Dusk was rapidly approaching as Sol Do and Big Macintosh walked across the Apple orchard en route to a hill for their drinking picnic. Sol Do had decided to leave her pogo-axe back at Rarity’s boutique and instead used her magic to carry the picnic basket packed with two cider bottles, the clanging sounds of glass against glass they made being interspersed with small, barely perceptible electric zaps. Big Mac walked alongside her, carrying the picnic blanket on his back, in which a pair of rubber hoof mits was stuffed.
“My, the nighttime sky sure is lovely here in Ponyville,” Sol Do noted, gazing upwards in awe at the twinkling stars.
“Eeyup,” Big Mac said, turning to look at her. “But don’t y’all see it back home?”
“The Cresentine mountains make that rather difficult,” Sol Do explained. She absently fell into step just behind Big Mac, to which he glanced back with an amused smile as she continued. “All the more reason I’m glad to be purchasing a second house here.”
“Ah suppose y’all are gonna be spendin’ more time ‘round the farm when that happens?” Big Mac inquired.
“Count on it, handsome,” Sol Do replied absentmindedly. She quickly realized what she’d said and nervously shot her gaze toward Big Mac, thankful upon seeing he wasn’t off-put by her statement. Mental note; keep a tighter lip.
The two continued on their trek through the orchard until they reached the hill. The sun was on the cusp of setting as they climbed up and settled down for their picnic. Sol Do opened the basket and levitated the cider bottles out, passing one to Big Mac.
“So, how many times have y’all drank this stuff?’ Sol Do asked, giving her bottle a cursory examination. A few arcs of electricity shot across the surface inside, sending a slight tingle through her horn. She smiled at the pleasant feeling it gave her.
“Couple’a times,” Big Mac replied. He used his teeth to pry off the bottle cap and spit it into the picnic basket. “We normally don’t bother since plain Apple Cider is just as tasty. Only when we wanna get smashed do we bring this ‘ere stuff out.”
“Speakin’ of which,” Sol Do said as she popped the cap off of her own bottle, also tossing it into the basket, “how ‘bout we have a little drinkin’ game?”
“Ain’t that what we were gonna do anyway?” Big Mac asked with a playful smirk.
“I mean we should add another element to it,” Sol Do clarified, a smirk crossing her own mouth. “Something to make this a little more interesting than just ‘drink til we drop’.”
Big Mac thought for a moment, then nodded. “Whaddya have in mind?”
“Here, I’ll show you through example,” Sol Do said. “Ask me a question about anything. Just make sure it concerns me and can be answered with either a simple ‘yes’ or ‘no’.”
Big Mac stared for a moment before scrunching up his face as he pondered what to ask. “Have you ever been injured on the job?” he asked eventually.
“Indeed I have,” Sol Do replied, and raised the bottle to her mouth. “And because of that, I’m now required to take a shot.” She pressed the bottle to her mouth and allowed a sip of the electrical liquid to pour down her gullet. It sent another, stronger, tingly feeling down her throat and into her stomach where it turned into a strange, but still welcome, warm and fuzzy sensation. “Oh wow, this stuff really is that strong,” she murmured.
“So, we have ta drink only if we can answer ‘yes’?” Big Mac asked.
“Yuh huh.”
“Well… what’s ta stop either of us from givin’ a false answer?”
Sol Do raised a brow while leveling a curious, yet playfully challenging, stare at him. “I seem to recall a certain big red stallion claiming he could’ve been an acceptable Bearer of Honesty just yesterday.” She smiled at the slightly sheepish look Big Mac gave her in return while continuing. “As for me, I just took a shot of this stuff willingly, but if you still doubt I’ll be wholly truthful, feel free to ask about stuff that’s extremely likely to have happened to me.”
Big Mac considered this before nodding and settling down onto the blanket, grasping his cider bottle with a hoof and pulling it closer. “Alright then, let’s do it,” he said plainly.
“Splendid!” Sol Do exclaimed, smiling wide as her eyes lit with excitement. “Now, how’s about Ah go first, since I jus’ took a shot?”
Big Mac nodded, letting a small, challenging smirk cross his lips. “Shoot.”
“Oh, I plan to.”
With that, the two raised their bottles and clinked them against each other, a small electrical zap lancing through the air between them as they did.
Sol Do took a moment to ponder her first question. “Have you ever hit somepony out of impulse?”
Big Mac looked downcast for a moment, then sighed and put the bottle to his lips, taking a small sip. He waited until the tingly feeling passed before asking, “Ah don’t have ta tell ya the story, do I?”
“No no,” Sol Do said with a shake of her head. “Everything we imply can, and probably should, remain strictly confidential. I won’t pressure you to reveal the stories behind your answers if you don’t want to.”
“Good to know.” Big Mac set the bottle down and returned Sol Do’s stare. “My turn then… have you ever said something embarrassing while drunk?”
Sol Do barked out a laugh at that. “Maybe if we keep at this long enough!” She settled down and shook her head. “No I haven’t, believe it or not. Much as I’ve gotten drunk in the past, never once have I let my tongue slip.”
“Impressive,” Big Mac said with a smile.
Oh, you’d better believe it, handsome.
“Alright, next question…”
Unknown to Sol Do and Big Mac, a certain trio of little fillies had followed them through the orchard. They were currently hiding out in some bushes about halfway up the hill, taking turns staring at the two adults through a pair of binoculars.
“We’re gonna get in sooooo much trouble if they find us here,” Sweetie said, nervously darting her eyes between the adults and her friends.
“And that’s why we aren’t gonna let that happen,” Scootaloo replied without tearing her eyes from the binoculars. “Besides, why should we get in trouble for just watching them?”
“Yeah, why’re ya so afraid, Sweetie?” Apple Bloom asked, giving her a concerned stare.
Sweetie gulped, let her eyes rest on the ground for a second, and then returned Apple Bloom’s concerned gaze. “Rarity says that ponies who spy on mares and stallions when they’re together are bad,” she said with a shaky edge to her voice, “... and that they’re perverts.”
Apple Bloom tilted her head in confusion. “Pur-vurts? What’s that mean?”
“I don’t know.” Sweetie shuddered. “But we’re being perverts by watching Miss Do and your brother, and if we’re being perverts, that means we’re being bad ponies.” She capped off her statement by curling up into a feeble position and rocking back and forth while muttering something incoherent to herself.
Apple Bloom and Scootaloo, the latter having set down the binoculars in light of the others’ conversation, shared a perplexed look before the former shrugged and knelt down to comfort Sweetie Belle. Apple Bloom lightly stroked her friend’s mane with a hoof as she said, “Don’t worry Sweetie Belle, we’re not bein’ bad ponies.”
Sweetie stopped rocking and turned to look up at her in confusion. “We’re not?” she asked.
“‘Course not!” Apple Bloom exclaimed. She helped Sweetie get back up on her hooves before continuing. “We ain’t doin’ anythin’ bad just by watchin’ them. Remember that whole crisis with Cheerilee and Big Mac? We were watching them from inside a bush too, but we didn’t get into any trouble by doin’ that, did we?’
“No, we didn’t,” Sweetie muttered. She scuffed the ground with her hoof. “But we did get into trouble for trying to make them fall in love with each other.”
“Yeah, but not for just watching them,” Scootaloo said, waving her hoof dismissively. “And hey, it’s not like we can get in trouble if they don’t find us, so all we gotta do is stay hidden and everything’s gonna be A OK.”
“I guess…” Sweetie muttered. She was still unsure about what they were doing, but her friends did make a valid point, so she decided to take them at their word.
“Oooh, maybe that’s our special talent!” Apple Bloom exclaimed, eyes lit with excitement. “Bein’ perverts!”
“Yeah, maybe it is,” Scootaloo said with her own smile.
Sweetie Belle looked unsure. “... I guess?”
“Cutie Mark Crusader perverts! Yay!”
“Oh, wow,” Sol Do said, swaying a little as she spoke. Her bottle lay upright on the blanket in front of her, having been set down when she’d become too intoxicated to hold it aloft with her magic. “Y’all weren’t kiddin’ ‘bout this stuff bein’ so damn strong.”
“Eeyup,” Big Mac replied. He wasn’t nearly as woozy as Sol Do, but he did feel a little light-headed. “Us Apples don’t do anythin’ soft… ‘cept applesauce.”
Sol Do giggled at that. “Yeah, Ah’d imagine that. Can’t have hard applesauce, now can ya?”
“Nnope.” Big Mac set his own bottle down in front of him before returning his gaze to Sol Do. “Your turn.”
Sol Do nodded, then spent the next few moments thinking up a question while trying to keep herself sitting upright. “... Have y’all ever groped a mare ‘fore?”
All the color drained from Big Mac’s face. “W-w-what?” he stammered.
“You know, ‘groped’—” Sol Do turned around so her left flank was on full display, to which Big Mac felt a sudden warmth rush through his cheeks, “—have y’all ever rubbed up against a mare’s flank, or nuzzled ‘em in a large crowd?”
Big Mac wasted no time in shaking his head vigorously. “No. No, I haven’t,” he almost shouted. “Well… least not on purpose.”
Sol Do harked out a laugh. “It’s all fine, then,” she said before turning back around. After nearly a dozen shots of Zap Apple Cider, her brain was cloudier than a scheduled rain day. Her eyelids felt extra heavy, making it hard to keep her focus straight forward. The alcohol steadily chipped away at her brain’s nerves, as alcohol has a habit of doing, and it took all of her willpower to keep from spilling her amorous desire to Big Mac.
And that willpower was quickly reaching its limit.
“Your turn,” Sol Do said, one eyelid going droopy as she spoke.
Big Mac tapped his chin thoughtfully as he pondered his next question.
“... Have y’all ever had a secret crush?”
A heavy silence stretched between the two after that. Sol Do just blankly stared, her gaze seeming to go straight through Big Mac while he waited for her to either say no or take another shot. When she didn’t do either right away, he raised a confused brow and made a ‘go on’ hoof gesture. When this still elicited no response from her, Big Mac sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck.
After a few moments of silence, Big Mac was about to ask if Sol Do was okay, when at last she gave a response in the form of a soft giggle. Which turned into a chuckle. Which then turned into a good laugh before Sol Do finally let loose loud hysterics as she clutched her sides and began rolling on the ground like some sort of maniac. Big Mac, for his part, could only watch in a mix of both confusion and fascination.
Finally, Sol Do settled down. She moved back into her original position and, with great effort, used her magic to lift the bottle to her lips. She took another sip of cider, letting it pass down her throat and join its comrades coursing through her bloodstream.
She tore the bottle away with a sharp intake of breath, and gingerly set it back onto the blanket where it proceeded to tip slightly, almost spilling the remaining cider.
“Indeed I have,” she answered, woozily. “Still do, actually.”
“Must be a real nice guy,” Big Mac said with a small smile. “But, uh… why’d ya freak out like that jus’ now?”
Sol Do tried to form a coherent response that wouldn’t reveal anything to Big Mac, but her last shot of cider had broken through the last of her willpower. “Because… I…I...” Oh, screw this! “It’s you!”
Big Mac raised a brow in confusion. “Ah beg yer pardon?”
Sol Do stood up and, wobbling as she walked, closed the distance between them before sitting on her haunches in front of him. Her features boasted an odd mix of both drunken stupor and heartfelt emotion as she stared into Big Mac’s eyes while he stared back with equal parts confusion and surprise.
“I thought you were the most gorgeous stallion I’d ever seen when we first met the other day,” Sol Do slurred. “And then we got to know each other better, and I knew I wanted you. You’re strong, smart, patient, all in addition to being so damn fiiiine.” Her head began to feel increasingly light as the alcohol began taking full effect, but she didn’t care.
Big Mac, having remained passively silent throughout Sol Do’s entire confession, could only watch in shock as she reached up with both hooves and placed one each on his withers, using what little strength she had left to hoist herself up so she was eye level with him, allowing him sight of the glimmer in her eyes. Then she closed her eyes and puckered her lips before leaning forward toward Big Mac’s own.
Through Sol Do’s alcohol-hazed mind, a small inkling of thought that she was stepping way out of bounds surfaced, only to be drowned beneath a sea of pleasure as the thought of finally getting to kiss her crush gained both dominance and appeal.
If I kiss him real good, maybe he’ll return it, then we can make out up here all night long. That’d be nice. Just the two of us, alone, lip-locked under the stars. That’s the perfect... first... date…
Big Mac watched as Sol Do stopped just an inch from his lips and passed out onto the blanket, her head making a light thud against the fabric.
All was silent on the hill for a while while Big Mac’s brain attempted to restart from its stupor following Sol Do’s proclamation. When he eventually regained awareness, he could only sigh in exasperation.
What a pickle…
Big Mac stood up and lifted Sol Do's sleeping form onto his back, surprised at how heavy she was given her lithe figure. After adjusting her straw hat so it wouldn't fall off, and briefing a glance down at the picnic supplies, he turned around and began heading down the hill back towards Ponyville, Sol Do’s soft snores emanating behind him as he walked.
Poor gal… how am Ah gonna explain all this ta Rarity?
Suddenly, Big Mac’s ears twitched in response to a rustling sound coming from his right. Turning, through the night air, he spotted a faint white outline within a bush. One that was strangely pony shaped.
Curious, he approached the bush and parted the leaves, only to find himself face to face with three familiar little fillies, all of whom wearing the most sheepish grins he’d ever seen.
Apple Bloom gulped. “Y’all aren’t mad at us fer bein’ perverts, right?” she asked shakily.
Big Mac just rubbed the bridge of his muzzle in agitation before giving Apple Bloom a stern gaze. “We’ll talk about this later, sis, ‘cause Ah’m a bit busy with somethin’ else right now.” He looked at each one of them as he continued. “There’s a bunch of picnic supplies back up the hill; can Ah rely on y’all ta carry them back ta the farm?”
The Crusaders’ eye lit up. “Of course we can!” Scootaloo cheered.
Big Mac nodded, and stepped aside so the three fillies could exit the bush.
“Hey, Big Mac,” Sweetie said, having noticed her sleeping cousin on his back, “what happened to Sol Do? Is she hurt?”
Big Mac sighed. “No Sweetie.” A frown creased his features as he turned to look back at the sleeping mare. “She’s just really, really smashed.”