//------------------------------// // Chapter 1: What A Nightmare // Story: Dial 9-1-1 // by RainbowBob //------------------------------// Chapter 1: “Ponyville Police Department, what is your emergency?” “The lights went out!” “In your house?” “Well, no, in the sky!” “Ma’am, it’s nighttime.” “I know that.” “There’s still the moon out there that, like, I guess counts as a light, right? Plus the stars… and stuff.” “But, like, the sun is supposed to be in the sky. There was a holiday for it and everything.” “Ma’am, is it cloudy in your area?” “And the princess was kidnapped! By some, uh, really weird looking purplish-blue pony. With a smoke mane. Which now that I think about it looked pretty cool.” “So you’re reporting a kidnapping now?” “Oh, right, uh… yeah, I guess so. Along with there being no sun.” “Right, ma’am, looks like I already have a dispatcher on the scene.” “Where?! I don’t see anypony here.” “In the closet, slowly crying to himself in the fetal position. Or so he told me over the radio.” “Wait, so that’s that guy? Huh.” “He’s a rookie, ma’am, so please bear with us. From his reports—of which have been difficult to make sense of past the tears and snot—we’re being informed that the thousand years exiled Princess of Darkness, a Miss Nightmare Moon, has returned and has re-enacted her plans for a night that lasts forever over all of Equestria. Which would, I guess, explain the no sun part.” “Yeah, sounds about right on this end.” “Unfortunately, the police department is not equipped in the event of a royal coup and the resulting nighttime apocalypse brought with it.” “But what about Princess Celestia being kidnapped?” “We have our best ponies on the case.” “Like the one weeping in the closet?” “Yes.” “Anypony else more competent and less weepy?” “Unfortunately no. It is a holiday, after all.” “The entire police force isn’t available when there’s a holiday?!” “Nope, there’s still me and the rookie.” “Who is currently crying for his mommy in the closet.” “Yeah, that one.” “Then what about you?” “What? Oh no. No, no, no, no, no, noooooooooo. Not a chance. Who else will man the phones? My job is highly important to the orderly integrity of the town.” “Even though you guys don’t do anything?” “Technically I’m talking to you right now. And the rookie crying also counts as something. Something pathetic, but something nonetheless.” “Do I really pay taxes for this type of service?” “Ma’am, you have no choice but to pay taxes for this sort of service.” “Uh…” “Don’t worry, ma’am, I’ve been getting reports of a group of highly trained specialists on the case as we speak.” “Really?” “Indeed. One of them is an apple farmer. Another one is a dress-maker. Let’s see… a baker, then some pony on the weather team, an animal caretaker, aaaaaaaaand the town’s new librarian.” “...How are you getting this report?” “By some baby dragon found at the scene of the crime. He’s currently in the closet with the rookie, trying to comfort him with hot cocoa and freshly baked scones.” “So I can expect to receive no help whatsoever from any law body to speak of?” “The best we can do at the moment is emotional support.” “From that guy crying in the closet?” “Yes, but you could join him and thus have someone else to cry with.” “For emotional support?” “That is correct.” “Just… just forget it.” “From what I’m hearing those scones are reeeeeeeally good.” “I said forget it!” SLAM! “Thank you for calling the Ponyville Police Department, where your hard-earned bits are definitely being put to good use.”