Dear Diary: Sunset Shimmer's Best Friend

by Piquo Pie


5) Laughing at the True and Vibrant Colors of Life.

Sunset Shimmer closed the diary when she figured that the girls had had enough time to finish reading her barn raising entry. It was the last page that Sunset wanted them to read, and she found her heart rate quickening. Getting to this point had taken a while. All six of them had been sitting in the park for hours, reading together in silence. When one finished before the others they had waited patiently or paced awkwardly. Sunset asked them not to speak until the end. It was a hard story at parts but they had to get through those tough parts to truly appreciate how much better she was doing and how thankful she was that they had stuck with her.

Sunset also didn't want to be interrupted with worry each and every time they reached a down point, she just wanted them to know how much they meant to her. After all, the story of her life up to this point was a mishmash of isolation, selfishness, lies, hate, and tears. But finally, indescribably, it had finally reached a high note now that she had friends that meant something to her and helped her remake herself into a better person. That was what mattered. She needed them to see that and understand.

Understanding, however, wasn't something that Sunset was used to relying on. She had spent years poisoning others with lies, always having a backup if caught. Now she was being honest and it felt good. Even now she was still too nervous to turn around to face her friends. It had seemed so simple, sharing her diary, but with every page turn she crept closer to the end and their inevitable reactions. She knew, in her heart, that they would understand and accept her. It was her mind, however, that kept raising nagging little doubts. Rarity would obviously find her lack of hygiene grotesque, Rainbow Dash would take the lack of faith in her friends as a sign that she wasn’t ready for friendship, Pinkie would notice how Sunset never laughed and how depressed she was, Applejack would finally find out how much she had lied to them since becoming friends, and Fluttershy, would Fluttershy even be able to look at her again knowing that some part of her craved and clawed to hurt other people even now?

As if thinking about the worst possible scenario wasn’t enough, reading and reliving such breakthrough moments in her life left her charged with emotions that she was still getting use to; pain, empathy, fear, trust. Added to these new emotions Sunset wasn't quite sure how the girls would react after reading those moments. She had cried, bled, given up, resolved herself to suffering, suffered, and found meaning and wisdom with her friends. These situations had all been new to Sunset and she didn't know if her reactions and feelings were either normal or healthy. Sure, she was getting better. But Sunset felt that at this point she needed her friends to truly understand what she had gone through in order to feel comfortable in the changes she was making in herself.

Reassurance. On this day reassurance and understanding were the things Sunset sought. It was what she felt she needed. But reassurance meant putting herself out there. Opening herself up to the pain of the past and possibly abandonment in the rapidly approaching future. Instead of facing that fear she sat on the park bench, turned away from the friends that stood behind her. Sunset's instincts screamed that they were judging her, plotting. It was an old defensive mechanism to being untrustworthy herself.

Friends, Sunset reminded herself. They're my friends. Yes, in some ways they may be judging me. I might have even failed in their eyes in some way. But I won't know unless I turn around. Yet even though she wanted to Sunset felt a chill at the thought of turning around. Even though it was already too late, it felt like there would be no going back if she turned around. Besides, the sunset was glaring down on their park’s picnic table from behind her friends. She didn’t want to look into the sun. Yeah, that was totally it.

Rarity was the first to speak after the long silence. “Wow. Darling that was... very emotional and personal. I’m sure I speak for all of us when I say that we're honored that you shared something so close to you as your diary. Especially given the hard time you’ve been having.”

“Yeah,” added Pinkie. “I knew you were down in the dumpy-dumps, but… wow. Those were some deep down damp dark dumpy-dumps. At least it ended with laughing and hugging. We're all happy for that, right girls?”

Sunset's ears didn't have to strain to hear the murmured sounds of agreement from her best friends. She turned around and saw, to her relief, her friends there. Each had their own unique looks of support on their faces. Fluttershy was the first one Sunset noticed. She showed no fear and almost pouted as if to ask Sunset if she needed a hug. Pinkie had a giant grin, hinting that she somehow understood everything completely and everything was going to be just fine after some sort of, yay Sunset’s our very best friend now party. Applejack had a knowing older sister smile that said everything was already just fine and she couldn’t be prouder. Sunset figured that maybe Applejack had had a hard time at some point as well. Rainbow Dash looked determined to make Sunset Feel better. At a loss for how to do that, but determined in her entirety. Rarity, well, Sunset could only describe Rarity as beaming with a mix of acceptance and concern. Perhaps Rarity was relieved in some way. That seemed to make the most sense to Sunset.

As Sunset took in the expressions of comfort and concern on her friends’ faces she notice that they were standing between herself and the harsh sunlight. The light filtering through their hair reminded Sunset of the rainbow colored magic that had saved her during the fall formal. That alone would have made Sunset smile, but she found, to her surprise, that her smile couldn't get any bigger.

Rainbow Dash giggled and began to nudge Applejack in the side. “Hey. On the bright side, it sounds like AJ finally found true love, haha.”

Applejack rolled her eyes before letting a smirk creep into her expression. “Heh, least my girl’s a catch.” Applejack winked at Sunset.

Sunset blushed at the sudden turn in the conversation, suddenly realizing how her last entry might have been misconstrued. She shoved her hands up in front of her and leaned backwards enough to all but fall off the park bench. “No, it’s not like that. I just, I never knew that there could be a kind of love between friends. And it was just so intense and sudden. But I got it, I finally got friendship. It was, special, personal, but it wasn’t romantic. I promise.”

Rainbow laughed and threw her arm around Sunset’s left shoulder. “Calm down, we’re just teasing ya.”

Applejack put her arm over Sunset’s other shoulder. “Ya. We know your barn door don’t swing that way, what with your thing for Flash and all.”

Sunset pulled her friends the rest of the way into a hug as she felt relief wash over her. Despite being friends for a few weeks Sunset was still thrown off by the friendly teasing the girls sometimes participated in. Sadistically this seemed to make it all the more enjoyable for them. Fortunately for Sunset, she had learned that one good turn deserved another. “Wow. Okay, you got me. But speaking of barn doors, when are you two finally gonna hook up?”

Applejack and Rainbow Dash quickly pushed themselves away from Sunset and turned away from each other with their arms crossed.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m way too awesome for AJ. I mean, if I went that way, even.”

“Psshh. Who in their right mind would wanna date Rainbow Dash in the first place.”

They both turned back around at the same time, tongues sticking out before they cracked near identical grins.

“Speaking of Flash Sentry,” said Fluttershy. “Have you thought about showing him the Diary? I mean, if you like him and you’re right about why he broke up with you, maybe the new you could get through to him.”

Sunset felt her smile mold into the familiar fake sincerity she had used to use when convincing others to do bad things. She hoped that her friends would be convinced to leave the topic of Flash alone, she just wasn’t ready to deal with that yet. But Sunset knew that her smile no longer reached her eyes and if her friends knew to look for it they wouldn’t be fooled. “No. You saw how Twilight got along with Flash. Even if we never see her again, I owe her.”

Rarity nodded. “A true and noble gesture from a proper lady.”

“Nah,” said Rainbow, waving her hand dismissively toward Rarity. “I say go for it. Flash is a hunk. Besides, it could be years before Twilight makes it back. She’d understand. Heck, she’d probably even be happy for you two.”

Sunset felt a pang of jealousy when she heard Rainbow describe Flash as a hunk. But she was pleasantly surprised that it went away when she realized that Rainbow was rooting for her.

“Whatever happened to loyalty?” asked Applejack with a hint of sarcasm.

Sunset met Fluttershy’s eyes and they shared a smile as they listened to the friendly banter.

“Hey,” said Rainbow. “If Twilight wanted to be with him, then she would try to be with him, but they’re not from the same worlds. At least one of my friends should be happy.”

“Um. I’m not from this world either,” said Sunset quietly. She felt her mood darken just like it always did when she was reminded that she wasn't from this world that felt so warm to her.
“Yeah,” said Rainbow as she waving off Sunset's point. “But you’re here, you’re with us, and you’re one of us now. But Twilight’s not. At least, she's not here."

There were a few moments of awkward silence before Fluttershy spoke up. “I miss Twilight.”

Everyone but Sunset muttered various agreements.

Sunset felt mixed feelings that she didn’t understand well up in her. She wanted to miss Twilight, but she had never had time to connect with her. If anything Sunset wanted to thank her, get to know her, hug her even. Being the only other living pony that was ever Princess Celestia’s apprentice, Sunset thought that she would get along well with Twilight. They might even become best friends. “I just wish I’d been able to be friends with her or even tell her ‘thank you.’ I owe her so much.”

Sunset suddenly found herself in the middle of a group hug, their warmth comforting her in the absence of a solution. It lasted for a few long, comfortable seconds before everyone loosened their grip. "You'll get your chance Sugarcube," said Applejack. "We all miss her and she knows that. She ain't gonna never come back."

The hug lasted another few seconds before everyone let go. A pregnant silence took hold as everyone silently worried about never seeing Twilight again. Rainbow was the first to speak up. “So, how’s your new job going? I keep meaning to stop by, but I’m always busy with practice when you're there.”

Sunset smiled. “It’s actually going really well. At first I was afraid of, well... I was afraid that being in charge of anything, even animals, might not end up going so well for me. Thankfully Fluttershy gave me some really good advice.”

“Oh?” said Rarity. “Do tell.”

Sunset continued with a smile. “Well you see, Fluttershy explained that grooming pets was good for them. So getting them to cooperate was good for them. I was afraid that I might start convincing myself that if I knew what was the best for animals, then maybe I would start making decisions for others and convincing myself that I knew best. But Fluttershy said that it was because I had already learned from that mistake and turned back into a nice person that she trusted me. Someone has to be a leader, and sometimes if that’s me, then that should be more than okay because I’d be careful. It was when I started thinking that I always knew what was best that my ego got the better of me before, and now I know better.”

Rainbow grinned and placed a hand on Sunset’s shoulder. “Trust me, as long as I’m here you don’t have to worry about your ego.”

The six of them broke out in a laugh. Rainbow, after all, was a good person who was always there for her friends. While her ego could complicate things it didn’t prevent her from being that good person, worthy of the element of loyalty. “Thanks,” said Sunset.

Rainbow Dash gave a sloppy salute. “No prob girl, I got your back.”

Sunset nodded and let the topic drop.

“By the way,” asked Applejack pausing, “how did repairing the pitching machine go?”

Rainbow answered before Sunset could get a word in. “It’s awesome. It was struggling to pitch at forty miles an hour before. But after Sunset worked on it we clocked it at eighty four miles an hour. That’s like, a major league pitcher having a good night. Those old machines just weren’t supposed to do that.”

Sunset blushed again. She was aware that she had been blushing a lot as she felt her cheeks burn, but she wasn’t trying to hide it either. “Well, I mean, I just took the motor apart and put it back together again. It’s no different from taking a completed puzzle apart and putting it back together. It’s kind of easy really. The only real work I did was cleaning some of the parts and giving it some new grease.”

“Yeah!” exclaimed Rainbow Dash, waving off Sunset’s overly complicated explanation. “It doesn’t matter what you did. It works better now, and that’s awesome.”

Rarity waved to catch Sunset’s attention again. “So does that mean the softball team has forgiven you?”

“Kind of. They don’t trust me, but they aren’t going after me or anything.”

Pinkie hopped up and down next to Rarity. “Oh, oh. So then how much of the school has forgiven you now?”

Sunset had to think for a minute. At home she had a list of students that had giving her a hard time. It was a modified version of the list that Applejack and Pinkie had made that first day that they went back to school. Sunset hoped that one day the people on that list would forgive her, some already had.

“Well, the softball team forgave me after I fixed the pitching machine. I think Flash has kept some of the guy’s sports teams from harassing me, especially after I let the jocks who attacked me off the hook. The few students whose pets I’ve groomed seem to treat me okay. Snips and Snails aren't talking to me, but they're leaving me alone too. Actually, without the people who picked on me or attacked me doing anything, the rest of the school seems to have backed off. And to be fair, most of the school didn’t actually want to hurt me in the first place. They’d laugh and encourage the bullies, but they didn’t actually do anything themselves.”

“So,” said Applejack, “sounds like they don’t necessarily trust ya, but they aren’t causing you any trouble.”

Sunset nodded, as a small smile crept onto her face.

“Well, it’s something.” said Applejack as she patted Sunset on the shoulder. “They’ll probably come around in time.”

Sunset shrugged. “It doesn’t matter all that much. I want them to like me, and to make some more friends, but as long as I have you girls, I’ll be happy.”

“Nonsense!” declared Rarity. “You don’t want to only have us as friends. Seriously, we all love each other to death, but having some friends that love cosplay also lets me share my love of fashion with others who love it as much as I do. And don’t even get me started on Rainbow. I mean, honestly, could you imagine how insufferable she might be if she didn’t get all that exercise and competitive excitement from sports?”

Fluttershy jumped in. "I get to share my love of animals and the environment with some of my other friends. It's really nice.”

“I get ta share my love of cookin’ and farmin' with my family,” added Applejack with a proud smile.

“Oh! Oh! I get to do all sorts of things involving baking and sugar when I work at Sugarcube Corner,” said Pinkie as she bounced from foot to foot.

“Huh,” muttered Sunset. “I guess I hadn’t thought of it that way. Maybe I should find something different to do with people besides all of you.”

“Yeah!” exclaimed Pinkie. She quickly began waving her arms like a bird. “Spread your wings and fly. What kind of things do you like that we don’t really do?”

“Well... I like to write. Maybe I’ll see if I can join a writing group or something.”

“Oh, that sounds perfect,” said Fluttershy. “The school has a new writer's group, it’s so nice.”

“That does sound rather ideal,” added Rarity.

“Definitely not something we're into,” said Rainbow vehemently. “But it does sound kind of cool.”

“Yup, no time for that with us Apples.”

“Oh, speaking of time,” gasped Rarity. “If we want to practice our new song, we better get going. I need to do some homework afterwards. Sunset, darling, would you like to come and watch again?”

“Oh... ya... Sure.”


November 6th

Dear Diary,

They love you, Diary. I shared you with all the girls: Pinkie, Rainbow, Applejack, Fluttershy, and Rarity. Sharing you with them was definitely the right call. I think we’re all on the same page now, like I’m really connected to all of them. We didn’t talk a lot about what I wrote in you, but that was probably because there wasn’t a lot to say. It’s in the past, and I’ve worked out so many of my problems. I’m not simply a better person now, I feel like a good person. More importantly I feel that my past does not define me. But even without really talking about you, I feel closer to them than I ever have before. I’m not hiding anything from them, and they are okay with that, welcoming even. I feel included in their conversation, and it really feels natural. I just,

I can talk, finally talk, to people about things without feeling like some extra useless wheel. Today the conversations kind of flowed around naturally from one topic to another. It didn’t feel like they were there to support me anymore. It felt like we were just friends hanging out. It was great.

I would even say I feel loved for the first time since, well, since Celestia first tried to mentor me. It's scary, but in a good way. I think it’s that I’m afraid of losing something precious to me, but I can only fear losing it because I have it.

Heh, I feel warm right now just thinking about it.

I still have a lot to do with the school before they really accept me though. I mean, they don’t bother me or play pranks anymore. Snips and Snails are doing okay too, so I’m not worried about them. Earlier I was thinking that, as much as it might bother me, I’d just stay friends with the girls and not worry about the rest of the school. But the girls made a good point today. There are things I like that really aren’t that much of an interest to them. Writing, for example, or kites. Kites are so much more fun to fly with hands. Oh, I could share my hobbies with them, of course, but it’s different than sharing something you're passionate about with someone equally as passionate. So I decided that I should go and share myself with others and make more friends.

Even as I write that I feel silly. I have the best friends a girl could have, and here I am thinking about how I want more. A few weeks ago, that would have really scared me. A part of me keeps thinking that feeling that way means I’m being greedy, but that part of me can go play with the power-hungry demons of my past. I just, I don’t know. I think I’m happy, and it’s not some kind of temporary, hear a good joke, kind of happy. Things are actually looking up for me. I have friends. And they aren’t just any friends, they’re good friends. And as long as I'm not hurting anyone, being happy is okay. The girls don’t even mind if I go off and make more friends. They're the ones encouraging me. But I think it would be healthy and, who knows, maybe I’d be able to make ever more friends that I’d be just as close with. Still, I will never forget the girls, or you, Diary. You’re all important to me.

I will say, though, that I was disappointed that they didn’t ask me to be a part of their band. I mean, here I am, listening to them practice as I write this. I want to join in, but I worry that I’d be breaking something up. Ya, I know if I asked they’d probably say I could join. But they’d formed the group right after becoming friends again and it was before I ever got close with any of them. In a way it kind of symbolizes their return to being friends and I don’t want to ruin that. Heck, I was the one to break them up in the first place. Added to that is the fact that they are encouraging me to do more with others and, well, I would kind of feel like I might be smothering them a bit.

I just, it makes me feel left out.

Aw screw it. Maybe I’m being too sensitive. After all, I only learned to play guitar because I needed to practice using my fingers. I’d never planned on being in a band. And they do sound really good together. It even seems to cause them to transform into their anthro-pony forms like on the night of the fall formal. I would feel awful if I ruined that for them.

You know, I’m not going to worry about it too much. I want to hang out with them, and we are, and we’re having fun doing it. Sure, being a part of the band would be cool and all, but in the end I just want to have a good time with my friends and help them like they’ve helped me. I can do that from the sidelines. It might even be good for me not to be the one in the spotlight. I’m sure if they wanted or needed help they’d ask.

Besides, tomorrow will be exciting. I’ve decided to volunteer to show some new students around and they should be arriving just after lunch. I’m really looking forward to it. They’ll be the first students whom I’ll meet as the new me. Man that sounds awkward saying it like that. Still, I’m sure Twilight would be proud that I’m going to finally try to make new friends with people I’ve never met before.

Wish me luck tomorrow, Diary!

I Love you
-Sunset Shimmer

P.S. I just got a text from Pinkie. She wanted me to write something from her into you before I tuck in. It’s kind of weird but it somehow feels right.

“Thank you for helping Sunset by listening to her and sharing in her pain, even if you couldn’t tell her anything yourself. Listening to such an ordeal can be hard, but sharing in the rewards of a lifechanging experience is one of the most beautiful moments I have ever been a part of. I hope you have found the experience as uplifting as I have.
-Pinkie”

Good night, and in case I haven’t said it recently, thank you for being there for me.
-Sunset Shimmer