Finding the Right Note

by Wanderer D

Empty

Angus could only hear himself breathing. The world outside was quiet at this time... late at night.

It was dark and the house was empty save for himself. His claws scratched the stone floor as he rolled out of bed and walked out of his room, wondering why it felt like that... Like he had no energy, even though he did and was not tired.

Why he had no interest in doing anything at all.

He briefly considered visiting one of his friends, despite the late hour, but he really didn't even feel like trying, even if they were for some reason awake.

He didn't want to take a walk, nor flight and feel the cold air brushing against his feathers and fur.

It struck him after a moment... this always happened when his son stayed with him longer than usual, and then, after he dropped him off... he wouldn't see him for just a few days. And yet, it felt like an eternity.

The memory of his son being there haunted the place; the area where Ari played ball or built with blocks... Angus glanced towards it and could almost see the little griffon playing and suddenly looking up and smiling before he pounced over everything just to give him a hug.

There are no little claws pulling his wing right now. Nor the cute-but-slightly-annoying begging for a treat.

It was just himself, at home, and he felt as empty as his house without Ari. The cub's energy was contagious, and a source of warmth and happiness that Angus couldn't find anywhere else.

His eyes strayed to the table, where the scroll from that morning lay, almost accusingly.

In a few days he would be facing a judge in the legal battle for parenting—what an irony, that those that care the least for the ones affected are the ones called to make the ultimate decision!

Oddly though, he didn't feel stressed or anxious. He just felt tired of dealing with so many things. He couldn't care anymore about how he would have to go to work in a couple of hours and deal with the likes of Belka or Frekr again.

His world was so limited at this point. Defined by what his soon-to-be-ex-wife decided due to higher status and better contacts as well as the fact that he just didn't want to deny Ari the opportunity to grow with both parents close by... a consideration he was sure Leandra would not reciprocate.

He wasn't surprised at the contents of the letter... but he was disappointed. Not because he had expected things to work out—they both knew it wouldn't—but rather the way she had done it, pulling all her favors to take advantage of the situation.

Their government was not fair. Nor was it just, for all their toting of laws and promises to take care of their people. Bureaucracy ruled just as much (if not more) as the Emperor, safe in his hall inside Miklilgnyja. He would fight, but he already knew the results.

He looked at the clock... the alarm would ring across the house in less than an hour. There was no point in trying to sleep again. Maybe he should turn it off and simply walk around town until it was time to work.

It had been a long time since he had walked around any city so early in the morning. He had crossed paths with a couple of patrols, who had looked at him oddly, but had not interrupted his stroll since he was walking in plain sight.

He hadn't paid much attention to where he was headed, but finally decided to sit down on a bench in a small garden area. These were common in Ammassalik, where parks were pretty much a concept that would never become a reality. They had to make do with little gazebos and small gardens with fountains. Not that anyone had much free time there to do anything other than work.

It was then that he heard it.

He looked up, realizing that he had walked right across from where the Featherfall Inn was located, and would have carried on concentrating on the sound his claws made on the cobbled stone street had he not heard the sounds of strings being plucked. It was a slightly playful sound high and low, high and low, interrupted by a slow start of a bow across the strings...

Perplexed, Angus looked up to the second floor, where the light of a candle flickered behind the closed curtains of a room. From the little space in between he could make out a shadow, swaying with the music as it's arm moved back and forth.

He didn't know how long he stood there, listening and watching, but each sound seemed to fill him with... with something he couldn't explain. It wasn't hope. It wasn't happiness. It was almost as if the music was slowly filling him with life...

He wasn't being judged by it. There were no expectations from the music, no betrayal... he felt he could drift into the sky, listening to it, eyes closed and simply live in the moment. For as long as the music existed, he would be content.

There was no stress and no pain, no hunger or melancholy. The music was coursing through every fiber of his being as magical as any spell cast by a master magician. It uplifted him and made him forget the world around.

All too soon the music finished, and Angus shook himself, realizing just then that he had closed his eyes and had been swaying along. Embarrassed, he looked around, but thankfully there was noone around to see that... until he looked up again straight into the eyes of Octavia, who was looking down at him with a small smile as she leaned out the window.

The pony grinned. "Good morning, Angus," she called across the street.

"I-g-good morning, Octavia..."

"Did you enjoy the concert?"

"I-yes! It was lovely!" he stammered, smiling nervously. "I'm sorry if I interrupted you..."

Octavia laughed. "Not at all," she replied, using her hoof to move a strand of her mane away from her face. "I saw you brooding over there and I thought I could cheer you up a little."

Angus was stunned. "I well... I'm... uh... thank you."

Octavia laughed again. "You're welcome, Angus, but you don't seem to be quite awake yet."

Angus chuckled, scratching the back of his head and fluffing his wings self-consciously. "Yes well... it's been a long night."

"Do you have time for a long breakfast?"

Angus blinked, noticing the position of the sun. He had about half an hour but... "Sure," he said, smiling. "I've got all morning."

Octavia beamed. "Well, come on in, I'll meet you downstairs."

Frekr would be upset, Angus knew, but as he stood up and crossed the street, pushing the door of the Featherfall Inn, he realized something even more important.

He didn't care.

The first thing that Angus had done was to order a coffee. Then, he had sat down and nursed it as he waited, lost in thought.

When had his life changed this much? At what point exactly had he just stopped caring about so many things, about where he was in life, about feeling good about himself as a griffon and father and worker?

It had been a long time since he had even felt good about waking up in the morning and going to work. Like so many others, it had become less of an experience he could maybe enjoy and more a requirement to survive.

"Is that all you're having?"

Octavia's voice snapped him out of his thoughts, and he shook his head.

"No, um," he stood up, motioning for Octavia to take a seat. "I just ordered some coffee while I waited for you, didn't want to order ahead."

Octavia smiled and nodded, taking a seat, as he plopped down back on his. "You seemed preoccupied," she said, waving for the waitress to come over. "That and the brooding earlier can't be good for you."

"I'm that obvious, huh?" Angus sighed. "I just have a lot on my mind."

"What will you two have?" The waitress asked, interrupting Octavia's understanding nod. They quickly made their orders, and she left after pouring a cup of coffee for Octavia.

"Do you want to share?" Octavia asked after a moment of comfortable silence had passed between them.

Angus chuckled, taking a sip of coffee and staring at his mug for a moment. "It's probably just whining..."

Octavia shook her head. "If there's one thing we ponies know is that we are supposed to help our friends." She stretched acrosst he table, placing her hoof gently on top of Angus' claw. "Just let it out... trust me, I know what keeping too much inside can do to you."

Angus stared blankly at her hoof before sighing and nodding. "I'm not happy."

It was a silly start, of course, but it was the absolute truth behind everything.

"I'm not happy, and I haven't been so for a long time... even before Leandra, Ari's mother, and I separated. It was a slow process... we fought together to make it work, but we were too different and our attempts often ended in fights." He sighed. "Poor Ari took the brunt of it... we never shouted at him, or really took it out on him but he was aware of our constant fighting, he would try and rush in and stop us... one day we decided to separate, and ever since, Ari has been happier. He spends time with us both, but there are no bitter fights and when we see each other, we are civil."

Octavia nodded her head. "I know some couples that can't even see each other. I'm glad you two at least can talk without going at each other's throats."

Angus chuckled. "It happens all the time," he said mirthlessly. "Just not as often, and not in front of Ari."

They paused as the waitress set a bowlful of bread in front of them, followed by butter and a fresh serving of coffee before she went away.

"I'm trying my best for him," Angus said. "He makes me happy... every day I get to spend with him is something I treasure, but..." he looked down. "When he's gone I remember that I'm alone and that I am unhappy."

Octavia said nothing.

"I'm not proud of what I do," Angus said, looking out the window at the rising sun. "Nothing illegal, but... it's a dead-end job. I bust my back every day for at least twelve hours for no recognition, no increase in pay and to make barely enough to pay for Ari's school and other basic necessities." He looked back at her, grimacing. "Is this what I wanted Ari to look up to? A father that would stay and simply repeat day after day of misery just to live?"

Shaking his head Angus flexed his claws before forcing himself to grab a piece of bread and break it, before biting into it.

"Is it really that bad?" Octavia asked as she too took a piece of bread, spreading some butter on it and putting it on her plate. "This job of yours..."

Angus snorted. "It's worse. It's a job, pays the bills. That's all the positive things I can say about it. Each day is a struggle to deal with customers that want to weasel their way out of contracts. Every day I'm told not to do something to help, but do something to get more money out of them. Add to that hours upon hours of emptying crates, cleaning and getting no gratitude for anything I do." He leaned back. "Whenever I am able to join my friends for a drink or two, the only thing I can think to do about my job is complain. Every morning what drives me to roll out of bed and drag myself to that place is the knowledge that my son needs me to have a job."

"Is that really, what he needs?" Octavia asked slowly.

Angus blinked. "I'm sorry, what?"

Octavia grimaced. "I'm not trying to give you advice, Angus, but... is what your son needs a father that is so unhappy with life he doesn't know what to do with himself when his son is not around? When rather than be able to talk about his achievements with others, all he can think about is how much he hates doing what they demand him to do?"

Angus was silent.

"What type of example is that?" Octavia asked after a moment. "How will your son be happy when you are miserable?"

"I can't simply walk away," Angus said. "I am under contract and honor demands I do what I agreed to do."

Octavia nodded, looking unconvinced. "And are the people you work for as honorable as you? Have they honored their contract to you?"

Angus was silent again, thinking about how many times Frekr had breached the contracts he had signed, and how Angus had witnessed more than one underhanded action from his superior in order to simply make more money.

"All I know, from experience," Octavia continued, "Is that a son or daughter never wants to see their parents suffer for them when it's in their power to change that."

Angus frowned, but Octavia pressed on.

"Angus, you don't have to simply quit, if that's not possible, but nothing is stopping you from finding something better except yourself." She took a sip of her coffee and smiled a bit. "I know Ari's happiness is the most important thing in the world to you... but for him to be happy, you have to be happy too."

Somehow, the melody she had played earlier in the morning came back to Angus' mind. That feeling of being alive and free of worries. Was it as simple as she made it sound?

He looked up and met her eyes with his. And he knew.

Yes.

It was as simple as that.