//------------------------------// // Chapter 9: The Bird Way // Story: Improbable Truth // by Charon the Chronicler //------------------------------// Humanity, in its infancy, was not a race of hunters. It consisted of weak, lightly furred, primordial hominids, without sharp claws nor strong jaws. But change is a magnificent thing. An error in their own genetic material, occurring perhaps generations before, had given them the blueprints for the mightiest weapon that would ever grace Terra Firma. The sapient brain. Of course, for the blueprints to become a reality, it needed the materials. And the blueprints called for a major change in diet. Meat. And, oh, how the early hominids managed to procure that meat. Their bipedal stance and forward facing eyes gave them the advantage of finding prey in the African savannah. Their sweat glands and sad excuse for pelts allowed them to lose heat easily, and thus chase prey for days on end. Their dentition supplied them with a varied diet that allowed them to eat nearly anything while they hunted. And so they ran…either until they were able to bash their prey’s head in with a rock, or until it died of exhaustion. From then on, meat supplied the brain, and the brain supplied the means to get that meat. Sticks, sharpened stones, spears, all were born of humanity’s desire for meat. Since then, the means of killing had evolved, as had the reasons. Truly, humanity conquered their world using only their brains, their hands, and their endurance. Humanity had become Earth’s most fearsome hunters. So why can’t I hit anything? I thought crossly as I stood in the middle of a shallow stream, spear in hoof. I had tried to sit still, and carefully stab where the fish would be, but they were intelligent enough to keep beyond my spear’s reach. I had only gotten two, and that was only because I activated bullet-time while directing some of the flow down my foreleg so the nerves would react as fast as my brain did. Apparently, doing this drained me significantly, and placed great strain on my muscles. Thus, the effort left me weak-kneed and out of breath, and with barely any food in the basket to show for it. “Stupid fish! Why can’t you just ̶ ” WHAP! Apparently, a fish took offense to my exclamation and slammed into my face. “That’s it! I’ve done it the human way, but now I’m going to do it my way. The bird way!” I flew into the air with my spear, my eyes following the shadows in the small river. “CANNONBALL!” <><><> “Why won’t anypony believe us?” Scootaloo sat at the table by the Cutie Mark Crusader Clubhouse, supporting her head in her hooves. “It’s obvious that Windell is a werepony!" “Well maybe they’d believe us if we all said it was a wolfpony!” Applebloom exclaimed. “It can’t be a wolfpony! It looked completely like a wolf, not half-pony half-wolf.” Scootaloo countered. “Well he can’t be a werepony, or else he’d only be a pony during a full moon.” Applebloom responded, slamming her hoof on the table. “What about a werewolf?” Sweetie Belle interjected. The other two foals looked at her, then back to each other, and shook their heads. “It isn’t a full moon, Sweetie! Hay, it’s still day!” Scootaloo said. “Maybe he has control over it?” Sweetie smiled sheepishly. “But then he could be a wolf bitten by a werepony, or a pony bitten by a werewolf!” Applebloom said, rolling her eyes. She brought a hoof up to her chin in deep thought. “If only we were able to know what Windell is…who would know?” The three fillies looked at one another as an idea hit. “Twilight!” they realized in unison. <><><> “Come in, Lieutenant.” A regal voice called out from the royal hearthroom. Ever the soldier, Hawk strode in, posture rigid and eyes forward. Both of the princesses were drinking tea, while Luna was daintily eating a fruitcake, humming an odd tune. “At ease, Hawk Eye,” Celestia ordered, “Come sit with us. We have tea, cake, biscuits, and Luna insisted on the fruitcake.” Hawk relaxed and sat on a plush chair by Luna. He decided to forego the tea, and nabbed a piece of fruitcake. “Hawk Eye, dost thou know why thou art here?” “Because I’m the only guard here who truly is ‘at ease’ with you two when ordered?” Celestia chuckled at his response, and Luna allowed herself a small smile. “That may be true Lieutenant, but we need you here to discuss the events of the Alamane,” Celestia said, “as well as what we’re going to do. So please, go over the important details.” “From what I’ve seen, whatever happened in the Badlands was some sort of magical anomaly that hit an odd shambling creature. It was potent enough magic that all of the more powerful unicorns felt excruciating pain at the base of their horns, while the weaker ones simply passed out. There was enough saturation to make it difficult for the pegasi and I to fly, but the earth ponies were relatively unaffected, save for a few with sore muscles and hooves. Those who saw the event would have been blinded, or have permanent damage to their eyes, were it not for the effort of Strong Recovery, who, despite the pain to his horn, managed to tend to them. The zebra, Zahid, was also a great help in tending to the wounded. My suggestion would be to equip lookouts with tinted goggles and binoculars, and remove the less capable unicorns.” The two alicorns nodded in agreement, muttering something about ‘primal energy’, but Hawk Eye continued. “And honestly, I think it would be best if Shining had an extended paid vacation. I know he’s a bit obsessed with being the ‘Shield of Equestria’, but that guy needs to spend some time with Cadence.” Luna snorted and rolled her eyes, while Celestia gave a sly smile. “You will not believe how hard it was for him to accept the paid leave.” Celestia giggled, “This is the first time we can truly give a real excuse to get him to spend time with Cadence, and we jumped on it.” “Dear sister, thou neglected to mention Cadence’s reaction when she heard of what happened at the Alamane” Luna laughed aloud, “It looked like she was about to unleash the deepest depths of Tartarus upon us!” “In any case,” Celestia continued, “We’re willing to give Shining several months of paid leave.” “Unless he proposes to her,” Luna said, “Which is what we hope will happen.” Hawk Eye shook his head, seeing the deviousness of female planning. “You’ve been First Lieutenant for five years now,” Celestia said, “And yet I know so little of you! Please, tell me your story, my little gryphon.” “If you insist, Princess.” Hawk acknowledged, “But it isn’t a very interesting story. My name isn’t quite a gryphon name, because my grandfather, upon coming here from the Great Isles of the Gryphonic Union ̶ ” “Pardon,” Luna interrupted, “But what dost thou mean by the Gryphonic Union? I thought it was an Empire?” “Luna! I thought I told you to read up on history!” “But Tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiaaaaaaaaaa…History is boring!” Celestia rolled her eyes as Hawk stifled a chuckle. “Well Luna,” Celestia rose a hoof in the air, “Shortly after…the Nightmare incident, the Gryphonic Empire attempted to seclude itself from all the other nations, but because of lack of trade, it fell apart within a decade, and the next few generations consisted of a maelstrom of political chaos and failed attempts at a stable government, so it fractured into several countries with different forms of government. It was divided into, from east to west, Neighpon and the Great Isles, the island nations, Prance, Germane, and Beaks, the coastal regions, Clawstria the landlocked, Downcroft the cold, costal lands, and Rawrssia, the vast mountainous lands that are known by its residents as the Gryphon Kingdom due to gryphon origins, populations, and cultural roots. The coastal countries even became quite receptive to ponies, minotaurs, and many other species. Clawstria and Rawrssia, however, remain, to this day, wary of foreigners. Despite this, two hundred years after the schism, the Gryphonic Union was formed to better coordinate trade and international agreements. The Union’s senate is led by the leaders of each country, who come into that position through different means. Election, heritage, education, all save trial by combat, which was outlawed when the Rawrssian representatives were constantly challenged and killed on the Senate floor. As such, they elect a member of the Senate to acting Prince of the Union, the highest executive position, but limited to three terms of five years. And so it has remained for the past six hundred and sixty-two years.” The two others in the room looked at one another when she finished, trying hard not to react. They failed miserably as they fell over each other, convulsing in laughter. Celestia maintained her pose, a faint blush staining her cheeks. “Thou still goes into thy ‘lecture mode’?” Luna guffawed. “Worse yet,” Hawk said, wiping a tear from his eye, “She does it exactly like Shining Armor!” Celestia, stuck her nose in the air dismissively, but her small smile betrayed her. “Anyways,” Celestia coughed, “Where were you in your story?” “Well,” Hawk continued, “My grandfather on my father’s side, upon immigrating to Equestria, decided to give his hatchlings Equestrian names, rather than old Isletongue names. He said it would make them more culturally diverse. Some gryphons said that his offspring were going to forget their origins, to which grandfather responded ‘We’re plucking gryphons, mate. They’re not going to forget where they came from.’ Of course, my father, Valor Redwing, continued this tradition with his hatchlings. As for me, I was born in Equestria. Sure, I’ve visited the Isles, but I was raised here, I first flew here, I’ve decided this is my home, no matter what other gryphons or ponies say. So I got in the guard. The instructor was hard on me, but by Tartarus, he was hard on everyone. I got in, and on the first day, I got in a fight with some upstart colt who called me an ‘overgrown chicken’. Of course, we both had to clean the mess hall, and that’s how I became friends with Shining Armor. Apparently, he was trying to fit in with the others, but the colt had ended up with me as his best friend. The rest, you already know. Not much of an adventure, but hey, its my life.” “How would you like to go on a real adventure?” Celestia asked. “What do you mean?” “I’ll be the first to admit we’re a bit short-hoofed, with our increased patrols along our borders, so guards of your caliber are very hard to come by. But we still need to find the dreamer, Lucid. It may be like finding a needle in a haystack, but I need you to assemble a team to prowl Equestria for Lucid. You will be undercover, so you will be out of uniform. Keep in mind, you will need to be combat ready, stealthy, and self-sustaining. And considering you will be out of uniform, it is encouraged that your team won’t be very, for lack of a better term, rigid, but capable of participating in civilian activities, to better fit in.” Celestia gave a knowing wink. “So all I have to do is convince several members of the force to go on paid leave with me all over Equestria while looking out for suspicious characters?” Hawk grinned. “Only the best could pull it off.” Celestia said, keeping her composure before letting a small smile escape her. “Okay then,” the gryphon chuckled, “I’ll go assemble my Equestrian bar crawl team.” Hawk saluted and practically skipped out. Celestia watched the door close and turned to Luna. The younger sister gave a sheepish smile as the eldest shook her head. “Anything else you neglected to read?” “Ummmm…” Luna blushed, “We still do not know how Cadence came to be once more. We thought that Sombra banished the Crystal Empire beyond time and space?” “He did,” Celestia sighed dejectedly, “But apparently, she escaped through an obsidian mirror, a creation of Sombra’s as he tried to perfect Starswirl’s magic. I was trying to manipulate our mirror’s coordinates to find my previous student, but it ended up with little Cadence flying out of the mirror. You would not believe how shocked I was.” “We can. But we wonder, did she adapt quickly to this time?” “Unbelievably so, Luna. I suppose it was because she was so young. Even today, she is very ahead in her thinking, introducing social concepts we could have never thought of. But she refuses to tell me where these ideas come from, or what happened after Sombra took over.” “Odd.” “She will tell us in time, sister. I know you are curious, but patience is the key, especially with the potentially traumatic events that occurred.” “Pity. We hope she gets better, we are sure there is a story there.” Luna took another bite out of her fruitcake. <><><> I walked along the river towards my clearing, basket filled with fish held on my back, secured by my wings. My legs were sore, I was tired, hungry, and an odd mixture of pissed and amused. The fish had seen my cannonball coming, and only two had been blown out of the water. When I got out of the stream, cold and frustrated, I was on my last legs. Tired, delusional, and maybe a bit high from exhaustion, I tried something I didn’t think would work. Then again, I could probably stack a few more fish on top of the basket. Maybe I can eat some. I turned to the river, and held the basket at an angle towards it in such a way that the fish would not spill out. “Here fish!” I called. One, two, three…seven more landed in the basket with wet slaps. I didn’t question it. In this delusion, the fish were smart enough to understand connotations and react accordingly, a step below canines of reality. But they were stupid enough to follow food and ‘crowds’ with a positive suggestion. I should not have expected any less. On the bright side, all I would need to fish in the future would be two fish in the basket, so other fish would ‘follow’ the crowd. I was looking forwards to feeding Steel Fang and sleeping comfortably in a hammock. I could be done with the day and fall into the blissful realm of my dreams. Or old memories I thought I let go. I grimaced. And they seem to be approaching the time I entered my first delusion. I’m not looking forwards to it. I stopped just outside my clearing. Now, I need to describe what my clearing is usually like. When I found the spot, I was enamored by its stillness, its life. Civilization had not yet perverted the area, and in my construction, I hoped to keep it that way. The clearing itself was unremarkable; a small spot, no larger than the width of a suburban house, the flat ground was covered in ankle-high grass, with trees and shrubbery looming along the sides. Sunlight filtered through the edges and shone bright in the center, where my house was being built. Birds frolicked in the higher branches, and my brown teepee sagged underneath an old oak tree, its top secured by a rope to one of the lower branches of the venerable tree, making my temporary home seem like an extension of the tree. The stones I had chosen for the outside of my house were gray and mossy, the lumber for the roof a rich chocolate color. I had expected to see Fluttershy with a few medical supplies, tending to Steel as the injured direwolf sat there, calmly, letting her replace the bandages or feed him medicine. This is not what I came upon. This was mayhem. Rainbow Dash was arguing with Twilight about what seemed to be werewolves, behind Twilight, Steel Fang was on his back, dazed, as Fluttershy nervously patted him and seemed to be giving him medical attention, the door to my house that I had just installed was broken in and leaning off a hinge, Sweetie had somehow planted herself into the ground, Applebloom and Scootaloo managed to get themselves stuck in a tree with sap, Pinkie was just sitting there, yelling at the air, my teepee was on fire, and Cherilee just looked on, a hoof pressed firmly against her forehead. Now, normally, I would just close my eyes, turn around, and walk away. But it was my home, dammit! I had nowhere to turn to. I gently put my basket down, and, with great effort, directed some flow to my throat, where I believed my vocal cords were. Logically, if the flow is sent to my brain increases my reaction time, being sent to my wings increased my speed, and sent to my legs increased my strength, then if sent to my vocal cords, the volume would increase. “WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?!” Okay, an ‘increase in volume’ may have been an understatement. All of the ponies turned to look at me in surprise. Except the crusaders, who seemed to be physically incapable of doing so. “SIT!” I commanded. The ponies plopped down, giving me a few nervous looks. I stomped over to the middle of the clearing and pointed to Sweetie Belle. “You!” I fumed, “Turnip. Tell me how…how all of this-” I waved my hoof to show the carnage they had wrought, along with the now smoldering remains of my tent. “-came to be.” My eyes bored into hers, and she anxiously looked away. “Weeeeell…” she began, “We came here earlier and saw the wolf and we thought it was you because he had bandages in the same place so we ran away and tried to warn the town of a werewolf but we couldn’t agree if you were a werewolf or a wolfpony or a werepony so we went to Twilight and she told us we were silly because werewolves don’t exist but Rainbow crashed in and heard there was a werewolf so she offered to protect us and we saw the wolf and he growled at us so we panicked and Applebloom and Scootaloo jumped reeeeeeaally high into a tree and I had a magical surge so I accidentally set your tent on fire after I teleported into the ground while Rainbow tackled the wolf into your door we’re sorry she broke it but then Fluttershy came and argued quietly with Rainbow then Twilight came and started yelling at Rainbow about endangered species and dangers of attacking a wolf and Rainbow said he was a werewolf and Cherilee was there and she tried to calm them down and Pinkie came out of nowhere and started yelling then you came and told us to sit down in a scary loud voice but I can’t because I’m stuck can you help me now I’m so sorry!” The little unicorn started gasping for breaths from the impressive run-on sentence. “Do any of you have anything to add to this tale?” I asked out loud. “Umm I went to get some medicine for Steel,” Fluttershy said, “but I came back to see Rainbow tackle him. I tried to tell her that Steel wasn’t you, but…oooh, I should have been more vocal about it!” “That’s fine, Effie,” I waved my hoof dismissively, “Nursing him back to health is fine. I also understand that Skittles was trying to protect those three.” Rainbow nodded sheepishly as I looked back down to Sweetie. “Nickname pending, could you get them out there while you explain your actions?” Nobody moved from their places while they looked at each other with puzzled expressions. “Who the hay is ‘nickname pending’?” Rainbow asked. “Okay then,” I conceded, “Smarty, could you get the three young ones out of their difficult positions?” The ponies turned to look at Twilight. “Wha-Fine.” She telekinetically brought down two of the Crusaders and removed their sap in a flash, then trotted over to uproot Sweetie. “I mostly just followed a hunch that these three would get into trouble when they yelled ‘Cutie Mark Crusader Werewolf Hunters’ outside my library. I didn’t know I’d find a species I thought was extinct! Of course, he seems a bit…ferocious.” “Yeah, you’re only safe if Effie’s with you. Which is why I brought all this fish. I’m hoping he’ll stop trying to eat me.” They all stared at me, a few had their mouths gaping. Except Pinkie, who nodded as if my half-baked plan was actually the wedding cake of schemes. “Don’t look at me like that, I know what I’m doing.” Not really. Or at all. I turned to Pinkie, hoping to change the subject. “So why are you here?” “My friends were yelling!” she chirped. “And…?” “What kind of friend would I be if I didn’t join them?” “But…whatever. Moving on. And you, Teacher?” I looked to the mauve mare. “I actually came here a few seconds before you did. I wanted to ask if you could come teach the class about biology for a day. Normally, I’d go to the library for information, but it seems like you’ve read a lot on the subject.” “Sure,” I shrugged, “when would you like me to drop on by?” “A week from now would be perfect! Unless…are you going to the Gala?” “No worries, I’m staying around.” I looked around, noticing that Pinkie had disappeared. “Now, if all of you don’t mind, Steel Fang is hungry, and I need to feed him and set up a hammock high in the trees since my teepee is...Never mind. Now shoo!” The three fillies left with sheepish expressions, Rainbow looked a bit downcast and muttered a ‘sorry’ to me as she flew by me, Cherilee went with a wave, and Twilight reluctantly departed. I knew she wanted to study Steel, but now was not the time. I stomped out the embers of my tent and collected a few extra sticks, sheets and ropes to create a bungalow in the trees. I looked as Fluttershy reapplied some bandages to Steel, thankful that she stuck around to help him. Flying up to three nearby trees, I did my magic with the ropes to create some sort of trigonal pyramid that would support the sheets I had brought with me. After a good thirty minutes of building, cussing, and getting wrapped up in rope and canvas, my terrific tree teepee was ready for use. I glided down and silently started building a fireplace to boil some veggies. Fluttershy finished with Steel, at around the time the sun set, and walked timidly to me. Before she could say anything, I spoke up. “I’m sorry for yelling at all of you earlier. I was tired, hungry, and pretty cranky. To add to that, a bunch of people came here, a place I thought would be secluded. I find it’s great you stood up to Skittles like that for Steel Fang. That was very brave.” Fluttershy’s cheeks tinged pink. “O-oh. N-not really…” She kicked some dirt. “Don’t sell yourself short, Effie.” I looked up to the rising moon. “It’s getting late. You should get back home. I’ll be setting the fish in front of Steel so he has something to eat.” I sat up and dragged the basket to Steel, watching as he stirred back into consciousness. I waved to Fluttershy as she daintily flew away and kicked out the fire. I spilled the water onto the charred remains of the wood and brought the pot up with me to my sky-tent. Minutes passed as I waited for Steel to wake. My eyes adjusted to the darkness, and eventually, I saw his dark form move and sit up. He looked about, then down in front of him, where I placed the basket, and began eating. I allowed myself a breath of relief, and bit into one of the potatoes I’d boiled. Now let’s see if I can get more ‘flow’ out of what I eat before bed.