//------------------------------// // Chapter 3 // Story: Friendship in Disguise // by Tumbleweed //------------------------------// “Isn't this exciting, Twilight?” Pinkie Pie bounced down the hallway. Her typically overenthusiastic volume didn't seem out of place (for once), as the entire palace was abuzz with activity. After a slightly quieter reception in the Grand Ballroom (which seemed far less grand when one had to fit a few hundred tons of robots inside), the Autobots had settled in to pursue their respective studies. “It really is.” Twilight Sparkle smiled, “Diplomatic contact with an extra-Equestrian civilization? It's something that I'd never even dreamed of! Just think of what we could learn! I only got a brief look at Cybertonian technology when Grimlock first arrived, but now they've brought a proper delegation...oh, I wonder what kind of filing system they use.” “Psssh, not that, silly.” Pinkie Pie said. “I'm talking about Princess Celestia and Optimus Prime!” “What about them.” “You know.” Pinkie Pie winked. “I...don't know, actually.” “Oh come ooooooooon.” Pinkie said. “Am I the only one that noticed? Princess Celestia has a crush on the big red guy!” “Pinkie!” Twilight blurted, perhaps a bit too loud. “You can't say that!” “Why not?” “Because, because...it just doesn't make sense! She's a pony, and he's...not! The logistics alone would...” she shook her head. “I don't even want to think about it.” “Oh, okay. You probably know her better than I do, since you're her favorite student and also a Princess and stuff! But to somepony like me who doesn't know Celestia as well as you do, that's what it looks like! I mean, didn't you see them back at the big meeting in the hall? She was sitting on Optimus' like it was the best place ever.” “He's three stories tall. That's the only way to have a conversation with him.” “But she's a Princess! She could use the ROYAL CANTERLOT VOICE.” Pinkie Pie's eerily accurate Princess Luna impersonation, rattled the portraits hanging along the walls. “Couldn't she?” “Sitting on his shoulder is the only way to have a polite conversation.” Twilight said. “There's nothing going on.” “I think she was being a little more than 'polite,'” Pinkie Pie winked and nudged her friend. “I mean, did you see the way she flipped her mane?” “She flipped her mane?” “She totally did! Almost like she was flirting.” “She was not flirting. Princess Celestia does not flirt.” “Of course she does! She just hasn't had anyone to flirt with. But now, it makes sense! They're both royalty, or at least Optimus Prime seems kind of royal-ish I think, and Princess Celestia's like a thousand years old and didn't she say these robots got really old too? It totally makes sense! They'll form one of those fancy political alliances and seal it off with a marriage and then we can have a super huge party! In space! With robots!” “That is not what's going to happen. Princess Celestia's not marrying anypony. Or...any robots.” Twilight Sparkle huffed. “You're right, that makes sense.” Pinkie Pie stroked at her chin, thoughtfully. “All those arranged alliance marriages are between daughters and sons and stuff, aren't they? But Princess Celestia doesn't have any children....Which means...oh!” The proverbial light bulb lit up above Pinkie's head. “That means you get to marry a robot!” “Pinkie Pie, has Rarity been loaning you romance novels again?” “How'd you know?” “Just a hunch. Now come on, we're running late. I don't want to keep Perceptor waiting.” “Oh! I get it!” Pinkie Pie nudged Twilight again. “You're totally gonna be the one they marry off! But they didn't want to be mean about it so they sent a scientist and you can do cool sciencey stuff together! Loooooove science!” Twilight facehooved. “Love is not a science.” Twilight Sparkle said. “How do you know? Have you tried?” “Yes! I mean, no! I mean...we have bigger things to worry about right now than who has a crush on who.” “So you admit that somepony is crushing on somepony?” “Can we talk about something else, Pinkie?” Twilight closed her eyes and rubbed the bridge of her nose. “Okay!” Pinkie Pie said. “I can talk about lots of things! Like, ooh, how do you think Fluttershy and Rarity are doing? You're not worried that they took that blue guy outside the city, are you? Because he seemed kind of nice but also kind of quiet and they say you have to watch out for the quiet ones which is why nobody watches out for me because they already know I'm coming!” “I trust the Autobots,” Twilight said, and smiled, “and more than that, I know Rarity and Fluttershy can handle themselves. I bet they're going to be just fine.” “Please don't hurt me!” Fluttershy cowered behind a pile of rocks entirely too small to serve as cover. “I thought we went over this,” Beachcomber crouched down, trying to look as un-intimidating as he could. He managed fairly well, despite his giant-robot-ness. “I'm not going to hurt you.” Rarity sighed, and trotted up next to the autobot's big blue foot. “My apologies...Beachcomber, wasn't it? Fluttershy's...exciteable. To be frank, she's absolutely terrified of everything. Even her own shadow.” “Eek!” Fluttershy cringed away from her shadow as soon as she was reminded of it. “See?” Rarity said. Beachcomber's wheeled shoulders slumped. “I'm sorry, Little Miss. Didn't mean to scare you.” “Perhaps,” Rarity said, diplomatic as ever, “we should get on to the matter at hoof?” “Right. The survey.” Beachcomber stood, and started typing commands into the clunky-looking bank of computers and sensors he'd set up in a field a few miles from Canterlot castle. Numbers and symbols began to stream over the the multiple screens, occasionally morphing into sine-wave diagrams for a few seconds. Beachcomber took it all in with professional ease. “Huh. That's strange. There's an unusual concentration of gemstones in the soil here.” “Ah, yes. That'd be me,” said Rarity. “You make gemstones?” “No. I just find them. It's a talent of mine.” “But...they're still there to find, just beneath the surface. I've never seen anything like it.” “Well, that just goes to show you how special Equestria is!” Rarity favored Beachcomber with one of her most practiced smiles. “When do you think you'll need to start digging? You know, for...samples. That's how science works, yes? Twilight's always sampling things. And, if, say, there are a few stray diamonds, why, I would be more than happy to take them off of your hooves. Er, hands. You get the idea.” “I won't need to do any excavation.” Beachcomber said, smiling, “My spectral analyzer can make detailed scans up to three kilometers deep. I can do an in-depth analysis without having to turn over a single rock.” “So...you're not digging.” “How could I?” Beachcomber said, “your planet is beautiful- I wouldn't want to disrupt the natural order of things.” “Oh, that's nice.” Fluttershy murmured, peeking out from her hiding place. “Thank you for being so considerate.” “Oh, we don't mind! Please, dig away!” Rarity's smile grew just a little more forced. “We do it all the time. Dig holes, that is. Well, I don't, personally, but my dear friend Applejack is always going on about wells or stumps or other shovel-requisite tasks.” “I might take a few samples later, but for now, I just wanted to start a general survey. Maybe even talk to some of the fauna while I'm out here.” “Mmm. I suppose a bit of conversation never hurt anypony,” Rarity said, “for one, I am a bit curious about alien fashion- do you get to pick your, ah...coloration? It'd just be a simple coat of paint for you, wouldn't it?” Rarity rubbed at her chin and sized Beachcomber up. “You'd look positively dashing in emerald, I think.” “Er, actually, I thought I'd chat a little with some of the other organics- I've found birds are usually pretty good company.” “You can speak bird?” Fluttershy squeaked. “Can't everyone?” Beachcomber said. “Oh wow!” Fluttershy took to the air and hovered in front of Beachcomber's face. “I didn't know you could speak bird! I thought you were just a big scary war robot!” “I'm not so bad,” Beachcomber said, “really, most of us Autobots aren't really fighters- we're just a bunch of builders and scientists who've been put into a bad situation.” “Even Grimlock?” said Rarity. “That's why I said most.” Of all the things that Princess Twilight Sparkle had done, even in those tumultuous years leading up to her magical ascension, there was only one thing, she realized, she had never expected to see: Someone who could read faster than she could. And yet, there he was. All Perceptor had to do was skim through a volume as if it were a flipbook (which is what the encyclopedias looked like in his massive hands) and that was all his robotic brain needed to soak up the contents verbatim. In fact, the only thing slowing Perceptor down was the state of the books themselves. Given the age and fragility of many of the rarer tomes, Perceptor was limited only by how fast the unicorn librarians could turn the pages for him. “Princess Twilight Sparkle,” Perceptor smiled down at the purple pony, “I would once again like to reiterate my genuine thanks and appreciation for such an opportunity to delve so deep into your bibliographical archives.” “The pleasure's all mine! Just let me know if you need any help understanding any of it. Some of the older tomes and spellbooks can be a little obtuse, if you take them out of context. I'll be happy to fill in any gaps you have when it comes to magic- or anything else, really. ” “How quaint.” Perceptor returned his attention to another battered tome. “Your civilization still harbors collective delusions in matters of the occult. Oh well, I suppose a perfect utopia shall remain an impossibility.” “What's wrong with magic?” “What's wrong? Why, it's base superstition- the sort of thing that can only act as an obstacle to a civilization's true potential.” “We're not superstitious.” Twilight huffed. “Magic is a verifiable, predictable phenomenon. How else do you think I'm doing this?” Her horn glowed, and Twilight floated a magic school textbook into Perceptor's table-sized hand. “Through a very specialized form of telekinesis, likely using the bony protrusion extending from your forehead as a focus point.” “Hey! You can't talk about Twilight like that!” Pinkie Pie piped up. “He's just talking about my horn,” said Twilight. Pinkie blinked her big blue eyes, and then pulled Twilight in for a conspiritorial whisper. “Isn't that, y'know, personal?” “Not really?” “Oh, okay!” “As I was saying,” Twilight fluttered up to look Perceptor in the eye. “Magic can do so many things- it's really limitless in potential! Why, just before you guys came to visit, I was working on a brand new spell of my very own.” “Oh? And how were you doing this?” Perceptor said. “Just through careful experimentation, observation, and documentation. The real trick is to isolate all the variables so you know exactly what makes a spell work.” “There's a name for that, Princess Twilight Sparkle. It's called science.” “Magic and science aren't mutually exclusive. It's just, well, magic is a kind of science. It's unpredictable and strange sometimes, but it's still something that I take very seriously.” “Sounds like quantum theory.” “My point is, even though we haven't fully unlocked the ins and outs of magic theory yet, it doesn't mean Equestria is 'primitive.'” “A valid point. But here, you've gotten me curious. Do all members of your species use this 'magic?'” “In different ways, yes.” “Fascinating!” Perceptor stroked his chin, and sized Twilight up, thoughtfully. “Here, I've perused your stacks long enough- I should switch over to a more active sort of observation.” Without warning, Perceptor's body changed. Like a piece of paper folded in half over and over again, each twist and slide of Perceptor's limbs made him shrink smaller and smaller, until all that was left of him was a red and blue microscope, resting neatly on the library table amongst the textbooks and tomes. “Whoa! Where'd the fancy science guy go?” Pinkie Pie said. “I haven't left.” Little lights on the microscope flashed as Perceptor spoke. “This is merely my alternate mode.” “But it's so small! And you were so big!” “Subspace mass compression is quite the utilitarian field of study, once you've mastered it.” “So it's magic.” Pinkie Pie said. “Like that time we all got into that field of poison joke and it made Applejack get really small?” “To reiterate: science, not magic. But let's not get sidetracked. If you'll indulge me, would either of you be so kind as to place some of your external organic matter upon the slide? Just a hair or feather should suffice. I'm developing a theory at this very moment.” “Oh! Oh! Me first! Me!” Pinkie Pie leaned over Perceptor and shook her head rapidly, until a few strands of pink fluff wafted down to land on the preparation slide. “Thank you,” Perceptor said. “Now, it's a simple matter of observation, and...this appears to be cotton candy.” “Oops! My bad!” Pinkie Pie said, “it must've gotten stuck in my mane after breakfast!” “Breakfast?” Perceptor said. “It's the most important meal of the day!” Pinkie Pie said. “I thought a big smarty-pants like you would've known that already!” “My inquiry wasn't in regards to the definition, but rather as to the specifics. Do all ponies on your planet subsist on a sugar-based diet?” “That's...more of a Pinkie Pie thing.” Twilight said. “Why don't we try my hair, instead?” Twilight said, and very gently plucked a single hair from her mane. She gently set the strand down on the glass plate Perceptor had extended. Little motors within the microscope began to whirr as Perceptor's primary lens focused on Twilight's hair. “Oh.” Perceptor was at a loss for words, possibly for the first time in his life. “Oh?” Twilight frowned. “What do you mean, 'oh?'” “Not more cotton candy, is it?” said Pinkie. “No, not that. It's just...well, it's not what I expected.” “How so?” “Princess Twilight Sparkle, your DNA is the most complex chain of molecules I've ever had under my scope.” “Did you just say 'molecules?' You can see molecules?” “Well, 'observe' is the more accurate terminology, but yes. By using an electron projector instead of natural light, I'm able to examine any object on the molecular scale. Your planet may have the technological base to start building your own within a century or so, if you work at it. In the meanwhile, you may observe for yourself.” Twilight trotted over and carefully peered into Perceptor's eyepiece. The whole while, she couldn't help but feel the examination felt a bit...personal. Whether it was because it was her hair under the scope, or if was the fact she looked through Perceptor just to see it remained up for debate. “I'm adverse to pedantry, so I shall make the assumption you know that most carbon-based life forms typically rely on a double-helix DNA structure in regards to their genetic material. Whereas, you, Princess Twilight Sparkle, appear to have a triple-helix structure. Possibly quadruple- I'm still trying to get the imaging right. Which, in turn, begs the inquiry, are all inhabitants of your planet so molecularly gifted?” “That's...a good question.” Twilight sat back on her haunches. Her mind reeled with the newfound knowledge- she'd never thought to look at her own DNA under a microscope before. She'd never had the technology to look at DNA under a microscope before. But now... “Okay Perceptor, this...we're on to something here. Something big. Just throwing anypony's tissue on a slide and looking at it isn't going to get us anywhere. But we're going to have to do it correctly. We'll need to come up with a proper recording method for the data...and the analysis, that's even trickier!” “I assure you, Princess Twilight Sparkle, I'll be more than happy to provide assistance during my regrettably brief stay.” “See?” Pinkie Pie leaned in for a whisper. “Looooooove science.” Twilight jerked up from Perceptor's eyepiece. “Y'know what, Pinkie? Why don't you go check on everypony else? I think Perceptor and I can handle things from here.” “Oh. Right. Leave you two alone. Got it.” Pinkie surreptuously winked at Twilight, and then bounced out of the library. “Are all ponies on this planet like that?” Perceptor said as soon as Pinkie rounded the corner. “No, Pinkie's one of a kind.” “That's a relief.” “So....your name's Bumblebee,” said Rainbow Dash. “Yep!” Bumblebee's cheer had a ponylike intensity to it. “But...you can't fly.” “That's right.” “And you don't turn into a giant bug or anything.” “Well, technically, I do turn into a Bug, just not the kind you're thinking of.” “Like a grasshopper or something?” “More of a beetle.” “Really?” “Well, no. It was a joke.” “How was that a joke?” “It's funnier on Earth. Promise.” “It's funnier on the ground than it is in the air? How would you even know that? You can't even fly!” “Nevermind.” “Hey!” Applejack galloped down the hallway and skidded to a halt in front of Bumblebee and Rainbow Dash. “Uh, have either of y'all seen Grimlock?” “Big guy, grey armor, kind of grumpy?” Bumblebee said with a wry smile. “Yeah, him! He ain't come this way, has he?” “Uh, no. I think we'd notice.” Rainbow Dash said. “Yeah, more stuff would be on fire.” Bumblebee said. “Uh. Yeah. Uh. That's what I was worried 'bout.” “What do you mean?” Rainbow Dash said. “Are you saying you lost Grimlock? How do you lose a giant metal murdersaurus?” “He wasn't doin' nothin'! He was just sittin' there, and I tried bein' nice, but he didn't wanna talk, and he didn't wanna play checkers, and it's not like he can drink cider...so, uh, I took a trip to the li'l girl's room, and when I got back, he was gone!” “Why would you do that?” “Somepony had to drink the cider! Wha'd you expect?” “Huh. That's a good point.” Rainbow Dash said. “Hey, hey, everyone calm down. Wherever he went, Grimlock couldn't have gone far,” said Bumblebee, “And the good news is, he hasn't even done anything yet. I mean, nobody's screaming.” “That's another good point.” Rainbow Dash said. “Trust me, I'm kind of an expert at this kind of thing.” Bumblebee hunkered down and compressed himself into a round-roofed little car. “If we hurry, I bet we can catch Grimlock before he lights anything on fire!” “Fire?” Applejack said. “Try to keep up!” Bumblebee's tires squealed against the marble tile, leaving parallel rubber streaks on the floor. “Keep up?” Rainbow Dash squeaked, indignant. “Move it, Rainbow!” Applejack said, and took off at a gallop. “We've gotta find Grimlock 'fore anything worse happens!” The purple locomotive barreled down the track, spewing smoke and steam. It loomed larger than any other engine that had set wheels upon that stretch of track. It subtly defied any sense of scale, looking as if it were a different size every time one took one's eyes away from it. The engine charged into Canterlot Central Station, braking harder than any responsible engineer would've allowed. The screech of metal on metal rang off Canterlot station's glass dome, as if the very rails themselves were tortured by unexpected arrival. All up and down the loading platform, ponies stared at the train, with reactions ranging from mild annoyance on the part of the passengers to burgeoning panic on behalf of the train conductors. That is, until a doorway on the side of the engine opened up, and everyone began to panic. Galvatron strode out of the train and sneered at the tiny organic creatures, who had already began to flee. He looked over his shoulder at the other troops lurking within the train, and waved them onward. “Decepticons, ATTACK!”