Mom stared at us for a short moment before her eyes narrowed. “Stinging Nettle, wait here. Starless Night, you are coming with me.” She said, voice low and cold. I shrunk under the force of her gaze, and could only watch helplessly as Star slipped out of my bed and followed my mom slowly out of the room. My mind was going crazy, anxiety and fear bearing down on me with enough force to make start to shiver.
What was I thinking?! Why did I do that last night?! I shuddered and sat up, rubbing the sleep from my eyes. Great. Just freakin great. This was about to get really bad, I had a feeling. I sat there on my bed for maybe five minutes before a thought crossed my mind amid the whirlwind of chaos that was my mental state.
What would Swallow think?
I froze, blood turning cold. If word got to her about this… I cringed at the thought. Over the time we’d been communicating through letters, the topic of sex had come up once or twice. She was pretty vehemently against it, especially at our age. I looked over to my desk and noticed something. There were four enveloped on it, all of which were still sealed. I was about to go look at them when my door swung open and Mom stepped in again. She had yet to lose her narrowed eyes.
“Alright, now for you. Come on.” She ordered, practically dragging me out of my room. She brought me to our bathroom where the tub was currently full. I squirmed slightly as she set me in before closing the door.
“Where is Star?” I asked, wilting slightly at the fierce glare my mother shot me.
“She’s going home.” Mom said, before grabbing the soap and starting to clean me off. It then struck me that my mother was bathing me. Wasn’t I old enough to do that myself?
“Oh… well, can’t I at least bathe myself?” I asked, looking down and closing my eyes.
“You can, but you won’t. We need to talk, and I am not going to wait for you to come up with an excuse.” Mom replied. For a moment we were both silent. “Now, first thing is first. What in the world were you thinking?!” Mom suddenly snapped in my face, causing me to wince and shrink back slightly.
“I… I just wanted to make her happy.” I answered, earning a snort from my mother.
“While she might have been happy in the moment, did you stop to think about what would happen if you followed through with that act? What if Starless was in estrus? What if she got pregnant? Neither of you are even remotely ready for what that would demand of you.” Mom explained firmly, scrubbing down my back.
I couldn’t find any words to answer her. She had a point. I honestly hadn’t thought of that. Realizing that made me feel even more stupid.
“What do you think you’re going to do if she winds up pregnant because of this?” Mom demanded, lifting my head to look me in the eye. I sighed.
“...I don’t know. I don’t even know if she was in estrus.”
“And there’s the problem. You acted without thinking. I just hope luck plays out in your favor. You’re in deep enough water with enough sharks as it is.” Mom said, grumbling out the last part.
“So… what’s going to happen now?” I asked carefully, looking towards mom after she started to rinse me off.
“Well, first thing's first. I don’t want you being near her anymore. The way you said that you wanted to make her happy suggests that it was her idea, and ideas like that are liable to get you into horrible trouble.” Mom said, her voice losing some of it’s anger as she was starting to collect herself.
I barely noticed any of that, however. I zoned out the moment she said she didn’t want me near Star anymore. I looked up at her with anxious curiosity. “What do you mean you don’t want me near her?”
“In short, you two are done.” Mom said sternly, looking at me with a stone-hard gaze. I felt anger starting to boil in my veins. My scalp started to prickle and the fur on my neck stood on end.
“And who are you to order me to stop being with somepony I love?!” I demanded in a low snarl. Moms eyes narrowed at me.
“I am your mother.” She replied, earning a narrowing of my eyes.
“And what does that matter? I have free will and I intend to use it.” I growled, standing up slightly in the tub. A moment later, I was on my ass in the tub with sparks exploding across my vision and my cheek feeling like it was on fire. She… hit me!
“I want what’s best for you, and she isn’t it!” Mom said in a raised voice. I drowned it out for the most part, just processing the fact that she had just slapped me. I removed my hoof from my cheek and glared at her. I could feel my blood boiling with rage directed towards her. It was taking all of my willpower to keep from lunging at her.
“She got me out of my rut over Swallow, didn’t she?” I seethed, trying to keep calm.
“That she has. But now that that’s over, you don’t need her. It’s not open for debate. You and Star are done.” Mom barked, towering over me. I swear I felt something inside of me snap. It was almost like the chains holding me back suddenly shattered. The dam broke, and all of my anger poured forward.
“You BITCH!” I screamed, jumping out of the tub and tackling my mother. For a moment all that I was aware of where my mothers startled shouts and my own enraged screaming. I raised my hoof to start striking when Noctis and Dad entered and yanked me away, pinning me to the ground.
“Nettle, cut it out!” Dad shouted point blank into my face. My only response was to thrash angrily again, trying to break free. Noctis backed off, letting dad pin me down himself while he ushered mom out of the room. Several minutes passed where all I did was struggle against my dad’s infinitely stronger form, trying to get out from under him.
My perception of time blurred and my memories of this incident become fuzzy at about this point. I know I struggled for a while before I finally gave up. Dad stayed on top of me for several minutes until he finally decided that it would be safe to let me up. He ushered me into my room and locked the door behind me.
I stood in the middle of my room for a while, just trying to keep a hold of myself. I took deep, shuddering breaths and kept my eyes tightly closed. After what felt like forever, I looked back to my desk. The envelopes were still there. I sat down at my desk and popped them open one by one. They were all from Swallow. Each one sent a spike of grief through my heart, chilling my veins.
I hadn’t been answering her at all lately, I realized as I looked over the last of the letters.
Nettle
How are you doing? I haven’t heard from you in a while. Are you okay? Is something wrong? I don’t really have much to report on right now. Just tell me what’s been up when you get the chance, okay?
~Twinkling Swallow.
PS: How’s Star doing? The last letter you sent told me you and her had another date lined up. How did it go?
I set the letter down with a shaking hoof. It was only now beginning to dawn on me what was happening. My reckless actions had lost me Star. I hesitated, then started on my reply.
Swallow.
I would be lying if I said things were going well. I don’t want to get into details, but I made a pretty horrible mistake recently. I don’t know where it’s all going to end up taking me, so we’ll just have to wait and see. I’d say more, but I just don’t know what to say. I’ll fill you in after the situation develops a bit more.
~Stinging Nettle.
I had to rewrite that letter a number of times due to poor wording or messing up my intended message. I sighed heavily and set the sheet aside. I’d send it later. For the time being, though, my mistake was really starting to sink in. I looked down and closed my eyes, a deep sigh escaping my lungs. Well, all I could do now was wait.
<^><^><^><^>
And wait I did. three days came and went in which I was basically isolated in my house. Dad and Noctis didn’t let me leave, and Mom didn’t even speak to me unless she had to to get a point across. Her words were short, clipped and strained. Hell, she was often finding ways to not even be around me. I guess it makes sense. I did attack her, after all. That didn’t do anything good for emotional stability, much to my growing despair.
Over the course of these three days, I seriously began to question myself. To the point that I didn’t get anything in the form of sleep for two of them. I really wanted to sleep, but every time I closed my eyes, the images of that night flashed through my mind, reminding me of my situation all the more. The memory of that, the things it possibly meant for Star and I down the road, and the fact that I attacked my own mother... It all began to build up.
My mind was in absolute chaos. I kept wondering about Star. If she had been in estrus, that would cause major issues for both of us. I didn’t even know what all they were, but I knew it was a lot more than I really wanted to deal with. My heart sunk with my thoughts, every single day becoming more and more of a drag. It was harder to get up in the morning due to my growing insecurity and exhaustion. The days themselves seemed to last hours longer than normal.
Finally, on the fourth day I was allowed to leave for walks. I didn’t move at my usual speed and the bounce to my step was completely gone. My hooves dragged and my mind was so occupied that I didn’t even notice all of the other ponies giving me worried looks. They had a right to be concerned, of course. In the long run, however, I ultimately didn’t care about them. I will admit to this now, I dwelled way too heavily on all of this. It would all come to a head a week after the incident, when I decided to go to that old park, alone and by myself.
<^><^><^><^>
“Hey, mom?” I called just loud enough to be heard as I made my way for the door of the house.
“What?”
“I’m going for a walk.”
“Good idea.” She said after a moment and turned away to examine all the books on the nearby bookshelf. My ears lowered at the way she was practically disregarding me, but I was under the impression at the time that I deserved it. I nodded silently, opened the door and stepped outside.
It was a gloomy day. No rain was scheduled that I was aware of, but there was cloud cover. I groaned tiredly and rubbed my eyes as I walked forward. Distracted by that, I ended up brushing up against the mailbox. I paused and looked down at it. Swallow hadn’t been sending me things lately. With a touch of reluctant curiosity, I pulled open the mailbox and checked. Sure enough, there was one of Swallow’s signature envelopes.
I pulled it out of the mailbox, sat down on the step that lead up to our door, ripped it open and pulled out the folded parchment inside. I had a sudden sense of unease about this letter. With trembling hooves, I unfolded it and began to read.
Stinging Nettle,
I heard about what happened with you and Star. Your mother slipped another note into your envelope… Nettle, what were you thinking? I still feel queasy just thinking about it. I know Star means a lot to you, but still! This was not a good choice of action. I hope in the time since you sent your last letter to me you came to realize that. I don’t have anything else to say right now. You need to really think about what you’re gonna do next.
~Twinkling Swallow.
I sighed and returned the envelope to the mailbox. I’d add it to the pile when I got back from my walk. I stepped out into the streets and started to meander. I had no clear destination in mind, so I just wandered aimlessly. I don’t know how long I was at this. What I do know is that I gradually slowed down until I was barely even moving.
I looked up and my heart sank even further. The park. It just kept coming up, didn’t it? I picked up my pace and stepped into it, eventually finding my way to the old bench that Swallow and I had sat on. I sat on it and closed my eyes, deciding to take a minute to relax and try to think more positively. I started trying to focus on the happy memories between Swallow and I. Memories and words starting echoing in my mind...
“It actually started with a dream. I had this dream one night, and it began a whole string of them. I still have them, telling an ever evolving story in my head. I learn a lot from these dreams, and well... Some of these things I never see reflected in the real world. I want to try and change that. I know I can't get rid of the negativity, but if I can at least be noticed by writing a good book that accurately conveys my point, maybe... just maybe... I can make the future generations more willing to do the right things,”
“Promise me that when you get home, you'll give your family a nice big group hug, and tell each of them that you love them. Can you do that? I don't want to see your family drift apart...”
“Well... Nettle, I don't know when, exactly, but my parents want to move to Canterlot. We aren't going to be here in Ponyville forever... I'm sorry,”
“A lot, Nettle. A lot. You're one of the few friends I've made since moving here that I care about as much as my friends at my old home.”
“Don’t, Nettle. Don’t say a word.”
“I’m sorry, Nettle… But my answer is no.”
My eyes snapped open at the memory. I was shivering, trying to keep the tears and sobs from escaping my system. Damn. That went south in a hurry. I wiped my eyes and sniffled, trying to keep my composure. However, Swallows words continued to echo in my mind, repeating itself over and over again to me.
My answer is no…
I slammed a hoof down onto the bench, trying to expel some of the emotions through the punch. It didn’t work. I closed my eyes and actively started crying. I must have looked absolutely pathetic, just sitting there on that bench and crying my eyes out. I’m just glad nopony else was there to see me.
Or so I thought. For several minutes I sat there, crying quietly to myself. I curled up and faced the back-rest of the bench, hiding my face from the world around me. With my back turned to everything and my sobs the only thing I could hear, I didn’t notice anypony approaching me until I felt a hoof rest gently on my back.
I ignored it until it started rubbing soothing circles into my back. I slowly started to calm down at the gentle touch. Soon enough I was calm enough to stop the tears and breath normally. I slowly rolled over to see who it was that took time out of their day to help me. I wished I hadn’t. I locked up at the image of the pony before me.
“Nettle… Are you okay?” Starless Night asked me gently, looking at me with worry. I slowly sat up and looked at her, dumbfounded.
“Star…” I managed to choke out. I guess I had no choice now. If she wasn’t already aware of my mothers order that we cut things off, I had to tell her here and now. I figured I would just say ‘We shouldn’t be talking,’ and leave it at that. But… something lodged the words in my throat. Maybe it was a fear of breaking her heart. Maybe it was the look in her eyes, worried and pleading for answers.
...Maybe it was just because I was a coward. In the long run, I have no idea. All I do know is that for a long while, I just sat there, looking at her, the words lodged in my throat and my mouth hanging open. Finally, I cleared my throat and scooted over, giving Star room to sit next to me. She hopped up and sat down as well, looking over at me with worry ever so evident in her eyes. I knew that look. I had seen it countless times when I was recovering from Dusk Raider. Swallow used to look at me with those eyes all the time. truth be told, it was the last look from her I’d ever seen.
With a sigh, I turned my eyes to look at Star’s. “Star… we… we need to talk…”