//------------------------------// // Transplanting // Story: Blossoming Roses // by Storm butt //------------------------------// Prince Blueblood could feel a lump lodged in the center of his throat. He could tell that he must be an odd sight in the castle at such an hour. The unicorn was wearing nothing but his fur, and his mane was still damp and in tangles from how Fancy had run his hooves through it. He wanted to believe that the guards stared at him because of these little things, though in his heart he knew very well that it was more than likely because of news of the incident from earlier spreading through the castle like wildfire. Blueblood had asked only one guard for directions on how to find Shining Armor and Cadence, and even that was a challenge. He couldn’t remember the last time a guard’s eyes had been so full of curiosity instead of their usual stone cold gaze. The prince tried not to look in their eyes when he passed them in the moonlight of the window, but he could tell more than half looked back when he moved by. Each step he took seemed somehow quieter than the heart beating in his chest. It was a struggle to remember just how exactly he should get to Shining and Cadence’s room. One turn left at the bottom of the stairs, two turns right at the next corner. He couldn’t believe how long it was since he had gone to visit either of the two. He could feel sweat drip down his spine, and he soon began to feel filthy. It was already late. He began to wish that he had managed to pry himself away from Fancy Pants a bit sooner, though the more he thought about it the more he realized he wasn’t willing to give a single second of their time up for anypony. Though he found it difficult not to blush at the thought of those lips against his, knowing it would only give the royal guards more of a reason to stare. The pink floors looked more like a light purple in the light of Luna’s moon. His hooves pressed down against the tiles until he glanced up. He spotted two royal guards standing guard outside of a doorway, along with a pink mare. It was hard to tell if it was fear, excitement, or even just simple anxiety that filled Blueblood’s chest at the sight of Cadence. He hadn’t thought of what to tell her at all, or Shining for that matter. He thought about Fancy Pants and how warm he felt around him. “Stupid fashion ponies…” Blueblood grumbled quietly to himself. Even in the darkness, Blueblood was able to see Cadence’s lavender eyes light up at the sight of him. Her smile was wider than her usual polite one. That was a bit of comfort at the very least. She spoke no more than five words to the guard before trotting over to him at a brisk walk. “Blueblood!” She said, her eyes scanning his body. He wondered if she was trying to determine his emotional state. Her eyes looked away for just a moment, losing that same spark she had previously. She smiled, but the joy it seemed to hold didn’t reach her eyes. “You look… much better than before.” “Th-Thank you.” Blueblood tried to keep his voice even. He failed. She took up his hoof in two of her own and looked into his eyes, her smile reassuring. “I feel better than before.” “So Fancy Pants helped after all?” Cadence asked, her hooves giving his own a squeeze. “Shining was nervous about leaving you two alone together for so long. He wanted to go check up on you after thirty minutes. I was actually just leaving now to go see how you were doing. I’ve never seen him whine like he did when I told him I would ask if you were comfortable seeing him or not.” Cadence laughed, but Blueblood could tell it was forced. He looked at his hoof when Cadence released it, taking in a deep breath. “I think I’m ready to see him.” “That’s great.” Cadence’s eyes lit up. She was always so charismatic. “We can go now and…” “No,” Blueblood stated firmly. He watched Cadence frown, and it hurt somewhere in his chest. “I apologize, but I believe this is something I need to do on my own. This whole mess started with me and Shining because I blew up… I need to talk to him alone, if you don’t mind.” Cadence’s frown lasted a few moments, but it eventually turned into a smile. She closed her eyes and nodded her head. “I understand. He’s getting antsy in there, but I think you’ll be able to calm him down.” “Thank you, Cadence.” Blueblood took a single step forward, but stopped. “I promise I won’t kiss him again, though.” “That’s good to hear.” Cadence laughed, which brought a smile to Blueblood’s face. Blueblood turned away from Cadence, his steps alternating between confident and nervous the closer he got to the door. It was no more than thirty feet, but it felt like a mile. He was thankful the unicorn guard gave him a curt nod to enter the door, opening it for him with his magic. Blueblood’s heart pounded, and it suddenly became a struggle to remember his own name. He lifted his hoof to pull at the cuff of his shirt only to remember that he wasn’t wearing anything. The floor was a checkerboard of purple and periwinkle with a small carpet in the center of the room. There were two large windows that took up half the wall on the left hoof side. Blueblood’s eyes fell upon the large canopy bed, red curtains tied open to reveal Shining Armor laying on the bed with a pillow clutched over his face, his lower legs squirming every few moments. When the door closed behind the prince, Shining Armor lowered the pillow from his eyes, holding it to his chest. Blueblood couldn’t do this. His breath caught in his throat and suddenly the room began to spin. He tried to step back, but when he did, he nearly tripped. “Cady?” Shining Armor asked when he sat up, still staring down at the pillow. “That was fast, what did Blue sa –” Shining Armor’s eyes lifted to meet Blueblood, and for a moment the room became silent. When Shining jumped off the bed, it was so sudden that Blueblood flinched. The new prince grimaced and looked at the floor with a grumble that Blueblood could only assume was a swear. Blueblood clamped his hoof over his chest, the breath inside of him feeling rough and hard as he forced it in and out. He closed his eyes tightly when his legs trembled, feeling like little more than jelly. He bit down on his cheek so hard that he was shocked he didn’t taste blood. “Blue?” Shining Armor asked. His voice was gentler and quieter than Blueblood had ever thought possible. “Are you… I mean… Are you better? No wait, there was nothing wrong with you. I mean there was, but yo-” Shining took a few steps forward. Blueblood took a step back. “I need t –” Blueblood whimpered, unable to even finish. He couldn’t bring himself to look at Shining Armor’s face. He backed up against the door, and it was only then that his erratic breathing became obvious. “I’m sorry, I can’t!” Blueblood turned quickly in a desperate attempt to grab at the door handle, though his hoof soon glowed of magic and it was pulled to the ground. “W-Wait!” Shining yelled, his hooves hitting the ground like hammers when he approached. “Blue, just calm down. You just surprised me is all.” “I…” Blueblood’s eyes were watering. He could see Shining Armor’s forelegs move in an attempt to embrace him, though the prince whimpered. Shining took three steps back. “P-Please let go of me.” “O-Okay, see, I’m not gonna do anything!” Shining lifted both his hooves into the air. “Please don’t run.” Blueblood kept his eyes closed, trying his best not to tremble in the shadow of Shining Armor. He felt smaller all of a sudden, like his friend was towering over him and staring down at him with daggers for eyes. “I’m s-sorry.” Blueblood spat out. It came out a little more forceful than he intended despite his shaking words. He watched Shining Armor slowly set down his hooves. “About earli–” “Don’t apologize.” Shining’s voice was firm. It made Blueblood flinch, and Shining took a step back. He forced himself not to turn away from Shining. “Please just don’t apologize for that. I pushed you way too hard because…” Shining grumbled, hitting his hoof up against his head in his own frustration. Blueblood looked away and his expression softened once more. “And I’ve been thinking for hours how I might have pushed you so hard you don’t want to come back to me.” Blueblood could see Shining’s eyes dart away. The captain was scratching an area behind his ears with a blush forming on his face. “Are you breathing okay now?” Blueblood shook his head. He did manage to finally release the grip his teeth held on his cheek. “Are you okay?” Shining Armor asked. He was fidgeting in place, his legs gripping each other in an attempt not to reach out to his friend. “That was a dumb question, wasn’t it?” Blueblood didn’t respond, and instead looked away from Shining Armor. He wanted to tell him a million things, yet he struggled to think of how to word even one of them. “Did Fancy Pants help you at all?” Shining took a half step forward. Blueblood didn’t mind, the mention of Fancy Pants helping lift his sunken heart. “Fancy was… Fancy was great,” Blueblood tried his best to smile, but it didn’t come out like one. It looked strange, or at the very least it felt strange. “What did you two talk about?” Shining Armor asked. He released Blueblood and the two stood apart no more than three feet. “I mean he calmed you down, and I couldn’t.” “Can we sit down?” Blueblood asked, trying his best to look away so Shining wouldn’t see his face. His chest wasn’t hurting so much anymore, but the way Shining was forcing his smile made it tight still. “Oh, right, sure.” Shining Armor nodded his head. He trotted over to the bed and grabbed two red cushions and brought them to the floor. He spaced them apart, taking a few moments to push them closer and then pull them apart once more. “Where’s Cadence?” “I told her I wanted to talk with you alone,” Blueblood said. Shining Armor nodded quickly, as if he wasn’t really listening all that well. Blueblood began to shift in place uncomfortably for the next few moments. He stared down at his hooves and only now began to notice how warm the room felt, a bead of sweat appearing on his forehead. Blueblood walked over and sat in front of Shining Armor. He could see how Shining was fidgeting in place, eyes looking into Blueblood’s own and then away again. Blueblood fidgeted in place a bit, Shining’s eyes staring at him. The pillow was soft, softer than his own even. It was a bit lumpy from Shining grabbing it and hugging it for so long, though he tried not to shift too much trying to get comfortable. He could feel Shining’s eyes, how they dug into him. “Shining, I…” “Do you not like mares?” Shining questioned. His eyes were wide, staring straight at Blueblood. “What?” Blueblood’s head began to swim. His body felt warm, and he grabbed onto his hoof and held it firmly. Shining was hardly blinking, the eyes like daggers. “I mean t-the royal family is supposed to…” “I don’t care about the royal family.” Shining shook his head. “Just you. I promise I won’t just…” Shining held out his hooves and stared at them. He tightened them and put them both at his sides. “I won’t get angry like I did before. I won’t yell.” Blueblood only managed to shake his head in response. His heart pounded once, but it was so loud he was positive Shining Armor had heard it. The seconds suddenly felt a dozen times longer the more Shining seemed to think about his answer. “Never?” Shining leaned in a few inches. Blueblood shook his head again. Shining put both hooves over his eyes and shook his head. He was groaning. When he pulled down his hooves, his eyes somehow looked tired. “I’m sorry, Blue.” “Sorry?” Blueblood bit into his cheek. “I used to tease you a lot because you never looked at mares when we all went out.” Shining frowned and stared down into the palms of his hooves. “I used to try to force you to go talk with mares, hell I even set you up with a few. For a while I thought you didn’t want to because of that stupid engagement, but I never thought that you just wouldn’t like them.” “I forgot about that,” Blueblood mumbled. It was unexpected, but something that could be called a smile did appear on his face. He grabbed his foreleg and began to rub it, taking time before he looked at Shining Armor again. “I yelled at you to stop after a while.” “You did.” Shining Armor smiled, but his eyes simply looked away from Blueblood. “I thought you were just embarrassed or something.” “I-I always thought it would be a scandal.” Blueblood shook his head. “E-Equestria hasn’t had a prince who liked stallions in quite a long time. I-It’s usually expected that they continue the royal bloodline. I tried not to th-think about it a lot.” “I’m sorry,” Shining Armor gripped the pillow underneath him tightly in his hooves. “I wasn’t there for you for that. I’m really thick sometimes, aren’t I?” “S-Sometimes,” Blueblood smiled. That managed to get a chuckle out of Shining Armor at the very least. “I know you don’t want to hear it.” “Blue, no.” Shining’s voice was demanding, though this time Blueblood didn’t flinch. “I avoided you since you came back.” Blueblood frowned and tried his best not to sniffle. “I was terrified that everything I felt would just get drug back up again. I was finally starting to move on, and you two came back and I couldn’t even talk to you without panicking. I almost… I almost blew everything today. If Fancy didn’t forgive me I don’t know what I…” “Forgive?” Shining leaned in once more. “Fancy…” Blueblood chuckled, though he could feel a bead of sweat go down the back of his neck. How his voice was as quiet as it was he had no idea. He wanted to sit up straight, to say it proudly, but it took all he had just to get it out. “Fancy kissed me today.” “Oh, he did?” Shining began to scratch behind his head. “W-Was that your first kiss?” “Second.” Blueblood smiled, though he knew it wasn’t reaching his eyes. Shining looked away from him, another hit to his forehead with his own hoof. “I thought he was going to be upset with me. I thought he wouldn’t want me anymore. But he looked like he could have laughed when I told him.” Blueblood’s smile held for just long enough for him to relish in that thought. He giggled to himself and wondered if Fancy Pants would laugh with him. “I’m glad that he made you calm down.” Shining Armor reached out his hoof hesitantly. When he touched Blueblood’s own, the prince had to struggle not to pull it away. He let Shining squeeze it. “He didn’t rush you, did he?” “No.” Blueblood shook his head. “He pushed sometimes, but he always stopped if I got overwhelmed.” “That’s good.” Shining nodded his head. “I uh… I know I really don’t have much right to tell you what to do, especially after today. I don’t want to see you upset like that again. Just, if Fancy becomes too much to handle, just talk to me, okay?” Shining Armor held Blueblood’s hoof carefully, setting it down back on the ground. “I know Fancy Pants is probably a great guy. I don’t know him like you do – I just know that he’s a really social pony and you aren’t. You can’t stand crowds and I don’t want him dragging you around just to show you off.” “Fancy isn’t like that,” Blueblood assured Shining, a frown on his face. He could feel Shining squeeze his hoof. “We only went out in public once, and I suggested it. He says he likes it when it’s just the two of us. He only goes to those parties all the time because he doesn’t want to feel alone.” “You stopped stuttering.” Shining Armor put on a smile. “I guess talking about your new boyfriend calms you down.” “Fancy isn’t… w-well he is,” Blueblood clamped a hoof over his chest. His heart began pounding. It seemed like Shining had spoken too soon about that stuttering bit. “I feel a little better now, yes. I’m just… I don’t know what I would do without Fancy right now.” “I’m sorry, Blue.” Shining shook his head. Another groan came out. “I don’t want to just sit here and judge what ponies you want to be with.” Blueblood couldn’t help it, he laughed. Shining looked at him like he had gone mad, but Blueblood did indeed manage to laugh. He rubbed at his cheeks with both hooves and shook his head. “That is so like you,” Blueblood smiled, his heart feeling a little lighter. “You’ve always been overprotective.” “N-No I’m not!” Shining looked like he might start pouting. He folded his forelegs across his chest, a look of irritation spreading to his face. “Yes you are. Back when you were still my guard you always made excuses just for my father to not see me so I could get ready in time,” Blueblood chuckled. “Not to mention you talked back to him about a hundred times. I’m quite shocked you didn’t get fired.” “I’m not…” Shining was blushing. Blueblood felt a pang of nostalgia somewhere deep in his chest. “Okay, maybe it is like me. But it’s only because I care about my friends.” “Well you didn’t always,” Blueblood spoke up, leaning forward to Shining Armor. When Shining opened his mouth to speak Blueblood lifted his hoof to silence him. “You couldn’t stand me the first few weeks you were my guard. I know you tried to change positions at least twice. Royal guards quite awful at keeping secrets, you know.” “Yeah, you were a hoof full,” Shining chuckled in response. “I think you yelled at me a dozen times a day, or at least it felt like that. I didn’t like that I trained for years to be babysitting some spoiled prince. No offense.” “I could tell you were about to break.” Blueblood’s smile lessened when he looked down at the checkerboard floor. “You came to the castle one morning after my father yelled at me over something silly.” “I remember you were crying that day.” Shining Armor frowned and shook his head once more. “It was because you couldn’t use your magic properly. You yelled at me to get out when I came in.” “You almost yelled back.” Blueblood stated, a frown on his lips. “No I didn’t!” Shining Armor snapped. His eyes widened and he lowered his shoulders. “I’m sorry, Blue. I said I wouldn’t yell.” “That kind is okay,” Blueblood giggled. “I used to like it when you got flustered when Candence and I teased you. I knew you were about to yell back then.” Blueblood looked into Shining’s eyes. “But you didn’t. You kept trying to ask why I was crying and I yelled more. But you kept trying to ask. You asked if I wanted to play some card game with you. I was just glad that you stopped asking why I was crying. We played for a bit and I told you why I was upset. Other guards made fun of me when I cried and yelled at them, but you never did.” “You were really bad at that game.” Shining laughed, forcing a smile onto Blueblood’s lips. “I think I let you win three times before I tried.” “You kept trying to make me play games with you after that,” Blueblood chuckled as he ran his hoof through his mane. “You always hated chess though, because you never won. You started talking to me at parties and asking me to go into town with you a lot. I never had a friend before. At least not one who wasn’t some kid of a political figure trying to impress their father.” “Chess was the only game I didn’t like growing up.” Shining Armor laughed, but his smile soon faded. Blueblood grew quiet as well, watching Shining’s eyes glance around the room for a bit. He lifted his hoof and scratched at his cheek. He didn’t look back to Blueblood for quite a while. He swallowed hard and began to grab at his mane. “Shining?” Blueblood questioned. He could feel his chest tighten once more and had to resist the urge to jump when his friend’s eyes shot to him. “Why did you kiss me?” Shining asked. He looked away from Blueblood, but he stared at him out of the corner of his eye. “I…” Blueblood looked down to his hooves. The same need to claw his chest came back, but he resisted. He fidgeted in place for a bit, thankful that Shining didn’t seem intent on rushing him. “You just kept pushing. Y-You yelled and it just happened. I was too scared to tell you why it hurt being around you.” “It hurt?” Shining’s voice grew quiet. He lifted a hoof to grasp at his chest. “I’m sorry.” “It… yes.” Blueblood watched Shining Armor’s ears lay flat. “Do you remember my father’s funeral?” “Of course.” Shining grabbed Blueblood’s hoof again. “You ran out and Cadence and I went after you.” “Y-Yeah, but after that.” Blueblood bit down into his cheek. “It took a while for me to calm down, but when I did I went to find you two, and you were kissing Cadence.” “That was the first time we kissed,” Shining’s voice grew quiet. “Y-You saw us?” He nodded his head. “I didn’t tell you two… I thought that I might tell you how I felt after the issue with my marriage settled down some. I don’t know what I expected – you always liked mares and never looked at stallions, but I just I wanted you to know.” Blueblood could feel his eyes begin to water. He tried to think of Fancy Pants, of his embrace, how the emptiness in his chest was in the past. “I couldn’t be around you after you two became public. Every time I saw either of you, all I could think about was how you were kissing her and not…” Blueblood could feel his eyes water. “Blue, don’t!” Shining’s said, raising his forelegs and leaning forward. He stopped himself short, biting down onto his cheek. He took his forelegs and wrapped them around his body. Shining Armor got to his hooves. It was fast yet steady, and he had a certain grace and confidence in his movements that Blueblood had never noticed before. He wouldn’t look at Blueblood when he began to pace the room, the new prince walking over to a dresser with a large mirror at top. Blueblood could see Shining’s reflection stare back at him. His eyes looked tired, aged far more than his body appeared. “I’m… sorry Blue.” Shining’s voice was quiet yet heard. His hoof moved across the top of the dresser. He passed many pictures over his hoof, all in grand picture frames. Blueblood frowned, getting to his hooves as well and walking slowly until he was behind Shining Armor. Blueblood’s eyes looked at Shining’s hoof. It had rested on a picture frame that was halfway pushed behind two others. He drug it to the front, his hoof stroking across the glass. Blueblood saw himself, along with Shining and Cadence. He could see Shining Armor and Cadence’s smiling faces, but when he pulled the picture out he saw himself as well. The three were standing in the castle garden, Blueblood’s hair shorter, Shining’s muscles thinner, Cadence standing a considerable three inches taller than her future husband. Blueblood tried to, but he wasn’t able to picture the day that image was taken. His chest felt tight, and he forced himself to look away. “I care about you, Blue,” Shining Armor took in a long deep breath. “If I hurt you, I’m sorry. But I love Cadence, I could have never loved you like you wanted me to.” Blueblood kept silent, though he did feel a tight claw begin to constrict his heartbeat. Shining held the photo in both hooves and stared at it hard. The prince’s body began to tremble, eyes blurring even further before he gave a stiff nod. He placed two hooves on either side of his head and squeezed down on his ears, taking just five seconds to block the world out. His mind screamed at him. “N-Never.” Blueblood repeated. He closed his eyes, desperate to force the tears back in. Blueblood watched the muscles in Shining’s arms tighten, his teeth grinding down on each other in thought. He looked away from his friend and bit into his lip. Why does it hurt? It shouldn’t hurt this bad. I’m happy, I have Fancy. I’m happy. “I couldn’t ever give you what you wanted or needed.” Shining’s voice was hard, emotionless even. He set the picture down gently, giving it one final touch with his hoof before he turned his attention to the mirror. He stared at Blueblood’s reflection, his body exhausted and eyes carrying bags. “Does… Does Fancy Pants make you happy like you should be? Be honest, okay?” Blueblood tried to think. It was admittedly a more difficult task than it should have been, Shining’s words still stinging. He grabbed onto his own hoof just to stay standing, to keep his thoughts from consuming him. He slowly brought it to his lips and pressed down gently. “F-Fancy’s great.” Blueblood tried to keep his voice even. His chest loosened just a bit at the thought of Fancy Pants. He grinned. Despite his eyes watering and about to overflow he couldn’t hold it back. “He’s kind and doesn’t rush me. W-When I mess up he just laughs and tells me it’ll be okay, and e-even when I know it won’t he makes me believe it. My head doesn’t feel overloaded with wondering if I look good or sound right. He kisses me no matter how bad I feel. I… I care about him. But I’m scared to let go.” “Scared?” Shining’s said in a soft tone of voice. He finally turned to Blueblood, his lips in a frown. “C’mon, don’t cry. Things can go back to how they used to be… if you want, I mean.” Blueblood looked at his own reflection in the mirror before him. He saw his own tears, and suddenly could feel the muscles in his forelegs tighten. He took in a deep breath and stared down at his hooves. “No.” Blueblood hissed. He dug his hoof into the ground and shook his head. “No, I don’t want it to be like it used to be.” “Excuse me?” Shining’s voice sounded confused. He looked away from Blueblood, expression going blank as if to hide any emotions he was feeling. “If you want I mean…” Blueblood clenched his hooves. He shut his eyes so tight that the world was blocked out. He took in a deep breath, and opened his eyes to stare at Shining. “I-I don’t care if you won’t ever love me like I wanted.” Blueblood stamped his hoof on the ground. It was loud and echoed like an earthquake. He wiped angrily at the tears just spilling from his right eye. “I’m… I’m scared. I’m just wilted and dying, and Fancy pulls me along even if I’m scared. But when I’m with him I feel like it’s okay to breathe again instead of holding my breath. I’m tired of being a weak useless wilted thing. I want to bloom! Fancy told me that I can be his boyfriend if I wanted… I don’t want to be pointless and stuck in the past if I’m going to have one!” Blueblood’s words grew more confident. He wiped at his eyes until they were clear and stared at Shining Armor. He took a step forward. “I’m far too old for some grumpy old man to tell me what to do with my life! I don’t want to live in the past, and I don’t want to go back to how it used to be. I don’t want to be upset about you or my father or Cadence anymore! I want to make new memories with… with you and Cadence and Fancy and his friends!” Blueblood’s chest heaved. His eyes looked wild. His cheeks grew brighter crimson the more he yelled. His tears had ceased, though his eyes were still wet and nose as well. “I… I want to be better for Fancy Pants!” Blueblood shouted. “I want to grow! I don’t want to run from what I’m scared of because it’s not what he wants for me!” His body began to tremble. “Will you… Will you still be there for me if I let go, Shining? Will you still be my friend even if it won’t be the same?” Prince Blueblood felt like he was holding his breath, and that each second ticked by like a season itself. He wasn’t sure if he should look at Shining Armor or not so his eyes kept darting back and forth. After what felt like an eternity, a weak smile seemed to appear past Blueblood’s watery vision. He rubbed at his eyes and sniffled, feeling a bit childish. “We can do that.” Shining said, reaching out his hoof to touch Blueblood’s shoulder. Blueblood’s chest swelled. He couldn’t even speak, so he simply puffed out his chest. His eyes still stung, and he nodded his head firmly. “Tomorrow, Cadence and I are going into town. Will you come with us?” Shining Armor asked with a smile on his lips. “You can bring Fancy if you want, or just come alone. Cadence and I planned out what we wanted to do with you a long time ago. I’m not sure if you still like all the stuff, but we did it fo–" “That sounds nice.” Blueblood forced a grin. It hurt, but not as much as he expected it to. But he still chuckled, noticing Shining lifting his forelegs briefly before setting them down. He let out a sniffle. “I think you’d like Fancy if you had the chance to know him. I do.” “I’m sure I would.” Shining moved his forelegs again. “I don’t want to rush you if you’re not feeling better about all of this… But I want to pick up where Cadence and I left off with you. We can start to fix everything.” “That sounds great.” Blueblood smiled, leaning forward to quickly wrap his hooves around Shining. He held his breath, hoping that Shining wouldn’t push him away. The new prince was stiff for a few moments, but the moment his forelegs raised to hold Blueblood back, he softened. Blueblood’s heart wasn’t set ablaze, not like it had been when Fancy had held him. “I’m ready to bloom.” In fact, it was the first time in quite a long time that his heart had felt so light.