend so excited about what she miss took as his liking of the giant rat Big Macintosh felt his heart sink at the thought of telling her he didn’t like Cappie. Instead his bit down on his tongue to calm himself and nodded in agreement with her.
“He’s perfect for the farm too since he eats grass and leaves and stuff like that. He can even eat bark,” explained Pinkie Pie as Cappie took a sniff at the nearest apple tree, then with a snap of its large teeth took a chuck out of the bark and began to chew it slowly.
Big Macintosh eyes when wide at the sight and he rushed over, pausing to force himself to stop shaking, and picked up the large rodent, quickly depositing him next to a rich patch of grass.
“Capybara can be very picky about what they eat,” Pinkie Pie continued to explain. Cappie sniffed at the grass for a moment then turned his nose up at it and padded back to the tree taking another bit out of it.
Big Macintosh winched at this and a dark look came over his face as he glared down at the giant rat; which met his gaze with a blank one. Big Macintosh glare turned into a bright smile however, when Pinkie Pie turned to him.
“Oh but one thing,” She said lifting a hoof and waggled it in the air. “He can’t produce his own vitamin C so it’s a good thing you have lots of apples right?”
Big Macintosh eyes shot back to the rat which had made its way over to a basket of apple and sniffed at it. He only managed one step towards it when Cappie large teeth tore through the basket causing the apples inside to spill out rolling across the orchard.
Big Macintosh gave a groan, which he quickly cut off and smiled when Pinkie Pie turned to look his direction. She narrowed her eyes at him an appraising look coming over Pinkie Pie’s face but, before she could see through the transparent smile, Big Macintosh rushed to gather the tumbling apples.
Meanwhile Pinkie trotted over to the Capybara and gave him a soft scolding. “No, no Cappie you can’t go wrecking the apple baskets like that, Mackie needs them.”
Cappie gave Pinkie Pie an almost dog-like bark of confirmation and Big Macintosh gave a sigh of relief, at least she trained him a bit. Cappie then padded over to second basket, reached up with its paws and pulled it over scatter its contents all over as well.
After a few minutes the pair of earth pony had the apples that Cappie hadn’t eaten gather back up and into a few over flowing baskets.
“He didn’t mean to make a mess Mackie,” explained Pinkie Pie trying to smooth over what had happened.
Big Macintosh just snorted at that.
“Y-you don’t like him do you?” Pinkie pie asked softly
“Ee…” Big Macinotsh started, turning to face Pinkie and confirm his dislike of the giant rat. However, when he turned to face Pinkie Pie, her eyes were large and wet and her bottom lip stuck out quivering. He couldn’t bring himself to say it, “…nope.”
Her eyes only grew more watery at this and Big Macintosh realized she hadn’t understood what he had meant. Without thinking he quickly stepped over to the giant rat and biting his tongue again, gave Cappie kiss on its snout and a happy smile to Pinkie Pie.
Pinkie Pie beamed at that, “Oh I knew you’d like him!” she cheered.
Then a serious, somewhat disgusted, look came over her face, “But I wouldn’t kiss him there if I were you. Capybara are co… coph… copro…” Pinkie Pie paused then, quacking digging through her tail produced a little brown book and opened it in her hoof. “Coprophagous!”
Big Macintosh’s head tilted to the side at that, his brow furrowed in confusion, as Cappie nosed his hooves.
Pinkie Pie began pacing as she continued reading from the book, “That means he eats his own poop.”
As if it accentuate this point there was a squeak from Cappie’s behind causing Big Macintosh to look down at him as he began to turn around seeking what he had just produced.
Big Macintosh’s face turned green and he shot up rushing several feet to the nearest empty basket and quietly heaved his breakfast into it.
Pinkie Pie didn’t seem to notice Big Macintosh predicament and continued reading. “Oh here it says that they also regurgitate food they’ve already eaten and chew it again.”
Big Macintosh looked up from the basket to find that Cappie had made his way over to him and was now chewing something lazily. Once again accentuating Pinkie Pie notes he gave a brief heave then began chewing again.
Big Macintosh’s eyes when wide and he heaved again emptying his stomach completely this time.
“Oh, and speaking of their butts,” Pinkie pie began to chime in with another factoid.
“Please Celestia no,” Big Macinotsh silently prayed.
“Capybara have anal glands they use to mark their scent.”
When Big Macintosh felt something soft and furry rubbing up against his flank he didn’t bother looking down to see what it was. He just stuck his head back into the basket and began heaving again, his stomach proving it still had a little more to give.
“Oh no Mackie,” Pinkie Pie cooed sadly, finally noticing her coltfriend’s state. Bouncing over to him she started to rub his back, “Are you not feeling well?”
“Eenope,” Big Macintosh pushed the basket away trying not to think of the scolding he would get from granny latter for ruining the basket.
“Are you sure you’re all right?” Pinkie Pie pressed, divining the mean beyond his simple responses.
“Eeyup,” he nodded and gave her a weak smile.
“Okay well you should go in and rest, I-” Pinkie Pie mane suddenly began to ring.
She reached in and pulled out a clock gasping at the time, “Oh no. Sorry Mackie I have to get back to babysit the twins, can you get back to the farmhouse by yourself?”
“Eeyup,” Big Macintosh assured her with a nod that promised he would.
“Kay then, I’ll see you later Mackie,” Pinkie Pie bounced up to give him a kiss on the muzzle. But pausing and hanging in midair, she thought better of kissing him there and instead planted a kiss at the bottom of his right ear, causing it to twitch slightly.
Big Macintosh watch Pinkie Pie bounce off towards town, letting out a sad well-used sigh when she disappeared from view. This time however, a warm furry body slumped next to his flank and he looked down to see Cappie resting against him. Hesitantly he raised a hoof, then reach down and rub Cappie’s side. At the sound of contented chitterling, a smile spread across Big Macintosh’s face.