In the Dark
For longer than I could remember, my life has be a totally miserable case. Each day was always the same for me: wake up, take my utterly disgusting medication, eat, do whatever I had to do to keep myself from dying from boredom, take more stupid medication. I was only seventeen, but I didn't go to school. I had dropped out a year ago. Right when my doctor said I was too unstable to go to school. I believe her exact words were, "Candy can't handle to stress of school. It will just make her condition worse."
So now instead of going insane(Which would have been incredibly more interesting, not to mention fun), I can die from boredom!
And that's what I've been doing for the past year: so slowly, but surely rotting away from boredom. But once a month I do go for my daily appointment with my Psychiatrists. The meeting was no better than sitting at home, but at least I could annoy the hell out of my mom and Dr. Rose Quartz, the same Psychiatrists who said I couldn't handle school. But besides that, I liked Dr. Rose. She was pretty funny and silly at times and knew how to cheer someone up if they were down. But she could also be serious and strict if she needed to as well.
She's been my Psychiatrists every since I was thirteen and she's kind of like an aunt to me(that one creepy aunt that always lets you get away with things).
I know when Dr. Rose took me out of school, she was just looking out for me but I was still pretty mad at her for awhile. And she knew that(it wasn't that hard to tell with her non-stop apologizing). She kept listing all the ups to being out of school, but the thing is, I absolutely loved school. I loved it more than anything else in this pathetic world! My mom and Dr. Rose said I was too smart for high school, anyway. And to tell the truth, I completely agree with them!
But enough about school!
You're probably wondering why I can't go to school and why I have to take so much damn medicine in the first place. When I was fourteen(I actually got Schizophrenia when I was thirteen but I had to have the symptoms for awhile for it to be official), I was diagnosed with Schizophrenia. Basically, it's this brain disorder. And it definitely has taken it's toll on me. One of reasons I'm always bored is because I have no friends anymore. I used to be able to make friends so easily, but now, I can't even bring myself to talk to my old friends. That's been one of the side effects being me for the past few years. The medication does its job to help get rid of the other symptoms(hallucinations, delusions, that kind of stuff). But there are some symptoms that no amount of pills can make them go away. That's way I have no more friends. I got angry too easily, I changed and my friends just didn't like it.
The only friend that stood by me was Autumn Weir. She would still try to talk to me, she would still try to be my best friend just like she always had been. Even though my personality might have changed, even though I myself might have changed, she never gave up on me.
But I stopped talking to her a year ago, when I got kicked out of school. Yeah, she had came over to my house after that, knocking on my door. But I didn't answer and if my mom answered, I told her I didn't want to talk to Autumn right not.
This went on for a few months, but eventually, Autumn got the message and stopped coming over all together. This made me kind of sad but I was also relieved. I mean, without being around me, Autumn doesn't have to get hurt more than she needed to. I didn't have to worry about something happening to set me off and having Autumn in the way. She was so kind that if you yelled at her, you'd be so guilty that you wouldn't be able to eat. And I couldn't handle that.
Of course I felt for leaving Autumn, but. . . I didn't know what to do. What else could I do?
~~~
It was a sunny day in Ponyville with hardly any noticeable clouds. My mom, Heartstrings, and myself were looking around the market for ingredients for a chocolate cake that we were planning on making. We had been walking around almost all day but still hadn't been able to find everything. And by the look on my mom's face, she was beginning to get frustrated. I seriously thought she was about to blow.
"Y'know," I said, "it's my job to go mental, not yours."
My mom shot me a look that said, "shut up or you're grounded."
I shrugged. She always gave me that look when ever I said something like that. And I honestly don't know why--unless she's ashamed of me. I shook that idea from my head. My has told me many times how proud of me she is, so she can't be ashamed of me.
The idea of my mom being ashamed of me keep finding its way into my head, it I couldn't get it out. It was as if something kept forcing the idea into my head.
I was so caught in my thoughts that I was paying no attention whatsoever to where I was going--I ended up slamming right into somepony. I fell on the ground right on my stomach and the force of the blow caused the air to be knocked out of me.
I sat up on my bottom, fighting to catch my breath back. When I could finally breath correctly again, I turned my focus to the pony I had slammed into. It was a stallion with a light silver coat and messy dark blue mane and tail--his eyes were a dark orange and he was a pegasus.
From the looks of it, the pegasus had already recovered. He was sitting a few inches away from me and he was staring right at me.
"I know you," he said with a slight smile.
I didn't see how he could know me, though. I didn't recognize him from school(and our school was so small that everypony knew everypony). And Pinkie Pie did a good enough job of making sure everypony in town knew everypony. So how could he know me without me knowing him?
"And how do you know me, exactly?" I asked the pegasus.
"I'm a friend of Autumn, and she talks about you a lot." He paused. "Okay. So I don't exactly know you. But Autumn talks about you enough for me to have a good idea of what you're like, and I think that's enough for me to say that I at least know you. Sure, I can't say necessarily I'm friends with you or anything but--"
I stopped listening there.
He talked too much and honestly, I just wasn't in the mood to make any new friends(as if I ever was in the mood anymore). Without another word, I got up a began walking away. I had been a fool for thinking this would work.
The pegasus caught my shoulder with his hoof, keeping me from leaving.
"Where ya goin'?" he asked. Though I couldn't see his face, I knew a big friendly smile was plastered on his face--and it annoyed the hell out of me.
"My name is Lightning Storm," he said. "And I already know your name's Candy. A really sweet name if you ask me." He laughed(great, his sense of humor is bad too). "See what I did there?"
I rolled my eyes. "State your business and leave me the hell alone."
"Well," Lightning said, "I would like to be friends, if you don't mind."
"The problem with that is I do mind. And if that's all you want, then you're heading towards a dead end."
He now let go of my shoulder and walked in front of me. "Wow... Just like Autumn said you were." Lightning shook his head in disappointment. "She said you used to love making new friends..."
"That was a long time ago," I said.
"Come on," Lightning said as he wrapped one of his wings around me. "I love meeting making new friends, and you look just like the kind of girl who needs friends."
When I heard my mom call, I quickly shook myself loose from his wing, happy for the excuse to leave. I left quickly without saying goodbye, hoping that'd be the last I see of Lightning Storm.