//------------------------------// // Interlude - Policy // Story: On the Corner of Straight and Narrow // by Tatsurou //------------------------------// "So you're the President now, right Daddy?" Trixie asked happily. "That's right, schnookums!" Max replied expansively. "I own this country now! I'm going to rule it with an iron fist!" "At least until reelection," Sam muttered under his breath. "What reelection?" Max asked. "I introduced a bill to Congress to make me President for Life under the heading 'Don't Make Little Ponies Cry', with a picture of sad Trixie on the top. It got universal approval without anyone reading any of the details!" "Trixie is best actor!" Trixie proclaimed proudly. "I never should have let the two of you out of my sight," Sam sighed. "So what's my position in your new totalitarian government?" "Oh, you're still Vice President, Sam," Max hastened to reassure him. "That authority hasn't changed, though you're also my Press Secretary." "So I'm your Yes-Man whose job it is to make your inhumane policy decisions sound humane to the general public?" Sam translated. "So he does what he's always done?" Trixie asked curiously. "At least until the violent revolutionary coup," Sam mused worriedly. "And that's why Maimtron 9000 is my new Secretary of Defense!" Max pointed out. "He's in charge of keeping the peace!" "I will keep the peace if I must keep it in pieces!" the newly crafted 'defense' robot proclaimed. "Trixie made the AI!" Trixie proclaimed. "How'd you do that?" Sam asked. "Trixie drew a binding circle in the CPU and summoned a demon of slaughter," Trixie explained. "It kept calling me Daddy for some reason," Max confessed in confusion. "So Maimtron 9000's also my brother!" Trixie said happily. "Definitely never should have left you two unsupervised," Sam muttered under his breath. It had been three days since the emergency election, and Sam was surprised America wasn't already in chaos. Max had used the Constitution as toilet paper, passed inhumane policy decisions left and right, and made a mockery of everything the country once stood for as he twisted it into his own perception of what it really was. And yet, somehow, his approval ratings were the highest of any President since the government started running approval polls. The citizens actually questioned gave one of three reasons as to why they approved so highly of President Max. The first reason was because they genuinely believed that this would return America to the world power they felt it should be. The second reason was that they identified with Max, in that he was the sort of President they always wanted or wanted to be. The third reason was because Trixie genuinely believed that Max was good, and a child that adorable couldn't be wrong. Sam had privately begun suspecting that Trixie's immunity to hypnosis was because she actually subconsciously emanated a hypnotic field of her own that subliminaly caused anyone who heard her voice to unconsciously bend to her will unless protected by a more powerful magic, had the compulsion overridden by a stronger magic, or had a brain chemistry incompatible with hypnosis like Max did. He was certain it was subconscious if it existed, because if she was aware of it she'd be bragging about it...to Max, if no one else, and Max could never keep his mouth shut about something he'd find that awesome. "So what will we do next, Daddy?" Max smiled. "Well, I think we need to make some changes to Congress! It's just so boring as it is." Trixie frowned. "There's also way too many stupid bills coming through. We need to make it so only the important stuff gets presented." "Well, you could always make the procedures humiliating so that the Congressmen will only present those bills their constituents feel really strongly about," Sam offered jokingly. "Yes!" Max proclaimed. "All Congressmen must be dressed as mimes while in session!" "And all bills must be presented in a combination of mime and interpretive dance!" Trixie offered. "Genius!" Max agreed. "I shall use the new procedural retcon powers the 'Don't Make Little Ponies Cry Bill' granted me to make it so!" "And every session of Congress shall be broadcast live to the entire world, so the benefits of being a congressman won't be worth the humiliation to anyone except those to whom the smooth running of the country is of supreme importance!" Trixie added. "Or those who love being humiliated in public," Sam pointed out. "There's a difference?" Max asked. "I really need to learn how to keep my mouth shut sometimes," Sam muttered. "And you thought Daddy had problems there!" Trixie proclaimed happily. "Ahem!" Specs coughed loudly, trying to get attention. "Did you need a cough drop?" Max asked. "Mr. President, you've been keeping us waiting for three days!" Peepers complained. "We need to discuss the proposed plans regarding Mount Rushmore." "Is blowing it up one of the proposed plans?" Max asked. "Umm...no..." Specs admitted. "And just like that, you've lost my interest," Max replied, turning his attention back to the papers on his desk. "Oh, someone's complaining about how much money you've been pulling out of your hat, Trixie. Presidential declaration: when the Great and Powerful Trixie does it, it's not breaking the law!" Trixie's grin nearly broke her face. "You'll still get grounded if you break house rules," Sam cautioned. Trixie's grin turned into an adorable pout. "Aw, don't be sad, Trixie," Whizzer comforted, scratching her behind one ear. "I won't snitch on you." Trixie smiled up at him. "Thanks. So what are you three arguing about?" "Oh, we all have different plans for what to do with Mount Rushmore to advance our own personal agendas," he replied. "I want to turn it into a soda abuse awareness monument." "Ah," Trixie replied, not really following. "So...what do your brothers want to do with it?" "Peepers wants to add Hoover to it, hugging the other presidents." "Really?" Trixie asked, her expression most vapid. "Yeah, Specs thinks that idea is really stupid," Whizzer said unguardedly. "He does?" Trixie asked, as though she didn't have a brain in her head. "You do?" Peepers demanded of Specs. "Yeah!" Whizzer continued, eager to impress Trixie. "He said it was the stupidest idea he'd ever heard!" "What?" Peepers shouted in shock. "Well it is!" Specs snapped. "Hoover wasn't even a President, which means he certainly wasn't 'the most loving of all Presidents'!" "Well at least I didn't want to put a parking lot on George Washington's forehead, like some four eyed freaks I know!" Peepers snapped. "You little...!" Specs growled. "You big...!" Peepers growled right back. "Of course you realize...this means war!" Specs proclaimed. "War!" Peepers agreed. "War?" Trixie asked Whizzer cutely. "War!" Whizzer proclaimed. The three Soda Poppers turned governers promptly zipped out of the oval office. Trixie turned happily to Max. "Trixie did it, Daddy!" she proclaimed. "Trixie started a war just by being cute!" "I knew you had it in you, schnookums!" Max proclaimed. "Daddy's so proud!" Music started to play as Agent Superball appeared in the room. "What's that?" As the unexpected song and dance number ended, the trio reacted the only way they knew how. "Well..." Sam said worriedly. Max nodded. "Let's never do that-" "Again!" Trixie interrupted eagerly. "Again! Again! Again!" Sam turned to Max. "Little buddy?" he asked worriedly. "Well, if she really wants to see it again..." Max trailed off, turning to Agent Superball. "Sorry sir," Agent Superball countered. "Secret Service policy. We only do that number once per war." "But I'm the President!" Max proclaimed. "Sorry Sir, it's policy. Even the President can't change that. It's policy that predates the Presidency." "But...but the Secret Service was founded to protect the Presidency!" Sam protested. "How can it predate it? That's a serious logical inconsistency!" "It would seem that way, sir," Agent Superball replied. "Again?" Trixie asked Max hopefully. Max rubbed his chin. "Only once per war?" he asked Agent Superball. "That's correct, sir." "Then who else can I declare war on?" Sam groaned, pulling his hat down over his face.