I growled as Celestia looked around my office. The mare inside had thrown up a shield over the door and left me to watch as she looked through my things. "Bitch! Stop it!" I slammed my hands against the magical door. "Stop!"
Celestia stuck her tongue out to me and went back to raiding my footlocker. She laughed to herself and pulled out a magazine. She walked up to the doorway and pressed it against the yellow wall. It was a dirty mag with some ponies. She laughed to herself and looked through the pictures.
"I'm gonna fucking stab you!" I kicked the wall and bounced back. "It's my stuff god damn it!"
Celestia flicked her tail and went back to my footlocker. I watched with the heaviest glare I could. She tossed my boots across the room, a pack of condoms, ammunition. She just wouldn't stop going through my things and tossing them around my office. "Celestia I'm going to fucking put my dick up your ass!" I kicked the wall again and bounced back. "Stop it!"
Celestia giggle and kept looking. She wiggled her ass and pulled out a small cylinder. I shut up immediately and went bolt stiff as she looked it over. Holy fuck that's a flashbang.
I watched as she walked over to the doorway and levitated it out before us. She spotted the pin. I started waving my arms like mad. "Don't! Celestia don't!"
Celestia looked up to me with a smile. "What is it?"
"Don't!" I could see her magic starting to grip the pin. "Celestia, don't!"
Celestia shook her head hard. "Party favor?" She smiled wide and pointed the grenade at me. I backed up and covered my ears.
"Holy shit!" She yanked the pin and turned away. I hit the deck and covered my head. The bang was instantaneous and muffled by the magic doorway that was torn to shreds by the banger. "Oh my god!" I hopped up and ran back into my office. The grenade was on fire and Celestia was splayed out on the floor. "Oh my god, you idiot!" I started to laugh as I stomped out the grenade. "Celestia, what the fuck!?"
Her eyes were super dilated and she held her ears back as I moved over and cupped her chin. "What!?"
I hugged her head against me and swayed left and right. "Oooh no, Celestia...oh noooo." I pet her mane as she tried to flick the hearing back into her ears. "Oh my god.... It's a good fucking thing there aren't real ones in the castle!" I laughed softly and scratched the back of her head.
Celestia pushed back and started rubbing her ears with her hooves. "Able!? What was that!?"
I held my hands out to keep her steady. "Oh my god, banger banger banger!" I hugged her again and held her close. "Why'd you pull the pin?! Why'd you pull the dumb ass pin!?"
Celestia held her head and leaned against me. "Able...my head hurts."
I laughed softly and stepped back. "Oh baby...that was dumb." I put my arms around each set of legs and dipped my head under her stomach. I lifted her up in a firemen carry. "Up up!" I scooped her up and started off towards the doorway. "Dumb ass...."
Celestia's ears turned towards me. "Why would you keep that in your office?!"
"Uh...terrorist attack." I carried her out into the hall, now flooded with royal guards. One stepped up to me and looked up to me. "Uh...don't ask." I looked back to the doorway. "Can someone clean that up? I gotta go take this to bed."
The guard took his helmet off and set it down. "Um, what hap--"
Celestia looked down to guard. "What?"
I carried Celestia down the hall. "Don't worry. I got this...probably." Celestia sat slightly heavy on my back. "Pulled the pin" I laughed lightly and hurried down the hall. "Oh god...Celestia, gonna hug you later. Give you a teddybear you drooler." I snickered to myself and hurried away to Celestia's room.
"What?"