//------------------------------// // UM, why am I HERE?!?!?! // Story: An angry Scotsman finds himself in Equestria // by Domaldo //------------------------------// Scotland, 2:32 AM A human lived in a small town; it had a few houses here and there, and had a concrete road connecting it to the rest of the country. Thankfully, he had phone and internet service, as well as cable. His house was 2 stories tall, and his room was on the last floor. His door was opened, 4 cats could be seen inside, and the boy himself. He was sitting on his chair, playing videogames and chatting with his online friends. “Oh c’mon. are ya shittin’ me?!” He wailed, mourning the loss of his farm and cursing the existence of creepers. “What’s wrong? I heard an explosion near my house” Said a female voice through the boy’s headphones. “Oh, nothing really Brandy, JUST THAT A MOTHER FUCKING CREEPER JUST BLEW UP A FARM, no biggie” He exclaimed, slightly enraged, just a little. “Did It destroy my automatic farm, I swear if…” Another voice came through, this one male. “I think he meant the farm he and Dom share, besides your farm is underground Tailo” A squeaky male voice interrupted. “Where is he anyways? He hasn’t been on for like a month or so” he asked. “Ugh, he said he finally made it to his uncle’s house, last I heard of him he was going to a convention with the German guy or something, lucky bastards” He said explained to his friends. “Who?” Asked the only girl in the group. “Remember when he introduced us to Kami?” The Scotsman answered. “Oh yeaaah, the other brony, NOW I remember” Said the squeaker. “Don’t remind me…” “What, are bronies too Manly for you?” Brandy teased the poor boy, reminding him of that horrible day she introduced him to a certain video. “Brandy, one, more, word, and I’ll burn yer god dam house down” He said forcefully. “What are we even talking about anymore, weren’t we talking about cre..” Tailo tried to say, but was cutoff, again. “Chill out man, she’s just joking. What do you have against bronies anyway?” Asked Squeaky Mac Squeaker. “Well, I don’t have anything against bronies, besides the fact they like that horsefuckery show, as long as they don’t rub it in my face-”*cough* “-Brandy-” *cough* “-I don’t care” He tried to reason. “But, it’s a good show! I know people don’t like it, but you can’t hate it just because!”… still squeaking. “AND I DON’T JACOB, I have my reasons! The ponies are WAY too happy for their own good, the plot makes NO SENSE, and it was made for LITTLE GIRLS.” He then added “AND THEY ARE FUCKING TALKING HORSES” The anger beckoned him to get his flint and steel out. “Makes sense” Tailo, finally, said. “Aye” “Says the guy whose country’s animal is a unicorn…” Brandy muttered. “WHY YOU LITTLE-” *MEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW* “-SHUTUP CAAAHHGGTS!” “Jeez, are you killing them or something? that was loud!” “How many are in your room?! That sounded horrible!” “Your country’s animal is the unico…?-” All tried to ask at once, before the connection flattered, and his internet went out. “I swear… IF ANY OF YE BLOODY ANIMALS MESSED WITH MY CABL-” He tried to say while standing up, before he cut his sentence short when gazing upon a small but bright purple light in the middle of his room. *HISSSSSSSSSSS* *MEEEERRRROWWWWWW* “… what in the actual fuck…?” He managed to say, despite the angered cats in his room, confused of the situation before them. Then the purple light started to get bigger, and shine brighter. At this, the cats bolted for the door, survival instincts telling them to get as far away from the foreign object. The boy wasn’t soo smart, and stood before it, bathing in the light. The gravity beneath his feet started to shift as he started to rise towards the light, a few other objects following suit. “WHAT THE HELL IS GOING OOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARHHGHHHHGGG” He started to yell, before he let out a blood-curling scream as he vanished through a swirling, purple, hole. Ponyville, Equestria It was late at night, everything was quiet, the streets empty, and all houses had their lights off. Almost everypony was already asleep, almost everypony. The town library, basically a tree with it’s insides carved out to make room for the knowledge within, had a small, flickering light. It all seemed like the town librarian was just doing some late-night studying. This was, until, a bright flash filled the library, followed by whatever light source that illuminated the place disappearing. Inside the library Three figures could be seen in the library, one baby dragon and two unicorns. The first two were the town librarian and her dragon assistant. She was lying, unconscious, on the wooden floor, while the drake was rubbing his head, nursing his headache. The third pony, however, was just standing on all fours, looking towards the librarian, with his pupils like pinpricks, and his eye was twitching. The small dragon looked up, and when he noticed the other pony in the room, his eyes widened. “…Who ar…” and that is as much as he could muster, for the other pony trotted towards the helpless unicorn lying on the ground, and started kicking her. Startled, the drake wasted no time and charged as he tried to defend his friend. “You get away from TwiliaaAHHHH” The unicorn reacted and picked the drake up with his telekinesis, throwing him towards the pony on the ground, face first into her backside. The sudden contact made the librarian wake up and jump. The drake and her stared at each other, before a deep blush formed on their faces. Then they both look towards the other unicorn in the room, bearing expressions of rage and curiosity respectively. They could finally see this strange colt and look at his appearance. His coat was a deep blue, hard to see in the dark but enough to be noticeable. His mane and tail where dark brown, a red streak running across his mane, while his tail had the same red at it’s longest tip. He was wearing a dark green “Tam o' Shanter”, and a small black watch at his left front hoof. Then they stared at his blue eyes, both where narrowed and looking right at them. Then he proceeded to dance. The colt stood on his two hind legs, raised his front hooves, and biting his lower lip he began humping the air before him. Stunned by the situation before them, both the drake her friend could do nothing but watch the weird colt before them, a blush slowly forming on the librarian. After some time, she finally snapped and screamed at the top of her lungs “ENOUGH”, casting a spell at the dancing unicorn. The colt noticed this, and stopped dancing for a brief moment. “FUCK IT” he screamed as well and resumed dancing. However, the spell hit him the moment after he spoke, and froze him in place. The vulgar words, combined with his current position frozen in place (hooves an inch from his crotch, while biting his lower lip) where enough to trigger something in both the dragon and unicorn, causing them both to faint. The awkward position the colt was in, without the ability to correct it, caused him to fall face first into the wooden floor. A cracking sound was heard and slowly a small pool of blood started forming around his head. An eternity later For what seemed like an eternity, the poor colt was frozen in place, face to the ground, a painful broken muzzle forcing the blood out of his system. When he started feeling lightheaded, he heard the fain sound of someone knocking on the library door. Of course he couldn't move, and the other two in the room where lying against a wall unconscious, making it hard for anypony to answer the door. Since none could answer, whoever was knocking decided to enter the library. It was another mare, her coat was pristine white, her mane and tail were a beautiful shade of magenta with lots of care and brushing put into them. She entered the library, worried for her friends, for they were supposed to help her early in the morning so she could run her errands more easily. As the alabaster mare entered the library, she noticed the quietness and the lack of any light source, something was wrong. She went up the stairs, looking at the mess the library was in. Things were toppled over, few papers and books sprawled across the floor. Something was definitely wrong, for her friend wouldn’t be this disorganized. “Twilight? Are you here?” she asked with concern on her voice. "Um, Twilight? I swear this is making me a little...-" Making it up the second floor, she finally found her friends, and the scene before her. She looked at her friends, both unconscious leaning on the opposite wall of the room. "-...scared.." She noticed the stallion that was lying on the floor, unmoving, with a small pool of blood originating from his face. Her mouth remained open for a few seconds, before she gasped and let out the loudest, bloodcurdling scream at the top of her lungs, and then promptly fainted. The scream reached the ears of the other unconscious beings in the vicinity. The dragon immediately went after the aid of the mare, ignoring the existence of the other pony lying on the floor while his friend tried to gather her bearings. When she did, she gasped, stared at the unmoving stallion lying on his own blood, and her assistant trying to wake up their friend. She rushed to him while picking him up with her telekinesis, and examined him. His eyes where barely open, but he was breathing and appeared to have broken his muzzle. She tried to say something reassuring to him, but those words fell on deaf ears, for he was too tired to keep himself awake, and fell to sleep.