The Quest For Clothing
April 15th 2012
The sun slowly began to creep its way up into the sky as kookaburras cackled gleefully from the safety of the nearby trees. In a far corner of the tent, the two former ponies dozed peacefully on an air mattress. I had pulled a blanket over them after they had finally cried themselves to sleep, and now sat watching them, pondering what to do. Last night had provided a whirlwind of emotions as the girls discovered the truth of their situation. They were not in Equestria, and none of us had any idea how to return them home. They had fully explained how they had been blind-sided by Discord and had been forced to face him without the Elements of Harmony. A strange reaction had occurred when Princess Luna and Discord had unleashed spells at one another simultaneously, resulting in an expanding ring of pink, chaotic energy which had engulfed the ponies who had been present in the battle. Neither of them knew for certain whether their friends had suffered a similar fate - chaos magic was unpredictable, so there were no guarantees.
Their human bodies were assumed to be some kind of side-effect of the chaos magic. Pinkie had mentioned that Discord seemed to be caught off-guard by the reaction of the two spells colliding as well, and it was quite likely that even he was unprepared for what had happened. The only way to get the girls back into their pony bodies seemed to be to hunt Discord down, and the odds of that happening were phenomenally against us. We couldn't be certain that he was even on this planet, and apparently Earth is much larger than Equestria, as I had a difficult time explaining that we could not simply leave and go find him. It was very likely that the two would be stuck in their new bodies for a very long time. Because of this, I had tried to help Fluttershy get used to walking, but her heart wasn't in it. I could scarcely blame her, so I didn't push it.
The first logical order of business seemed to be getting these girls some proper clothing. It may be unimportant compared to trying to find Discord, getting their bodies back to normal, or finding a way to get them back to Equestria, but the girls would attract attention if they continued to wear my oversized clothes, and I could tell they were both uncomfortable trying to move around while wearing them. There was also the fact that I had only brought so many changes of clothing with me on my trip, and with no laundry facilities present and not nearly enough coins to wash them in the shower, it wouldn't be long before we grew tired of wearing smelly shirts and shorts.
I was trying to sort out whether to wake the girls up for breakfast or to leave them be just as Fluttershy began to stir. She stretched her arms over her head, gave a little yawn, then flinched and hid under the covers as she noticed me watching. The covers slowly lowered until her eyes were uncovered, and she gave a small sigh of relief when she recognized me.
"Oh, sorry. You startled me," she whispered from beneath the blanket. I chuckled internally at the idea that someone sitting perfectly still could startle anyone. Considering who she was though, I was not surprised.
"I was just wondering if I should wake you two up," I said quietly so as not to wake Pinkie. "I don't have much for breakfast other than some Nutri-Grain. No milk, though. I planned on buying some the other day, but then I ran across you two and haven't had a chance to get to a store." Fluttershy gave me a confused look. "Oh, right. Nutri-Grain is good. It's pretty sweet, but you seemed to like Coke, so you'll probably like this as well. It's either that or another peanut butter sandwich, but those get old pretty quickly if it's all you eat."
"Okay, if you say so," came the quiet reply.
There was a sudden movement of the covers as Pinkie Pie sat bolt upright with wide eyes. "Did somepony say Coke? Did you go out and buy more? Can I have some, I totally promise not to drink it all this time. I Pinkie Swear it, and unlike some of us here I always keep my Pinkie Promises!"
My face turned slightly red. She wasn't going to let me forget about breaking a Pinkie Promise, that much was clear. I cleared my throat. "No, I haven't bought any more Coke. There's another twenty-four pack in the boot of the car. We were just discussing breakfast."
"The what of the car? I didn't see any boots, and it clearly doesn't have any feet. I mean, duh! Those are wheels, silly!" The look she gave me suggested that I may not be in my right mind.
"No mate, I mean the uh, trunk of the car. No? There's a storage compartment at the back of the car there... yes now you get it," I said with a smile as the look on her face went from confused to enlightened.
"Oh, alrighty then! We just call them storage compartments on the carriages back home. I think that makes much more sense than saying boot or trunk. I mean, boots go on your feet of course, and a car clearly isn't the same thing as an elephant. That would just be crazy! Could you imagine trying to stuff an elephant full of Coke?" She broke down in a fit of giggles, kicking her feet under the blankets as she did so.
"So girls," I said, changing the subject and standing up. "We can have a bit of cereal for breakfast, then we need to get you two into some proper clothes. Like I explained last night, running around without wearing anything is a good way to get yourself arrested. You can't wear my stuff forever, so I'll take you both out in the car and drive into town. Hopefully I can find a shop that isn't too busy and we can get you some outfits."
The girls glanced at each other with a hint of excitement.
"Oh I do like to wear a pretty dress now and then," Fluttershy beamed.
"And I love to party!" Pinkie shouted. "Oh, and I like pretty dresses too."
With that settled, I set about getting breakfast prepared. It was a simple task - I grabbed the box of Nutri-Grain and poured some into the only bowl I had brought on the trip. The three of us sat around the bowl and ate the pieces of cereal as if they were candy, with Fluttershy occasionally dropping hers. She was getting better at using her hands, but she wasn't quite there yet. Once we had finished our meagre breakfast, Pinkie and I decided we should get Fluttershy to become at least somewhat proficient at walking before we took her into town.
"Oh, I don't know about this," she muttered after we revealed our plans to her.
"Come on Fluttershy! It'll be like a game, remember?" Pinkie said encouragingly. "We won't let you fall, right Douglas?"
I grimaced at the sound of my full name. It had been a mistake to show Pinkie my driver's license last night. "No, we won't let Fluttershy fall. Don't call me Douglas, either."
"Okie dokie then, Dougie," she said with a giggle. I ignored her.
Fluttershy finally relented after some more encouragement and, after nearly an hour spent trying to get her to stand by herself, she eventually managed to take her first, shaky step as a human just outside of the tent. It was followed by another, and then another. Before long, and with plenty of help, she was able to walk slowly.
"Hey, you're getting the hang of it!" I exclaimed. "Once you get your balance figured out, it's not hard. You'll be walking at a decent pace in no time."
Fluttershy smiled bashfully at the praise. After a bit more practice, we decided she was ready enough to be seen in public without embarrassing herself. I gave her a small pat on the shoulder, and Pinkie squeezed her in a big hug.
"Congratulations, I just knew you could do it!" Pinkie shouted.
"Thank you. I feel so independent!" Fluttershy said with a grin.
I spent the next fifteen minutes securing as much of my gear as possible. It would likely be safe enough since nobody else was camping anywhere nearby but, as with my car, I felt more secure if I kept my possessions in the tent and out of sight.
"Well then, let's get to the car and hop inside so we can get this shopping trip started," I said as I finished zipping the tent back up.
"Wait, we have to get inside the car?" Fluttershy said with wide eyes.
"Of course!" I replied. "That's how we get around. Just think of it as a fast carriage. Come on now, don't be shy... er... just come along, please."
"Come on, this is gonna be fun!" Pinkie exclaimed as she ran towards the car. She got in the front passenger's seat. Fluttershy reluctantly followed, hiding behind my back as I made my way towards the car. After getting her inside the car and overcoming some initial confusion as to how to put on a seatbelt and why they were necessary, I finally got her settled, jumped into the driver's seat, got strapped in and was ready to go. I put the key in the ignition and, after warning Fluttershy that a strange sound was about to occur, turned the key.
She squeaked in fear anyway.
The girls both looked out the windows curiously as I pulled the car forward and onto the dirt road that led out of the camping area. It was time to find them some proper clothes.
"Wow, this is kind of like the Friendship Express, except that it's shorter and doesn't run on tracks. Oh, and you can't really stand up, and there's no food service. I'm pretty sure it doesn't run off of steam either. In fact, it's nothing at all like the Friendship Express! Isn't that amazing, Fluttershy?" Pinkie asked as she bounced up and down in the seat beside me.
Fluttershy was too busy staring out her window to notice. "W-we're really close to the edge of the road. Can you slow down? Oh! Be careful of those pebbles. What if a bunny crosses the road? We'd never be able to stop in time! Oh dear, I can't look," she said, and then covered her eyes with her hands.
"Don't worry lass, I've been driving for over a decade," I stated. "It's the other drivers we have to watch out for. Bloody maniacs, all of them! You have to run them off the road before they do the same to you."
Pinkie looked in the back seat behind her. "I don't think that calmed her down much, captain!" she remarked.
I adjusted the rear-view mirror and had a look. Fluttershy had sunk down in her seat and was quivering with fear. It was almost comical how similar she was to her cartoon self. Then again, they were one and the same. I slowed back down to the speed-limit, allowing the cars behind us to catch up and overtake me. They may be driving faster than me, but I had Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy in my car. I was superior - I had won the road war by default.
"I don't suppose you have anything like car radios in Equestria?" I asked. "It's a music player to listen to while we drive. Here, I'll turn it on. A little music might be just what Fluttershy needs to relax." I thumbed the radio controls that were built-in to the steering wheel and music began to play. I heard the familiar voice of Trent Reznor.
I wanna f...
I changed the channel just in time.
"Aww, I wanted to hear what that guy wanted to do!" Pinkie complained as she crossed her arms and stuck out her lower lip. She perked back up again when the next song began to play.
"Ah, here we go. Three Doors Down. I love this song," I said and turned the volume up a bit.
"Three doors down? What's that supposed to mean? He isn't singing about doors, he's singing about a baby. But I don't get it, why a baby?" Pinkie asked.
"No, no. Three Doors Down is the name of the band. The song is called Here Without You, and it's about a guy who is left alone when his girlfriend dies," I explained. "He calls his girl his baby because that's just another word used to describe a loved one like 'darling' or 'sweetie'. Normally the word 'baby' refers to a human version of what you'd call a foal."
"Oh, I get it now. But why would anypony want to call their special somepony a foal? That'd be so silly. Oh hey, foal. I love you so much! Mwah mwah mwah!" Pinkie broke down into a fit of giggles.
"That's... so sad. Why do humans write songs about death or dying? Singing is supposed to make others happy." Fluttershy seemed to be on the verge of tears again when I glanced in the rear-view mirror.
Shit, don't make her cry again, I thought.
"We're just stupid that way. Here, have some happy music!" I said with a false grin as I frantically changed the station. Heavy metal, rap; where was a decent, happy song? I was about to give up when Fluttershy stopped me.
"Ooh, stop on this one. I don't understand what she's saying, but it sounds... nice."
"Uh, you sure mate? I could just change the channel here and... "
"No, keep it here please. This is nice!"
I sighed and left the song, Bad Romance by Lady Gaga, to play. At least it was almost finished.
Fluttershy was smiling and nodding her head back and forth by the time we arrived in the town of Yass.
I drove slowly down Yass Valley Way, searching for some kind of clothing store. The town was small enough, so I didn't think it would take long to locate one. I began muttering the names on the signs we passed as we travelled along.
"A.M. Steel... don't need steel. Franklins, Video Ezy... don't need movies. Sundowner - nope, don't need a hotel. Where the hell are the clothing stores?" I accelerated as we passed the first group of buildings with no luck.
"Look at all those buildings, this place is bigger than Ponyville!" Pinkie observed.
"Yass is small though. Just wait until you see Sydney," I replied. "Alright, here's some more stores. No, never mind. That's just a Motor Inn... "
Suddenly, Pinkie began shouting and bouncing excitedly. She pounded on her side window and pointed. "Look, look! Is that a Coke sign? No, it's two Coke signs! They must have Coke there! Can we stop, please? We have to stop!"
"Hey, hey! Settle down, we still have the case of Coke in the boot, er, storage compartment. We don't need any more right now. We need clothes." I turned my attention back to the road. Pinkie crossed her arms and glared ahead for a few moments, but was soon back in her own little world and humming softly to herself.
We finally arrived in a more commercialized area of town, with lots of little shops lining both sides of the road. I continued to mutter names as we passed by.
"B & G Hardware... The Sheep's Back, whatever that is... Country Kitchen... come on, where do people buy clothing in this place? Retravision... Subway... oh here we go. Target."
"Target?" Fluttershy asked.
"Yeah. It's not exactly the best place for clothes, but it'll do for now. Let's go see what they have."
I managed to find an empty parking spot right in front of the store. I parked the car and unbuckled my seatbelt, then helped Fluttershy out of hers. Pinkie seemed to have no problems with working her seatbelt or knowing how to open the car doors. I wondered how much Pinkie would just happen to understand about life on Earth. Fourth wall? I considered it obliterated.
Once we were all out of the car, we walked up to the front door of the store and entered. It was one of the smaller Target stores, but the majority of the space inside was taken up by women's clothing. I turned to the girls.
"Well, let me know if there's anything you like," I said. "I guess we don't know what sizes you take, so we'll have to guess for now. I'd say you're probably a size ten, Fluttershy. Pinkie, you're probably a twelve. That is, unless they have American imports, which I doubt. Then you'd be sizes six and eight, respectively."
"Rarity usually just measures us... " Fluttershy said.
"We have stores that do that too, but I doubt we'll find one in Yass. You just get to pick and choose from whatever they have out here. Go find something and try it on, they have changing rooms with mirrors in them," I explained.
The girls spent some time browsing through shirts, blouses, and dresses. It turned out that I was spot-on with my guesses at their sizes. Fluttershy had picked out a nice-looking yellow dress with green lining that hung to her knees, as well as a few shirts and skirts. Pinkie chose a pink dress, a few pairs of pants, and some shirts that could only be described as loud. I realized that they would need underwear too, and grudgingly picked out some panties and bras in what I assumed to be their sizes. Lastly, we picked up a few cheap pairs of shoes and a handbag for each of them.
One of the sales associates said it would be fine for the girls to wear some of the clothes out of the store, so long as we gave her the price tags to scan through. She was leading us towards the front registers when I suddenly stopped and held the girls back. The sales lady turned around and raised an eyebrow.
"Is everything alright, sir?" she asked.
"Uh, yes. Just... can we go around this way? I need to check something over there," I said, pointing towards some men's clothing.
The sales lady chuckled. "Sure, no worries."
I gently pushed Pinkie and Fluttershy towards the sales lady. "Just follow her, I'll be right there," I said.
The girls gave me some odd looks, but left and followed the lady without question. I had to steady myself on a nearby clothes rack to calm my fiercely beating heart. I looked back in the direction where we had originally been heading.
Sitting in a nice display on one of the toy department's end-caps was row upon row of My Little Pony toys. I could see a few plastic Pinkie Pies and Fluttershys, as well as some other ponies. Shaking my head at what had nearly become a disaster, I hurried to catch back up to the girls and pay for our purchases.