//------------------------------// // The Neurotic Purple Bitch // Story: An angry Scotsman finds himself in Equestria // by Domaldo //------------------------------// Ponyville's Hospital, Afternoon As he exited his room, he noticed a slightly enraged unicorn mare staring at him from across the hallway, “Wait, what? When did you leave, and where were you?!” She asked him, clearly worried about what he might have done. “I left a moment ago to explore,” he answered simply. She wasn’t fully convinced due to his odd behavior, but everything so far about him is weird so she let it slide. “Well, WARN me next time, we have a deal, remember?” The mare scolded him with a pout, she really needed his cooperation. “The ‘deal’ was I would answer yer questions, ye never said I couldn’t explore,” the colt answered, trying to gain leverage on the argument. “Don’t wander off while I’m asking them then!” She retorted, getting angry herself at the situation. “Eh… but ye were not allowing me to answer any of ‘em!” She slumped a little. “So I got bored and explored,” and then he walked past her, trying not to trip in his new form of locomotion and very eager to get out of the hospital, “so maybe…slow down when asking ‘em?” At his flawless logic, Twilight could do nothing but comply and trot along, “well, why didn’t you say so? Let’s start over,” she faced him with a friendly face, “First, where you a unicorn back in your Equestria?” The colt simply stared at her before promptly asking, “… where?” To this the unicorn mare rolled her eyes, thinking he was joking. “You know, Equestria! The name of our land?” She responded, assuming the colt came from a world like hers. “Uh…What are ye talking aboot?” Twilight looked at him quizzically, “Then… where exactly did you come from?” “Is that even a question? I’m from the country called Scotland!” “Scotland?! Where in Equestria is that?!” The mare felt like she was losing her mind thanks to this colt. “Where and WHAT is Equestria!?” The colt asked agitated, getting both angry and frustrated at his predicament. This was, apparently, too much for the unicorn, “ITS WHERE WE ARE RIGHT NOW, HOW can you NOT know where you ARE!?” She practically screamed at the other unicorn, then she stopped herself realizing that she pulled him from another world, and rested her hoof on her face as she apologized, “sorry, it’s just that… that… I’m not used to this sort of thing.” Noting her obvious discomfort and sad tone, he decided to ask somewhat gently, “what sort of thing?” “Oh you know, talking to ponies from another world… ehehehe..eh,” she attempted for small humor to lighten the mood as the navy blue unicorn stared at her. The gears in his brain where grinding to form a coherent, calm response, “… so that’s what I am. I thought I was insane. But noooo, I’m perfectly fine! I’m just going to find the nearest third story window and jump for fun! BECAUSE IT’S NOT EVERYDAY YE BECOME A BLOODEH ANIMAL!!!” He finished very calmly. Twilight was too shocked to respond, his blue eyes clashing with her magenta irises in a stare that lasted far too long. Her face was contorted in confusion and a small hint of horror while his seemed emotionless, blank even. In the time this contest took place, neither of them moving nor blinking, her head was attempting to process the information while the reality of the situation sank deep within her being. After much needed thought, she responded in an equally calm tone, “… HEY! What do you mean ‘Become an animal’?!” Unflinching despite her more than indignant and confused tone, the Scotsman answered, “well I was a human, so WHY am I here?” The librarian took note of his declaration, acknowledging that not only did she pull another being from a world unlike her own, but also the fact that this individual wasn’t a pony to begin with. This opened up so many questions, but this was not the time ask them, so she answered his instead, “… well… I was messing with some spells of a few scrolls I found, and erm, I kinda maybe took something out of another world and brought it here,” she said sheepishly, and mentally added that something being you… “So basically you stole me,” he deadpanned. “...ehehehehehe....” she laughed nervously, and then brightened up slightly, “but it’s nothing I can’t fix! I’ll try and see if I can find you a way back, but in the meantime…” I will burn everything, if I don’t get home, “… in the meantime…?” The colt asked. “I get to know more about a whole new world, just picture it! New cultures, new creatures, new MAGIC! I can’t wait!!” She almost purred out the word magic, more than excited of learning wha- “Magic isn’t real.” “…” And her excitement burst like a delicate soap bubble in a field of thorns on a thundering and windy storm. If it wasn’t clear to the navy unicorn standing in front of her how incredulous she was, she tried to question him again, hoping against hope her ears had betrayed her and heard wrong, “… what… what did you say…?” Rolling his eyes, he gave her a far more detailed and deeply meaningful response, “magic isn’t real. Well, at least not where I’m from.” “B-b-but t-that’s IMPOSSIBLE! YOU are not possible! T-this doesn’t make se-” As the mare, whose special talent is “Magic” itself, continued her major freak-out, the poor Scotsman was once again unsure of what to do, what to think even. He simply settled for I think I blew her head up, and tried to get Twilight’s attention, “what?” Feeling ignored, he got annoyed at the lack of productivity of talking to the oblivious, blubbering purple unicorn, and shouted as loud as his new throat allowed, “I’M JUST GOING TO LEAVE, erm, I’LL BE OUT EXPLORING!!!” As he was once again unnoticed by her, but not by the rest within the vicinity, he went outside and wandered around in the hopes of finding something EVIL