Equestrian Legends Online: Tale of the Misfits

by bluemoon1996


January 27: An Unexpected Surprise

"Why do you have eighty mushrooms?!" I had to resist the urge to facehoof when Phoenix told me and Myst what he had found down the middle tunnel.

"Why don't you have eighty mushrooms?"

Okay, facehoof time it is then. "That's not a valid answer Phoenix." He seriously used that to explain every stupid decision he made!

He sighed. "Fine, I was thinking about profits."

"Profits?" Both me and Myst said simultaneously.

"Yeah, profits. Just 'cause we're stuck in a death game doesn't mean we should be live like damn hobos. Hell, if I'm going to die in here, I at least wanna taste wealth once in my life. Even if its virtual money and I'm a cartoon horse."

"Candy colored," Myst interjected, "candy colored cartoon horse."

"Whatever," Phoenix rolled his eyes, "and if Mountie actually does become an alchemist like he's been talking about; he'll be needing ingredients."

My jaw hit the floor for a second time today; two plans that actually were smart coming from the pyromaniac whose main battle strategy was to run in and hit it in the face. Phoenix my boy, you provide alotta surprises sometimes.

"And since we are going to move soon...."

Okay, wat? "Wait wait wait! Hold the damn presses; I wasn't informed of any idea to move!?" I said, stopping mid flight and turning to face Phoenix.

He blinked in surprise before looking up at Myst who was still hovering. The pegasi rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly, "I was planning on telling him when we got back to town, Bubbaloo."

Great, my own damn team was making plans without me! "And what might this plan be, my dear co-conspirating friends?"

"Look, we need to move onto another city. We're basically in the Goodsprings of this game," Phoenix started. "Eventually all the side quests and grinding around here will provide jack squat in the way of XP and loot so we might as well get the jump on everyone else and head out."

"And do you have an idea for where we should go actually?"

"Canterlot," Myst interjected, "it's the closest place to Ponyville and eventually we can move on to elsewhere like Manehattan or Fillydelphia."

I nodded; that was a logical idea and it seemed like a damn good course of action. "Shoulda just told me you idiots," I said simply.

"I was planning on doing that once we got back," Myst pouted slightly, "but Bubbaloo here has a big mouth."

"Well I haven't been moaning about getting my hoov- hands on hoofblades like you have for the last five days."

I groaned; this was going to be a long walk back to Ponyville.


We heard the sounds of fighting before we reached the top of the hill. When the clanging of steel reached our ears, the three of us shared a look before bolting to the top of the hill.

There was a group of three ponies fighting back to back against a group of sev- no, make that six zombie ponies with swords at the base of the hill.

I looked over to Phoenix and gave him a nod. He gave a glee filled grin in return as I looked back down at the surrounded players below, "time to be heroes guys.... CHARGE!!"

With that, Phoenix let out his trademark war cry as he charged down the hill. Myst and I both took to the skies and he zoomed down towards the fight below. I flew closer before stopping in a hover.

I took aim at one zombie attacking an ash grey pegasi with a black mane. But before I could pull the trigger, he slammed a mace into the zombie's face causing it to explode into blue code.

"Well, that takes care of that one," I muttered under my breath as I took aim at another zombie who was sparring with a silver unicorn with a blue mane. The unicorn's health bar was already in the red; and his fighting was little more than desperate blocking as he tried to keep from getting killed. The zombie's health was about half full. Damn it, no one was dying on my watch!

"Autoload," I muttered under my breath before firing off both rounds into the zombie causing it to explode into blue code.

The unicorn looked up at me with a smile on his face, "thanks mate!"

"Myst! The silver unicorn is in the red! Keep his ass clear!" I barked at my comrade zooming about like a moth around a light, slashing at the four remaining zombies below.

"Aye aye Sarge," I heard him yell back before I turned my gaze on the zombie with the lowest heal-

A fireball slammed into the zombie's face followed by Phoenix's axe and Phoenix slamming into the zombie's side, "CHOO CHOO MOTHERFUCKA!" The zombie let out a final pained snarl before it exploded.

The usual facehoof due to Phoenix's antics didn't occur; instead, I wanted to land and buck him square in the mouth. The idiot was literally charging headlong into a pack of enemies! There's a difference between glory charging and quite literally throwing yourself into combat and he sure as shit just crossed that damn line! He could have gotten his ass hurt or even killed if that hair brained plan of his didn't work!

Groaning, I shook the thought from my head. I could yell at him once the fight is done, but right now there was work to be done. Turning my sights on one of the remaining zombies, I fired; dropping it's health down a quarter.

That seemed to distract the zombie causing it to snarl and shamble it's way over towards me. It only made it a few feet before another shot and a great cleave from Phoenix before it exploded into code.

That left just one zed and it shouldn't last too long; it's health was already at half. The grey pegasi slammed his mace into the zombie's neck, dropping it's remaining health a quarter. Phoenix lobbed a fireball at it and dropped the health down to a mere little sliver. The zombie finally exploded after a pass and swipe from Myst.

The area fell silent except for the sounds of heavy breathing as I landed and walked over to the group we had helped save their flanks. As I drew nearer, I finally managed to get a proper look at them.

The grey pegasi was wearing a set of dark leather armor that almost blended in with his coat; the cutie mark on his flank was a crescent moon and a quill. The name above his head read: Nightingale.

The unicorn was decked out in what looked to be in some form of studded leather armor; the name above his head read: Lancer.

The third pony who I hadn't really payed much attention to during the fight finally made an appearance. He was a pegasi stallion; the coat visible under his heavy armor was a school bus yellow; his mane was a two tone black and yellow. The name above him read: Thunderbolt_Sentinel.

"Thank you guys for saving our flanks," Lancer said with a small smile as he opened up his menu, looking for what I hoped was a healing potion.

"Not like they needed to," Nightingale said dryly, "we had that under control."

"Like hell we did!" Lance snapped back, "I was one damn hit away from dying! One hit!" He shook a hoof for emphasis.

Soon, the two were arguing heatedly. Laughing to himself, Thunderbolt came trotting over to the three of us, "Just ignore them; they do that all the time."

I couldn't help but crack a grin, "yeah, I know the feeling; these two are always arguing about something. Name's Ca-"

"Cassius01," he said finishing my sentence.

"Umm... I prefer Cass and how in the hell did you know that?"

"The name above your head," he said flatly.

The resulting facehoof at my own stupidity was followed by snickers from Phoenix. Okay, stupid Cass is stupid "Yeah, this is my first MMO. Still getting used to some things."

Thunderbolt shrugged, "ehh, we all gotta be noobs at some point and time."

"Well, my terrible introductions aside, how about I introduce you to the rest of Team Misfits. That's Wicked Phoenix: our resident kamikaze and pyromaniac," I said, waving a hoof over at Phoenix.

"We ought to work together more often," he replied with a grin. Oh Phoenix, I'm so gonna chew your ass out once we're away from these guys.

"He's MystRyder," I gestured over to Myst, "our resident Canadian with a thing for hoofblades and apparently part cat; we literally found his butt up a tree surrounded by timberwolves on day one."

"There were only two!"

"And look how far you've come in the last five days," I gave him a cheeky grin, "going from a complete and utter man who had no idea how to equip their weapon to a fog wielding dodging machine!"

Leaving Myst to gush over my comment, I looked back over to Thunderbolt, "so... Whats with them two? With the amount of bickering I'm seeing, I'm half expecting them to start making out."

Thunderbolt snickered at that, looking over his shoulder at his two still arguing comrades, "no relation whatsoever; our little group just happened to land next to one another after getting teleported to the square. And after.... Well you guys know, we all decided to stick together and work together."

I nodded, sighing as the memories of Discord's little speech came back to the front of my mind.

"Times of crisis lead to strange bedfellows," Myst said simply before smiling, "Well it's nice to meet you three too. If you need some help or something, just send one of us a PM."

He nodded, "Duly noted, and the same can be said for me and Lance at least; Team Awesome! shall always come to your aid if you need it."

At that point, the argument between Nightingale and Lancer reached a new fervor; and the two of them looked like they were about to beat the crap out of each other. "Well, you guys better get on your way before these two idiots end up attracting some monsters or something."

We all said our goodbyes before turning to leave.


"Team awesome?" Phoenix laughed as soon as we were out of earshot, "what kinda name is that?"

"It's our kinda name," I said flatly, irritation evident in my voice.

"Jeez what's got your panties in a knot?"

Okay, screw waiting till we're out of earshot; I landed in front of him, a scowl on my face, "You want to know what's wrong? Your goddamn kamikaze stunt back there!"

He blinked in surprise, "umm... What?"

"You fucking heard me," I yelled, stomping a hoof, "Your. Kamikaze. Stunt!"

"But but...." He stammered , still extremely confused.

"No fucking buts! That shit you pulled back there was fucking retarded! Choo Choo Motherfucka?!? What the fuck were you thinking??"

"I thought it would be funny," he said, looking down at ground.

"Funny? You're a damn idiot! What if that shit didn't work? What if that shit caused you to get killed?!"

This caused him to frown and I couldn't help but smile a tiny bit. "Yes, what if that stupid goddamn stunt killed you? What the hell would I tell your mom when we got out? That her son died being a hero; saving the life of some player near death? No, I'd have to fucking tell her that he died being a fucking moron, pulling a retarded stunt for fucking tits and giggles because he thought it was fucking funny!"

I practically bellowed the last word of my rant, ending it with a stomp of my hoof as I gave him a death glare. Phoenix looked like a dog who just got kicked. He didn’t say a word as he looked down at the ground. My usually cocky friend looked downright pathetic and I frankly couldn’t care less. He’d get it through his damn thick skull that this wasn’t just a simple game anymore; WE COULD DIE! I don’t want to take myself or Myst dying to finally get it through to him.

“Umm… Cass."

"WHAT!" I snapped as I turned to Myst, my nostrils flaring as literal steam puffed out of them.

He let out a surprised eep before jumping back slightly. "Umm... You need to calm down a bit," he said rather awkwardly, trying to avoid my glare.

"Calm down? Calm down?! No, I'm perfectly fucking calm! I'm just having a nice civil discussion with Phoenix here about his stupid fucking stunt!" With that I turned back to Phoenix to keep chewing his flank off some more.

But when I turned back to see Phoenix, I didn't see the same kicked dog as earlier, Phoenix was looking directly at me, anger clearly evident on his face.

"Go the fuck away," he growled, his voice low.

I remained silent.

"I said: GO THE FUCK AWAY!" He practically bellowed, stamping his forehooves as he glared daggers.

"No, I don't think I will; I'm not the one at fault here. You should be the one leaving!"

"Me? You weren't even in the boss fight!"

"Well excuse me for having goddamn arachnophobia Mr. I still sleep with a nightlight despite being fucking 23 because I'm afraid of the dark!"

This just caused Phoenix to get even more pissed off. "You said you'd never speak of that again!"

"Well looks like I just did," I replied with a smug grin.

"Why you stupid little cock sucking faggot!"

Oh you son of a bitch, you did not just go there! I let out a pissed off scream of my own. In an instant, I was on top of him, my snout practically pressed up against his as I glared directly into his soul.

"You suicidal assshat, I thought we-"

"Get the hell off me you faggot!"

I let out a surprised yelp as I suddenly found myself ripped off of Phoenix and thrown a good distance.

I landed on the ground roughly with pained groan. Getting back to my hooves, I saw that my health bar had dropped a tad bit from the impact. I growled; if that son of a bitch wanted to go full trade, I'll go full trade on his as-

"ENOUGH!!!"

My head snapped over to Myst; who now bore a very unamused look on his face. "You two are supposed to be friends and you're on the verge of ripping each other's throats out!"

"But... But he started it," Phoenix stammered.

"No, he did by being a dipshit!"

"I don't give a damn who started it," Myst said with a tone that belonged to a pissed off parent. "It's obvious you two need some time apart."

He then looked over at me, "Cass, go off into town and do... something till you've finally calmed down. I don't want to see neither hide nor tail of you till then! Got it?"

"But... But..."

He then just glared at me; his unflinching gaze seriously put my own mother to shame. My resistance quickly crumbled and I nodded, "you won't see me...."

And with that I took to the skies.


I stared down at the chocolate milkshake in front of me with an almost frown. To say that I felt bad would have been the understatement of the century, I felt goddamn miserable.

I didn't mean to go off on Phoenix like that, it just kinda happened. I can't help it that anger issues tend to run in the family. The guy's probably my closest friend and I went off on him like he was some piece of filth white trash.

I took a long swig from the milkshake. I really wished that the booze in the game could actually simulate real drunkenness so I could drown my guilt in alcohol like a real man. How could I have forgotten what happened to Phoenix's mom....

My head hit the wooden table with a solid thunk. "...Ow....." I really want a damn cigarette now; but whoop dee doo, this game had to be rated T so no drunkenness and no deathsticks.

'What you did was totally necessary mate. How else was he supposed to get it through his thick skull that this ain't a game no more' the voice in the back of my head finally spoke up.

I sighed; I could have done it in a far more tactful way at least; one that didn't involve so much damn screaming. But what was I to expect: when I get stressed out, I tend to get angry and when I get angry, I tend to get a bit... shouty.

'Shouty is the understatement of the century mate'

Hey, I thought you were supposed to be on my side damn it; you're my brain after all!

'Doesn’t mean I can't be the devil's advocate'

Before I could even retort, a notification popped up in my face. I had recieved a PM from Phoenix?

I quickly opened up and began reading.

yo assshat Mcgee,


I'm still goddamn pissed off at you Chris and I would much rather be writing some hate mail to you but something just happened a few minutes ago.


Some dude showed up at the inn and was looking about for you; asking for you by name.


Your real name.


Brad


P.S. When you get back here, don't talk to me

I blinked in surprise as I read the message again. I must have reread it a good ten times before I finally closed it. The only person here who knew my real name was Phoenix and I know that he definitely ain't the type to going to blabbering about my name. Someone else I know from back in the real world has to be in this death trap of a game; that's the only logical thing!

Within a few seconds, I was out the door of Sugarcube Corner and in the air, flying as fast as my wings could carry me.


I landed in front of the inn, my chest heaving as I tried to catch my breath. Okay, leave the high speed aerial crap to Myst; I'll just stick to my hovering and stuff.

As I stepped inside, the first thing I saw was Phoenix sitting around a table and chatting with a few other players. He saw me too and he immediately started giving me the stink eye. Wow, such a warm welcome.

"Cass what the heck are you doing here?" My ears perked up as I turned to see Myst trotting over to me, a look of disappointment on his face, "I thought I told you to stay away from us til-"

"Phoenix sent me a letter saying some dude was looking for me and he knew what my real name was," I said, informing Myst.

"Wait," he blinked in surprise, "you're name's C-"

"He's upstairs in your room shitface," I heard Phoenix say purposely loud.

"Well that answers that," I said flatly before looking at Myst. "Well, time to see who my mystery guest is."

With that, I quickly went upstairs and soon stood before my little inn room's slightly ajar door. I took a deep breath; time to see who else I knew was stuck in here with us and I pushed open the door.

My room was small; a rectangle that was maybe six feet across and ten feet wide (kinda hard to tell measurements when you're the size of a tiny pony). A small bed laid along the long wall and a small table and chair sat in the far corner. On the far wall was a window that looked out at Ponyville and looking out it was my mystery guest.

I purposely coughed to get his attention and when he turned about my eyes just about bled.

The pony was a unicorn stallion and he was the most garish colors possible! His coat was an almost Pinkie Pie grade pink and his mane was a gaudy blue with purple highlights. He was wearing a golden breast plate with with leather boots and instead of a helmet, he had some sort of red bandana wrapped around his head just below his horn. On his back was a sword that reeked of katana. The name above his head read: Krieger.

The eyesore of a stallion smiled when he saw me. "Hi, brother."