It was early morning, very early morning. It was still dawn, and the sun wouldn’t rise for another ten minutes or so. Off in the distance down a dirt road, the town we know as Ponyville could be recognized. The setting was quiet, save for the moderately loud hum of a motorcycle engine and a heavy metal song being played from it. Driving the motorcycle was an earth pony mare with a snow white coat and pitch black mane. She was wearing a vest as black as her mane and was sporting hoof boots on all fours. The left front hoof boot had a sheath attached to it, containing a bowie knife. The right front hoof boot also had a holster; this one carrying a pistol designed and made for earth pony use. As the song reached her favorite verse she turned up the volume a tad, all the while trying not to wake her companion sleeping in the side car next to her.
A mumbled, “Huh wha?” was the response she wasn’t hoping for.
“Sorry, uh, didn’t mean wake you,” she said.
“That’s okay, if you can’t sleep in I guess it’s only fair I shouldn’t either,” he said while rubbing his eyes. Her companion was a unicorn stallion with a light blue coat and navy blue mane. The only article of clothing he wore was a gray bowler hat.
“Yeah, sure,” she retorted, not doing a very good job hiding the remorse in her voice.
“Something wrong?” he asked. She merely looked at him for awhile until she said
“Do I really have to say?”
Her friend let out a sigh. “Ash, we’ve been over this. We can’t keep living the way we do. The money’s just not adding up.”
“But I love living on the road. We’ve been doing it just fine for five years; I don’t see why we should have to stop now.”
“That’s because the pay for bounties has gone down just enough that we’re not making as much money as we’re spending”
“Neal, we made 500 bits on that last guy we bagged,” she said dryly.
“I know that, but when you subtract the cost of food, gas for the motorcycle, hotel fees…” He paused for a second and gave her a look, “Property damage…”
Her face remained unfazed, “Hey, you have to admit, modifying a wheel barrow, entering it in a soap box derby, and having it last for at least half the race is pretty impressive. That beekeeper was a total jerk anyways.”
Cornelius rolled his eyes. “Anyways… That all adds up to quite a bit of cash. But if we we’re to live in a house, we wouldn’t have to worry about that stuff half as much as we would living as drifters.”
Ash let out sigh of her own. “I know I know, you’ve told me before. But that wouldn’t be so bad if we didn't have to give up our job as bounty hunters at the same time. That’s the only thing I love more than living on the road.”
“That’s something we’ve also been over, we don’t have to give up bounty hunting. Right next to Ponyville is the Everfree Forest, it houses countless numbers of criminal hideouts. And the bounty rewards are still a great source of money.”
“Apparently not great enough for us to keep living on the road,” she said bitterly.
“Come on, I promise it won’t be so bad. Try thinking of the other benefits of living in a house. Like being able to read the newspaper every morning or being able to receive mail again, oh Or! or being able to shower on a regularly basis!”
“Oh jeeze, you make it sound like we’re some old married couple. Besides, those are all things you like.”
“Hmm, I suppose that was a poor way to pitch the positives of living in a house to you, wasn’t it? Let me try again: you’ll be able to play those zombie killing video games again, and you can get some of those dirty magazines you love so much. How does that sound?”
“Better.” She grinned. “Lots better, in fact.” Her face went back to that of indifferent again. “I guess I just need more time to get used to the idea of spending more than one or two weeks in the same town.”
“It won’t be so bad. I promise. We can even get a pet. I know you’ve always wanted one.”
Her face lit up. “Oh hey, yeah, we could, couldn’t we?”
“Of course," he continued, “We could get a dog or a cat. Or maybe a lizard like an iguana or gecko. Or maybe something like a tarantula, you’ve always had a thing for bugs.”
“I know exactly what I want to get,” she said, wearing a sly grin now.
“That’s the spirit! What did you have in mind?” he asked.
“Mountain lion,” she said matter of factly.
“What… Oh, oh no, No.” He looked irritated now.
“But you just said we could get a pet.”
“We can get a pet, sure, but a mountain lion is not a pet. Nopony keeps mountain lions as pets.”
“That’s part of why it appeals to me, though. it would be so original, it might even catch on. Besides…” she paused, thinking to herself, “Mountain lions are badass.”
“Once again, no. Mountain lions cannot be tamed. Remember the last time you tried to ‘befriend’ a wild mountain lion you saw? It only took five minutes until the damned thing tried to gouge your eyes out.”
“Exactly! The time before that, I lasted two minutes before it tried to gouge my eyes out. That means I’m improving. I mean statistically that’s like a…” She paused to think for a bit “A one hundred percent increase, right?”
She leaned back a bit, happy to be able to use anything she learned in school that she deemed useless. Cornelius paused for a few seconds.
“Well yes, I suppose that is mathematically true, but that’s still nowhere near long enough to make trying it again a good idea.”
“Someday Neal, someday I will be sitting of a sofa with a mountain lion purring and asleep on my lap while I stroke her head.”
“A mountain lion is too big to lie in your lap.”
“That’s a bridge I’m willing to cross when I get there.”
“Right. Well, speaking of getting there, I should probably tell you a few things about Ponyville. Mostly that it’s a clean town.”
Ash had a look of slight confusion. “All right, I guess that’s kind of nice, but I never really minded seeing litter on the ground all that much.”
“No, I mean that it is a clean town in the sense that it’s family friendly. You won’t be seeing any dark alleys with ponies smoking cigars leaned against the wall or anything like that.”
“Oh, you mean that kind of clean? Yeah I get it, but why are you telling me this?”
“I’m telling you because it means that the ponies here rarely use foul language, and hearing it would leave a very bad impression for us, something I really want to avoid seeing as how we will be living there.”
“Watch my mouth, got it,” she said even though she wasn’t sure she would make much of an effort to do so.
“It also means that they’re not used to our line of work so I don’t want you to go boasting about how you capture dangerous criminals for a living,” he continued.
“Aww c’mon! How else am I gonna get ponies to respect me?”
Cornelius opened his mouth, but before he could say anything, Ash interrupted.
“And no, I don’t want you to answer that.”
“Another thing I don’t want you to do is wave your pistol around like it’s a toy.”
“Ugh, I was just writing my name in a cloud by shooting holes in it. How was I supposed to know there was a pegasus standing on it. I was trying my hoof at street performing, but all they did was call me a crazed gun mare.”
“You are a crazed gun mare, and you’re proud of the title.”
“That’s not the point.” she shot back, but in her mind, she was smiling smugly.
“Either way, these ponies have probably never even heard of a gun, much less seen one, so don’t go showing it off.”
“Never seen a gun?” she said with disturbing interest. “That makes me want to show it off even more rather than less.”
“Seriously Ash.”
“Okay, okay, sheesh you sound just like my firearms safety instructor.”
“I thought you failed that class.”
“I did,” she said, starting to sound annoyed again. “Weren’t you trying to make me feel better about living in a house?”
“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-“
She cut him off again, “Relax, I’m just messing with ya. I never liked that class anyways.”
He let out a small laugh while he rolled his eyes. “That’s not surprising. Anyways, another thing I should tell you is that we can’t live off of bounty money alone, we’re going to need another, more reliable source of income. So I bet I’ll be getting a part time job.”
“Doing what?” she asked.
“Probably at the local hospital, if not there I heard that there was a school house that was looking to hire.”
“Okay then, so what about me?”
“Well, I think one job would be enough when you throw in the money from bounties, but I’m sure you might be able to find a few gigs to play your guitar at if we needed a little extra money. Hay, you could even start a band if you wanted,” he said.
“I like the sound of that. I get to stay at home playing the guitar and video games while you go to work and bring home money. Cornelius, you spoil me, you know that?”
“Don’t remind me,” he said. “Most of all, just try not to get in any fights. Like I said before, it’s really important that we make a good first impression. We only get one after all. I know you don’t exactly get along well with other ponies.”
They were now driving into Ponyville, making their way to the market square where other pony venders were just beginning to set up their stands. Ash brought the motorcycle to a stop and they both got out.
“Now I have to visit the mayor’s office to fill out some paperwork. I’ll be back in an hour or so. Go ahead and find yourself some breakfast, mingle with the ponies a bit you know, act like a generally rational civilian. Just please remember what I said okay?”
“Hey, by the time you get back, I’ll have more friends than the only pony who makes ice cream in a desert for a hundred miles, except in his case, most of them aren’t really his friends and just want ice cream.”
Cornelius put on a smile and chuckled a bit. “If you say so. I’ll come back here when I’m done, so don’t get too popular.”
“I’ll try but no promises,” she said jokingly.
With that he started for the mayor’s office. With Cornelius gone for the time being, Ash decided that now would be as good a time as any to find something to eat for breakfast. She looked around for a bit until her eyes caught sight of an apple cart. She could see an orange earth pony behind the counter. 'Okay' she thought to herself. 'Food and a chance to get to get to know the locals, time to nail two birds with one stone.' She hastily trotted towards her first meal and potential “friend” in Ponyville.